A/N: Warning! SI! AU! Non-canon! Yaoi! Main character genderswap! Crack! Don't read if you don't like! If you do then proceed with caution! I own nothing but my possessions and my SI who shall (literally) not be named! At least for now…
Chapter 1: For Your Entertainment
I yawned tiredly as I opened my eyes, only to be greeted by darkness. Instantly I shot awake, looking around in panic as I searched for a sign of light, something, ANYTHING! No! I can't be freaking blind! How am I supposed to read and play games and read and ohmyfreakinggoodness- I stopped ranting as my eyes started to freak out. Well, looks like I'm not blind. Yay! All I could see was static which started to gradually fade away until all that was left was darkness once again. Don't tell me I'm dead…
"CONGRATULATIONS! YOU ARE THE NEXT CONTESTANT ON "ENTERTAINMENT FOR THE GODS!"" A loud voice boomed monotonously.
"What the f-" I jumped in fright and began to curse, only to be cut off by the…robot?
"DO NOT INTERUPT! ANYWAYS, DUE TO OUR BOREDOM *AHEM* GENEROSITY YOU HAVE BEEN REWARDED WITH THE TRIP OF A LIFETIME AND CAN CHOOSE FROM VARIOUS POWERS TO LIVE AS YOU WISH."
Silence.
"Oookay, 'cuz this in really informative", I drawled sarcastically only to yell, "What the fudge are you talkin' about! I was perfectly fine at home! I'd rather go back, thank you very much!"
"THERE IS A NO RETURN POLICY. AFTER RECEIVING SOME DATA, IT APPEARS THAT YOU ENJOY GAMES. YOUR NEW LIFE WILL ACT LIKE A GAME TO MAKE IT MORE ENJOYABLE. AS TO THE WORLD YOU WILL GO TO…"
Wait, were they reading my mind… this is no good! What if I get sent to an apocalypse? No good-
"…THE WORLD OF NARUTO."
Whew, crisis averted. Instead of killing zombies I'd be killing people which is WAY better. At least people don't stink like rotting corpses and I don't have to worry about turning into a zombie. Just have to worry about dying, being maimed, tortured, experimented on… yup, way better than an apocalypse!
"DUE TO THE FACT THAT THE CONTESTANT DISLIKES MANY PLOT POINTS IN THE ORIGINAL STORY, CONTESTANT WILL BE RELOCATED TO AN ALTERNATE NARUTOVERSE IN AN ATTEMPT *AHEM* TO MAKE THE CONTESTANT STAY ALIVE AS LONG AS POSSIBLE."
Wait a minute. So I was going to be plunked down in an alternate Naruto universe with special ninja powers and would be able to actually interact with my favorite characters. But…
"So what's gonna happen with my family? I mean, if I can't go back… what about my body?" I asked worriedly.
"YOUR BODY IS DEAD OF NATURAL CAUSES IN YOUR WORLD. AS YOU ARE CURRENTLY JUST A SPIRIT, A NEW BODY WILL BE PROVIDED FOR YOU FREE OF CHARGE. THE TUTORIAL IS NOW FINISHED. AS YOU HAVE READ ABOUT AND PLAYED GAMES YOU SHOULD KNOW WHAT TO DO. INITIALIZING GAME ELEMENT LIFE."
Before I could register the new information I'd been given, my sight shifted into static and once again faded into darkness. The voice was gone but I was pretty sure I was still being watched. I mean, I was just literally told I was in a reality program to entertain some gods. I sighed with resignation. Well, I guess if I can't go back I might as well move on. "Status" I muttered and of course it freaking popped up with a *ding*.
Name: ?
Gender: Male
Age: 17
Level: 0
Health: 57/57
Energy: 200/200
STR: 5
INT: 15
WIS: 10
DEX: 15
AGI: 6
CHA: 5
VIT: 7
LUK: 6
POINT SYSTEM UNAVAILABLE
TITLES
*NEW* Joker of the Gods – As one chosen by the gods to provide them with entertainment you naturally amuse and provide entertainment for others. Even with a poker face you're still hilarious.
PERK SYSTEM UNAVAILABLE
SKILL SYSTEM UNAVAILABLE
*NEW* LOTTERY is now available
*NEW* QUESTS are now available.
I froze right after I took a glance at my stats. I was female, what the heck was up with this bullshit? Then I remember what GodBot had said. That I would get a new body… for free… damn! My mom had always told me that nothing in life was truly free. Good ol' mom… I'm gonna miss you. Well, I did kind of like yaoi (okay, I liked it a lot). Maybe this wouldn't be so bad…
"Heeheehee…" I started giggling evilly, "It's going to be so much fun messing with people…"
*ding*
I jumped and stopped my scheming as I both heard and saw a notification pop up.
The Trickster God finds a kindred spirit in you and is amused by your actions. Gained the title "Trickster's Entertainer." 50% Stealth and trapping bonus when playing pranks or laying down traps. Luck increases by 50%, and there is a random chance for an extremely lucky event to occur!
Wow. I didn't have to do anything and already I'm getting a ton of cool bonuses. Hmm, I should probably see if I can get more. I am gonna be so badass! For now I'll check my quests. There'll be plenty of time in the future to get more titles from Gods (at least, I hoped).
QUESTS
Spin the Wheel – Open up the lottery and use up 5 free spins.
Reward: Unlocks points, perks, and skills.
"Lottery."
A large wheel popped up and blocked my vision. On it were different colored sections, flashing lights, a spin button and a "purchase more spins" button. Simple enough, and I notice that I indeed have five free spins. No more, no less. Too bad I couldn't have more… wonder if there are any cheats for that? I pushed the spin button, the wheel spun and eventually slowed and landed on a red and green section. A notification popped up along with two choices.
Fuinjutsu Grandmaster – Become a grandmaster at sealing! As you are a grandmaster anything you write you can turn into a seal! The only downside is that people will be hunting you for your skills, and you will NEVER be able to do Taijutsu. MAX LV. FUINJUTSU!
Taijutsu Grandmaster – Become a grandmaster at Taijutsu! As a grandmaster you can destroy anything with the lightest touch! However, all seals baffle you and it will be IMPOSSIBLE to ever learn Fuinjutsu. That means storage seals, explosion seals… better find some more skills! MAX LV. TAIJUTSU!
"Well… this isn't really much of a choice" I drawled to myself. "I can like do anything with seals or be stuck fighting without a cool weapon. Not to mention that I DO NOT EVER want to think of anyone wearing green, just… ugh. So Fuinjutsu, I choose you!"
Hearing a what was starting to become familiar *ding*, I continued to spin the – hey, literal Wheel of Fortune! Haha, that's just so hilarious! Or is it… This time the wheel stopped on a purple square and I was immediately assaulted by a prompt: Congratulations! You are able to create an item that is related to one of your skills! Skill selected: FUINJUTSU LV. MAX. Enter a description of the item you wish to have created below!
Looking up I nervously called out, "Um, hello? Uh, thanks for this gift and all that but I was wondering that aren't all of these things really OP?"
I waited for awhile but got no reply. I mean really, weren't a ton of gods supposed to be looking at me and laughing? Couldn't have GodBot sent a reply? I mean honestly, could any ninja ever- Ohhhhhhh. I'm so stupid. How could I forget Sharingan hax? Unbreakable illusions, phasing through everything, creating giant skeleton monster thingy, copying like every jutsu ever… got it.
"Never mind!" I yelled looking up, "Thanks for the hax!" and was instantly greeted by – you got it – a *ding*.
Many beings have found you silly yet charming. Gained the title "Lovable Idiot". Of course you're not really an idiot but you do act really silly sometimes. People understand that, and somehow find you sweet and…adorable? The only downside is that they call you… well, an idiot (with affection). 25% Charisma bonus.
"Are you kidding me?" I screeched in horror.
There were bad titles? …Of course there were. Stupid game system. But it did make me wonder what sort of effects could be achieved by doing some bad deeds. No! Don't think of things like that. Bad! Bad! Bad! Just enter what sort of seal thingy that you want in the little box. Grinning, I began creating the most EPIC sealing item EVER.
Name: Book of Seals
Description: An extraordinary book filled with sealing paper. Seals can be written on the pages which can then be ripped out and used as sealing tags, ripped out pages used as a whole, or just use it in book. Seals that have been used will be recorded and stored for easy replication. The book will never become filled as it uses storage and space-time seals to ensure that there are always blank pages. The item is bound to the user and does not take damage. At any time the user may change the appearance of the item. Item will disappear with the death of the user.
*Note: Due to user being a fuinjutsu grandmaster, anything that is written or drawn on the pages of the item will be considered a seal.
With a flash of white light a plain, non-descript book appeared strapped to my waist. Sure, a book covered in gems and gold would be awesome but I'd rather be as non-descript as possible. At least while I was still weak. After I became like level 1000, glitter all the way! Not. Horrible stuff, glitter is. Impossible to get it out, but great for playing tricks. Anyways, after spinning the wheel two more times I'd gotten two items. One was a set of silver daggers which were wicked sweet. They had a whopping attack of 50 along with a speed increase of 10. I also received a white robe which was very Assassin's Creedsy. The defense on it was 15 with really sick options (at least in my opinion).
Anonymous – With the hood up your identity will be hidden and the only thing people will know about you is that you're a person. Or maybe a puppet. Or a ghost. Whatever. A mysterious figure…
Weak Point – Everything has weak points, alive or not. While equipped the wearer will be able to see areas that can be targeted to land critical hits. If you're so stupid you don't know where the heart or the neck is. Or other areas.
Finally it was time for the last spin. Closing my eyes while listening to the spinning wheel I wished for a really OP trait or something to the effect. If I'm going to be OP then I might as well embrace it. At least then I'd be able to do whatever I wanted. Kinda. Hearing the wheel come to a stop, I opened my eyes and hesitantly looked at the notification.
The system has discovered a trait that's been hidden to the user. Currently unlocking…
"Alright!" I whooped. "Jackpot!"
Unlocked a new title! Mentally Unstable – You can try and fight it, but you can't hide it! Thoughts and emotions jumping all over the place, you're a mess! Consciously or unconsciously, at least once a day you will say or do something that will disturb others.
"&*( $& % &$ $&^* $ *&!*!"
Hey everybody! Well, I finally posted my first story! *one person claps* Thanks for reading and feel free to comment. As I said at the beginning, this is supposed to be a crack and should not be taken seriously. I'll try to update weekly at least. Have a great day (or night) and catch ya later!
