A/N: So, this was written back in 2004 with a friend of mine while we were bored in math class. I don't remember too many details about why we wrote it but this is truly a crack fic.

I'm slowly moving all my old fics from my old account to this one. Please enjoy!

"A Jar of Almonds"

Disclaimer: I do not own Kyou Kara Maoh! or any of its characters.

Please Read and Review!

It was bedtime, so Wolfram was in his pale pink nightie with purple bows and Yuuri was wearing his blue PJ's with red trim.

Yuuri's curiosity peaked and he reached out to grab a handful of the silky pink cloth that covered Wolfram's slim form. "Your fabric feels funny," stated Yuuri.

Wolfram, perturbed by the comment, reached out and grabbed a fistful of Yuuri's cotton garment. "Your fabric feels funnier… wimp," he added for good measure. Wolfram then poked the other boy in the nose for emphasis.

Yuuri retaliated by poking the blonde in the nose, but… he missed. Instead, his finger ended up in Wolfram's mouth.

Wolfram had the option of:

A) Growling and vibrating Yuuri's finger which remained in his mouth, thus leading to other activities

B) Jumping back and gagging from the taste of the offending appendage

C) Put it in

D) A jar of almonds

Although Wolfram found the jar of almonds quite tempting, he chose option E and shouted "RICHARD NIXON" around Yuuri's finger.

Yuuri jumped back from the sudden outburst. "WHA?"

A moment later, the president renowned for his good ol' gate o' water ran into the Maou's bedroom. "DO IT NOW!" shouted Richard Nixon. "DO IT NOW!" He then ran out of the room and his voice echoed through the halls.

Wolfram, heeding the advice of the crazed politician, pounced on top of Yuuri with the look of a madman. Yuuri fell backwards onto the bed with the blonde straddling his hips.

Yuuri panicked and yelled, "Wait Wolfram! What about the jar of almonds?"

"What about the jar of almonds, wimp?" Wolfram retorted.

"Well… we should eat them…" Yuuri explained.

Wolfram had four options:

A) Watch Yuuri eat nuts

B) Ignore the jar of almonds and start undoing those erotic buttons on Yuuri's shirt

C) Put it in

D) Doorknob

This time, as tempting as option E (Richard Nixon) was, Wolfram chose option A.

Wolfram shrugged. "Okay," he said as he got off of Yuuri who let out a sigh of relief. Wolfram reached over to retrieve the jar of almonds that had been conveniently placed on the night-stand by a mysterious creature… coughcough Richard Nixon cough

With nimble fingers, Wolfram opened the jar and picked up an almond. He placed the nut between the lips of his bedmate. Yuuri blushed as he chewed on the nut. This crunchy nut-eating continued until all the almonds were gone. Wolfram placed the emptied jar back into its original position and turned on

Yuuri like a predator does its prey.

"No more politicians and no more almonds, Yuuri. You're mine," Wolfram growled and pounced on the hapless Yuuri. The silk slid smoothly over the cotton and Wolfram let his fingers glide over the blue garment.

"You're buttons are erotic… but I prefer you with your clothes off," Wolfram stated. Yuuri squeaked as his shirt slid off. The blonde weaved his fingers through black hair and jerked Yuuri forward, planting his lips on those of his fiancé.

Now Yuuri had some options:

A) Give in

B) Squirm a bit and then give in

C) Put it in

D) Sanji's eyebrow

Yuuri, after completely ignoring option E (Richard Nixon) and coming to the realization that hell would freeze over before he'd become the uke, chose option C.

He roughly grabbed the shoulders of Wolfram and flipped them so he was on top. What happened next should be obvious… so we'll just skip that part.

THE END

A/N: Yea … I hope you enjoyed. Please Read and Review!