So Far away
Author's Note: The title for the chapter comes from Gabrielle Aplin's Salvation and the story title from Staind's "So Far Away". I hope you enjoy this twisted, romantic, dramatic ride and let me know what you think.
Prologue: Make Believing While I'm Wide Awake
When she was a little girl, Elena used to dream of what her adult life would be. She'd graduate college, become a famous writer, do something to change the world for the better, make lots of friends, and . . . meet someone to share that world with and start a family.
In high school when she'd dated Matt he had goals for his future too . . . but he wanted to start all of that right away. She understood, in a way. His family life had never been ideal – no father, absent and neglectful mother, delinquent sister. It only made sense that he wanted to have a family of his own and do it the way he thought was right. It was honorable but . . . Elena just couldn't see herself in his equation of the future.
When she'd met Stefan she'd been in a very dark and complicated place. All sense of who she thought she was and what she thought she'd wanted were completely thrown out of the window when her parents died. Stefan was new, he seemed to understand some of what she was going through, and he actually made her feel like she could get back to who she was. Finding out he was a vampire changed a lot for her. It attracted her to him more because as a vampire he couldn't die. He'd literally live forever and he wouldn't leave her like her parents had. He protected her and made her feel safe.
She knows the way she remembers meeting Damon is wrong. She knows, logically in her head, that everything she knows, feels, and thinks about Damon is only a manipulated version of what the truth really is. She's read in her own words and in her own handwriting that she asked Alaric to compel away the truth because loving Damon when he was gone was killing her.
But now . . . Damon was here. He was back from the dead and right in front of her. He wasn't the Damon that her compelled memories remembered hating. He had a kindness and softness and caring and betrayal and pain in his eyes that she couldn't remember ever seeing before. As a person with a lot of compassion within her, she wasn't blind to the anguish in his eyes. She knew it was hurting him that she didn't remember their love.
But just because she could recognize the emotions in his eyes didn't make it any easier for her to identify with him. Her memories – however flawed at the moment – painted Damon as a manipulative, self-serving psychopath who'd only caused pain and heartache to the people she cared about. Trying to picture herself loving Damon at this moment was as ludicrous to her as picturing herself in love with Klaus or Silas or any other of the villains they'd gone up against. It just didn't fit.
. . . it was hard to deny, however, when her own words in her own journal from a version of herself she didn't remember were trying to convince her it was true too. And Damon hovering around her like a lost little puppy didn't help either. She'd tried to get her memories back by going over the no-magic border at the edge of Mystic Falls. She'd gotten flashes of memories but nothing concrete and nothing she could identify with. Just the beginning of her and Damon in the rain but he wouldn't tell her the rest of it. So . . . she was still stuck without her memories and a daily reminder in the form of Damon.
Being an adult was so much more complicated than she'd ever imagined as a child.
Did she wish she could go back and stop herself from compelling away the memories? Honestly . . . she really didn't know. She wished she could regret it – maybe it would make this easier. Did she wish she could be the woman that Damon had fought so hard to come back to? She didn't know that either. She didn't know anything and it was driving her insane.
Feeling tears leak from her eyes, Elena rolled over in her bed in the massive dorm room. She wiped them away furiously, sniffling as quietly as she could. Caroline was across the room in her own bed and Elena didn't want the blonde to know that anything was wrong. She didn't want to listen to Caroline rant – either for or against Damon actually. She just didn't have the energy for any of this anymore.
How was she supposed to figure out who she was and what (and who) she wanted when she didn't have all the pieces to the puzzle that was her life?
Sniffling again, she started to feel completely and utterly exhausted. As she drifted off, vague thoughts of confronting Damon tomorrow and trying to find the memories again crossed her mind. Maybe they'd find a way, a breakthrough – anything. Maybe she'd tell him off and never see him again – join a traveling circus as the freak who never aged and never scarred. She wasn't sure. Right now, though, it was time to work up her strength for the task that was ahead of her – whatever that may be.
TVD
She awoke to the faint sound of a blender and the smell of coffee. Hmm . . . had Caroline gone out and gotten them coffee? Wait a minute . . . they didn't have a blender in their dorm room. She sat up in her bed and opened her eyes. Whoa . . .
This was most definitely not the dorm room she shared with Caroline.
This was an actual bedroom – a master bedroom by the look of it. The bed she was on was a large king size (compared to the tiny twin size in her dorm room) and the sheets were black with a red and black comforter and red pillows. Across the room a few feet away from the bed was a large vanity. From what Elena could see from the bed, the makeup and jewelry and perfumes spread across it were all things she recognized as her own. She was startled to realize that this was the Salvatore Boarding House – Damon's room to be exact.
Looking down, she let out a gasp. Instead of the tank top and shorts she'd put on to sleep in the night before she wore just a large black button-down shirt. Raising the covers only confirmed this – her legs, bottom, and feet were bare.
What the . . .
Her eyes widened. What the hell was going on? Had she sleep-walked to the Boarding House in the middle of the night? But wait – there was a no magic border on the edge of Mystic Falls. She'd be long dead before she even got within six miles of the Boarding House. Hmm . . . this didn't feel like a dream (or nightmare) either. And since she was on vervain there was no way an Original or any other vampire could compel her either – not that regular vampires could compel other vampires anyway.
As she felt the sun on her face from the window across the room, she suddenly realized she wasn't wearing her daylight ring. Panicked, she dove under the covers. But . . . her skin wasn't smoking. She pushed the covers away and looked at her hands again. Nope, no daylight ring. There was a ring on one of her fingers, though – on her ring finger. A few of them, actually. In fact, she recognized them because they were her mother's engagement and wedding rings.
The only problem was . . . all of her mother's old clothes and jewelry had burned in her old house when she'd torched it after Jeremy died.
So how did the rings end up on her hand . . . and on the official "I'm hitched" finger yet?
Two things suddenly hit her: One, that she wasn't a vampire because the sun wasn't burning her. And two – she seemed to be married! The only question was . . . to whom?
Okay . . . something was definitely off here. She'd think that Damon was just trying to play a trick on her or something but since nobody knew how to take the no-magic barrier down . . . it wasn't likely he'd be able to fake the Boarding House. And since the cure for vampirism was long gone . . .
"Hun, I'd let you sleep longer but I have got to go so . . ."
She jumped, startled as the door to the bedroom opened and Damon stepped through. He looked . . . hmm. Not like Damon but . . . wait, what was he holding in his arms? He came further into the room and deposited his cargo on the bed in front of her.
"Hey, Lena . . . you okay?"
She blinked, still looking at what he put on the bed. She shook her head and looked up at him, eyes wide. "Um . . ."
"You know, you haven't been feeling good for a while babe. Maybe it's time to go in and get it checked out." Damon held the back of his hand against her forehead. "Hmm . . . you're not running a fever but you do look a little pale."
"I . . ." She gulped. "Y-You said you had to go?" She was purposely ignoring the little figure on the bed with her, hoping she was imagining it. Because if she wasn't . . . well, she just couldn't deal with that right now.
Damon stood up straight, buttoning his shirt which looked a lot like the one Elena seemed to have worn as pajamas. He let out a sigh. "Yeah . . . I have that interview today remember? So . . . the munchkin's all yours for a while." Elena froze – apparently she wasn't imagining it. "If you start to feel worse just call one of our many family members to come over and help. I shouldn't be gone but a couple of hours." He leaned down and kissed her the top of her head and said goodbye to "munchkin" and was out the door.
Elena looked down at the charge she was left with – oh god . . .
Said charge was a child that couldn't be much more than two or three. A little boy, it seemed – the spitting image of Damon with his dark hair. The only way Elena couldn't deny that he could be hers too was the slightly darker, olive skin. She swallowed . . . now she was really confused.
The little boy finally looked up at her, pulling his little hand out of his mouth. She gasped – the little guy was definitely Damon's with those bright blue eyes.
"Mum-mum-mum." The little boy mumbled, giggling as he looked up at Elena. She looked around before finally realizing the boy was calling her mom. Oh boy . . .
Could this really be some kind of dream – compelled or otherwise?
TVDTVDTVDTVDTVDTVD
Caroline rolled over and yawned in her dorm bed. Another bright and shiny day – another long, agonizing day of trying to find a way to take down the barrier and figuring out why Stefan keeps pushing her away and acting like an ass. Oh, and let's not forget dealing with Elena's "I don't remember loving Damon" crisis. Life was so exhausting . . .
"Gah!"
Caroline jumped, sitting up in bed and ready to be on the offensive. It took a few moments to register that it had been Elena who'd screamed. She looked around the room for her roommate. "Elena?"
She found the other girl in the corner of the room, huddled up on the floor. Elena's knees were drawn to her chest and her head was burrowed into her knees.
"Elena, what's wrong?" Her senses picked it up before Elena could speak it – the sun was burning the dark-haired vampire.
"I'm burning, something's burning me!" Elena screamed.
Caroline used her vampire speed to lunge off the bed, pulling a blanket with her. She covered Elena entirely with it, shielding her from the sun. Then she vamp-sped to the windows and shut all of the curtains. Elena was still screaming when Caroline knelt down next to her and pulled the blanket off.
"No don't—" Elena squealed. She looked down at her arms. "But . . . but how . . ."
"Elena, why isn't your daylight ring working?" Caroline picked up her friend's hands – only to find that Elena's daylight ring was gone. "It's gone!"
"No! Where are my wedding rings?" Elena's face paled.
The two girls looked at each other as they realized what the other said. There was a moment where they were both silent, just staring at each other.
Caroline scrunched her face. "Wedding rings? Elena, you're not even married!"
"I . . ." Elena looked around. "I'm so confused . . ."
"Elena, you're acting really strange . . ." Caroline let out a breath. What the hell was going on with her best friend?
"Wait, did you say daylight ring? What is . . . why would the sun burn me? What would that weird blue ring I took off have to do with anything?" Elena's chest started to heave as if she were having a panic attack. Vampires weren't supposed to have panic attacks – they didn't rely on breath to breathe. "How did you run so fast before? Wait, how did the burns on my arms and face already heal?"
Caroline just stared at her. Okay . . . something really freak was going on . . .
Elena sunk back further into the wall and swallowed. "I . . . I need Damon. Where is he? Why aren't I at home? D-Do . . ."
Caroline couldn't take it anymore. "Okay, what is wrong with you!?" She shouted, cutting Elena off.
Elena just drew her knees up further to her chest. "Care, something's wrong. I don't remember how I got here. I don't even . . . Caroline I don't even live here."
"Just . . ." Caroline let out a a breath. "Let me just make a phone call quick, okay?" Elena nodded, now rocking back and forth. Caroline grabbed her cell phone from the table next to her bed quickly dialed Damon's number.
"Blondie, are you aware of what time it is? It's way too early to deal with blonde annoying vampires after a long night of drinking. Hell . . . I think I'm still drunk."
"Well, then you better sober up because we've got a problem." Caroline rolled her eyes – she was annoying? Hmph . . .
"Ugh . . . what is it this time?" Damon groaned.
"You'll see when you get here. And . . . you might want to gather the rest of the gang on your way here. Well, maybe not everyone. That might be too much to deal with . . ." Caroline rambled.
"Caroline, what are you talking about?" Damon sighed. "Is Elena okay?"
"Just you and Alaric. I'd say bring your brother but he's probably too busy dumping his problems on somebody else and ditching." Caroline huffed.
"Got it – I think." Damon said. He may have sounded the slightest bit amused but it was hard to tell over the phone. Not that she found Stefan's shitty behavior amusing nor was Damon's mocking any better. "We'll be there shortly."
"Hurry up. I should probably warn you of what you're about to walk into . . . but I really have no clue how to explain it." Caroline told him. She ended the call and pocketed her cell. She looked up to find Elena on her bed again – staring at her daylight ring with tears running down her cheeks.
"I'm so confused." Elena sniffled, picking up the ring.
"Me too, Lena." Caroline sat down on her friend's bed across from her. Letting out a breath, she took the ring from Elena and put it back on her friend's finger. "You may not understand why, yet, but um . . . just keep this on. Okay?" Elena nodded but raised her eyebrow. "I made a call and . . . some people are coming that can hopefully help us figure this out."
"Did we go out last night? Is that why I don't remember how I got here?" Elena asked her.
"No . . ." Caroline told her. "What is the last thing you remember before you woke up?" Maybe this was some kind of side effect of Alaric's compulsion. Maybe she had her memories back but it was just confusing her.
Elena looked down at the bed, scrunching her face as if she were trying to remember. "Um . . . Damon and I were at the Boarding House, at home, and trying to get back to sleep."
Caroline sighed. How were they going to figure this out?
TVD
Damon and Alaric hurried through the campus dorm hall and burst in to Elena and Caroline's room. Elena jumped, flying back further on the bed. Damon immediately went straight for Elena. "What's going on?"
"Damon!" Elena flew at him, wrapping her arms around his arms and burying her head in his neck. She jumped up and wound her legs around his back. Damon, Caroline, and Alaric all stared at Elena and back and forth to each other. Elena wasn't exactly supposed to be all warm and fuzzy with Damon right now. In fact, she'd been downright ignoring him since he'd come back. Not that he minded the physical contact – he'd been aching to hold her since he'd come back – but the sudden change was kind of freaking him out.
"Guys, maybe we should talk over here for a minute . . ." Alaric suggested. Caroline and Damon nodded.
"Lena, you just stay here for a minute. Okay?" Damon unwrapped her arms from his neck and set her on her bed. "We'll be right over here." Elena looked confused but she nodded as they walked away.
Now over in the corner as far from Elena as they could, the other three just stared at each other. "Won't she hear us over here?" Damon said.
"Honestly . . ." Caroline shook her head. "Honestly I don't think she knows she has super-hearing right now."
The other two just stared at her. "What the hell does that mean?" Damon grunted.
"Guys, this isn't Elena. At least, I don't think she's our Elena." Caroline said. "She took off her daylight ring and didn't know why she was burning. She didn't remember going to bed here last night – I don't even think she knows she lives here. I think her being a vampire is heightening her panic – turning it into anxiety attacks or something." The other two were silent. "She asked about you, Damon." He raised his eyebrow. "She asked where you were and why you and she weren't at 'home.'"
"But . . . " Alaric ran his hands through her hair. "Do you think her memories came back?"
"That's what I thought too." Caroline said. "But that doesn't explain why she took off her ring."
"She does seem different . . . even from before I, well . . . left." Damon admitted.
"Oh . . . and she was freaking out because her 'wedding rings' were gone." Caroline told them. Damon and Alaric froze. Damon had thought about proposing to her a million times but . . . unless he'd blocked it out they weren't married. "Yeah, that was my reaction too."
"That's not our Elena." Damon's mouth formed a tight line. This wasn't his Elena – right now his Elena wanted nothing to do with him.
"That doesn't make any sense." Alaric said. "Then where's our Elena?"
"Good question." Damon said. "She's still Elena though, even if she's not ours."
"She seems really confused." Caroline said. "I don't even think she knows she's a vampire, let alone that they exist."
Damon let out a breath. "This could get complicated." He looked over at her where she sat on her – no, his Elena's bed. "We have to get her out of here before she figures that part out." Caroline and Alaric nodded. "She seems to trust me the most right now. I'll take her to the cemetery for now – less people around. You guys start trying to figure out what the hell is going on."
"Maybe Jo will have some insight." Alaric nodded.
"Pull my brother into this too." Damon said. Caroline scrunched her face but he ignored it – there wasn't time for relationship drama right now. If this wasn't his Elena . . . well, then they had to figure out a way to get her back. His chest tightened thinking of a million different dangerous scenarios to where she could be right now. Was she hurt? Was she alive? What was she going through?
He and Alaric went out into the hall while Caroline showed this Elena where her counterpart's clothes were. He couldn't believe that this was happening. How was it even possible? He'd thought coming back would make things easier – getting Elena back, getting away from crazy Kai. Nothing was easy though. Bonnie was dead, Elena compelled away her memories of him, and now . . . now she wasn't even herself. Where was his Elena?
To Be Continued . . .
