Disclaimer: Alas, for I own Harry Potter not.
A/N: I felt like something different. I like this. It's not as angst-filled as it usually would be. And I've never written from Remus' PoV before. It's as in-character as is humanly possible for me, I think. Maybe slash, maybe not. You decide.
Have you ever seen a grown man cry? I mean, really really cry. Weep, because it's the only thing he can do when the whole world is just so screwed up and he can't find the way out. And it's all just so goddamn bad, he doesn't care who sees the tears fall. But nobody does, because nobodies there.
Have you ever seen the last leaf fall from the last tree?
it was the two of us first. just the two of us, sitting together on a bright red train and watching the world go by. just sirius and i. and we could hardly breath from the excitement, and our robes were new and stiff and scratched uncomfortably, but we couldn't wait any longer to put them on. and it was all so perfect, and the day would never have ended, except that it did and we all got off the train and i bumped into a boy with messy black hair and he laughed, and we laughed. and everything was just so
Leaves fall so slowly, lingering on the air. They drift and twirl and it's the most beautiful thing in the world. It's like they're dancing to their death, only it's not their death. They die and grow and live only to dance and fall again.
Tears can fall slowly too. An agonising trickle carefully hidden with a bent head, and long hair, and a nice quiet spot in the library. They reach the end of a nose or chin, or ear should you be lying down at the time, and they hang. Seconds tick by. Then... DRIP! And it's fallen, and it's all over, save for a tiny damp patch on my hand or pillow or book. The nose is blown, and eyes rubbed furiously and cheeks scrubbed vigorously. Then you can get up again and face the class with a smile and pretend that everything is just so
perfect
perfect. And you teach them, and they listen and learn, and they all smile at you on the way out of the door. You smile back, and nod at one or two, and keep your face straight til the door shuts with a click and the last footstep fades.
Then they fall again.
i never expected to make friends so quickly. yet i did. and the years past and i loved them all very much. but first there was just the two of us, sirius and i, so i loved him more than both the others put together. and then they discovered my. problem. and for a moment my perfect world was shattered, and the shards of my life scattered, and everything that mattered was gone. but
Some days I still see him. Which is nonsense, as he was buried months ago. Dead and gone, next to James and Lily. Together again. But he may be there, yet he's here too. Just out of reach, always turning the corner or walking out of the door. Just a glimpse, a swish of black hair and black cloak, and then he's gone, with only his bark-like laugh hanging on the air. And then he's gone, and I wipe my eyes and shake my head and laugh too, because that's how it should be and could be
they said no. they said they wouldn't leave, and they didn't care. they told me they loved me, and wouldn't let me go. and i cried because
because
i love him so
