"Reflections"

By, J. Bredin

A short ficlet of simple reflections in the life of Luke Skywalker.


How, I wonder sometimes, did I arrive at this one of many possible futures. Has this been my destiny all along, or did I, like so many others, veer off the pathway only to stumble upon my life. The final image of the leader, the lover, the adult we become is only the final piecing together of thousands upon thousands of choices we make throughout our lives.

There are many significant events in your life that can irrevocably change the person who you are. The death, or perhaps even the very absence of a parent will wreak havoc over the subconscious mind of a child, forcing them to grow in ways and in a matter of time they could never be prepared for. A dark shadow continues to follow the mind for many—far too many—years into the future. The experience of death remains with the living for as long as they continue to live on. The pain begins to dull though, after a year or so they say, until you think about it only three times a day, and then once during your daily routine, and then sadly until it becomes just a fleeting thought when the wind blows across your face in a certain way.

I suppose it is not so much survivor's guilt, but a foolish ache of hope that fights against all common sense, asking if you could have done something to change the outcome. My sister assures me that it was meant to be, and as difficult as that is for me to accept at times, I take comfort in her warmth and confidence. Forces beyond our control took what was important to me—to us—and have made us all the stronger for it. I have been told that what does not kill you makes you stronger. The emotional pain that persists in the interim is something that they do not tell you about. And who could, or would ever want, to describe such heartache?

Perhaps the saddest part of it all is the lost opportunity of those passed on to see new loved ones—new lovers and new offspring. Something as simple as a laugh that is passed on through the generations is a tribute to all that is still light and wholesome in the galaxy. There are times when I look into my child's eyes and see only the eyes of a grandparent, and I am filled with a sorrow in knowing that the eyes of grandparent and grandchild will never gaze upon each other. And then that laugh, that same grin, overpowers the sorrow as warmth spreads throughout the conscious mind.

There are good days and bad. The balance between the two is what keeps us sane or breaks us and leaves us for the darkness. I am certain that the love of my family and friends surrounding me is the only thing has that kept me from falling into that precipice, and there have certainly been some close calls. The pain lessens day by day, but even now after so many years, it lingers on.

And yet, life goes on. Always in motion, it endures and perseveres. Inevitably it is up to us to choose our future. If there is one lesson I hope to pass on to my children it is that.