Author's Note: I do not own Star Wars!

This story is slight AU, with the ages of Kylo and Rey being 26 and 24, but the events of the films are still exactly the same.

I am so glad that this story is finally up, I worked so hard on it!

This chapter is a prologue recapping the events of TLJ, so feel free to skip this if you want to get straight to the story, but I thought that this would help you see what Kylo was thinking at certain parts of the movie, in the context of this story, of course.

Enjoy! Please review, I love hearing your thoughts, comments and feelings about it!


Kylo could not explain it. He was Snoke's apprentice. Now, he is the Supreme Leader. Yet, despite the hatred he feels towards his family, and the Jedi, his darkness did not engulf him enough to be capable of being angry at her.

They had fought numerous times, attempted to harm each other. She had succeeded at that, leaving him with a scar from his face, down to his collar bone. He should have felt anger, yet all he had felt was shock and admiration that this individual could over power him, despite being far less experienced and younger than himself.

Despite the anger he felt towards the world around him, and everyone it contained, she was the exception. His actions, body and face may have portrayed anger, but his eyes gave him away. He always looked at her with a mixture of fascination, curiosity and admiration. It was subtle, but did not go unnoticed.

He had tried to make himself stronger by destroying those that he felt had betrayed him. He had killed his father, yet he couldn't actually harm Rey. Her mere presence slowed the darkness from engulfing him. Yet, when he was sure he could end his mother, at Snoke's will, before he pressed the trigger, he thought of Rey. The anger and disgust she had looked at him with, after he had killed his father, made him halt. He couldn't bear to have her look at him like that again, yet he was unsure why.

She was the enemy, she had scarred him.

He had a job to do, yet he was thinking of her.

Why?

As he felt his mother's presence through the force, he realised the answer to his own thoughts. Rey reminded him of his mother. Strong-willed, independent and caring.

The force bond with his mother strengthened as she realised that he was near, yet she didn't attempt to defend the bridge, nor attack the fighter ships that her son was leading. She was accepting her fate.

At this realisation, Kylo found himself unable to breathe, his throat tightening, as he fought back the tears that threatened to expose his weakness. He couldn't do it. Moving his thumb away from the trigger, he instead watched as the other fighter ships fired upon the bridge of the rebel ship.


Several days later

As Kylo stood, staring out of an observation window, he was reflecting on the events that had transpired. The mere existence of Rey was exposing his inner turmoil and weakness. It would be a lie for him to deny that this Jakku scavenger's power over him did not scare him. He barely knew her, only having accessed her memories through using the force on her mind.

That was when the telepathic visions started.

His first instinct had been to suppress his weakness, and attempt to force her to reveal Skywalker's location to allow him to get his much needed revenge.

Yet it hadn't worked. She simply stood there, and he couldn't help but think how beautiful she looked when she was confident and angry.

Drawing his hand away, and surpressing his embarrassment at yet another failure, his curiosity got the better of him.

Just you. His words had echoed through the vision. Despite her strength, her gaze flickered away from him, before returning. Her eyes and expression subtly softening slightly, before her strength had willed her anger to return.

He was unsure as to what could be causing the vision, they both were, as they had been on Starkiller Base when the ground had cracked between them, separating them.


As his scar was being tended to, he saw her again.

Upon seeing that he was shirtless, the scar she had inflicted upon him entirely visible, Rey was immediately shocked, trying to control her gaze to look at anything but him. He looked vulnerable, he knew that, but seeing her shyness, her had to suppress a smirk.


You're a monster, she had said.

Yes, I am.

Upon his acceptance, she struggled to hide her shock and disbelief that she felt from reaching her face. She believed that she could turn him, that some light still resided within him, despite all of his previous monstrous acts that said otherwise.


Then, as they spoke, while Rey was in her hut on Ahch-To, they were both completely vulnerable and exposed. As they reached towards each other, both were equally nervous. They were enemies, after all.

As soon as they fingertips touched, both gasped. Despite being in a telepathic vision, they could feel each other, the act causing a buzz to run up their arms. As they sat there, they were both enraptured by the visions that they saw of the other.

Immediately upon feeling Skywalker's presence through the force, the connection between them was cut off. The feeling of his presence leaving Kylo feeling unsettled, as his hatred and feelings of betrayal bubbled to the surface.


When she arrived on to their First Order ship, he felt her presence through the force immediately, suppressing his shock and somewhat eagerness at the prospect of seeing her in person again, after several telepathic visions. Upon seeing each other, he kept his face serious, as his position as the Supreme Leader's apprentice required, while hers held apprehension, with a hint of a smile gracing her lips.

Ben.

As she said his birth name, it caused his serious demeanour to crack slightly, causing his eyes to move her, from the spot on the wall that they had been focused on.

Ben Solo is dead, he had willed inside himself, but as she used his name and spoke to him softly, coming closer, her eyes flickering towards his lips in a moment of complete vulnerability, he found his belief beginning to falter, as he could not help but search her eyes, before looking at her lips too.

Her confidence never faltered, not even when she stood before Snoke, in his throne room. Not even as he invaded her mind. When Kylo had done that, he had done so with minimal pain, but as Snoke did the same, he did so brutally, without restrain. As Rey let out a horrific scream, Kylo had to force his eyes shut to will the sound away.

Snoke had influenced him to kill his father, to attempt to kill his mother, but he could not let Rey be killed.

It had taken every ounce of his concentration to trick Snoke in to thinking his mind and soul was solely dedicated to him, as Kylo activated the lightsaber, causing it to buzz to life and end Snoke.

As the Praetorian guards stood in shock, Kylo brought the Skywalker lightsaber towards Rey. Her face and her eyes said everything. Surprise, pride and hope. The next few moments consisted of the blur of battle, during which both himself and Rey seemed to work together naturally, having unswaying trust in one another. As they stood back to back, she defended him as a guard in his peripheral vision attacked. In turn, as she placed a hand on his thigh, he leaned forward to support her weight on his back, as she kicked the attacking guards away, while he used the force to push the guards attacking her backwards.

But all good things must come to an end.

You are nothing, he had said. But not to me.

All he wanted was for her to take his hand, accepting him for him. Show him that she felt the same about him. He had been abandoned by his parents, as they pursued their careers and busy lives. Skywalker had lost faith in him, had tried to kill him.

He just needed someone to believe in him, have faith in him, and not give up on him, but as she reached for Skywalker's lightsaber, Kylo broke. She was abandoning him as well. He followed her movements, their sheer power cracking the lightsaber in half, as the ground had on Starkiller Base.

She must have woken first, for when he did, Hux stood next to him shouting and demanding what had happened. Feeling the familiar stab of betrayal run through him, as he remembered the events that had taken place, he blamed it on her. He couldn't tell the truth, not now.

She had abandoned him, just as everyone else had done in his life. To make matters worse, she had even left him for dead. But as the heartbreaking heaviness of her betrayal threatened to consume him, he found himself wondering how his lightsaber had ended up back on his belt.


So now, here he was, kneeling down on the floor to retrieve a gold item that had caught his attention. It was his father's.

He felt her before he saw her. Moving his head up sharply, he met her eyes, both looking at each other simultaneously. As they held each other's gazes, her face hardened, leaving a blank expression.

Snoke had said that the force bond was his doing, that he had been controlling it. Snoke was now dead, but here she was, standing before him in yet another vision.

When she had abandoned him in the throne room, he had thought that it was all a lie. Everything she had said. The vision he had seen when he touched her. Whatever feelings she had clearly felt for him. All of it must have been lies.

Yet she stood before him.

Only then did he realise, this bond was theirs. He had no idea why the force had formed a bond between them, but it was never forced and it was never a lie. None of it was ever dishonest, only Snoke's claim that it was his doing.

As Kylo attempted to move towards her, she shut the door to what he presumed to be the Millennium Falcon. Upon the door's closure, their connection severed, and he could no longer feel her presence. She was in a world of light, surrounded by people, while he was left kneeling in the dark, all alone, with no one in the world left to care for him.

Looking down to his hand, he saw the gold chain fade, causing his hand to clench in to a fist. He stayed that way for several moments, before he rose and returned to the First Order. He was the Supreme Leader Ren now, he could not run away from his responsibilities, no matter how heavily they weighed him down.

He had lost the only light in his life, the only thing that was keeping the darkness from consuming him completely, the only person who cared about him. For some reason, Kylo couldn't help but feel as though he had felt this before, that he had lost her before. But that didn't make sense, because he hadn't met her before Takodana.

"Supreme Leader," Hux started, sarcasm subtly entwined in to his tone. "Nice of you to join us."