You wake up and even with your eyes closed you know you're somewhere new. These sheets are definitely not yours, they're puffy and soft and warm. The
mattress is not yours, you can't feel that one spring that always manages to jab you in the side. You don't hear the hum of the fan you always turn on before
going to bed, you never forget to turn it on. Perhaps the one thing that alarms you most of all is the sound of someone breathing next to you.
It's been almost a full minute since you woke up and you're still trying to find the courage to open your eyes and see exactly where you are, which is funny seeing that you're a cop. You're supposed to be fearless. The person next to you groans and you hear them roll around until they've found a comfortable position. You figure it's now or never and when you open your eyes you're momentarily blinded by the light coming through the window. When your eyes finally start to adjust you slowly turn your head and are met with the face that you're starting to know so well.
As you take in her features, memories of the previous night flood your mind. Being dressed like the helpless child you had become, being held as your dams burst and the tears spilled over. She's laying on her side facing you, her arms pulled close to her chest. You're not sure why but you scoot over until you're almost nose to nose and pull her arm over your side and you place your forehead in the crook of her neck. She stirs and you fear that you've woken her up but she just shifts her legs and pulls you in tighter and you're positive that you've never felt as safe as you do now.
When you wake up for the second time, it's to soft humming, and gentle fingers drawing circles on your bare back. You press your lips to the smooth skin beneath your head, the humming stops and fingers immediately still on your back. You press another small kiss to her throat before you pull your face up to hers. You weave your fingers through thick hair and capture her lips with your own. Her reaction is delayed, her fingers splay out on the small of your back before she pulls you flush with her and kisses you back.
After a moment she drags her lips from yours to your cheek and brings up a hand to play with the tiny hairs at the nape of your neck. You let out a sigh and rest your head on her shoulder, reveling in the warmth that spreads from her touch.
"You think you could love me?" you rasp out, remembering her statement last night as she was rocking you to sleep. You hear her swallow and you swear you can hear the gears turning in her head. She shifts to lay on her back, careful to keep your head on her shoulder.
"One day. One day I think I could." she whispers, running her fingers through your hair.
You think about saying it back but you know she heard you when you whispered it back last night. So instead of continuing this intimate moment you do what you do best. You begin to untangle yourself from her and murmur "I'm a cat."
She stops your movements by pulling you down and wrapping her arms and legs around your limbs so you can't escape her grasp.
"And you don't like being up in the tree." she continues for you. "Gail, Gail look at me." you hesitantly pull your head up and meet her eyes. They're deep and gentle and understanding and you're sure that if you're not careful you could get lost in them. "Gail, I'm willing to climb that tree with you."
You try, you really try but you can't stop the tears that well up in your eyes. Holly immediately sees and her hands go to your cheeks, thumbs at the ready to catch any tears that dare spill over. You surge forward and press your lips to hers. You lay a hand on her hip and the other is crushed between you, one of her hands leaves your face and trails down to the hem of your t-shirt.
You're focusing less on the soft lips that are on yours and more on her finger tips, which have now found their way under your shirt and are trailing up and down your bare back. Her fingers burn your skin, leaving a trail of fire wherever they go. When you think about it, it all makes sense. Holly is fire, she's bright, passionate, intriguing and full of life and you're afraid of getting too close because you might get burned. Still focusing on the burning trail on your back, you think of yourself. You're cold, you're mean and unforgiving, yet in Holly's arms you simply melt. Fire and ice, what a pair. You chuckle at your analogy and Holly pulls away from your lips, her fingers still moving in patterns. She looks at you and her eyes crinkle in the corners as she grins at you.
"What" she breathes
You're confused for a second and then you realize that you were kissing a gorgeous woman, and you were off in your head thinking about stupid fire and ice analogies.
"It's nothing. I just thought of something funny." you squeeze her waist and press your body even closer to hers, settling your cheek on her chest.
"Thinking while I'm kissing you? You need to sort out your priorities."
"Ron Weasley to Harry." You mumble into her skin. She laughs and kisses the top of your head.
"And you call me the nerd."
You bite her shoulder, you are not a nerd. You just know a good book when you read it.
It's been weeks since that first night/morning you spent in Holly's bed. You've been going over to her apartment a few times a week, well, more nights than not. It's become somewhat of a routine. After your shift ends you drive around for a while until you end up at Holly's. She's started to keep a spare key under that mat in case you arrive after she's already gone to bed. You usually end up crawling right in beside her in nothing but your underwear. Sometimes she holds you, sometimes you kiss. Most of the time it's a mixture of both. Then in the morning you wake up before her, kiss her on the cheek and make your way home to sneak into your room so no one knows you were gone.
At the moment you're at work, behind your desk and Chris has been talking your ear off for the past ten minutes. You haven't actually listened to a word he's said. You just nod your head every few sentences. You've been thinking about Holly, and how soft her lips are and how she knows when you just need to be held. Suddenly you're torn out of your thoughts because Chris has just spoken the words, "Hey Holly". At first you thought you were thinking out loud, then you realize he's looking behind you. You spin in your chair and are met with the sight of Holly, making her way towards you with a smile on her face and a paper bag in hand.
She's at your desk now and she's said hi, and you still haven't responded because for some reason your mouth can't seem to form words.
"Or not hi" she chuckles and places the bag on your desk. "I know you had a late start today and I'm getting back from my lunch break so I thought I'd bring you a sandwich." She shuffles her feet as you still don't respond to her. Then something clicks in your brain and your mind is filled with too many words. You stand up and grab Holly by the arm. You start pulling her towards the door and you stop right outside of it. You release her arm and fold yours over your chest.
"What are you doing here?" you spit. You didn't mean for it to come out so bitchy, honestly.
"I told you. I brought you lunch. I k-"
"Yes, I heard that part but why."
She looks at a loss for words for a second before she mimics your stance. "Because I'm a friend Gail. And I thought we were on our way to becoming more."
You can't help but glance around to make sure no one heard the last part of that, and you hate yourself for it.
"Yeah, well we're not." you can see the hurt on her face as soon as she registers your words. "You're just a warm body Holly." You really did not want to say any of that, but the words were already on the tip of your tongue and besides, you're Gail Peck, this is what you do. You ruin good things and you push away the people who care about you most. Your stomach twists as Holly visibly recoils at your words. You see the tears in her eyes before she looks down and blinks them back. Without looking up from the floor and without a word she makes her way out of the station. Your mind and heart are screaming at you to say something, to go after her, to tell her how much of a fucking idiot you are, but your feet won't move and your mouth won't let any words escape.
When you finally get back to your desk you open the bag Holly had placed there. There's a sticky note hanging off the wrapped sandwich. In Holly's messy handwriting is a single word: "Dinner?". Even though you've lost any appetite you had before, you unwrap the sandwich just to see what she got. Right, of course she remembered what your favorite was. Why the hell were you such a bitch?
