Besarki: XD I got this idea from a really weird conversation I had with Smart Angel about Jeanne (MONTHS ago). And so...I present you with this...the crackiest crack fic I have ever written...ha...god...
Pairings (All Implied, except for the first one, which is shown and will have some serious Anna vs. Tamao beat down in the show):
YohxAnna
YohAnnaHana
RenxJeanne
RenJeanneMen
Notes:
---This story does not follow the timeline that Takei set up for his mini-series.
---Mysterious-Patch-Girl is Anna III. She is not named in the story for various reasons. As far as I know, the prologue (this chapter) is her only appearance.
---The show's Tamao will be referred to only as Tamao-chan. Likewise, the show's Anna and Jeanne will be addressed as Anna-san and Jeanne-sama. The Tamao, Anna, and Jeanne watching the show will never be addressed with honorifics.
---This fic will be very low on my focus list. It's going to be my writer's block story (what I write when I can't think of what to write next for my Main Project) or the story I write when I'm in an abnormally good mood or just feel like writing something funny.
---Every chapter following this will feature an episode. This is the introduction so it doesn't actually have one. In most cases, Anna, Tamao, and Jeanne (all adults at this point) will comment on the episode after it ends, though the cracky part will be the episode itself. (Episode 1 is titled Stop That Pompadour! Need I say more?)
Disclaimer: Shaman King and all related elements belong to Takei Hiroyuki and Shueisha.
Kokkuri Angels: Prologue/Introduction
In the center of a rather tightly fit family room, a little boy's blond head poked out from underneath a covered table. In his left hand was an old black remote, and in his right, a bag of potato chips.
The boy was Asakura Hana, the six year-old son of Asakura Yoh and Asakura Anna.
Today was his uncle's/ancestor's/Shaman King's original birthday, and for some reason, his father Yoh found this to be the perfect reason to celebrate, though, really, every day seemed an ample opportunity to celebrate when the planner was Asakura Yoh, but then, that was beside the point.
Every single one of his parent's friends and acquaintances was invited, their children included. Though, children was a loose term, as, besides Hana, there were only two of them: Silva's daughter who absolutely point-blank refused to give them her name and the Tao's son, Men. Unfortunately, Mysterious-Patch-Girl and Men didn't know an ounce of Japanese, which left poor Hana bored out of his mind.
Luckily, he wasn't alone.
"Hana," Someone greeted dully. Hana peered up disinterestedly to see his mother walking into the room.
"Kaa-chan," He returned. He had seen his mother last about an hour ago, and she had looked just as bored as he did. She wasn't the partying type either.
"Anything on?" She asked.
Hana glanced at the television in front of him. He hadn't really been watching it, just flipping through the channels.
"Not really," He replied.
His mother sighed and sat down beside him. "Figures."
Just then, a cartoony Jeanne floated across the screen, her long hair billowing behind her. The name, JEANNE-SAMA! popped up on the screen, the characters of the word surrounded by glittery effects.
"Jeanne's probably promoting something again," Anna mumbled. Hana shrugged.
"Doesn't really look like a commercial," He pointed out.
"Could be a new advertising technique," She guessed, checking over her fingernails.
While she was looking away, another character jumped into the picture beside Jeanne. Hana's jaw dropped.
"With you in it?" He gasped. Anna glanced up at the screen out of curiosity and a bit of confusion over his words. Her eyes went as wide as dinner plates.
Sure enough, there she was, a little cartoon Anna with purple flowers in her hair and little black ogres floating behind her. ANNA-SAN! appeared beside her, pink and purple flower petals falling over the characters.
"NUH UH!" Hana yelled in excitement. He dropped the remote and chips and grabbed his mother's arm, pointing at the tv. "LOOK! IT'S YOU!"
Before she had any time to react, the words, TAMAO-CHAN! exploded across the screen, chasing "Anna-san" and "Jeanne-sama" off camera. A little Tamao squeezed in through one of the loops in the second character. A smaller version of Ponchi and Konchi snuck in on either side of her. All three of them suddenly made faces and squirmed away as a much bigger display came in and crushed the TAMAO-CHAN to pieces.
A second later, Tamao-chan, Anna-san, and Jeanne-sama tiptoed in and stood around the gigantic title.
KOKKURI ANGEL CUPID TAMAO!
Anna could only stare at the screen, stuttering with incomprehension. Hana, on the other hand, wore a smile three times bigger than his face.
"Oh...my...god!" He laughed. "Tou-chan, get in here quick!"
And that was the end of any extent of peace in Funbari Inn and Onsen.
Besarki: Groan. This is going to be ridiculous. More than anything, this is an exercise for me in writing characters I wouldn't normally write like Tamao and Jeanne. Anna is here as my crutch 'cause she's pretty easy for me to write. Yoh will be here a great deal too, 'cause he's just fun to write, and, of course, Hana. God forbid I ever write anything without Hana in it. *Eye roll*
Next Chapter: Episode 1: Stop That Pompadour! Featuring Anna beating her head off the wall from the stupidity of it all!
...And this is why Besarki sticks with creative writing rather than screen writing.
The insanity starts next chapter! Woo!
...Wondering why the ending author's note is in the middle of the chapter? Does seem weird, doesn't it? Well, it actually isn't. Ready for this?
THIS. FANFIC. FEATURES. TWO. DIFFERENT. STORIES.
And here it is: another crack story. Since this is a character exercise, I'm going to practice with Chocolove and Horohoro too.
WARNING: DON'T READ THE FOLLOWING ONESHOT IF YOU'RE EXTREMELY, EXTREMELY, EXTREMELY EASILY OFFENDED! (And Italian) I bear no ill-will towards Italians. I've been to Italy, and trust me, the Italians are some of the nicest people you'll ever meet. (Speaking of which, big hug to Kumiho-Kitsune if she's still around) No harm is meant! I have no quarrels with anyone and this is all meant in harmless fun. LOVE AND PEACE! LOVE AND PEACE!
The Leopard's Meow: Chapter 1: When it Rains, It Pours
Horohoro wondered how he always got roped into this. Somehow, the other shamans always managed to get out of this--even Yoh who had the IQ of a piece of dog food. How was it that he, the amazing shaman from the north, he,the spectacular snowboarding genius, he, Horohoro, always got stuck listening to his American friend's unbearably awful jokes?
Oh, right. Because Chocolove wasn't higher than blackmail. And when you were Usui Horokeu, there was, regrettably, a lot of blackmail-worthy material.
"This one is going to kill you!" Chocolove boasted.
Horohoro rolled his eyes. "Probably," He agreed, though for different reasons.
"Okay, ready? Knock knock!" The American shaman exclaimed, his face alight with an eager smile.
Horohoro stared at his friend with an expression of indescribable boredom. "...Who's there?" He asked with a sigh.
"Interrupting cow."
"Interrupting--"
"MOO!"
"You didn't even give me a chance to--"
"MOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
"BASTARD! LET ME FINISH!"
"Why?"
"Because--"
"MOO!"
"BASTARD! Forget it, I'm leaving!" Horohoro seethed, rising to his feet and turning towards the door.
"No! Wait, wait! I have a better one!"
"I seriously doubt it!"
"No, really! I told this one to Anna and she didn't even hit me!"
"She was probably sleeping. All of the Asakuras can sleep with their eyes open."
Chocolove glared. "Sit down or I'm telling Yoh that you're the one who broke the bottle opener."
"Ha! He won't care!"
"And what you were doing with it to break it."
Gritting his teeth, Horohoro grudgingly sat back down. Chocolove smiled hugely.
"Okay, okay. How about this one: What do you call an Italian with a broken hand?"
Horohoro clenched his fist. "I have no idea, Chocolove."
Chocolove grinned. "A speech impediment!"
Mari would be walking past at that very moment.
