Cosima's hand brushed against the clothes hanging on the rack beside her. She felt each shirt with a curious touch, trying to remember the names of the different fabrics. Delphine had explained the texture differences many times to her before, along with various lectures on the importance of certain color pairings, but Cosima did not care much for fashion so she hardly retained anything her girlfriend told her on the matter.
"What do you think?" Delphine said, as she came out from the dressing room.
Cosima stared at her, smiling, as Delphine spun around. It was a beautiful chestnut colored dress that hugged Delphines curves and accentuated the firm butt that Cosima adored.
"It looks great, I think you should get that one," Cosima said. She quickly glanced at a clock overhead. "We've been here for three hours," Cosima added with an exhausted tone.
"Patience, cherie," Delphine said as she looked at herself in the mirror. She spotted Cosima in the right hand corner, brooding.
Delphine couldn't help but grin; she always forgot how strenuous shopping could be for her partner but she knew she would find a way to make it up to her later that evening.
"Do you really like it?" Delphine asked, still eyeing herself in the mirror.
"Yes, Delphine, I think it looks great on you. I like it a lot better than that blue one you kept trying on."
"It wasn't blue it was veridian!' Delphine corrected as she threw her head back to emphasize her disappointment. She made her way back to the dressing room. Cosima followed, waiting near the door. "Okay, I like this one a lot too, and you say it looks great."
"It does, plus, it makes your butt look amazing." Cosima smiled mischievously.
"Cosima!" Delphine hissed. She threw a few of her rejected dresses over the door intending for them to land on Cosima's head. "Go take those back."
Cosima laughed as she removed the dresses from over her head. She hugged the pile of disheveled clothes and walked it over to the rack where the rejected articles go. There, she found a pouf to sit on while she waited for Delphine.
Cosima's eyes wandered around the store. She found herself zoning out towards one of the exits that lead to the rest of the mall. Her thoughts became a coalesced jumble of ideas that arose from whatever she saw, but one thing stood out to her significantly.
"Okay, I'm ready," Delphine said as she approached her beloved.
"Cat." Cosima responded, not taking her eyes off of the pet store.
"Quoi?" Delphine asked, leaning closer to Cosima as though she did not hear her correctly.
"We should get a cat," Cosima said, turning her head to meet the confused look on her lover's face. Her eyes slowly moved to meet Delphine's lips. She was close enough to kiss her.
Delphine pushed her hair back with one hand and straightened herself up. She looked towards the pet store Cosima had been staring at and sighed. She wasn't sure how to tell Cosima that she didn't think it was the right time for a pet without her taking it the wrong way. Delphine found herself questioning her own feelings on the matter.
Their relationship had gone through so much strain these past few weeks. Delphine finally felt that she had Cosima's trust again and she could not imagine wanting to be with anyone else. But she was accustomed to bouncing from lover to lover, never settling into a comfortable relationship that their partnership altogether was new grounds for her. If they were to adopt a pet it would be akin to raising a child and although Delphine felt that she was ready to commit to Cosima, the idea of it terrified her.
"Or a dog? We could compromise. Oh! Maybe we could be one of those cool couples who get weird pets like tortoises or porcupines." Cosima started to ramble.
Delphine laughed at the idea of the two of them walking a tortoise around the neighborhood.
After Delphine bought the chestnut colored dress, the couple made their way into the pet store. As they entered they were met with the scent of cat and dog food lingering in the air. Delphine looked around at the trinkets and toys and tried to persuade herself that she was ready for this.
Delphine turned to tell Cosima something but she had disappeared. After looking around for a few minutes, Delphine found her sitting on the floor in front of one of the cages where the adoptable cats were located. She felt a strange guilt overwhelm her.
"She's so cute. I've always wanted a black cat. You know, they're actually considered lucky in most countries." Cosima did not take her eyes off the kitten.
"Yes, I think I've heard that before." Delphine said, her tone carrying a hint of melancholy.
Cosima turned around. "Everything okay?" She asked.
"Oui, I think I'm just a little tired. I'm going to go to the car."
"Oh, um, okay. I'm going to make a quick stop at the comic book store, Scott wants me to pick him up something, but I shouldn't be long." Cosima stood up and looked into Delphine's eyes. They glistened with sadness. Cosima respected Delphine's desire to be alone but it did not stop her from worrying.
Delphine grabbed the shopping bag that Cosima was holding for her and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek before leaving the store.
Cosima followed shortly after, making her way to the comic book store. She couldn't stop thinking about what it was that could have triggered Delphine's dejection.
Maybe she doesn't like cats? Or a traumatic childhood story where a cat tore apart her favorite teddy bear? Yeah that's probably it.
When Cosima came back to the car, she had ten new comics and had completely forgotten what Scott had asked her to get for him. She opened the car door and propped herself inside.
Delphine was sobbing into her hands.
"Oh shit," Cosima said. It was her automatic response to any person crying. "Baby, what's wrong?" Cosima gently grabbed one of Delphine's hands and tried to get her partner to look at her.
Delphine shook her head.
"Okay, well I'm just going to sit here and explain to you again why Doctor Who is a brilliant show until you tell me what's wrong."
Delphine wiped her tears and sniffled. She could not help but chuckle. She looked at Cosima, her eyes swollen and red from crying, mucus dripping from her nose, but Cosima still thought she was the most beautiful woman in the world.
"I don't think I'm ready for a cat." Delphine finally said.
"Is it because one destroyed your favorite teddy bear as a kid?"
"What? No, it's — I'm not sure how to say this without upsetting you," Delphine began cautiously, afraid of what implications her words were already giving Cosima.
"Oh," Cosima looked away from Delphine. "You don't think we're ready for a pet?"
"No, I think we'd be fine, it's just — it's that I'm not sure I am ready to take this step with you. I think I'm afraid of where our relationship is right now." Delphine bit her bottom lip in anticipation. She didn't intend for her words to come out as harshly as they did. She immediately regretted saying anything when she saw Cosima's face change from concerned to pained.
Cosima felt her heart cringe. The ache of unrequited feelings was all too familiar to her but she never expected to feel this way again, not with Delphine.
"I get it, you don't want to commit to someone you're not even sure will live to grow old with you." Cosima's words were a blade digging into Delphine's anxiety, slicing it open.
"No! Cosima, that's not what I meant, not at all." Delphine was on the verge of tears again She desperately wanted to be understood. "It has nothing to do with you being sick. Let's go home, we can discuss this better there, not in this parking lot."
"You can go home. I'm going to have Alison pick me up." Cosima said, roughly. She got out of the car and grabbed her comic books. The sound of the slamming door left an unpleasant feeling in the french woman's gut.
Delphine stared blankly at the steering wheel. She took a deep breath and ran her hands through her golden hair. Everything was falling apart and she didn't know how to make it better. All she wanted was to make the right choices for Cosima, but it was difficult when she did not know who to trust. Delphine imagined that Cosima was probably feeling the same way about her.
Delphine waited until she saw Alison's car drive by before she headed home.
The house was eerily empty, as though the walls could absorb emotion and fed off of Delphine's sorrow.
Delphine leaned over the kitchen counter and opened a bottle of wine. She tried to figure out a better way to explain to Cosima how she felt but her sentences turned into swigs of wine and soon the bottle was empty and there was not even a syllable left at the bottom.
Delphine was all over the place, dancing and singing out loud to french rap that she had not heard in over a decade. She forgot about her sadness and was laughing herself into hysterics a moment later.
Soon, it was three in the morning and Delphine found herself drifting to sleep. She was desperately trying to stay awake in case Cosima came back, but her exhaustion was too much for her and the copious amounts of alcohol flowing in her system was not helping.
She swore she heard the door unlock but it was the sound of the wine bottle falling to the floor and breaking.
Delphine fell asleep with her head on the kitchen table.
The sunlight draped over Delphine's visage. She scrunched her nose, feeling the warmth over her face. Her hazel eyes slowly opened, but the light pierced into them like a needle. Delphine sat up. Her back ached from the uncomfortable position she slept in and when she stood up she heard the crunch of broken glass under her feet.
"Merde," Delphine muttered under her breath.
She cleaned up the broken bottle and took a cold shower to try to wake herself up. Her mind was back to what had happened the evening before and she knew there was only one way to fix it.
When Cosima came back home the silence that lingered in the house was unsettling.
"Delphine?" Cosima called out.
"In the bedroom, " Delphine responded.
Cosima walked towards the room. "Listen, I was talking to Alison and she says we're being dramatic and need to talk this out and I agree. I love you an—"
Delphine interrupted Cosima, holding her face in her hands and pulling her close for a deep kiss.
"Je t'aime," Delphine said breathlessly. "I know what I said yesterday upset you and I did not mean to hurt you that way. I've just never felt this way about anyone before. I love you so much it —it terrifies me."
Cosima's hands were holding on to Delphine's hips moved suddenly to different places on the woman's body. She tightened her hold, not wanting to be more than an inch away from her lover. Cosima kissed Delphine, hard, and passionately, inhaling her scent. She craved to be even closer than this.
"I think," Cosima began, her fingers tenderly caressing Delphine's skin, "we should have some amazing make-up sex and call it even."
Delphine went silent for a moment. "We can't," she said apologetically.
"Why?" Cosima whined, placing small, quick, kisses on Delphine's neck.
"Because our kitten is sleeping on the bed." Delphine smiled as she saw Cosima's expression change from confused to ecstatic.
Cosima ran to the bed looking at the small black kitten that lay there.
"Awww!" Cosima whispered, as to not awaken the sleeping cat. She carefully lowered herself onto the bed, laying on her side and admiring her new pet.
Delphine joined her, crawling onto the other side of the bed and laying down directly across from Cosima; the kitten in between the two of them.
The two women enjoyed their quiet morning with their new pet. The air in the room was light again, free of tension, and all the couple cared about now was enjoying each other's company.
The only argument was what to name their kitten.
