Wah...wahh..wuhhh. I haven't updated in forever. I know. But I kind of lost all inspiration back then because something happened in my family and it made me focus on things that are most important to me. But anyways I got my inspiration back, but I'm not sure if I'll be able to write from the stories I have already started.

And trust me, I don't think I'll ever run out of inspiration for this story :/

So here's a new story. Sorry if it's a little choppy; I suddenly got inspiration out of nowhere and whipped this out real quick. I changed ideas about three different times while I was writing it, but you'll get the feel for it.

Yes, it is Niley:)

No, it is not a teacher-student relationship. Read the prologue and song at the end and you'll understand.


To get a better feel for this, listen to teachme by Musiq Soulchild while you're listening. The lyrics are also at the end if you don't feel like it lol


I want to feel something.

There's always going to be the man in my life that I want to love. With all of my heart, I want to love him. He's sweet, good looking, makes good money, and most importantly, I'm his world. But for some reason, I can't return the love. I try and try, but there's just nothing. We break up and make up, but it's still always the same feelings. Nada. An empty void occupied by a little guy in a faraway distance who screams out "friendship!" every time my lips touch his.

All of my family tells me, "he's the one!" but my all-knowing best friends constantly question me as to why I don't like him. I can't answer their questions though because I don't know the answer myself. And I can't figure out why. Because I want to love him. I know he'd be perfect for me. That'd we'd go off and get married, have kids, and live a beautiful and prosperous life together. A life that I've dreamed of ever since I saw my first Disney movie. I know my heart would be safe and that'd he'd never leave me. My future would be set.

Well maybe that's the problem. Maybe I don't want to live the fairy tale life. Maybe I want to live on the edge, date a bad boy who'll take me on the ride of my life and then most likely dump me when he meets his newest whore. But you know what, that's okay, because at least that would make me feel. Every night would be an adventure; he'd keep me guessing and wouldn't be so predictable. Maybe he'd help me finally discover what it feels like to love.

Maybe he'd help me feel anything but what I feel now. I wouldn't have to put on a fake smile, float through a relationship, grit my teeth and think of something else during sexual encounters. I wouldn't have to respond back I love you without knowing what it really feels like. Without feeling terrible because I know he means it, but I don't.

Yet there's always going to be another little man in the back of my mind, constantly reminding me that I could do better. That I could be off with Mr. Romantic and that Bad Ass is a waste of my time.

There's always going to be my ego, loving the way Mr. Romantic swoons over me and always comes crawling back.

There's always going to be my hormones, going crazy every time Bad Ass does and I do something knew.

There's always going to be my eyes, frantically opening during every kiss with every guy because those fireworks just don't go off inside me. In fact, I'm not even sure if those fireworks are real. I think they're a myth, like Lochness and Big Foot, because I sure as hell have never felt them.

There's always going to be the thrill of the chase, ruined as soon as things start to settle down.

There's always going to be those walls I put up that make me believe I do love Mr. Romantic, only to have them torn down when Bad Ass comes around. Those walls that protect my heart but at the same time leave me perfectly vulnerable. Nice job they're doing.

There's always going to be my brain, trying to sort out the mess in my head. Trying to send signals down to my heart, only to have them snatched up by something inside me on the way.

I'm stuck and I don't know which way is right. I don't know the difference between my heart and my head, don't know if they agree or disagree, don't know what love is. Most people say their head and their heart tell them different things, but I think they're wrong. I think my heart and brain been working together all along, but there's another part of me that doesn't want them to. It's like that one friend that always ruins the moment and cock-blocks you when you're on your date…sort of.

I don't know if I should trust the die hard lust I feel for Bad Ass.

I don't know if I should trust my feelings that I would die to save Mr. Romantic.

I wish I could switch places with someone. Just for a day, half a day, an hour. Just to feel what love feels like. To know if it's anything I've ever experienced, or if it's something entirely different. Because I have no idea what it is.

Who's to say what I have with Mr. Romantic is love, and I just don't know it?

Who's to say what I have with Bad Ass is love, and I just don't know it?

I don't know.

I need someone to teach me.


I was told the true definition of a man was to never cry
Work till you tired (yeah) got to provide (yeah)
Always be the rock for my fam, protect them by all means
(and give you the things that you need, baby)
Our relationship is (suffering) trying to give you (what I never had)
You say I don't know to love you baby
Well I say show me the way
I keep my feelings (deep inside I)
Shadow them (with my pride eye)
I'm trying desperately baby just work with me

Teach me how to love
Show me the way to surrender my heart, girl I'm so lost
Teach me how to love
How I can get my emotions involved
Teach me, show me how to love
Show me the way to surrender my heart, girl I'm lost
Teach me how to love
How I can get my emotions involved
Teach me, how to love

I was always taught to be strong
never let them think you care at all
Let know one get close to me
Before (you and me)
I den' shared things wit chu girl about my past
That I'd never tell to anyone else (no)
Just keep it to myself, (yes)
Now I know I lack affection and expressing my feelings
It took me a minute to come and admit this but
See I'm really try'na (change now)
Wanna love you better, (show me how)
I'm tryin desperately baby hey

Teach me how to love
Show me the way to surrender my heart, girl I'm so lost
Teach me how to love
How I can get my emotions involved
Teach me, show me how to love
Show me the way to surrender my heart, girl I'm so lost
Teach me how to love
How I can get my emotions involved
Teach me, how love

Ain't nobody ever took the time to try to teach me what (love was but you)
And I ain't never trust anyone enough to let em tell me (what to do)
Teach me how to show it and show me how to love you baby
(Teach me please just show me yeah)
Cause I'm (willing)
To let (go) of my (fears) girl I'm (serious)
About (all that I've said)
Girl I (wanna love you) with (all my heart)
Baby show me where to start

Teach me how to love
Show me the way to surrender my heart, girl I'm so lost
Teach me how to love
How I can get my emotions involved
Teach me, show me how to love
Show me the way to surrender my heart, girl I'm so lost
Teach me how to love
How I can get my emotions involved
Teach me, how love

Girl just teach me how to love you better
You know I wanna love you better girl