Just a short oneshot I had a dream about. I might make a second chapter.
Consider for me if you will, what it would be like if Kirk Lazarus was married.
The song was inspiration as well.
I own nothing (but I wish I owned Kirk)
Song:
'Alone in This' by The Shape Of The Earth
"Kirk are you coming to bed?" she called rolling over in the sheets again. The blue light from the clock radio-stereo-thingy lit the room as it read 2 a.m.
"I'll be there in a moment," he called up in his real voice. God she loved that sound, and it was becoming more and more scarce. She rolled over again. He had been gone all day, and after a fast dinner that consisted of some bread and chicken, he had retreated to his study. Occasionally there was a crash or a bout of him yelling lines in various accents. She hated it when he looked at scripts, he would go for days. Like a woman trying on cloths nothing was ever good enough for him.
When she couldn't hold on anymore she started to doze. Completely falling asleep around 3 a.m.
The bed moved around 4 a.m. and she woke. He was climbing in beside her, lifting the covers and letting a rush of cold air into the space she had heated. She shivered as it seeped over her bare legs. Before she never came to bed in such a state, she always would wear a sexy nightgown or some lacy lingerie, but somewhere in the last few years she had gotten accustomed to wearing her underwear and one of his t-shirts.
"Goodnight love," he said as she snuggled up to him.
"How was your day?" she asked, starved for him.
"Well I don't know it just started," he grinned at her. His eyes were such a brilliant shade of blue. She loved the way they used to look at her, now they had gone blind to everything that wasn't bound by brass brads.
"Okay," she grinned. "How was yesterday," she asked nuzzling against him.
"It was a good day," he said. His hands rested on her, holding her close to him, keeping her safe.
"What did you do?" she asked.
"Well… actually I signed a contract," he said. Her heart skipped a beat.
"What?" she exclaimed sitting up.
"I signed a contract," he repeated.
"You-you signed a contract without telling me? Without even telling me you were thinking about it?" she asked feeling sick.
"It was a fast moving deal love, I had to, and this role, this is a good role," he said with on of those looks he gets. She sighed.
Understand, understand, understand. That's what we do for each other. Against the world intent to smother.
"How long will this one be?" she asked. He wiggled up in the bed propping himself up against the headboard.
"Just a few months, this one will be short, I promise," he said.
"What's it about?" she asked rubbing her eyes.
"A war movie," he replied.
"And what corner of the globe will you run to?" she sighed.
"Vietnam," he replied. "But I'll have to go to America first, to prep," he said.
"Oh," she nodded. "So what character will I be married to this time?" she asked trying to keep the resentment out of her voice.
"Sergeant Lincoln Osiris," he replied. She nodded.
"Wonderful," she murmured.
"You know of course, the surgery will be in a couple days, so I'm catching a flight out first thing in the morning," he said. She almost fell out of the bed.
"Surgery?" she exclaimed. "What surgery? Is your character and amputee?" she asked unable to hold back her frustration at him.
"No he's an African American," he replied.
"Kirk!" she snapped.
"It's completely safe love. It's just a pigmentation procedure, I can have it reversed after the movie," he said holding his hands up. She shook her head unable to believe what he was saying. Knowing that speaking while she was so angry would be a mistake so she got out of the bed and moved over to the dresser, fiddling with the things on top. "Why are you so upset?" he asked.
She snapped.
Upset, upset, upset. Sick on the inside and withering away. Always waiting for the next day.
"Why am I upset?" she barked turning around and glaring at him. "I'm upset because this is just too much!" she exclaimed. He just looked confused. She went back to the bed. "You've gone to far," she shook her head as she said the words softly.
"This is what the role needs," he said.
"Is it?" she cocked her head. "Be honest… how long will I lose you this time?" she asked.
"What?" he asked. She looked at him tenderly as she put her hands on his chest
"How long will I lose you this time? How long are you going to be gone?" she repeated.
"I told you, only a few months, six months at the most, it a short one," he said.
"That's not what I mean Kirk," she shook her head. "How long will you be gone? How long will I be married to some character?" she said pleading with her eyes. "You don't understand at all what it's like!" she said sitting up again, distancing herself from him. "You run off for eight months at a time and I'm left here all alone," she said softening. Holding herself she was sure that the floodgate was breaking, and she was going to spill how hurt she was on the inside.
"Please Klio, please don't start this, not tonight," he sighed.
"Kirk," she said his name, breaking inside. "I can't do this anymore," she said trying to express honestly all the things she had swirling around inside of her.
"Well what do you want from me? What do you want me to do? Do you want me to stop?" he asked getting more short tempered. "Don't you like our life? Do you not like all the nice things I've bought for you? All of your clothes? The vacations? Or the house?" he asked waving his hands around.
"I love our life," she said softening her voice as she drew close to him until she was laying against him, one hand on his face. "I do," she assured. His crystal blue eyes looked at her with intensity she only ever saw when he was acting. She started to wonder if he was acting in that moment. Had he ever not been?
Undertow, undertow, undertow. Who are we? Do I know you stranger? How long have we been in danger?
"I love our life… I love you, and if it meant having you I would give all of this up and live in a box on the street," she said softly biting her lip as she stared at him.
"But this is me Klio… this is me… I don't know what more you could want," he said in return.
"I want you," she said. "I did not fall in love with Sergeant Lincoln Osiris! I didn't fall in love with Neil Armstrong! I'm not in love with Linemund Thatty! I am not in love with Father O'Malley the gay priest! I am in love with you, Kirk Lazarus the actor!" she snapped with building frustration.
"And because I am an actor I am all of those!" he snapped back.
"I just want you to be you for a little while!" she cried. He huffed in exasperation. "I'm tired of being alone for years at a time," she added. He sighed looking away from her. "Don't tell me it's the money either. We could live off of your money for lifetimes," she sighed letting go of him.
"I can't stop Klio," he muttered.
"Do you know what it's like to wake up every morning and ask yourself 'Am I alone in this?' Have you ever done that Kirk?" she said. "I wake up in the morning feeling like a bug under a microscope and for what? So I can wear my ring but never see you?"
Ultimately, ultimately, ultimately. Am I alone in this? How long have you been gone? How long has our ignorance been bliss?
"I can't do this anymore," she said again. "I know I'm not perfect, but…" she trailed off. He sighed rubbing his hand over his face. "I'm going to go stay with my mum," she said finally.
"Why?" he asked only half paying attention.
"Because, people don't generally stay together while they have a divorce," she replied feeling her heart leap. There, it was gone and out in the open. She looked back at him. He seemed shocked and somber, but didn't say a word.
"Oh," he finally said. Klio started to feel tears well up as she sat on the edge of the bed.
"I can't spend my life waiting on you to come out of character," she said with a sense of finality. They sat in silence for a moment.
"How long have you felt this way?" he asked clearing his throat.
"Too long," she murmured.
Undying, undying, undying. A promise made for what? The end is here. Someone has to go, we have to make a cut.
She leaned back in the bed and rested in the pillows beside him. They both took deep breaths and sighed once more. It felt so wrong, everything that was happening. Shouldn't she be storming out? But Klio didn't really want to go. She just didn't want to be hurt anymore. She didn't want to wait anymore for him to stop being someone else.
Klio didn't want to leave the bed. She wanted to stay, and the tears betrayed her, telling that fact. How else could she capture the attention of someone who was a million miles away all the time.
"So you're going in the morning?" he asked looking up at the ceiling.
"Yeah," she replied softly. The silence resumed and Klio started to wonder what he was thinking. Did he want her to stay? Was he upset? Or was he thinking of his new role?
"Then tonight really is our last night," he said at last. She rolled over and snuggled up to him again. He put his arm around her again. The feelings were mutual and she knew it.
They stayed in silence for a long time, and she worked hard to keep from sobbing, but finally one of her tears rolled onto his skin. She felt him tense up and she had no choice but to take a shaky breath.
"Come here," he said moving and wrapping his arms around her hugging her close. "I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry," he whispered to her as they embraced. "I'm sorry, I didn't realize I was hurting you," he said.
"I love you," she said before kissing him. He kissed back feverishly.
"I love you… I love you," he said repeated between kisses. "Klio come with me this time," he said after another kiss. The proximity of their bodies made electricity
"What?" she asked pulling back and looking into his eyes.
"Come with me on this movie… I still will have to work, but we can be together," he said. He was looking back at her.
Unfinished, unfinished, unfinished. Too far in to turn back. Too far gone to let go. Too much to let slip to black.
"Okay," she whispered. He rested his forehead against hers.
