Chapter 1: Knockin' On Heaven's Door
Jody quietly bustled around the kitchen, humming to herself as she put away the leftover takeout, cleaning up the few dishes and utensils that they'd actually needed.
Mama take this badge from me I can't use it anymore
It had been a nice supper. Quiet, this was understandable given the circumstances, but nice. Claire had finally been able to join them, and Jody had appreciated her adopted daughters efforts to remain civil. Though she had caught her giving Patience quite a few looks.
It's gettin' dark Too dark to see
Jody should have felt rested, recharged even. She'd just had a relatively drama-free meal with the few people she had left in the world. Her daughters and the company of her best friend should've set her mind at ease.
I feel I'm knockin' on heaven's door
But it hadn't. As she finished washing the dishes, her hands stilled in the soapy water. She gazed at nothing as she retreated into her thoughts, trying to make sense of her jumbled emotions.
Knock, knock, knockin' on heaven's door
"Hey." A soft voice interrupts her with a hand on her shoulder bringing her back. She glances down at her hands, still in the sink, and a slight flush creeps up her neck as she pulls them out. She looks at Donna as she hands her a towel, her friend showing nothing in her gaze except love and concern.
Knock, knock, knocking on heaven's door
"Penny for your thoughts?"
Jody opens her mouth, but nothing comes out. She can barely understand these feelings, let alone explain them to someone else.
Knock, knock, knockin' on heaven's door
Donna, noticing her struggle, said, "Hey, it's okay. Let's just sit ourselves down over here." They pull up chairs at the little table near the stove. Jody's hands immediately go to her face, attempting to hold back the tears she feel coming.
Knock, knock, knockin' on heaven's door
Donna sits there silently, patiently waiting for her to speak.
"I feel… loss," she finally gets out, her voice reminding her how close she already is to tears.
Mama put my guns in the ground I can't shoot 'em anymore.
She risks a glance at her fellow Sheriff. Donna just looked confused.
"Kaia."
Donna's mouth opens in a silent "o". Her expression turns soft as she reaches out a hand to Jody, who clings to it as tightly as possible.
That long black cloud is coming down I feel I'm knockin' on heaven's door
"But… it wasn't Claire," Jody chokes out. "Which I'm so relieved by, of course, but… but…"
"But you feel guilty, don't you?"
Jody nods shakily. Donna always did know how to cut through the bullshit and get right to the heart of the matter. "She was a person too! Just as much as Claire!" The tears are flowing now. "And she was obviously in need of help… in need of a home… and she was gone so fast, you know?"
Knock, knock, knockin' on heaven's door
Donna simply nods, knowing that Jody just needs to get it out.
"She wasn't even here for what? A day? Before…" she coughs a little, not wanting to say it out loud. A hard swallow makes its way down her throat.
Knock, knock, knockin' on heaven's door
"Claire's taking it hard. Harder than she should, and I don't know how to help her! I never wanted her to feel…" Another swallow. "What I've felt. Like… like with my first family."
Knock, knock, knockin' on heaven's door
She feels warm hands take both sides of her face, and opens her eyes to see Donna crying with her, pain openly making a home on her face. But not pain for herself, Jody thinks. Pain for her. She continues.
"I know what it feels like to lose someone you were supposed to protect, supposed to take care of, and in such a…" She sobs. " Such a way that you can't prepare for… and… and…"
She feels a warm body press tight against her as Donna gets up from her chair and embraces her hurting friend. Jody can feel the tears wetting her hair, as Donna cries silently while comforting her sobbing friend as best she can.
Knock, knock, knockin' on heaven's door
Because they stick together. Jody's knows that Donna would never abandon her family in a time of need, so she doesn't either,. And so they both stay. Jody stays in her best friends embrace, desperately trying to make her feel the love she holds for her in her heart. And she's pretty certain that Donna's doing the same.
Because they are enough. They have to be.
Knock, knock, knockin' on heaven's door…
