My apologies, I was bored as hell XD
The whole gang of them sat around the table eyeing each other quizzically, a prolonged, awkward silence clung onto the air. Obito was the first one to speak up:"come on, you've all got to admit I'm the manliest out of you lot! Look what I did for Rin-"
"Yeah yeah, you started the Fourth Shinobi World War because of her," Madara felt impatient, "a foolish childhood crush. You got friendzoned pathetically and started a war. You're a disgrace to the clan, I'M irrefutably the most badass one here! I'm currently facing the whole Shinobi Alliance and 7 bjuus and still surviving."
"Hn," Sasuke shook his head and crossed his arms, "you got tossed around by the bjuus like a loser."
"Don't go calling me a loser, everyone know's you are Naruto's bitch! Come on, just look at the nicknames: Sas-UKE, SasGAY," Madara yelled back defending himself and glowered murderously at his insolent descendent. "Just look at how gay you guys were at the Valley of the End. Now me and Hashirama, that's the real deal, THAT'S what you would call a REAL fight, not some prissy emos and attention seekers-"
"Please don't call my foolish little brother an emo," Itachi expressed himself eloquently. "You're in no position to call him 'Naruto's bitch'. Face it, you're Hashirama's bitch, too bad you were born in the wrong sex..."
Sensing that he was neglected, Obito quickly proclaimed, "I AM the manliest. I sacrificed everything for her and even vowed to create a world where both of us could live forever, now isn't that romantic? While the rest of you... think about it: Sasuke's asexual, no arguments there, he had tons of teenage girls fondling over him yet he's shown no sign of interest whatsoever; Itachi, no offense but you killed your lover; Madara implanted Hashirama's face onto his chest, I'm sure that was pretty self-explanatory itself; Shisui practically got raped by Danzo-"
"I DID NOT!" Shisui, who was hitherto gazing nonchalantly in the distance and uninvolved in his kins' trivial conflicts, blurted out. "How many times do I have to tell you guys he tried to snatch away my eyes, NOT rape me?!"
"Mmmm..." Madara mused. "Seven thousand, six hundred and twenty two."
"Really," Shisui rolled his eye's, "I'm flattered at your specificity."
"Is anyone still listening to me? I'm literally the only straight one in here, we're excluding Itachi who butchered his lover in the massacre. You," Obito directed an accusing finger at Madara. "And you," he pointed at Sasuke. "Are all ukes!"
"No no no no," Shisui countered him, "Hashirama was Madara's bitch."
"Madara was Hashirama's!" Obito pouted.
"I'm no one's bitch!" Madara whipped his long black mane of hair on both of them.
Shisui coughed, "no offense Madara, Obito but it's people like you guys that generated those stereotypes that Uchiha's are drastic drama-queens."
"I am the manliest one here, NO objections!"
"Shut up you whiny little descendent!"
Meanwhile, as Obito started to defame the much renowned battle at the Valley of the End into 'spasmodic eruptions of sexual tension that ultimately wrecked, devastated and altered entire landscapes and was accidentally and erroneously noted down in history as an epic confrontation between two ill-fated rivals', Itachi being immersed in a state of utter vexation shut his eyelids and breathed in and out to retain his calm composure.
"Hn." Sasuke stood up. "I'm leaving, nii-san, now I understood why you decided to kill our clan."
Itachi gazed at his younger brother in a melancholy manner, "believe me, the large scale clan meetings were much worse than this."
