Author's Note: This contains some mild swearing. One scene is violent, but it's not depicted graphically. I also completely threw political correctness out the window. Although that's typical for Hetalia, I don't want someone to read this and be offended, so don't read it if you're hesitant.

Lastly, watch out for erratically flying political beliefs, duck before they hit you in the face.

Edit: Please review, don't read and run!

Chapter One – Just So

Rain pattered on his umbrella as England rushed into the crowded building. He closed his umbrella and gracefully slid his coat off, hanging it neatly on a rack. He sighed with disgust at America's raincoat, thrown on top of everyone else's haphazardly. There was nothing he could do to fix it anyway but stand here adjusting everyone's coats until they were just so.

Arthur heard the door open and abruptly shut again behind him.
"Hey, Arthur, my bro! Good to see you!" America shouted, clapping him on the back heavily. England shook off the initial shock of America's America-ness and looked at him, forcing a smile. "You really didn't have to come in such awful weather, you know," Alfred continued.
"I understand that I didn't have to come, but I know that all of you would be so disappointed if you weren't able to try my cooking. Honestly, how could one hold an international food festival without my presence?" Arthur returned.
"Hey, don't get your knickers in a twist. I wasn't trying to imply anything. I'm just happy you got here okay." The corner of America's mouth twisted as he swallowed a grin. "C'mon, let's get to the dining hall with everyone else."
Alfred didn't stop talking as the walked down the hallway. "I love this type of thing. I get to see everyone and it's so nice and dang, there's so much free food! I wish this would go on forever!"
England rolled his eyes.
"So where's your dish? What'd you bring? Why aren't you holding anything?" America pressed, glancing quickly down at his own plastic bag filled with boxes of cheeseburgers and cans of Coke.
"I've already dropped off my tea and scones, if you must know."
Thankfully, China and Japan walked over to greet them before America would have to hide his expression of disgust.
"You've finally arrived! Now this festival can start, I'm starving! Japan's sushi looks delicious, aru," China commented.
Japan blushed and looked at his feet. He then looked up suddenly and smiled.

"America! You've brought, ah, cheeseburgers! Japan said, glancing at the bag that Alfred held.

"Yeah! And Coke!" Alfred replied eagerly.

"Yes! That's wonderful. I can't wait to try it!" Japan commented.

As the four nations walked deeper into the room, it was apparent how incredibly large of a place it was. Tables were set up all around the borders of the room, one for each nation. Everywhere, countries were setting out plates, putting out glasses and preparing their tables.

"My table! There it is!" America exclaimed and rushed off.

England turned to the two Asian nations beside him. "I guess I'll be off to my table now, too. I hope to see you again tonight," Arthur proclaimed, smiling.

"I hope that if I do see him again tonight, it's him coming to my table, not my coming to his," China muttered.

Japan looked at him, smiling slightly.

After sloppily piling mushrooms onto a plate next to a cluster of beer bottles, Prussia meandered away from his table.

"No one's food is as awesome as mine. I pretty much expected that though." Gilbert laughed to himself.

Suddenly, America's table caught his eye. Cheeseburgers and Coke would be liked by almost everyone. No one would notice his awesome mushrooms if they were full on high-fat meat patties.

Prussia then noticed that there was no one there, beside the table. Perfect. He walked over inconspicuously and picked up a bottle of Coke. He shook it vigorously and began to do the same to each of the other cans.

Suddenly, he spotted Alfred out of the corner of his eye. Damn! Gilbert walked away quickly, feigning innocence, and leaving only about half of the cans shaken. He'd have to finish this later, he thought, as Germany's voice began to echo through the room.

"I call this meeting to order!" he bellowed, silencing the nations. "I hope that all of you are now here. Thank you, China, for organizing this."

"Not a problem," China called out.

"Now, I expect everyone to be polite and patient. We're trying to solve problems, not create them. Be tolerant and respectful," Germany finished.

The room erupted into a storm of voices. France sampled Italy's pasta while Italy and Germany tried Prussia's mushrooms. America carried on a conversation with England through mouthfuls of profiterole.

No one drank any soda, after Latvia opened on of America's Coke cans and was promptly sprayed with brown froth.

There was one corner of the room, however, that everyone was avoiding. Russia stood silently next to a large bowl of borscht and two bottles of vodka. Canada and Lithuania had the misfortune of being positioned on either side of him, and they quickly evacuated to other areas. If they were asked, most nations would have responded that they didn't like borscht or vodka, but the real fear was being stuck alone with Ivan.

This had the worst effect possible, because the more people avoided him, the more annoyed Ivan got, and the more annoyed he got, the more likely everyone would avoid him.

"Germany stands and talks about respect and politeness…" Russia muttered under his breath.

Across the room, Canada stands next to China's table.

I have to go over there and refill the maple syrup. I can't be inconsiderate. But I can't go over there.

Canada stares into space, silently fighting his internal battle, when America strolls over and stops suddenly.

"Mattie, you OK?"

Matthew snaps out of his thoughts and looks at Alfred. "Fine, yeah, everything's great. This is so much fun!" Canada lies. Lying is easy for him, after so many years of covering things up.

"Awesome. You know, I didn't get a chance to try anything that you brought yet. I'm guessing, poutine and maple syrup?"

"Right!" Canada responds brightly. "But did you try Italy's pasta yet? It's so good!"

"No, I didn't. I'll go try some, you wanna come?"

"Nah, I have to go talk to someone."

"Okay, then, see you in a few minutes?" America replied.

"Sure."

Canada walked over to his table. This is fine, this is fine, everything's fine, refilling maple syrup, all fine. He reached under the table for another syrup bottle.

"Matvey!" Ivan called cheerfully. "I haven't seen you in so long! It gets lonely over here!"

Matthew stood up slowly, heat pounding. "Oh, hello, Ivan."

"Would you like to try some of my borscht?"

"Are you sure you have enough? I don't want to take it away from everyone else."

Russia laughed harshly. "We can both stop playing dumb now, da? You're not as thick as your idiot brother. It should be clear to you that not only do you have no choice whether you come here, but also that none of this soup is going to be eaten."

"What?" Canada said shakily.

"Either you are very stupid, or you think that I am very stupid."

Matthew sprinted out the door and down the hallway. He swung open the bathroom door and slammed it, not sure if he was being chased. He locked himself in and leaned against the door, inhaling only once before he was interrupted.

"Matthew? Is that you?"

Arthur stared at him.

"What's happened to you? Are you all right?" Arthur questioned nervously.

"Everything's fine," replied Canada quickly, removing his hand from the door and straightening himself.

"I can tell that it isn't fine! You're on the verge of tears and you think I won't notice you're not okay! I'm not a bloody idiot!"

"It's not that big of a deal."

"Just tell me," England sighed. "Please."

Matthew reluctantly explained his encounter with Russia.

"…and now we're stuck in the men's room with the door locked, we don't know where Ivan is, and no one can get in here, and we can't contact anyone."

Arthur suddenly brightened. "A cell phone! Do you have one with you?"

"Yeah, but it has almost no battery. I'm calling Alfred right now."

"Helloski broski, it's the hero speaking!" Alfred spoke cheerfully.

"You need to get to the men's room right now."

Alfred paled. "Got it."

The line went dead.

France looked at Alfred worriedly. "What's happened, mon ami? You look as if you've seen a ghost!"

"Matt's in trouble. Come with me, now!"