SKINS – GEN 4 – SERIES 7 – 7.09: PAULIE

Right! Here I am again, kicking off a new episode, mind you right now it's really difficult, cause although it's been over 24 hours, I'm still really emotional from the most recent episode of Series 6, Gracie :...(. Anyway, I'm back to writing, I've also started Year 11, so I've started my own Skins journey now! Not that it's any interesting, but yeah the workload will probably increase and so that will probably be my excuse for any delays on these episodes in the works. Now after 6.02: Rich's heartbreaking episode, I would love nothing more than to write an overly cheerful episode, unfortunately this episode is not all that, while there are still more cheerful moments to come with Gen 4 and even so in this series as we draw closer to the last episode of Series 7, we still have a lot of emotional mountains to overcome, so lets get stuck into Episode 9, Paulie.


Glorious things of thee are spoken,
Zion, city of our God;
God, whose word cannot be broken,
formed thee for his own abode.

On the Rock of Ages founded,
what can shake thy sure repose?
With salvation's walls surrounded,
thou mayst smile at all thy foes.

See, the streams of living waters,
springing from eternal love,
well supply thy sons and daughters,
and all fear of want remove.

Who can faint while such a river
ever will their thirst assuage?
Grace which like the Lord, the giver,
never fails from age to age.

Round each habitation hovering,
see the cloud and fire appear
for a glory and a covering,
showing that the Lord is near!

Thus deriving from our banner
light by night and shade by day,
safe we feed upon the manna
which God gives us when we pray.

Blest inhabitants of Zion,
washed in our Redeemer's blood;
Jesus, whom our souls rely on,
makes us monarchs, priests to God.

Us, by his great love, he raises,
rulers over self to reign,
and as priests his solemn praises
we for thankful offering bring.

Paulie stood amongst the congregation in a simple collared shirt and tie look, with his eyes gazing off at the stain glass windows. The words rolled off his tongue, as he already knew them.

"You may be seated," said the lead singer up the front. Peter strided up to the podium in his usual way.

"Greetings brothers and sisters" he said, "Please open your bibles to 1 Corinthians Chapter 7."
As Paulie took his seat he flicked open the bible at a random page and pulled his phone out underneath it to read a text from Dean.

'Where r u man? I got a roll of doobies ready 2 b puffed but I ain't gonna wait 4 u so hurry up'

Paulie frowned and angrily punched in letters, 'I'm in fuckin' church, you can't keep a few for another couple hours?'

His phone moved around on his lap, 'Man fuck church, what the fuck you doing in there?'

'Trying to pretend like I'm not a total fuck-up.'

'Fuck that come get squiffy X)'

Peter continued to prattle on, "…saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in UNDIVIDED ATTENTION" He shot a quick glance at Paulie and then coughed, "Sorry, undivided devotion to the lord. If anyone is worried that he might…"
Paulie looked like a deer in headlights but the tension dropped once his father moved on and he leaned back against the pew.

The phone slid off his lap and clattered on the wooden floor gaining a lot of attention, "Shit!" said Paulie in a half shout, half whisper. "Sorry!" he said to everyone, "Fell out of my pocket."
Peter looked back to his bible and continued to read, "…man who has settled the matter in his own mind…"

His phone buzzed again with another message from Dean, 'Suit urself pussy :P'

Paulie leaned back against the pew again and shut his eyes in frustration.


Paulie stood behind his Dad as he said goodbye to the members of the congregation as they left the church hall.

"Goodbye. Thank you for coming. God Bless."
A rather smug and short old man came up behind Peter. "Ah-ha! Peter! Excellent talk old chap!"
"Thank you Donald, it's interesting how sin, when so simple can take our eyes off of God in a heartbeat."
"Well yes, the lord knows what a bloody good woman can do to your eyes; make em pop right out! He-he"
"It's why we need to remained focus."
"Yes I remember, a lovely girl named Daffony in Vietnam, she absolutely roughed me up, had me barking on my knees! He-he. But no… no more promiscuous girls from Vietnam, I'm now a happily married man, and the best part is pop a Viagra pill on a hot Sunday afternoon and you get to have old people sex, the best kind! Cause it's pretty much all the time!"
Peter smiled, "Well… as long as it's all in the marriage bed."
Donald shook his head; "It's not always in the bed, sometimes on the couch, sometimes in the kitchen, one time in the shower while the grandkids were over, he-he, dastardly little buggers."

"Well I'm glad you enjoyed the talk," said Peter.

Donald looked over at Paulie, "Ah! Paulie! You know Peter, your boy is such a treat, he is a proper young lad, well-dressed and knows how to serve his father!"
"Thank you, but I think he needs a bit of work with both of his father's both his spiritual and his physical father, then again so does everyone!"
"I'll tell you, what I'd do to have a nice young grandson like that Peter! My grandson is a proper cunt, if you'll pardon my Italian. Richmond! Get over here and say hello to Reverend Preston."
Richmond came over with his goofy smiled, Paulie quickly looked away, Richmond was the only other person here anywhere near close to his age, he had his eye on this girl who had about 5 or 6 years on him for sometime as she was one of the hottest girls he'd ever seen, but she'd gotten married at 19 and already had her second kid on the way.

"Hello Reverend," said Richmond, "Excellent sermon, you were spot on, too many young and vile people these days getting involved in pre-marital sex, it's terrible, if only more people in the world could be like you sir."
"Well thank you Richmond, but it's all in the work of the lord." Said Peter.

"All right, time to go home you pretentious twat, I've got to give the old dog a bone before she overdoses again. See ya later Peter."
"Take care Donald." Said Peter as they left Peter turned to Paulie, "You should be more like him you know."
"What Donald?" said Paulie frowning.

"No, Richmond, a healthy young Christian boy, he wouldn't gallivant around with your kind of friends."
"Do you have to bring them up every single conversation we have?"
"Well I wouldn't have to if they weren't so troublesome."
"They're not that bad!" said Paulie, "I'm not that bad!"
"You were texting during my sermon today!"

Paulie pursed his lips, "I still listened."
"What was the talk about?"

Paulie paused and then clicked his fingers, "Distractions from following the Lord!" he said.

Peter paused, "it was on adultery, which is quite a distressing issue, how many of your friends are still virgins? Are any of them? Are you?"
Paulie rolled his head, "Yes, I'm a virgin and I'm sure some of them are too..."
"Home," said Peter as he headed out the door.

"Can't we go get lunch?" asked Paulie, "Go to a Burger shop or something?"
"Why would we do that?" asked Peter.

Paulie shrugged, "I dunno, maybe just a bit of father-son bonding for once."
"You start bonding with your father," said Peter pointing upwards, "and I'll take you out for a burger."
Paulie sighed as Peter walked off.


"I'm telling you man, you missed out, there is nothing funnier than seeing ditsy girl rolling around with her head between her legs and noodles trying to take an imaginary dump on the couch and you were at church praying to Buddha." Said Dean.

"I was not praying to Buddha Dean, I'm a Christian." Said Paulie.

"Christians, Buddhists, Muslims, Homosexuals, People who shop at Thrift, we're all going to be judged by SpongeBob in the end ain't we so what does it matter?"

"Dean," said Ken, "SpongeBob is a cartoon sponge from a kids show, not a God…"
Dean laughed, "What fucking kids shows are you watching? Fucking Japan innit?"
"So!" said Paulie, "Hayley and Drew then?"

"That's right," said Dean pointing forward with the cigarette hanging out his mouth, "Mr and Mrs. Hipster, Blondie and Noodles, The lesbo's, You and Buddha, Me and my spliff, we're all sorted."
"You left me out dickhead!" called Kelly.

"I'll ask the spliff if it's up for a three way!"
"Thing is Dean," said Kelly, "Me and the spliff have been talking it over and we'd much prefer it as just as a two person thing."
"What a shame, I'll just have to shag you later than won't I."
"Yeah fuck off," said Kelly.

"Yeah, yeah…" said Dean.

"Seriously though," said Paulie, "Why have we got so many couples within this group, it's like... it's like…"
"It's like incest!" said Dean, "One of those little incest country farm families with about 30 kids, and while their Mummy's not looking they head out to the barn and start butt-fucking each other! It's like 'Ooo! Larry! Slide it in good ya' hear' 'Oh yeah I'm a rooting and a tooting to tinkle town! Oh yeah! Woo-hoo! Oh yeah!'"
The group paused a bit blown back by the accompanying actions. Drew raised an eyebrow, "Dean, tone it down a bit yeah?"
Dean smiled, "Alright, I'll admit, I'm excited."
"Why?" asked Paulie, "Where are we going? I thought we were just gonna keep walking forever."

"Nope," said Dean, "Fucking new pub, just opened up on Beckmann's lane and man it looks dope."
"It's a pub Dean," said Paulie, "It ain't that impressive."


They walked into the pub to see the roof way above their heads as lights flicked amongst the ceiling and wall, while men hollered, gambling machines whirred and girls in bikinis strutted pass with beverages.

To top it off everything was modern and neat, like a high tech sleazy bar with a 50-foot screen playing non-stop football and Iron Maiden concerts.

"Alright," said Paulie, "Take back everything I said, this place is the shit."
"Yeah now your getting it Pauls, you know…" he said leaning in, "I reckon for a good amount of money, one of those girls will let you spunk on her tits out the back."
"How much you reckon?" asked Gemma.

"Gems…" said Claire.

"Haha, sweetie, I'm only joking. Your tits are the only ones I'd spunk on if I had spunk."
Dean burst into laughter, "That's ace! Good call."
"That probably wasn't meant to be said out loud," said Gemma tilting her head down slightly.

"But I'm glad that it was," said Dean, "Right, nuff fluffing about it, lets start the endless storm of drinks."
"I dunno," said Paulie, "I'm not sure I want to get totally smashed."
"Paulie!" said Dean, "You can't dog out on the rest of us! All pussy's together! Plus me, haha!"
"Yeah, I'm not sure I want to hang around either," said Drew.

"Oh come on you bell-ends! You can't get to a place like this and turn it down!"
"Sorry Dean it's just… Holy shit they have complimentary skittles." He ran over and immediately put a handful in his mouth, "Oh yeah… I feel like I just had 10 orgasms in my mouth, this is probably worse than a drug addiction… sorry Hayley, but I've just rediscovered my first love." He said as he continued to scoff skittles.

Dean smiled "Right, now that my boy Drew's on the table, it's time for you to come slam some rounds Paulster."
Paulie still shook his head, "I just don't really want to drink, I'm sorry."
"Come on man, one drink, one eency weency little drink, about the size of your cock, that one wouldn't even show up on a breathalyzer."
"Haha," said Paulie.

"Alright, you have a massive 20 inch cock that satisfies tonnes of juicy babes, now can we please go and get smashed?"
"Sounds more like I'd impale instead of satisfy."
"Come on!" said Dean.

Paulie rolled his head back and forth, "Oh for fucks sake one drink you tit!"
"Yes my boy! Good work! HIT US UP WITH 2 PINTS WOULD YA?"
But it was surprising how quickly 1 drink, could become 2, could become 4, could become 9 and then could become some number that Paulie couldn't count to in his state and certainly not without his fingers.


Alright so a cheery start which is good, all feeling good at the moment till I start think about Grace again :( Anyway moving on from my oversensitivity, not much more to say except Chapter 2 up soon! There's a lot of foreshadowing happening, we are coming very close to the end of Series 7 and 7.10 is going to be a bit of a bang to leave us hanging until Series 8, so keep an eye out!

Lyrics from 'Glorious Things of Thee are Spoken'
written by John Newton