I found a man standing in an alleyway.
It was late at night, and the man should have scared me, by he way he stood like a statue in the dark.
But he didn't.
In fact, he intrigued me. How odd that was, considering most people were boring to me. It took a lot to impress me.
I stopped on the sidewalk in front of the alley, turing to face the man. He stood silently, and he was a bit hard to make out, due to the cloudy darkness.
Despite every bit of common sense, I stepped into the alley way, standing before him. Something seemed off about him, but I didn't know what. Whatever it was, it wasn't threatening, for I still stayed in front of him.
I asked him his name, for I knew of no other way to start a conversation with him.
He smiled, for the first time since I saw him, and it was stunning. His eyes shut slightly when he grinned, and his face seemed warm and friendly, even in the hazy area.
"I'm Antonio."
His voice was a wispy sort of sound. It was gentle, it wasn't quite strong.
"I'm Lovino." I said right back, holding out my hand for a handshake.
He took one look at my extended hand and stepped back. His face held a certain wariness, but a hint of sadness was etched in his features.
He shook his head at my hand, and lowered his gaze away from mine.
I pulled my hand away and looked at him strangely.
"Is something wrong?" I asked.
He didn't speak for a long while, and I'm left to wait, watching him curiously. Eventually, he motioned for me to hold out my hand. I did so, and he slowly extended his finger tips towards mine.
He let our fingers meet, but instead of touching...
His fingers drifted right through mine, falling through my hand.
I stared at my hand for a moment, noticing a tingle in my fingers.
"Though it seems you can see me, it's clear we still can't touch." He murmurs softly.
I pieced that together in my mind. Some sort of dread sets over me as I realize...
This is a dead man.
Of course, he wasn't a body, he wasn't a corpse. He looked just as alive as I did, minus a slightly hazy look that he had about him.
Despite that, I shook my head softly and told him I didn't care what he was. I offered him a place at my house for the night, so he didn't have to roam alone.
Whatever this man was, be it a spirit, ghost, or apparition, he still blew me away with the smile he gave as he accepted.
After coming home with me that night, he stayed into the next day.
I always made sure to keep the lights dim, so as not to drown him out.
Eventually, my house seemed to also become his.
I didn't mind in the slightest, for he became a good friend of mine, despite not being able to touch me.
He didn't talk often, for he told me it was a strain on him, but he would talk to me at times. We never spoke of his death, and I'm glad for that, because it stilled pained me to think of such a kind man being killed.
One day, as I returned from work, I heard a harsh sob erupt from my kitchen.
I raced to it, finding Antonio on his knees, his hands gripping at his slightly faint face.
I stopped short, and as he looked up at me, I swore I would never see such a pained look on someone ever again. He looked beyond distraught, and his face held silvery tear tracks.
I crouched down directly in front of him, wanting so desperately to hug him, or wipe away his tears... Why I wanted to do so for someone after a lifetime of avoiding other people's heavy emotions, I didn't know. But I did. And it hurt so bad knowing I could do nothing but speak.
I begged him to tell me what was wrong, and he simply stared at me for a while, his face gentle.
"Don't you see...? It's everything we can't do." His voice was more broken than I'd ever heard it.
He reached up to touch my shoulder, shaking his head softly as his hand passed right through.
"I can't even touch your shoulder... How can I hug you? How can I do anything with you if we can't even touch?"
"I understand, Antonio... but what happened today that made you so upset?"
He blinked away a wispy tear, shaking his head softly.
"I came to a realization about you... And it hurts me so much to know what would happen."
"What realization is that?" I asked him softly, my fingers curling at my side, begging to reach out and stroke his cheek softly, reassuringly.
"I came to the clear realization that I love you..."
I wish I could say I felt shocked, but I did not, for I felt the same. This man had tugged me in from the start, and I so desperately wanted to hold him close to me and whisper "I love you"... But I knew I couldn't... I couldn't hold him anyways...
"And of course I feel the same..." I whispered gently, feeling a deep feeling of cold hurt settling in my stomach.
"So you understand my pain? I wish to kiss you, and hold you, and love you... But I can't."
I nodded, unable to form a coherent sentence. I so desperately wanted to reach out and touch his cheek, or his hair. Anything would be okay... But I longed to be closer.
We sat there for a long time that night, simply sitting there and watching each other. Occasionally, one of us would try touching the other, whether it be a stroke on the head, or holding hands, but we failed each time. Of course... I mean, we knew it would always fail, but it didn't stop us from trying.
Weeks and weeks passed after that.
They went by mostly as normal, besides the fact that we now whispered "I love you" when I came home from work, or when I woke up in the morning.
We knew, of course, that we couldn't have a relationship of any kind, because of the fact that he was not even alive... At least, not in his body.
He still felt very alive to me, just as he had the night we met. He still smiled like nothing I'd ever seen, and his voice still sent happy chills down my spine when he said "l love you."
Despite that, we knew nothing would ever come of us, besides speaking our love whenever we could.
...
I was pretty content living like that. It made me happy knowing that Antonio was waiting for me when I got home, even if I couldn't hug or kiss him when I entered.
...
So, you could imagine my pain when I came home one evening to find Antonio completely gone.
I searched all around the house, calling his name and feeling helplessness setting over me.
I screamed his name, tears forming in my eyes.
He didn't show up.
I went to sleep that night with tears caked in the corners of my eyes.
...
My weeks went on tragically. I only did enough to survive, but I had lost the brightest thing in my life.
It hurt me so much. I wondered if losing him was the worlds way of punishing me for constantly wishing we could touch, instead of just being satisfied with him in my presence.
...
To this day, I swear I hear him whispering in my ear.
I'll be sitting at my desk, eyes heavy, when I hear his gentle voice. He tells me he loves me, and he says he's sorry.
I like to pretend that I will return home one day to find him smiling at me again... But in all actuality...
I don't think I'll ever see him again.
A/N: Okay... That was actually pretty painful to write. I don't know why I write so many tragedies/ hurt or comfort when I write fanfics... I really don't. I read a lot of it as well, so maybe I just like torturing my feels.
Despite this being not very fluffy, I hope you enjoyed anyways! I came up with this idea at about 2 am, and I just scribbled it down so I could write it later, so I hope it's okay!
Thanks for reading!
-KayDubs
