one

'When this is over, I'm gonna be waiting for you,' she tells him, unable to keep her voice steady. 'You'd better show up.' 'Don't get me wrong. I'm gonna fight like hell for the chance to hold you again.'

She tries to walk away to make it less difficult, but he stops her and kisses her goodbye. When he tells her he can't lose her again, she thinks, I can't lose you either, but doesn't say it. Her chest aches and her throat burns and this time she's the one walking away from him.

two

She's half asleep and she can feel the warmth of him in bed next to her but she never turns away from the wall. When she reaches out to touch him, the bed is cold and empty. It's the same every morning, but she keeps a separate pillow for him anyway. His sweater is an empty substitute but at least it smells like him and it helps her fall back asleep.

three

There's a call from Admiral Hackett and he tells her the same thing he tells her every week. We haven't heard anything yet, Shepard. I'll keep you updated.

By 'Thank you, sir' she means 'Fuck off.'

four

Her back is against the kitchen cabinets and there's an empty wine bottle next to her. Occasionally she bangs her head against the cabinet, occasionally she stops crying, and eventually she gets another bottle.

The next morning she digs the SR2 model out of the trash and pretends she can't remember the night before.

five

She never thought she'd feel this way again while looking at his picture. Clutching his dog tags that she always wears around her neck, she feels less numb when she remembers that looking at his picture always brought hope. She feels lonelier when she realizes that his sweater doesn't smell like him anymore.