Disclaimer: I do not own DMC or the characters. Nor do I own this awesome song. This is solely for the entertainment of my fellow fans.
Rating: M. (dark depressing stuff in here – might be something in the citrus category too, so M for safety.)
Warning: Angst. Mentions of sex and alcohol. Male/Male relationships. If you don't like yaoi or shounen-ai, then stop readingt his fic! I'm not gonna say it again.
Xxx xXx xxX
I'm tricked by your smile
want to be forgiven
waiting for the battle
aching for belief
But your answer is wrong
and my spirit is broken
like choirs in the winter
singing out of key
I am silent
invisible to you
while I count the days gone by
I am silent
invisible to you
while I shape the things to come
I try so hard
to fight for an illusion
holding my breath
biting my tongue
I try to cope
so give me a reason
I'm waiting for help
I'm trapped by my guilt
want to be forgotten
tired of the noise
aching for relief
But your anger is gone
and my silence is golden
like fires on the water
drifting out of reach
I am silent…
Lyrics: Invisible and Silent © Covenant
Xxx xXx xxX
A year.
One whole year since Nero moved in at the Devil May Cry office. Dante had nagged at him for fuck knows how long to leave Fortuna and come start anew at his place. Nero avoided it for as long as he could, blaiming Kyrie, being content with his life, his newly found boyfriend – in short, anything he could possibly find to give as a reason why he wouldn't be moving to Capulet anytime soon. But, of course, Dante just had to come there the very minute he and Dani broke up in the ugliest way. Two hours later, without him really knowing how, he and his belongings were on a ferry to the mainland with a grinning Dante standing next to him by the railing.
He had gotten his own room, a really nice room considering how the rest of the place looked, and Dante had told him they would split equally on every payment coming in. They managed to find some sort of routines and slowly got Nero acclimatised. He brought in good money for Dante and was a good help around the house and everything – making the older hunter quite impressed. So far so good.
If it wasn't for one major factor. The very reason Nero honestly didn't want to live with Dante; the fact that he was truly, madly, deeply and hopelessly in love with him. Every beat of his heart was for the older man and nothing he did, nothing he tried to tell himself, nothing could change it.
This is where the trouble began.
Dante Sparda is blessed with quite a temper – which one will learn when they push the wrong button. Nero found a lot of those buttons – generally, unfortunately, by trying not to be in the way. He knew he was a dark and brooding type (the main reason things ended with Dani), he knew he was shy (the main reason he couldn't cope well with Capulet and people's stares and questions), and he knew that he tended to snap at the slightest critique regardless of it being personal or not ( the main reason for his infamous headphones – if you can't hear the complaints, you can't get pissed). So, when he tried to stay out of Dante's way when he was feeling low, and maybe go for a walk or something, Dante took it as him avoiding him and not wanting to let him in – and Dante needed to be let in if their cooperation was going to work. He needed to know he could trust Nero. If he only knew the kid would rather face eternity of torture than let him down. Nero of course got pissed at the accusations, and they ended up in loud – non-consructive – fights, that left Nero devastated for days. He was always the one to apologize; the thought of Dante being angry with him hurt too much for him to hang onto any pride he might still possess. And when Dante smiled at him and ruffled his hair, Nero could go on for another day. He'd do anything for that smile. Anything.
Then there was of course the very mixed messages Dante was giving him.
Dante Sparda was probably the biggest manwhore in all of Capulet, and he was open and honest – even a bit proud – of it. While he was quite physical with Nero when they were alone, and wouldn't hesitate to give him a long hug, chill out with his head in his lap or anything of that sort, when a hot guy passed by he would go for it. He would literally let go of the kid and just go hunting without a word. Nero had lost count of how many nights he had cried himself to sleep or gone out walking until mid-day the next day from hearing the sounds of Dante, his Dante, having wild sex with someone – or some pepole – in the next room. To Nero, this was torture. One minute, Dante would declare how extremely important Nero was to him, and the next he would be fucking a guy in the back room of the club.
The worst cases were when Dante needed advise on his latest little toy, and asked Nero about it. He never knew, but the reason Nero always asked if he could take a walk while thinking about it was so the kid could run away to a nearby, no longer used, cemetery and cry his heart out or be sick.
So Nero tried to find a way to cope.
He found a few guys his age and went out partying – every chance he got. He had gotten used to drinking really fast, and he was good at it. If he found a hot guy who was interested, he went home with him. He never took them to DMC with the purpose of sex. He couldn't bring himself to. Sometimes they came by during the day, and he would kiss and make out with them in front of Dante. It was just the sex he couldn't bring there. When Dante questioned this behaviour, the kid had to bite his tongue in order not to say anything stupid, and instead just shrugged. He fought with all he had to form this illusion that he was ok with this life, that being a mini-version of Dante was what he wanted. He forced this image upon everyone without them realizing it.
But it was breaking him even faster.
He felt so guilty. He knew he didn't have to, but still he did. It wasn't as if he was cheating, because Dante was obviously not his boyfriend. But that was still exactly what it felt like he was doing. The guilt made him sick. It was becoming such a stress that it was taking its toll on his whole life. He kept himself together during missions, but at home he was a mess. He stopped eating. He drank more. He spent less and less time at home during the slow days. Anything to get away from the very centre of his universe. The man in the red leather coat who hurt more than any demon claw ever could.
Dante noticed these changes after a while.
He stopped being angry at Nero's obvious avoidance, and instead became concerned. But he did it from the wrong perspective and with the wrong approach. Nero, being not brought up to discuss emotions, couldn't answer his questions. He just went somewhere else in his mind and shrugged it off as a "low phase".
To Dante, he was silent. He was invisible.
So he left.
One night when the older hunter was entertaining his latest little catch, Nero packed a bag of his belongings, left a note on the desk and walked out the door. The note was short, it was simple:
"I am mute. You can't ask me questions, you have to open your eyes and read. And you are blind.
Thanks for the memories.
-Nero"
Xxx xXx xxX
Hi! Ya guys thought I was a goner, huh?
Nope, I'm still here, but life's been totally chaotic this entire autumn and winter, I've been in the hospital twice, moved out of my apartment and lived on mum's couch, been engaged in various legal affairs with my ex-boss – and now I've moved 500 km south and started university, living on my brother's couch. FF is not forgotten, nor are you guys! I'm just trying to find some good routines in studying so I can get back to writing regularly like I'm used to.
So, about the story... It's an experiment mostly. It won't be more than a maximum of three chapters to it, and I can't guarantee a happy ending – but no character death, I promise! Right now it can go either way :)
For those of you who have already read I'm With You – I am working on the next update right now, but it's a bit slow. All my fic are a bit slowly written right now, but I guess it's natural when you flip your entire life over like I've just done^^ So, update will take place as soon as possible, depending on school and inspiration (and actual peace and quiet to write! Gah! I long for solitude!)
Reviews make me extremely happy! Flames is a complete waste of time and will just be used to make s'mores.
