Warnings: References to violence and war, Swearing (Foreign languages like Russian mentioned) and PTSD, Slight Strong sex references

Winter Soldier's P.O.V:

I hurt him, whowever he is as he pulls me onto his body so that I'm straddling him so I don't collapse fully on him while he takes hold of the back of my head sifting a gloved hand through it whispering a name in my ear I don't know " Bucky. Bucky." like a mantra.

My heart is pounding against my ribcage and my breath is coming in laboured gasps as memories of things I can't describe and faces that I can't name appear then trickle away like water through a sieve while this man - this unknown man- holds me close to his body which for some strange reason feels weird as though I been held this way before a long time ago but I can't remember when and why.

" Let me go. Just let me go." I say and I manage to get free stumbling upwards then backwards into a wall which I lean against for support my chest rising and falling under my armour as he gets up with ease wincing slightly at his pained ribs.

He comes up to me and I turn my face away not wanting to look at this man who my orders were to kill and eliminate as soon as possible then feel a hand take hold of my cheek caressing it gently making me tremble at the touch.

He leans forward and I flinch away from him suddenly feeling as though I'm about to faint and slide down the alleywall as my vision begins to spin round and round then feel blackness succumb my vision and remember nothing.

The sound of voices talking makes me awake and I flutter my eyes open weakly waiting for my vision to clear then see I'm in a bedroom and laying in a bed which I swing my legs out of then place my feet on the floor. I sit there on the bed holding it's side and look around the room then see on the bedside table is a picture propped up against the lampstand so reach over to have a look at it. It shows two men both at a table in a bar drinking and smiling while one has his arm around the blond haired one while I flip it to read what's on the back which makes me tremble and tears fill my eyes as I read the words which as I do read I can hear the voice speaking in my head.

Dear Steve,

I enjoyed last night at the bar and afterwards when we were back at your apartment when you showed me what Erskine had made you into. I remember how you kissed me and we fall to the bed where we made love, so passionate and fill of happiness that I cried softly in your arms as we made more love. I don't want to leave for this mission that been assigned but I must.

Yours, James Buchanan Barnes ( Your Bucky)

P.S: I love you, Steve

It finished there and placed it back in it's original place just as the bedroom door opened and he came in seeing the photo had been moved then I looked up at him as he came up to me while behind I could see a man wearing a leather coat and a eyepatch was sitting in a armchair while I woman stood next to him holding a bunch of files.

"What do they want to know?" I asked forgetting he probably didn't understand Russian and he looked at me frowning slightly so I tried again this time in English. " What do they want to know?"

"Some questions." was all he said and I nodded silently then asked him quietly if I could use the shower as there was a bathroom which connected to the bedroom.

Placing both hands on the tiled wall I lowered my head allowing the shower water to run down my body, washing away the grime, the blood and everything else that had imprinted itself on my skin then suddenly gasped as a memory flashed before my eyes sending pain shooting through my head.

Flashback

"Look at me." A voice whispers but I don't respond then a hand slaps me across the face hard splitting my lip in the process drawing blood which trickles down the side of my lip and down my chin then I look up at the man who slapped me.

Hard, cold eyes stare at me and I flinch as he leans into me his breath hot against my neck as I've turned my head not wanting to look at him making him grab my chin forcefully turning it so I'm made to look at him.

He digs his nails into my cheeks making wince at the pain then surges forward smashing his lips into mine making me bite his lip and pull so he releases me which he does with a cry of shock and suprise.

I scramble off the bed and run out through the door, down the corridor knowing he is following close behind while my heart thuds against my ribcage as I now run down the stairs hearing him shout from the top of the long flight of stairs at two gaurds who at front door who now see me rush at me.

Heading down the corridor I'm near, I'm suddenly bowled over by a guard in a room and we crash through the toliet's door which splinters at the impact then fall to the polished floor sending pain shooting up my spine which knocks the breath out of me as I make impact with it. Grabbing the swiss army knife from it's holder on my leg I stab the guard in the side making him cry out in pain and gets off me while I scramble upwards watching as his blood coats his fingers as he holds a hand to wound.

Gritting his teeth, he decides to rush at me and I'm grabbed as he then dashes me up against the tiled wall hard while I cry out at the pain that shoots through my spine - which is already in pain from impacting with the floor -at the impact which makes some of the white tiles shatter and fall to the ground.

The guard lets go of me and I slide down the wall while he stands there looking at me the knife which I had dropped laying near his feet but I can't move to reach it then he turns as the rest of the guards in the building appear at the broken doorway and begin talking between themselves.

The words they say echo and re-echo around me and I don't remember even standing up grabbing the knife and I forget everything that eveything that happened next.

When I came out the red mist or haze, the only sound that I can hear is my heart thudding against my ribcage and the water from the broken sinks hitting the floor while around me the bodies of the guards their blood spreading out beneath their bodies mixing with the water lay. I had killed these men single-handly without stopping and I feel the knife I'm holding slip out of my hand, hitting the wet floor with a soft splash just as he comes to the door with two guards behind him who look inside seeing the dead bodies and me standing there drenched in blood and water.

End of Flashback

The man with the eyepatch when I came through now in a pair of fresh clothes which I had been left for me on the bed when I came out of the shower, stands up and places out his hand while I try to calm my nerves as one eye stares at me, flicking up and down.

"Director Fury of S.H.I.E.L.D. But I'm guessing you already been briefed about that by whoever you work for." He says in fluent Russian while I after shaking his hand sit down in the armchair across from him.

"Your wasting your time. I won't answer any of your questions." I said making him look at me as I stood up and headed to the front door deciding I needed to leave but just as I'm about to reach for the handle I feel his hand grab my wrist stopping me.

I turn to face Steve - as he's called- seeing the look on his face and sign softly knowing if I back out of this and run away from it I'll never remember my past I shared with him so allow him to lead me back to the armchair where I sit down.

After answering Director Fury's questions, I now stand near the window with my arms crossed while Steve busies himself in the kitchen preparing coffee for the both of us. Outside down below on the snow covered pavement and road which is empty of cars at the moment two little boys play in the snow laughing and messing about like all children too then I turn as Steve now holding steaming cups of coffee comes up to me.

He looks at me as he places both mugs on the windowsill and comes round while I wonder what he is doing then feel his arms wrap around my waist to hold me tight against him reassuring himself I'm really here safe and not a figment of imagination. I turn my head to look at him and a light blush rises on both our cheeks as we lean forward uncertain at first then feeling more bolder we place our lips against each others.

Breathless pants soon come from us as we probe each other's mouths with our tongues and I feel my body down below begin to heat up then I whirl round and grab him dashing him up against the wall hard knocking picture down which crashes to floor the glass tinkling as it cracks and falls out. I hitch up his thighs around my waist and bend my head down to his fine supple neck which he tilts back a small gasp of pleasure escaping him while with my hand I undo the buttons of his shirt to reveal the perfect chest with no scars or blemishes on it.

Lifting my head from his neck , I see that his face is flushed with sweat and that there is a slight blush on his cheeks while I can feel down below near my own groin the ever definite bulge in his trousers indicating that he is aroused by this. Taking him from the wall, I carry him to the bedroom the white bed ready and waiting for us.

"Wait,Bucky. The coffee it will get cold." Steve says as were about to go into the bedroom but I don't care at the moment all my body is telling me to do is get him naked and under me while I do what I've not done in a long time.

"Deosn't matter there are other ways to heat up the body without Coffee." I said my voice going husky as I needed him now and not later the Coffee could be remade depending on how long we decided to go for then smash my lips into his muffling his protests as we finally go inside the bedroom where I close the door with my foot.

Underneath the covers now, our clothes laying on the floor, I undulate my hips back and forth resting my forehead against his while he holds the back of my head entangling with my hair as I make love to him. The only sounds being in room are breathless gasps and the sound of my name being repeated again and again like a mantra as I do so then my body tenses making me give a small grunt as I arch my back slightly as I release from the pressure that has been building inside me.

"Haa...Steve..haa." I whisper as I do so and gently collapse on top of him as I come down from the high, laying there my breath now coming in short gasps as I try to get it back while he now strokes a hand through my now slightly damp hair.

I get off him and lay on my back next to him feeling my chest rise and fall then I close my eyes blocking out the light streaming through a gap in blinds as I now feel to physically sated and exhausted to do anything else but sleep. His hand slings over my chest as he snuggles up to me and I left my arm up to allow him to rest his head on my shoulder then I feel myself slip into blissful sleep.

The smell of coffee being prepared rouses me from my blissful sleep and I flutter my eyes open, seeing that Steve has left the door open so I can see that he hasn't gone far and is only in the kitchen. Placing the pillows against the headboard I sit up as he comes back through with two cups of coffee and sits down on the bed which dips slightly as he does so then he hands me a mug.

"Thanks." I mumble looking at him, watching his muscles arch as he moves closer beside me and feel my heart skip a beat at as he does so.

Why do I feel this way for this man that I can barely remember, then it hits me.

I stare at his defined jawline which looks like its been sculpted by a Greek artist, his beautiful blue eyes which seem to stare into my soul as though he can read it then I see it- the small crescent like scar on his cheek - making me look down at my hand and see the missing scrap of nail while remembering slowly he wasn't trying to kill me he was ... he was trying to save me. But from what? From other people who would harm me or from ...I couldn't think.

"Bucky, are you alright? You look pale?" He says suddenly bringing me out of thoughts and I place the mug down on the bedside drawers then slide out of the bed.

I manage to reach the sink and grip it for support as I hunch over it, breathing heavily and hear him come up to me then I feel him take hold of my chin, turning it so I look at him. A thumb touches my lip, brushing over it while I feel my bottem lip quiver at the touch but he doesn't need to do any more because suddenly his phone that is on the kitchen unit begins to ring.

As he slips away to answer it, I go back through to the bedroom and while he answers it, begin to pick up the clothes that are laying on the ground when suddenly say something which makes me look up at him.

"No, Tony. It's just complicated, okay."

"Is it, Steven, you do know that he is dangerous and he was experimented on. How do you know that, this man is really Bucky."

"I don't. It's just that..."

"Just what? That just because he survived falling off a train might mean that your friend Bucky is still in there. Don't kid yourself, Steven."

"Stark.."

I didn't hear the rest because he went further into the kitchen and I decided I needed a shower at the moment so headed into the bathroom, placing the clothes in the washbasket as I passed it while thinking who was this Tony Stark he was talking to because the name sounded familair yet I couldn't remember anything that would make me remember this man.

After placing the clothes in the washbucket, I feel suddenly so tired due to the caffeine in my system and head to the bed, pulling the covers back then slip under them just as he comes back in the bedroom. He looks at me quietly without saying anything and slowly I watch as he takes his clothes off, allowing them to fall to the floor then he crawls onto the bed flinging the covers off me as he does so.

Breathing heavily as he crawls up to me on his hands and knees, I take hold of the back of his head entangling my hand with his hair while he now takes hold of me lifting me up onto my knees while he gets up on his own then I kiss him breathlessly, relishing in the feeling of doing so because it feels so right being here safe in his arms, having him hold me and remind of what we shared together all those years ago when we were young men in uniforms.

Now walking through Manhattan park, his arm around my waist, I listen to him talk about certain things like how to use ATM machine for his credit card, eating Mexican food after the Battle of Manhattan and having me back in his life which made me rest his head on his shoulder as we passed a old couple who smiled at us - as they saw two people who were not afraid of showing themselves in public- then we came round a corner to secluded spot which had a bench hidden by a hedge which the both of us sit down on.

"You know I love you." I said and he looked at down at me then I lifted my my head up to look at him while he took hold of my cheek then leaned down to kiss me, softly and gently which made me take hold of his jacket as we do so.

We were so absorbed in the kiss that I didn't hear the sound of someone coming up to us until there was a light cough breaking the pleasurable haze we were in and I felt Steve let go of my lips while I now saw who had disturbed us. A man wearing a black suit and a earpiece stands there making me, looking at the both of us but I notice has a sad look on his face meaning that Steve might have to go off somewhere leaving me alone.

"Agent Coulson." I hear Steve say to the man quietly who looks at him and then at me, his eyes roaming up and down but not in a sexual way more in a analysed way as though I'm something that is been studied under a microscope.

"Director Fury called in all Avengers, Captain. Something has come up which concerns private matters." was all he said while Steve nodded silently then stood making me look at him shakely because we were just slowly allowing ourselves to be together then he leaned down, kissing me breathlessly which made grip him tight to me not wanting to let go but I knew that I had to.

"Coulson, would you mind taking, Bucky, home?." He asked while the man nodded silently in reply and I watched quietly as Steve walked off then disappeared from my sight making want to go after him and be with him in case anything happened to him.

Now back in Steve's apartment, I sit in one of the armchair's staring into space while Agent Coulson - as he is called- makes himself a cup of tea, the only sound being the sound of the spoon clinking against the sides of the mug as he stirs the sugar in. I don't trust this agent in front of me, this private matter could be just be distraction to keep Steve away so that I could be interrogated or ask questions about our relationship. I watch now quietly as Agent Coulson takes a sip then places it down on the table as he does so while his earpiece suddenly crackles making him place a hand to his ear but I don't hear anything meaning that he was listening attentively to the person on the other side or had sensed someone I was now listening and watching him.

He takes his hand from his ear and turns then comes to the armchair in front of me,sitting down in it. My metal arm now rests on the armrest and I feel it tick slightly making some of my fingers move which he notices, his eyes watching almost like a hawk waiting as it hovers in the air for a sigh of prey to appear. Its a waiting game seeing who will make the first move then he does it.

My wrist - on my fleshed arm - is grabbed and held in way a Doctor would read one's pulse then he looks up at me while I wait shakely for him to begin.

"What is your connection with, Steve Rogers?" He asks plainly and simply to begin with but still holding my wrist so he can register is there is any change in my pulse.

"He is someone from my past. " I answer weakly feeling my voice begin to break slightly as I do so which he notices, he is assessing and analysing me so that will go down when he writes his notes up afterwards.

"What is last thing you remember?" He asks and the flashback comes so fast that I gasp weakly at the pain as I see myself falling down and down while hearing my name being screamed by Steve then the jolting pain followed by the blissful darkness.

" I don't remember anything." I lie instead to cover the truth but he tightens his hand round my wrist making think that there would be a bruise there where he had gripped afterwards then give him a look as I feel tears blind my eyes slightly.

"I will ask again, what is last thing you remember. " He asks again but I shake my head in denial, not wanting to ask the questions and stand up while he watches quietly then I hear the front door being opened.

Steve comes in while Agent Coulson stands up from the armchair, while my lover- yes he was my lover- comes up to me and takes hold of me, while I immediatly bury my face into his chest feeling him take hold of the back of my head, entangling with hair, sifting his hand through to reassure me that everything is alright when in reality it is not.

Afterwards, when Agent Coulson had left, I headed to the bedroom while Steve come in behind me and closed the door quietly behind him then came up to me as I tried to will my heart to stop pounding against my ribcage. This was Steve- the man from my past, the man who I played with when I was a child and the man I love deep down inside - not some Imposter wearing a mask, neither is it a clone of him. It's the real him made out of flesh and blood as he now pulls me flush against him then he slides a hand under the tank top I wear, ruffling it up as to expose my chest while I wonder if I should do this.

Allow him to make love to me, remind of what we once had when we were together and how it had felt to be together. Yet, something felt wrong and I wrenched myself free from him while he now stood there watching me.

"Bucky." He says, quietly and came up behind me while I try to think what was wrong, was it because of what H.Y.D.R.A had done to me that I didn't want to.

He suddenly turns me around and has takes hold of my arms, covering my lips which muffles my protest that I had begin to make, while I now bring my hands up to push him gently off me. He doesn't continue to kiss me, just still holds my arms as I turn my face away from to look at the floor.

What was happening to me? Why was I feeling suddenly so awkward inside? Was it because I couldn't remember anything of what we shared, had once done together in the time of the war. I felt empty, like a time-turner without the sand pouring through it.

Could I love him? Would my memories came back in time? Would S.H.I.E.L.D or either H.Y.D.R.A leave us alone?

The sudden distant ringing of his phone, brings me out of my thoughts and he lets go of me, sliding his hands down my arms as he does so then goes out the bedroom to answer it.

Now wrapping my arms around myself, I begin to feel my body start to tremble as tears start to form in my eyes and run down my cheeks heavily, as I allow my emotions to overcome me. It hurts inside and I feel hitched sobs now came from me, while Steve somehow sensing is wrong cames up to me. He takes hold of me and we gently fall onto the bed, where he holds me as I curl into a tight ball to block out all sound except the beating of my heart against ribcage.

I must of fallen asleep at some point, because when I woke up there was no sigh of Steve in the bedroom, but I could hear clattering in the kitchen meaning that he was preparing dinner as I now checked the time on the clock that was on the bedside cabinet, seeing that it was 18:45. I lay there now, just listening to him put the radio on and rise up slightly as I hear the strands of a piece of music play, which makes me slide off the bed.

Steve turns his head to look at me as I came to the kitchen area as he stirs - whatever he is cooking in the pot - while I listen to the music then he stops what he is doing. He cames over and I feel take hold of me, like a man does when he and woman choose to dance then he slowly begins to move with me to the music, while reminding of another time, in another apartment when we did this together.

"We danced like this, when it was your birthday. You taught me how to dance." I said, while he nodded at me as I rested my head on his chest.

We danced until the song had ended and he let go to check the pot while I clear stuff off the sitting room table, finding as I do so - a sketchpad - which makes me go over to the armchair and sit dowm to have a look at it, feeling as I open it Steve calmly watching me as he now cuts up the vegetables for whatever he is making. The drawings he has done are of me when I was "James Buchanan Barnes" in my soldier's outfit, sleeping on the couch or my arm around someone I didn't know, while I noticed he had drawn the figure a certain way as though faded slighty like in a photo when focusing on the main person which in this drawing was me. Others showed me in bed, the cover resting my hips while my chest was revealed and I had my head laid to one side, a hand clasp slightly then I came to one that showed me, pouting the artist who had drawn me while doing seductive pose on the bed for fun.

Closing it, I got up placing it on the small coffee table as I did so and went over to him while he now got the plates out the cupboard so that they were ready for the meal he had prepared, while I stood there just watching as he now served the food then carried the two plates over to the large table. I go over to him and see that he has made spagetti and meatballs with some vegetables so pull a seat out, while he goes back to the kitchen and goes to one of the cupboards where he takes out a bottle of white wine - which is North Eastern Austrailian - then brings it over with two wine glasses.

He sits down and places a glass in front of me, unscrewing the cap of the wine bottle then pours a small measure so I don't get to lightheaded after I have it.

We eat in silence because I can't think of what to say to him. So the only sounds are clinking of cutlery and occasional sip of the wine fills the room, but I don't mind it as I now twist the spagetti around my fork then place it in my mouth, chewing it slowly so I don't get indigestion along with the piece of meatball. I swallow and pick up my glass, finishing off what is left it, while he calmly watches as I place it down then sit there, just enjoying that fact that I've had good meal.

"Bucky, are you okay?" He asks, while I look up at him, because I now feel lighthead all of a sudden and look up at him, as he gets out of his chair then get out my chair as I go over to the kitchen sink to grip as I feel my stomach heave.

What made me feel ill? Was it because I was thinking about what would happened to us? Would we always be together ? I didn't know the answers as Steve now handed me a glass of water, which I took to wash down the acidic taste in mouth then placed it down on the counter next to the sink, while he took hold of me and led me to the bedroom, where he laid me down on the bed.

I feel so very tired now that I grab the pillow and hug it like a surrogate teddy as I rest my head on it, while Steve strokes a strand of slightly damp hair from my forehead and tucks it behind my ear then I let go off the pillow and roll onto my back while he looks at me.

"I want...you..to...make love to me." I said, quietly in the stillness off the room knowing that I may regret the decision afterwards.

But we needed this. I needed this, to know what it felt like to be with him as he now slid the jeans off as he had already taken off the belt along with my boxers then his hand slid downwards under my thigh. He lifts it so he can hold it in the crook of his elbow, while I wish he take off his clothes so I didn't get chafing from his jeans, but I have no time to tell him, because suddenly he pushes his hips forward making me give a hitched gasp at the feeling of being filled by him.

It hurts, as I grip the sheets with my metal hand and take hold of the back of his shirt as he now begins to undulate his hips back and forth, in and out gently and slowly, while I now turn my face away because the pain of it is too much. There is also pleasure as I pant weakly and he grunts with each thrust he gives as makes love to me, but for some reason all I can feel is the pain inside.

I move my hand and place it on his chest, which makes me him stop what he is doing, while he lowers my leg then now longer feeling the pain, lay him down flat on my body. Sliding my hands down, I take hold of his hips and begin to move him myself, feeling him gasp weakly in my ear as I make him slide in and out of me, while I sweat now begins to run down both our bodies as we soon set a motion where he moves his hips in synch with mine.

There the only sounds in the bedroom, while his hands either side of my waist are gripping the sheets for support as gasps and pants weakly then he arches his back, giving a small cry while I hold him tight to me as I feel him release from his orgasm into me. He shakes again, fisting his hands into the sheets it washes over him then as he comes down from his high, looking now flushed with sweat while too weak to hold himself up, I pull him down flat on my body while he lays his head on my chest as his breathing now comes in laboured gasp as he tries to get it back.

Sifting my hand through his now slightly damp hair, while he pulls out of me and lays back down between my legs, I now pull the blanket up around us then kiss his forehead softly, which makes him lift his head so that soon were kissing. I move my lips against is as he does the same, then he lets go to lay his head back down on my chest.

"Sleep, Steve." I whisper, quietly in his ear and soon hear the sounds of gentle snuffling as he falls asleep while I decide to to the same, so allow my eyes to slip close and Morpheus come drag me to dreamland.

Flashback:

"Well, it seems my little test worked. Take him, upstairs." The man says, while the two gaurds with him come up to me then take hold me, while I feel numb all a sudden.

I had just killed three men, who now lay on the tiled surface as their lifeblood now mixed with water on the floor, which was now slowly draining away down a drain hold. The knife that I had used as I was taken out the room, I watched as he picked it up got out a hankerchief then gave it a wipe then was being led back upstairs to the room, where inside they led me over to chair and made me sit in while he come in then indicated them to leave, which they did.

Now alone with man, he comes up to me and takes hold of my wrist on my normal arm like a doctor when reading one's pulse then leans forward, which makes me lower my head because I wish not to look at him - look at those eyes which will continue to haunt me for the rest of my life- then feel his hand stroke my cheek lightly.

"You enjoyed killing those men, didn't you?" He asks, while I wonder if I should tell the truth or tell a lie to hide the fact that deep down a part of me enjoyed killing those men.

"No." I say at first then say again. "No, Sir." while I know and he knows by the way that he is reading my pulse that I'm not telling the truth, so tightens his grip slightly which makes me give a small whimper as I feel tears blind my eyes at the pain of it.

"Lair, your pulse is racing like mad. Give me the right answer, soldier." He growls, while I shake my head because I don't want to give him the answer then with his free hand I feel him slap me across the face hard which splits my bottem lip in the process, drawing blood which soon trickles down the side of my lip.

"Yes, Sir. " I said, my voice breaking as I do so while he smirks at me - a wide grinned smirk showing off his pearly white teeth then with the hand he slapped me with, grabs my chin and turns it so I stare into his eyes.

"Good, your learning, my little, Fraulin." He says, as he bends down and covers my lips with his, holding my chin so I don't try to escape, but I'm to weak to do that then lets go of my lips as I start to feel faint.

He lifts me out the chair and cradling me bridal style, takes me over to the bed where he lays me down on it, then as I lay my head to one side I feel him distantly begin to slide off the leather trousers along with the boxers I wear. He parts my legs forcefully and I distance myself so I don't respond to him as he now undulates his hips back and forth, while I lay there just staring into space as harsh grunts fill the stillness of the room.

I will never be his and if he thinks I will then he can think again as I feel his body tense as he releases from the pressure into me then he pulls out. I hear him get put off the bed, while he now his breath comes in laboured gasps as he tries to get it back then I hear the sound of the bedroom door slamming shut as he goes out the room.

Now alone in the room, I curl into a tight ball, blocking out all external sound except for the beating of my heart against my ribcage while allowing the comforting darkness to drag me down to the abyss where the monster of the deep lurks.

End of Flashback

I shoot up gasping weakly, while feeling my heart pound against my ribcage as sweat now runs down my body in thick riveluets as I place my head in my hands as I begin to breathe shakely then I feel a hand touch my shoulder which makes me grab the person by the throat, tightening my metal hand around it while they now gasp weakly.

Hands suddenly grab my wrist and as in realisation what I'm doing I release Steve's throat while starting to panic then get off the bed, going into the bathroom where flicking the switch on for the sink mirror I grip the sink for support then feel my stomach heave at what I've just done to him.

How could I do something to someone who knew about my past and loved me so much, yet knew nothing of what H.Y.D.R.A had done to me. The endless experiments to see if I could kill a man, extort information and threaten even the most powerful war leaders in the world.

Did he even know about the people that I had laid with all because of H.Y.D.R. A's brainwashing? No, he didn't and he never would because I wouldn't tell him until he was ready to be told.

I run a tap and splash my face while seeing out the corner of my eye that he is watching me while propped up on one elbow while his hand rests on his hip while I now look at myself in the mirror. Shadows are under my eyes and I look haggard as though I've not been sleeping properly which wasn't true I hadn't, but that memory of that man who I knew was out there waiting for a moment when I stepped onto his radar so I was back in his control.

I hear Steve, slide out the bed and come into the bathroom where he comes up behind then wraps his arms around me, while I resting his cheek on my shoulder. Here he was showing that even though I wasn't the same man from that time, he still loved me no matter what had been done to me.

Flashback

1991 - Location Unknown

"Howard... ..God..Howard."

A man, with thinning grey hair looks up at him, as he breathes heavily underneath the armor to obey one rule which is to get rid of the two people or make the dash for it.

He can feel his arm - the metal one that holds the man's throat, start to shake. But he must obey what he is commanded to do, yet he finds he can't do it and let's go.

The man gets up and quickly goes around the car to the passenger side, while He feels his legs give out on him as he collapses to the ground. Thoughts whirl around his head of obey the command, kill the witnesses and get the stuff - The serum- for the rest of the Winter Soldiers.

He is so absorbed in his thoughts, that he doesn't hear the gravel crunch behind him then suddenly there is sound of a gun being cocked and placed against the back of his head, while he now breathes shakily.

The barrel of it slides downwards - down his neck - until it stops at a certain point in his spine, then pushes in slightly as though them man wants him to get up, but the Winter Soldier reacts before he can stop himself.

The man struggles with the gun and that's when all of it goes wrong. There is flash of white light and he hears a muffled bang as covered by cloth, while the old man now as face of shock written on his face as he says one name, as he crumples to the ground.

"Sargent Barnes!?" The man says - his voice sounding shocked and surprised - as blood now pools through his what he is wearing and collapses into his arms as he grabs the man, while a hand reaches upwards - wrenching the mask off and flinging it to one side - then it touches his cheek making the Winter Soldier, gasp weakly as the old man does so.

A memory of someone else - maybe the same man - touching his cheek, comes to the front of his mind then trickles away like water through a sieve, as the hand slips away as the body in his arms goes still.

He lets go of it, just as something made of metal, hits him the head hard. Blinding pain shoots through him and white stars appear his vision as the other person - he had forgotten about the woman - hits him again and again, until he lunges at her legs, knocking her flat on the ground.

After her struggles, have ceased to stop, he knows removes his hand from her throat and gets stumbling backwards as he does so. There is nothing, but silence now.

Empty Silence. Two dead bodies lying on the ground and smell of petrol burning, as black smoke starts to rise into the night sky.

End of Flashback

A heavy gasp escapes me, as I shoot up in the bed, feeling sweat start to run down my body in thick rivulets, while Steve, sensing that I'm awake again from a nightmare – because after the first one we had gone back to bed- immediately sits up and places a hand on my shoulder - on the skin part just near the metal, to reassure me that everything is alright when it was not.

"I killed them, I remember killing them. The man and the woman, who had son. They were both named Stark. " I said, as he