Disclaimer: Ranma and other characters are the property of Rumiko Takahashi. If there are any original characters in this fic I will mention them explicitly.

" " - speech - Chinese speech [ ] - Panda sign-language ( ) - thoughts / author quips

The Nine Lives of Ranma By Etherway-Oni

Prologue:

"You see here sir, this is Legendary Cursed Training Grounds of Jusenkyo." The Chinese guide waved his hand out at the field of small springs that literally stretched to the horizon. Each spring looked almost like a large rain puddle, and also had several bamboo poles rising out of it. Ranma and Genma Saotome looked out at the misty valley for a few moments, when Ranma gave a derisive snort. "This place doesn't look so dangerous to me," he said. "All we have to worry about is maybe getting our clothes wet. Well, yours at least," he added, turning towards the old man that was his father.

Genma frowned for a moment at the flippant remark, but rather than give his son the satisfaction of irritating him, he merely replied, "Remember, son, that this place was visited by all of the ancient masters. You *do* want to be the best, don't you?" As he expected, Ranma took the bait. "Whatever, old man. What'do I gotta do?"

At this the old man leapt out onto one of the poles in a nearby spring. He showed remarkable balance for one as, *ahem*, large as he was. Ranma followed suit and soon they were facing each other across the pool. "Don't expect me to go easy on you, boy," Genma taunted. "Hmph, you should be worryin' more about yourself, Pops."

"Wait!" the guide cried out, waving his arms frantically. "You no go out there! These springs very dangerous! Each one have own tragic legend! Very bad if you fall in!" Predictably, the two martial artists took no heed of the guide's warnings. (What, did you really think I would let them get away scot free?) Genma and Ranma leapt across the pool at each other, both intending to knock the other into the water. Needless to say, that as the Saotome School of Anything Goes was a school that specialized in air - to - air attacks, and that Ranma was much faster than his father, Genma soon found himself hurtling out of control towards the water below. Yet he wasn't in his position of being one of the two remaining masters of Anything Goes for nothing (He had worked damn hard to con the Master into training him). Pulling out a rope from somewhere in his gi, the old man flicked his wrist and sent it straight to Ranma, who was still in middair. The cord wrapped around his ankle, and with a peculiar twist Genma reversed their relative positions, so that now Ranma was the one heading straight for the water while Genma was now ready to land safely onto another pole. Luckily, it wasn't meant to be. Ranma made his own midair twist and latched onto the nearest pole, which just happened to be the one Genma was aiming for, and swung himself up to meet the old man once again. He then lashed out with a powerful kick that sent the old man flying. All of this took about three seconds.

Now Genma was in the same situation he had been in before, with one crucial difference (or similarity, whichever); he was still holding the rope that was tied around Ranma's ankle. Displaying great strength of his own, he yanked on the cord until Ranma was flying out in front. At the moment he was farthest away from the boy, Genma released his hold, and landed on yet another bamboo pole.

Ranma was not so lucky this time. He fell into a spring that was some distance from his father, and disappeared beneath the surface. Genma smirked at the boy's easy *loss* of control. "That was too easy, boy! And you call yourself a martial artist!"

While Genma was thus occupied, the guide ran over to the afore-mentioned spring (somehow he never has trouble just *walking* from pool to pool) and cried out, "Oh poor, poor Mr. Customer! I warned you not to fall in spring! That was Maoniichuan, Spring of Drowned Cat! There is tragic story, very tragic story, of little cat that drown in spring 1,600 year ago! Now whoever fall in spring also take body of cat!"

At about this time, a small black cat with dark blue streaks emerged from the pool, screeching it's wiskers off. At this, Genma became quite... troubled. "Oh no! You silly boy, look what you've done! Now, thanks to your carelessness, we can never go home! How would your mother react to seeing you like this?! [Besides, in that form, he may go completely into his cat state, and then we'd all be doomed!]"

{"Well, you stupid old man, whose idea was it to bring us here in the first place?!"}, Ranma yelled. At least, that was what he meant. All that came out was a series of meows and hisses, combined with the occassional growl here and there. At coming to this revelation, Ranma-neko realized that words simply would not do, and reacted in the best way he could. Fortunately he was not reacting to his cat form with the usual amount of fear and insanity. He quickly launched himself at Genma's head, the owner of which was understandably scrambling (how on Earth does someone scramble when they have one leg in the air and the other balanced on a pole?) to get to shore and eventual safety. This only spurned Ranma to greater air-speed velocities in his efforts to explain to Genma, in very precise (and painful) language , the new heights to which the old man's idiocy had soared. As he continued to *gain ground* on Genma, one fact quickly became clear to Ranma-neko: there is nothing in the entire universe (or even the other worlds that exist alongside it), that is more frightening than an angry feline that has just made it quite obvious that it wants your face (complete with eyes, ears, mouth, and nose) for a trophy. Nothing at all. Needless to say, Genma was as white as a ghost (which he would soon become if he didn't haul ass immediately!).

For this reason, Ranma-neko began to get a little more comfortable with his cat form. Just a little. Meanwhile, Genma continued to make haste as he was also becoming aware of this very same notion. After all, even though he was (and still is) an idiot that could almost rival Kuno (Oops! Not supposed to know about him yet!), along with being a thief, a liar, a beggar, a coward, and an all-
around troublemaker in general, Genma also possessed some finely honed survival skills (many of which had been perfected during his studies under his own twisted and perverted Master). So it was that he quickly began spouting whatever apologies he could come up with, even going so far as to offer Ranma-neko a lifetime's supply of fresh tuna, when the already angry streaking furball (which just happened to be equiped with an impressive arsenal of claws and teeth, and was now even angrier) finally caught up to him. Genma's head was soon lost in the blur of a black and blue tornado that was doing its best to quickly rearrange its (Genma's head's) contents into the most painful configuration possible.

So it was that Genma lost his balance (he had actually never made it more than a milimeter off the pole) and fell into a different spring. Luckily for Ranma-neko, he noticed the shift in weight and leapt off of the doomed man's cranium and into an overhanging tree branch. Genma splashed into the pool (and what a splash it was!), and for a moment nothing but bubbles could be seen in the water. Ranma-neko calmed down ever so slightly as he realized that now Genma had his own curse.

Not a moment too soon, the old Chinese guide ran to the side of the pool, wailing, "Oh, Mr. Customer, not you too! That is Shonmaoniichuan, Spring of Drowned Panda! There is tragic story of old panda that drown in spring 2000 year ago! Now you become panda too!" (Sorry, but Genma and the panda just go together. Kind of like reindeer with Santa Clause, only they're much less violent.) Sure enough, a giant panda soon leapt from the pool, and landed onto a branch next to Ranma-neko's (the branch shifted quite noticably with the added weight). His face was almost unrecognizable beneath all of the scratches and other tell-tale signs that he was having a *very* bad day (besides the fact that he was now a panda, of course). As for Ranma-neko, he was having a very difficult time trying to keep a straight face (On a cat, the effect was rather interesting. And the only reason he wasn't meowing with heinous laughter was the *very* apparent fact that Genma-panda could easily squash him. Just so you know).

Eventually the newly cursed pair made their way to the entrance of the training ground. The guide went into a nearby hut and returned carrying a kettle of boiling hot water. "You listen now," he said. "Curses trigger when hit with cold water. Be normal again when hit with hot water. You understand?" Genma-panda and Ranma-neko both nodded, but not before Ranma-neko gave his father an extremely dirty look. "Nice going Pops," he said when he had returned to human form. "You just had to come here, even though you can't read a word of Chinese! Now we're stuck with these lousy curses and we don't even know if there's a cure! There *is* a cure, right?" This last question was addressed to the guide, who simply shrugged.

-From a distance the Valley of Jusenkyo appeared to be nothing more than a mist-covered rut between two mountains of the Bayankala Range. All was peaceful... until a piercing scream of pure rage, agony, and despair ripped through the trees. Upon hearing the sound, a certain very, very, very, very, very, very, *very* old woman (whose favorite methods of transportation consisted of pogoing on a staff that was three times her own height) looked up from her herb gathering in the direction of the valley. Another visit to Jusenkyo, it seems, she said. You *would* think that most people could at least have read the warnings before going to such a place. Oh, well.

End of Prologue.

Chapter 1- A Slight Case of Entrapment

"This, sirs, is Amazon village of Joketsuzoku. Many Amazons live here for past three thousand year. Ah, you is lucky customers today! Amazons have annual tournament. Is very special event. All of village watch, you see?" The Chinese guide said all this and more as he presented the Amazon village to Ranma and his pop. As the two men were currently starving, they were somewhat less than thrilled to hear the guide explaning the rules of the tournament. They wanted food; and it wasn't long before they laid eyes upon what could only be called a mark of divine intervention; a full-sized Chinese buffet, complete with Peking duck. Quite predictably, the two martial artists ran to the loaded table and began stuffing their faces like there was no tommorrow.

The guide, meanwhile, was still deep in his explanation of the current tournament. Ranma and Genma looked up occasionally, seeing a lavender-haired girl completely dominating the match against an older and much uglier woman. Both were wielding their weapons of choice, in the girl's case, a pair of steel bonbori, while the woman had an extended mace. Both were fighting atop a large suspended log, obviously a test of balance as well as skill. The rest of the village surrounded the log, cheering, yelling, and making other shows of support for the two combatants. Well, it was more for the younger girl than the both of them. The guide was just now remarking to something about this being the final match, but Ranma and Genma were no longer paying any attention. Suddenly they heard a much louder cheer go up, and they looked up to see that the younger girl had indeed won the fight. They then saw that the guide was giving them both a questioning look. "Uh, sirs, what you doing? That table is first prize, is very bad that you eat here, no?" Genma went on eating with abandon, while Ranma was paying more attention to the girl, who was now stalking up to them with murder in her eyes.

He then leapt out of the way with a yelp, just before she smashed a bonbori through the spot he had recently vacated. The girl then raised herself up to her full height, and even though she was a good three inches shorter than Ranma, she seemed to tower over him. She spoke something in Chinese, and though Ranma had no idea what she said, he was certain that it had nothing to do with the weather. The guide proved to be pretty useful here, as he translated the entire monologue: "She say, 'What are you doing here? This is Grand Prize, is very dishonorable that you would steal this symbol of respect from me. I demand satisfaction!' ".

At hearing this, Ranma grinned smugly, and began appraising his newest challenger. It was here that he noticed that while this girl was obviously not making a marriage proposal (hehehe), she was definately *very* cute. He also noticed that she looked rather tired, even though she was still in remarkably good shape, especially considering the fact that she had been fighting all day long. "All right, then. You're saying that if I beat you, you've got no problem with our being here, right? Well, then let's get it over with!" So saying, he leaped onto the log, despite the guide's protests. The crowd was very quiet as the guide translated for the purple-haired Champion, who then followed Ranma onto the log, at which point the crowd began its cheering once again. "Oh no!" cried the guide. "Mr. Customer is making very bad mistake! This could cause big trouble with village if he win!" At hearing this Genma looked up for about a split second, just long enough to realize that Ranma had gotten into another fight. He then began watching more carefully, so that he could properly analyze his son's technique. It was always good to find some sort of criticism of Ranma's abilities; it kept the kid in line.

Ranma, meanwhile, was squaring off with the village Champion, and being very cautious about it. These were Amazons after all, and though he knew little about them as a culture, he was well aware that if his girl was the current Champion fighter of her village, she was nobody to be trifled with. And those bonbori looked like they could really do some damage. However, that girl really was quite cute. All this went through Ranma's head in an instant. It should be noted here, that while Ranma had lots of anti-social qualities (the result of being Genma's offspring and furthermore living with him as his sole companion for ten years, in which time he learned about living on the wrong side of the law), his father had also, for some reason, made absolutely certain that Ranma could easily relate to members of the fairer sex. While his father's notions were obviously skewed, Ranma had nevertheless become quite a charmer. So it was that he quickly decided on a strategy that would bring him certain victory (a strategy he had used against quite a few of his female challengers).

At this point, Genma noticed the familiar gleam in Ranma's eye, along with the look of absolute confidence on his face, and came to the correct conclusion. "Oh, not this *again*! He does this every chance he gets!" (It's nice to see he's become a real man, but this is going too far! Besides, at this rate he could end up rivaling the Master in just a few more years... *shudder*) After continuing this lamentation for a few more minutes, Genma went back to the much more appealing situation of how to put away an entire roast duck. Because even though he hated the thought of his only son being lost to the ways of the demon hentai that was his Master, he also knew that Ranma's own, ahem, "special technique", had a success rate of roughly 100 %.

It was here that Ranma launched his attack, the one he had designed himself; "Saotome School of Anything Goes Special Distraction Technique: The Goodnight Kiss!" (Sounds like something old Sanzenin came up with, eh? Oops, I did it again! Ohhh, kuso!) Ranma then made his move, swatting the bonbori out of the girl's hands. He then wrapped his arms around her, pinning her arms to her sides, and (of course) kissed her full on the lips. The crowd murmured in the background. He kept the "attack" up until he sensed that she was no longer resisting his efforts (she actually hadn't been trying too hard to begin with), then let her go. She stood ramrod straight, with stars literally in her eyes. She was obviously *not* paying any attention whatsoever to the current situation. Ranma then casually poked her, so that she fell off the log like a bowling pin. The crowd was silent for a second time that day, then let loose a deafening cheer. Ranma jumped down from the log, where a village Elder raised his arm in victory, signifying the new Champion.

"Heh, no sweat. I knew she'd never be able to resist that." Ranma would have gloated a bit more (what else can you call it?), but his Pop, having successfully eaten the afore-mentioned duck in one bite, was now standing before him. "Well, son, I have to say, that was the shortest battle I've ever seen. I just hope this one doesn't chase you like all the others." Ranma waved a hand dismissively, saying, "Aw, you worry too much, oyaji. I won that fight fair and square. She can't touch me." Genma blinked. "That's not what I meant, baka!" Ranma was about to reply, then paused as he saw Genma's face turn pale. The old man was looking past Ranma and had seen the purple-haired, now former Champion, getting to her feet. Ranma of course had no idea what the problem was. "Hey Pop," he said, sounding flippant, "why d'you look so sick? Was it something you ate?" He felt a tap on his shoulder, and turned around, finding the reason Genma had been making the hand cross while backing away quickly.

Ranma began sweating as he looked once more on a face that looked ready to kill (while still looking very cute), one which was framed with purple hair. The girl was less than a foot away, and she looked even angrier than before. Ranma chuckled nervously while backing away, making a warding gesture as he did so, saying, "Eh, um, nice fight huh? Heh heh, I hope you're not too mad or nothin', it's just the annual tournament right? Nothin' to get worked up about. Happens all the time. Right? No hard feelings?" He offered a hand for a handshake, but the girl just slapped it away while she continued stalking him. She was saying something slowly in Chinese, which of course meant Ranma had no idea what she was talking about, and the guide had mysteriously disappeared. He tried to apologize again, but that girl just wasn't paying attention to what he was saying. Had it occured to him that she couldn't understand Japanese, he might have tried a different method. As it was, he was completely oblivious. So it was that he was caught totally off guard by her next move, which was to grab his face with both hands and kiss him even more forcefully than he had her. This continued for about five minutes, during which time the crowd began cheering yet again, and when the girl let go Ranma stood looking almost exactly like she had on the log. She smiled mischieviously, then poked him in the forehead, tipping him over. Now it's time for you to learn something else about Ranma; while he was quite adept at *giving* his affections to women, *recieving* them was a totally alien concept. Hence he was caught flat-footed by his own technique! This was the last thing to pass through Ranma's head before everything went dark...

Ranma woke to darkness. This was more than a little surprising. Looking around, he saw that he was in a hut, probably one of the village homes. Why his pop had decided to spend more time in this place was beyond his comprehension. Then he remembered why he had first "fallen asleep". He sat up with a start, remembering the whole day at the tournament in a flash. The moment when the girl had kissed him was particularly striking. That made him blush a deep crimson. It had been the first time a girl had actually approached him instead of the other way around. Not that the others had really minded falling prey to his "special tecnique", not at all. Well, maybe they were irritated, just a little. But never when he was actually performing the maneuver. At least, not for very long. But the point was that they never paid him any attention afterward (except to chase him for a week. But the point was that they were trying to hurt him, not catch him. At least, that's what he thought). In some cases, that was probably the best thing that could have happened. But not this girl. No, she was something different. She had come right back and given him a taste of his own medicine. Had even gotten a straight knock-out with it! The implications were disturbing, to say the least.

While he had been thinking Ranma had not taken much notice of his surroundings. He had the distinct feeling that something was not right. For one thing, it was dark outside. That meant he had been unconscious for hours! The next thing he saw was that was in a bed. The *next* thing he noticed was the purple haired girl in the afore-mentioned bed laying right next to him. "Oboy", he muttered. He wondered how he'd missed it before. She was curled up right next to him for Kami's sake! "What to do, what to do," he continued. He saw no way to extract himself frm the purple haired beauty's embrace, at least without waking her up, or, worse yet, getting himself a nosebleed. He couldn't see much in this light, but Ranma could tell she wasn't wearing much more than a thin nightgown. A thin, *silk*, nightgown. While he liked women, certainly, he was definitely not that adventurous. Because, when you came right down to it, he was a Saotome at heart, and that meant he simply could not deal with the thought of intimacy with a person of the feminine persuasion. It made him light-headed just thinking about it. And that was *without* all the lemony details!

And yet, Ranma was quite certain that on some level he was definitely enjoying this. He'd never been close to anyone before, and he had to admit it felt pretty good (even though it felt very awkward at the same time). The girl chose this moment to snuggle a little closer, murmuring something that sounded like "Airen". He had no idea what that meant, but it sounded affectionate. So, in the end, Ranma decided he would lay back down and get some more sleep. And try not to think about what this all meant.

Genma was upset. That was really all that needed to be said (we'll elaborate anyway, though, just for your benefit). His son's antics had aroused the attention of yet another hapless female. And that was bad. Really bad. Because he still had that promise to his friend and old training partner to keep (marriage, unite the schools, you know the deal). And that wouldn't happen if Ranma kept getting himself involved with so many women! While Genma knew his son was no hentai (his delicate manhood couldn't handle such behavior, after all), he still had his doubts every now and then. And this last girl Ranma had managed to snare (without really meaning to, but that wasn't the point) was *really* cute. And affectionate. And determined. Put all three together, and they had a whopper (without the onions). Which could only mean that his promise to Tendo was in danger to say the least. Therefore, Genma had wisely decided that it was time to rescue his son from the clutches of Amazon law. That was another thing he had just learned; the women of the Amazon tribes considered defeat by an outsider male a seal of engagement. They stuck to this practice very strongly. The troll that Genma had spoken to earlier (who had been pogoing around on a staff, and was named Cologne, of all things) had told him of their customs and that Ranma was now considered an Amazon warrior by marriage. To a girl named after a hair-care product, no less. Specifically, Shampoo. Which was bad. Very bad.

Genma had been thinking all of this as he crept through the village towards the hut that Ranma was staying in. His plan was simple; he would sneak in, wake Ranma up, tell him everything that the Matriarch had told him earlier, find some way of getting him away from the girl without waking her up (which meant no noise, no physical contact, and no sudden moves), attempt to get Ranma's cooperation, beat the crap out of Ranma as an extended effort of getting his cooperation, maybe use Ranma's curse to his advantage (though that would probably make things worse), sneak out, grab all the food they could carry (they were poor, starving, road-side martial artists after all), and run for the coast so they could swim to Japan. All without alerting a single member of the village to their intentions. Like I said, simple.

Genma finally made it to the hut, and (for once), taking the side of caution, peered into the window. He saw Ranma, mostly awake, lying in a bed and curled up with Shampoo. "Nani?" he whispered. He noticed that both apparently had clothes on, which was more than a little relief. He also noticed that Ranma actually appeared to be comfortable with his current situation. To a certain extent. That was something the old man had feared - that Ranma might find a reason to resist his efforts to save him from the current dilemma (if you didn't mention the fact that Genma was lazy, self-
absorbed, lazy, a coward, lazy, slow-witted, lazy, a bad father, and lazy.). The old man immediately took action. Crawling through the window, he made his way to the side of the bed to have his little "chat" with his incredibly stubborn son. He promply met a fist halfway that knocked him back out of the window and into the street (if you could call the worn path in the dirt a street). Ranma's head leaned out the window, glaring at him. "You got a lotta nerve trying to sneak up on me here, oyaji. Whaddya think you're doing, anyway? Wait, actually, I don't wanna know. Just get outta here, okay?" Genma chose this moment to interupt, saying, "Heh! Foolish boy, you don't know what you're saying. Or don't you realize that that girl in there is supposed to be engaged to you now?"

Ranma's eyes narrowed at this. "What are you talkin' about oyaji? I didn't propose to her, I just found her in that bed when I woke up. And she didn't try nothin', so just relax."

"Oh? According to the laws here, boy, that girl has every right to call you her iinazuke." So saying, Genma tossed a small booklet, which Ranma caught and began to look over. He grinned at this, saying, "You see the mess you're in now? I told you before, I'm only trying to look out for you. Now come on, we're getting out of here right now!"

Ranma sighed, then glared at his pop. "Two things oyaji. Three, actually. First, I'm not going anywhere right now! Second, if you were trying to help, why the hell did you take us to that training ground!? And I'm not even going to go over all the other things you've done, including that stupid Nekoken!" He paused for a deep breath here, then said, "Third, why did you give me this book when you know I can't read Chinese!?" He threw the book with a fair amount of force, and had the satisfaction of seeing Genma nailed right between the eyes. The old man threw the book right back at Ranma, who caught it again. "Stupid boy! There's a translation in the back!"

"Well, why didn't you say so baka?" Ranma flipped through the pages, muttering, "Hmmm... social classes... Elder rights and priviledges... traffic violations... enchantments, curses, spells, and other magics... dueling... Kiss of Death / Kiss of Marriage... proper etiquette... the codes of enforcement... Mouse and his proper punishments... " Ranma then looked up, saying, "I don't see anything here that says I have to marry that girl from the Tournament, Pops." Genma facefaulted. "Idiot!" he said he heaved himself up. "What do you think this says!?" He turned the book around and pointed at a particular page printed in huge kanji,

"IF AN OUTSIDER FEMALE DEFEATS A MEMBER OF THE AMAZON TRIBE, SHE MUST BE HUNTED DOWN AND KILLED. IF AN OUSIDER MALE DEFEATS A MEMBER OF THE AMAZON TRIBE, HE MUST MARRY HER."

Ranma looked up. "Oh."

"So, you *still* want to stick around and get married?" Genma was by now absolutely certain that Ranma would be ready to head for the hills. It was something of a surprise then, to not hear Ranma immediately say, "You know Pops, you're absolutely right. Let's go." Instead, he heard Ranma say, "Weren't you always telling me to follow the warrior's code of honor, Pops? Because it seems to me that if this whole thing is law around here, then I'm pretty much stuck with it. Don't you agree?"

Genma sputtered, "Y-you can't be serious! That girl happens to be a complete stranger, named after a hair-care product, no less! You actually *want* to marry her!?" (What about my promise to Tendo?!) Ranma sighed again. "No, I don't want to marry her Pops! But I can't really get outta this without ruinin' her honor, and I can't do that. We could at least talk to the Elders about this. Maybe put it off, you know? Try to think a little for a change, oyaji!"

That last remark had been enough to put Genma over the edge. First he spends ten years of his life training his only son to be the best martial artist ever, teaching him how to get along without money (who cares if it's called stealing, anyway?), and giving him the blessing of his wisdom and insight into the Art, women, and just about everything else, and this is how he repays him?! It was just too much! That boy needed some good old-fashioned discipline. So Genma brought out a small billy club and hurled it at Ranma's head, aiming to knock him out so he could drag him out of the village.

Ranma just caught it and threw it back into the groove that was already present on Genma's face. "Goodnight Pops," he said. He hurled a glass of cold water at the old man for good measure. Genma-panda lay on the ground, stricken. Just before he passed out, he held up a sign that read, [This sucks.]

The purple-haired Amazon called Shampoo woke to the early morning sunshine. She stretched lazily, then moved to hug her soon-
to-be husband. Aire- hmm? Where is Airen? Of course, the bed was empty where her Airen had been sleeping before. Shampoo blinked a few times, then turned towards a large crash, mixed with a few insulting remarks, outside. "Baka oyaji! How many times do I gotta tell you to lay off?!" "Quit your whining boy! Because of you, we're both stuck here!" "Well at least I can back myself up! I didn't see you tryin' to help out in that fight!" "A good martial artist knows what's important!" "You just wanted a free meal!" "So did you!" "Aarrgghh, you're gonna pay for that one!" The last statement was punctuated by another loud crash, which was followed by a splash. Shampoo then heard various grunting noises, then the sound of felt against wood. "What's that Pop? I can't hear you!" SMASH "Urk!" Another splash sounded. In light of such a chaotic "training session", she could think of only one thing to say. Aiyah.

Before Shampoo could comment further, Ranma-neko came flying through the window, followed by the distinctive screeching of a feline. He would have crashed into her, but Amazon reflexes were enough to avoid that fate. Therefore she snatched him out of the air instead and immediately began cuddling him. Where did you come from little kitty? She grinned. I hope you didn't get caught in the middle of Airen's fight with stupid panda-man. Ranma-neko was of course completely unprepared for this treatment, and the flow of Mandarin heading his way did little to help his confusion. Or his heightened state of inner turmoil. Meanwhile, Shampoo had begun to stroke him when he finally noticed what was going on. {"Hey! What are you doin'?"} (all Shampoo heard, of course, was, "Meow?") He carefully extracted himself from her grasp. Kitty doesn't want to play, hmm? Too bad, I'm not letting a cute thing like you get away! She looked into his eyes. Calm down, I'm not going to hurt you... She took a closer look, saying, Funny, you remind me of Airen. I wonder if you're his cat? This once again went over Ranma's head, though he saw the cute smile she was throwing at him (Wham!). Just before she snatched him up again. {"Heh, um... I don't know what you just said, but sure, yeah, whatever."} (in reality, "Meow."). Shampoo grinned again. I always did want a pet cat.

Genma was a panda. So he wasn't very happy. He had also been beaten pretty badly in that last training session. On top of that, his attempt to "rescue" Ranma from his engagement had met with utter failure. All in all, it had been a pretty bad night / morning. He was currently shuffling through the village in pursuit of hot water. Unfortunately, he couldn't seem to find out how to tell any of the locals about his curse. For the twentieth time that morning, Genma-
panda cursed his inability to speak (or write) Chinese. So far the only thing his efforts had gotten him was a pile of bamboo shoots (he was saving them for later in case he got *really* hungry).

While he had been trudging along, Genma-panda had come upon the Matriarch's hut, in one corner of the village. He was contemplating whether to go inside, when something landed on his head, driving it into the dirt. "Well, my boy, it seems you have some explaining to do." The weight was lifted, and when Genma-panda finally got up, he was facing what looked like an ancient mummy clinging to a staff. He would have screamed in terror, but his current form only allowed a strangled roar. Cologne was unphazed. "Hmph. I suppose you don't deserve this, but I need some answers." So saying, she tipped a kettle of boiling hot water over Genma's head. "YEEEOOOOUUUUUUCCHH!" "That's better. Now if you'll follow me." The mummy then pogoed through the entryway to the hut. Genma, now restored to his human form (along with some newly acquired third-degree burns), shrugged, then walked inside. He found her balancing on that staff of hers in the main room. "Sit down," she said. Doing so, Genma asked, "What do you want?" She laughed (*shudder*). "Mr. Saotome, you disappoint me." Genma was by now a little confused. He had about a million questions, but the first one out was, "How did you know it was me?" The old woman pointed to a spot behind him, "Your pack was a dead giveaway. Now to more important matters. I noticed your efforts last night in preventing my granddaughter's marriage with your son. I trust you have some sort of explanation." Genma paled. "I don't know what you're talking about!" Cologne laughed again. "Then I will elaborate. You attempted to steal away my granddaughter's husband. When that failed, you tried to convince him to run away with you. When that didn't work, you tried to subdue him for capture. And, might I add, *that* failed rather spectaculary!" She chuckled once more. Then she fixed him with a piercing glare. "Might I remind you that the laws take precedence here? We are not interested in the whims of an old fool. Your son *will* marry my granddaughter, I assure you. The only question now, is why you should be so opposed to Ranma's engagement." She paused for a moment, then cleared her throat, saying, "I'm waiting for your answer, Saotome."

Genma knew enough about the old woman to know that she reminded him of his old Master... which basically meant he would rather have his fingernails peeled off than face her in combat. Therefore, he decided (for once) to tell the truth. "My training partner and good friend, Tendo Soun, and I made an agreement that if I had a son, that boy would be wed to one of his daughters in order to ensure the continuation of the Saotome and Tendo Schools of Anything Goes Martial Arts. I have decided that my boy is ready to fulfill that promise, so I am taking him to Japan, and the Tendo Dojo." Cologne considered this for a moment, then asked, "Does the boy know about this agreement?" Genma faltered. "Ahhh, well, I was about to tell him... when he was ready, that is. But, no, he doesn't know yet." The old woman replied, "Then it is settled. As your son obviously has no intention of carrying out this other engagement, your promise to Mr. Tendo is nullified. Ranma will marry Xian-Pu. If there is nothing else, I must be going now. Good day, Mr. Saotome." She then pogoed out of the room, into a study. Genma was stunned. Then he rose from the seat, chasing after her. "Wait! You can't do that! We made a promise based on honor! Our Master-" Cologne whirled around (no mean feat, when you're riding a staff). "Just what do you mean by telling me what I can and cannot do? I am the Matriarch of this village, and as such I carry the weight of the Council. And I am telling *you*, here and now, that Ranma's engagement to my granddaughter will not be broken. Not by word, not by quill, not by sword. I suggest you get used to the idea."

Genma by now had recovered from his shock, so that he was able to reply, "Our Master approved of our agreement! Our two families are the only practicing Anything Goes martial artists left in this world! The schools must be joined!" Cologne never missed a beat. "What do I care for your schools? Here is three thousand years of Amazon heritage at stake. I will not see this opportunity wasted." She paused for a second, then spoke more softly. "Let me make this matter clear, Saotome. Let me be honest. Your son has incredible potential for one as young as he. He is already one of the greatest fighters of his generation. With proper training, he could be the best, of *all* generations, save for divine influences and the like. Were he to become an Amazon, our tribe's place of greatness in the future would be assured. Now tell me, Saotome, do you *really* want to sacrifice this chance for a family school of martial arts?" Genma could only reply, "But we made a promise..." Cologne sighed. "If you are so set on this, then perhaps your boy could fulfill *both* engagements. Amazon law does allow a man to marry more than one woman. Make your choice." Genma stood for several minutes, thinking furiously (at least for a slow-witted hulk that turns into a panda). Then he looked up, squared his shoulders, and nodded.

Well, this is it. My very first fanfic. I have to admit that the idea for this storyline, which is pretty formless right now, had come from many other fanfics on the web. So don't be too offended if it bears a great resemblance to any one of them. I also realize that it is quite short, but as I intend to write chapters that are much longer, there shouldn't be any problem. Send your comments, suggestions, ideas, and, *ahem*, propositions to "etherway .com". I look forward to hearing from you! (Be gentle).

Next episode: The Saotomes drop by the Tendo residence with some surprising news.