October:

There are plenty of things I can't tell you about my life over the past few years; the most simplistic things escape me. I don't know what my favorite color is. I'm not sure I have a favorite food. I'm honestly not even sure how I managed to graduate high school because I have difficulty recollecting showing up at all, much less being able to get passing grades. My life seems like a blur, an alternate reality played out only in my head, but the pain is real. The pain keeps me grounded to the fact that I still exist, and more devastatingly, to the fact that I lost everything that mattered to me. I have never been more alone.

I can, however, tell you with perfect clarity that it has been exactly 1 year, 1 month, 3 days, 9 hours and 42 minutes since Edward walk away from me; leaving the destruction of my soul in his wake. His rejection forced me to see what I already knew. I would never be good enough for him.

Truth be told, he should have let Tyler's van kill me that day in the Forks High School parking lot. It would have been far less cruel to allow me to die rather than to leave me in the sorrow in which I now reside.

I have no interest in life anymore. Anything I found of interest before simply doesn't matter now. Nothing can fill the void of losing him, and I don't even want to try. Edward was my perfection and without him, life has nothing for me.

Hell, even the threat of Victoria had seemingly dissipated. After Edward left she must have lost interest. Revenge isn't as satisfying when the object of your rage doesn't care anymore. I only wished she would come to kill me. Death would be easier, but I'm getting used to disappointment.

I know my corpse like existence is maddening to the people who still love me. I sleep half the day away only to wake up, force some type of food down, then head back to my room and sleep some more. The gaps are filled with sobbing spells that tear my soul further to shreds. Charlie tries to tell me that I'll get over this, but I'm long past caring what fate has in store for me. I heard everything I needed to hear the day that Edward told me that he didn't want me.

Who was I kidding? I knew that I was never good enough for him. Certainly not pretty enough. I'm plain; he's perfect and easily distracted. I hate myself for losing him, for not having the ability to be more what he wanted. I don't know what I could have changed to help the situation, but the reasons I don't understand drive me insane. I have cried to the depths of my soul and begged God to end me so that I can escape this misery, and yet, I am still here. I'm still breathing. Blood still pumps through my veins, and heartache still wrenches away at my sanity plundering me into oblivion.

September (Nearly 1 Year Later):

I don't cry any longer; I drained that well dry. Sorrow cannot begin to describe it. It's much farther gone than that. To top it all, Edward still haunts my dreams. I see his bronze hair in perfect disarray. A crooked grin paints across his alabaster complexion as he smiles lovingly at me through liquid topaz eyes. In my dreams he's still here with me and its pure bliss. In dreams I can come up for air and pretend that my life hasn't completely fallen apart.

Reality is hard. There is no cool embrace to hold me, no tender kisses, just loneliness and disappointment. How I have lasted this long is beyond reason. I'm not strong enough for this and yet here I am. I survive in slumbers so that I can see him again. He told me when he left that it would be as if he never existed. He took all the evidence that I had of him and left me with nothing, but he couldn't take away my dreams. In dreams he is still mine.

January (1 Year & 4 Months Later):

Beep! Beep! Beep! - The alarm clock sounded. Okay, okay I'm awake… I squirmed under my sheets, took a deep breath, and reach to turn it off. UGH! Another day…. Oh well let's get it over with….

I climbed out of bed and headed to shower away my exhaustion. Once thoroughly clean and dry, I ran out of the bathroom in my underwear to my closet. I chose to wear Black Cargo Capri's and my "Love Kills Slowly" Ed Hardy T-shirt. I quickly got dressed before running downstairs to grab some breakfast. It's the same everyday – a grilled cheese sandwich and a glass of chocolate milk, and then I'm off to work…

Vegas is… well…. Vegas. It isn't at all like Forks. This is Sin City, operational 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Here money talks and bull shit walks. So you better know who you're dealing with before casting down your chips. This is my new life… if that's what you call it.

I'm not sure when it happened actually, but I finally had decided that wallowing away until death wasn't really working out for me.

Jake had called me up a week after my 21st birthday and invited me to take a trip with him to Vegas to get my head straight and to try and persuade me into having a little fun. I hesitantly agreed to go and found that, even though I'm generally not all that happy, I retained the ability to try and live a little. I ended up having a lot of fun with Jake and I'll always treasure my time with him. I had so much fun in fact, that I decided that Vegas was were where I now belonged. I made the move within a month after our trip.

Jake wasn't happy about me leaving Forks. Neither were Charlie or Renee, but they understood that it was killing me to be there. Renee offered for me to come live with her and Phil in Jacksonville, but I knew she would be constantly hovering around me so I politely declined. Her free spirited nature came in handy when I convinced her that Vegas would be an adventure. Jake promised to visit as much as he could and I agreed that when he came out again, I would have the scoop on the hottest places to go and take him for the tour.

Charlie gave me practically a year's supply of pepper spray and forced me to take self defense lessons before I left. I've got to love him despite his reluctant affliction; he's always looking out for me. I promised that I would take care of myself and convinced them that I needed to do this in order to regain any control over my life. I keep in touch with all of them fairly regularly by email or text.

To celebrate my new life and to put a little closure to the old me, I decided to get a tattoo. I'd always been pretty artistic, so I took up drawing. It was a release to some of the anguish I couldn't hold inside any longer. In this new artistic frame of mind, I drew up an idea for a tattoo to commemorate my love for and loss of a man that would never love me back. I didn't even flinch at the idea of the pain. There's no way it could compare to how I felt inside. I honestly hoped it would transcend the pain outward and give me some relief.

Beautifully abiding in Bronze, Black, and Topaz colored Script writing, my tattoo rests slightly arched from shoulder blade to shoulder blade reading "Vanished is Love… As if it never existed." It is a permanent reminder of the bronze haired, topaz-eyed angel that had left me. I had chosen to mark my body, flaunting my despair. If heartache was his only legacy to me, I would take it over nothing at all.

As far as romance goes, no one will ever equal what Edward was to me. I know Jake wanted more from me at one time, but he's finally resigned to the fact that it's just not going to happen. He had two choices: He could either - just be my friend and enjoy my company, or I would have to alienate him entirely because I couldn't give my heart away for loves sake when I never really got it back.

Truth being told I didn't want it back. It was much easier to walk around with a good chip on my shoulder. I found that no one really messed with me, aside from the occasional drunken tourist with a liquid enhanced ego boost, but that was to be expected. If you live where the party is happening, you can't complain about the noise.

I arrived at work at 10 a.m., bringing in a round of Double Shot Mocha Frapuccino's and a box of donuts for the crew. I work for my now best friend Ana Rodriguez. She owns and operates "Ink Junkies" tattoo parlor. This is where I got my tattoo. Ana was so impressed with my art work for my own tattoo that she offered me a job. Having just moved here not knowing a soul and having no clue where to begin, I took it with open arms. The rest, as they say, is history.

The crew consists of seven of us in all - Ana, Jess, Lala, Joe, Nessie, Lauren and I.

Ana founded "Ink Junkies" after leaving her family in search of herself. She loves to travel and found Vegas exciting. It fits her vibrant nature perfectly. She said she chose the name because anyone who had gotten a tattoo knows that they are addictive. She was all too happy to deal to all the local junkies. After all, tatting is good money.

Jess, Lala, and Joe are all Ink Pushers, a.k.a. tattoo application specialists. If you can dream it, they can ink it. They are always booked solid. I'm the lead artist, with Nessie and Lauren working under me. We help the customers' design their perfect tattoo and then assign them to the proper pusher to bring it to life. I know we operate a little different from the norm, but that's what gives us our nitch.

You come in with an idea of what you're looking for, tell us where you want it, and we'll design you a kick ass piece and apply it to perfection. Ana prides "Ink Junkies" on never having had an unsatisfied junkie.

"What's up Chicka?" Ana called out as I walk in the door.

"Hey… not too much… I brought sustenance," I said, waving the Mocha Frappuchino's in the air.

"Thank God! I'm starving!" Joe yelled as he came barreling toward the box of donuts in my hand.

"Did you know these things have 500 calories each?" he asked while shoving half the donut in his mouth in one bite.

"That hasn't stopped you yet." Jess smiled, spouting off jokingly.

"It's not going to either… I'm not the one that has to watch my girly figure," he replied as he spun around mockingly with his hand on his hip.

"Oh shut it Joe. Like there's a single princess girly girl working here," Lauren laughed.

"So how's the schedule for today?" I asked, trying to gauge my workload for the day.

"Busy as usual… Oh and hey, don't forget we have to be at Eclipse tonight. It's the biggest party of the year!" Ana answered excitedly, wiggling her shoulders and dancing slightly as example.

When we're not inking people up, we're partying like Rock Stars. We hit the coolest clubs and the best parties. We're known pretty much all over the city, so it's not unusual for us to get invites regularly.

"How could I ever forget? I'm so ready… I've got the perfect little black dress, and I'm ready to rock it!" I offered. Really, I always went along for my friends. I didn't really care one way or the other if I went other than that.

"You know Bell's…. I do believe that Rob is going to be there…." Ana's speech trailed suggestively.

Rob - a.k.a. Robert Clark - is a Marketing Agent for several of the MMA fighters that come to town to defend their titles, as well as new guys looking to make a name for themselves. He helps promote the fights to increase ticket sales and such to keep the sport a prominent current interest.

Rob is a friend of Ana's. I never really got the story on how they met, but she invited me to an MMA fight one night. She said it was the most amazing thing she'd seen and loved the idea of grown men kicking each other's asses for large sums of money and bragging rights. – She and Lala had been fans of the sport for sometime. Anyway, Rob got her free front row tickets and I was introduced to him as the new member of the crew. He was told that he better be nice to me.

It didn't take much prompting. He's been really cool with me ever since… too nice in fact. Okay I'm being modest…. The guy has a horrible crush on me. The trouble is that I don't want a relationship with anyone. Edward nearly destroyed me and I couldn't risk going to that dark place again. I might not resurface again. Not to mention I would never find someone to rival what he was to me.

That didn't really stop Rob's pursuit though. He regularly stopped by the shop just to say hello and bring me coffee or something for breakfast, always using the excuse that he needed to check in on his girls. Funny, it was only me that he brought breakfast and coffee to regularly.

Ana told me that he had admitted to her confidentially that he'd like to ask me out. That's about the time that I told her about all the reasons that I was unattainable.

"Ana, you know that I'm not interested in seeing anyone… so can we please not go over this again," I replied with butterflies swirling to the point of nausea in my stomach. Why must she keep bringing this up…?

"I know… but he's totally got the hots for you… not to mention he's successful, handsome, and funny. What's not to love really?" she asked.

"We've been over this a thousand times… I gave my heart away a long time ago, only for it to be crushed and stomped on and I'm not looking for a repeat performance. I don't need love… I need stability and I have that with my friends and my job, so can we please drop it?" I sighed.

She could tell that I was beginning to get upset and decided to back off.

"Okay, okay… I'm just trying to look out for you. I don't want you to be lonely forever, that's all," she replied with a sad smile.

In the past I had explained a little about my situation with Edward and the reasons for my move to Vegas… but she would never know the whole story, she just couldn't. It was my secret to keep.

The days always seem to fly by at work. We're either so busy that we don't even realize the day is over before it's begun, or we talk about what all is going on in each other's lives and what our plans are for the night. That's one of the amazing things about this line of work. It never really feels like work. It's like hanging out with your friends all day and getting to give people a beautiful memory to treasure while getting paid for it.

"So what are you planning on wearing to the party?" I asked trying to break the now awkward silence that hovered between us.

I didn't mean to hurt her feelings before. I know she's just trying to be a good friend, but every time my love life gets brought up in conversation it sparks this defensiveness in me that I can't seem to control.

"Oh, I've got this covered! Girl… I'm wearing this Emerald green strapless dress that's short and ruffling in the front and gets a little longer to the back. I've also got these great silver strappy heels that buckle around the ankle and have a little dangling charm by the buckle."

Yeah we were still cool. Otherwise she would have told me just to piss off.

The day was over before we knew it, and when we got ready to head out for the night, Ana made sure Joe was set to lock up as usual. She and I then took off to our apartment to get ready for our night out.

I regularly put on this charade of being excited about another party or event. It's not that I didn't enjoy spending time with my friends, it was everyone else there that bothered me. But if I didn't get all made up like they did, it would surely blow my cover and I'd be forced to deal with them feeling sorry for me and lecturing me about being young and moving on. It's easier to go along as if I'm just like them.

Ana and I shared an apartment in the heart of the city for the convenience of being close to the shop. It was definitely much more expensive than living a little further out but it was well worth the difference considering our rambunctious lifestyles. Let's face it… we're the best… and the best get paid. So despite all the other areas of my life that were in complete devastation, money wasn't one of them.

Once home I showered quickly and threw a little mousse in my hair. I didn't really have to do anything to it. My hair was naturally wavy with a slight curl, so just a little mousse for volume did the trick. Once my hair dried naturally, I pulled it up in a purposely messy style with some Onyx and Moonstone jeweled hair sticks. I slipped into my little black dress, eyeing myself in the mirror before applying my makeup.

The dress fit me perfectly. The bodice was strapless and snug fitting with the back plunging down almost to my waist. It clung to me in just the right places and the loose flowing, ruffle edged chiffon skirt settled around mid thigh. I coupled this with some 4 inch mid-calf Black leather boots.

Yep… here we go again… why do I keep doing this?

I made up my face wearing dark grey and silver eye shadows with black lashes, giving me a smoky look. I finished off by applying a light coat of gloss to my lips.

Alright… let's get this over with…

Party nights for me equaled drinking nights. I could get thoroughly sloshed and forget about all the nothingness I held inside. I still hide it well. My friends would never suspect just how unhappy I really was and that's the way I needed it to be to prevent the pity party.

Ana was ready in no time. She looked absolutely beautiful as usual. I hoped that her looking so hot would be distracting enough that she would steal away anyone that bothered to take a second glance in my direction. But Eclipse was a big club, and as soon as some random guy asked her for a dance I would be left alone so the risk never really left me. I'm a pro at shrugging off unwanted company and telling the creeps to get lost. Unfortunately, I've gotten well practiced at it.

I usually ride my bike pretty much everywhere but seeing as I couldn't get on the motorcycle without completely exposing myself in this dress, and ruining my hair and makeup, we decided to grab a cab. Elias was our regular. He had a terrible crush on Ana and whenever we would call the Cab Company to request a pickup, he always seemed to be the one available. His overwhelming crush gets a little creepy, but for the most part he seems to be an okay guy.

"You ladies look lovely tonight. Special occasion?" Elias asked.

"It's just another party. No big deal," I answered readily.

Ana smiled, nodded, and waved her hand as if to agree with me.

"Okay let's get you Belle's to the ball," he answered as he opened the door to the cab for us.

"Eclipse please…" I told him as he climbed in the driver seat.

"I'll have you ladies there in no time," he answered and we were off.

As we pulled up in front of the club my heart nearly stopped. It was never as busy as it seemed to be tonight and this caused me to be a lot more nervous than usual.

What am I even doing here? I don't know why I always agree to go… I should have just stayed home and munched on some Java chip Starbuck's ice cream, and watched 'Never Been Kissed' for the millionth time.

Because you need to live Bella, quit acting like such a baby before she notices you're freaking out…

"You okay?" Ana asked, eyeing me suspiciously.

"Who me? Oh yeah… I'm great…. Let's rock and roll!" I answered with mock enthusiasm. Thank God she didn't notice.

"Alright, Let's Go!" she replied, jumping out of the cab as Elias held the door open for us.

I slid out of the cab and stood next to her. Already we were getting stares from the men and glares from the ladies. We looked good and we knew it, but it's still flattering every time the reaction is the same. Men crave us and women hate us. Lucky for me I wasn't looking to make friends with anyone except maybe Mr. Jack Daniel's and a couple of his buddies.

We walked up to the door and immediately the bouncers that granted or rejected entrance to the club recognized us. "Welcome back ladies," Andre said as he bowed his head toward us and unhooked the velvet rope to grant us entrance. "Have a wonderful time," Lucas followed.

"Thanks guys. As usual good to see you," Ana said.

I smiled and nodded as we walked into the building.

The music was blaring and the dance floor was cram packed. This was definitely the place to be tonight.

"I think I'm going to go grab a drink," I yelled to Ana over the music. She nodded in agreement and we made our way to the bar.

I climbed up onto a stool and Ana followed suit.

"What can I get you ladies?" the bartender asked.

I slapped my Visa down on the counter and told him to open me a tab. "And I'm getting hers too." I pointed to Ana.

"No, you don't have to do that… really Bell's." Ana play slapped me on my arm.

"I know, but I want to… let's have some fun." I smiled "So what's it going to be chicka?" I waved between her and the bartender.

"Corona for me please… with lime," she answered.

"I'll have two shots of Patron Silver, salt and lime… and a Vodka Collins." I was ready to get the night started and kill the nervousness so I could relax a bit.

"Dear God Bell's… Wow… I'm glad you're not driving." She smiled shaking her head.

"Right!" was all I could answer. I couldn't really tell her what was on my mind.

Oh... It's nothing really. I'm just still in love with my ex-boyfriend who also happens to be a Vampire and being here, knowing that I'm here looking all approachable but not wanting to be approached, makes me a little nervous.

"Two Patron Silver's, salt and lime… one Vodka Collins, and one Corona with lime. Your tab is open. Thank you Ms. Swan, my name is Allen, please let me know if there is anything else I can get for you."

"Thanks Allen, I'll be back for round two in a bit." I licked the salt and downed the first shot of Patron and sucked the lime, leaving the glass on the bar. Ana smiled shaking her head at me as I repeated with the second shot.

"You're going to be so wasted before tonight is up!" Ana laughed.

"Hopefully," I laughed back and grabbed my Vodka Collins from the bar before turning around to follow her away from the bar.

Before we could even get ten feet from the bar, we were already starting to get approached with drink offers and dance requests. She loved this – being so irresistible. It suited her well and she was no push over. If a man wanted her attention, he had to really bring it. No cheesy pickup lines allowed.

I could tell Ana wanted to go dance but she knows I don't, and she's too good a friend to leave me alone. Clumsiness is my affliction. I barely walk without tripping most of the time, so dancing was definitely out of the question.

I hate it when she does that, there is no sense in her not having fun on my account

"Hey… why don't you go dance… the guy in blue over by the bar has been staring at you since we got here," I offered.

"I don't want to just leave you standing here," she said with a mock frown.

"Oh I don't mind … really… go… have fun… I'm just going to wander around like I always do. This is more you're thing. I just like watching all the people."

She stood looking incredulously at me.

"Really Ana… go… it's cool…" I turned her around and pushed her away.

"Okay, Okay… I'm going. Text me if you need me okay?" She waved her cell at me as she began walking away.

"No problem," I answered giving her a thumbs up so she could see that I agreed.

Great…now what am I going to do? Nice job Bella… put on your game face, because you just became "available" in the eyes of anyone contemplating approach.

I decided that if I just kept walking around and didn't stop, it would look like I were looking for someone and maybe displace any interest.

Sipping my drink slowly, I wandered around looking the place over until I found myself at a small round table in a dark corner. I took advantage of this, climbing up on the stool to hide myself in the shadows. I was nearly finished with my drink and feeling the full effects of all the alcohol. I sat there in silence watching everything happening. People were mingling, couples were dancing, t all played out before me in slow motion. Suddenly I realized that I had tears running down my cheeks.

I haven't cried in months… where is this coming from?

Ignoring the attempt at reasoning in my head, I lowered my head in my hands and let the tears flow silently.

"Can I get you something honey?" the waitress asked.

I looked up and blotted underneath my eyes with the back side of my hand. Thank goodness for waterproof mascara.

"Umm… Yes please… I have a tab open with Allen… I'm Bella Swan… Please tell him I'm ready for round two… the same as before minus the Corona."

"Alright darling… I'll be back with you're order in just a few minutes," She answered, and headed for the bar.

As promised, within minutes she was back with two more shots of Patron Silver and another Vodka Collins. I thanked her and gave her a tip.

Shot number three down…. I was already heavily buzzed so I knew I would be completely plastered before I finished these drinks, effectively killing all emotion which is just what I needed.

Shot number four down….

I sat there for a short while numbly sipping on the Vodka Collins, bordering unconsciousness. I was suddenly startled hearing a familiar voice chiming.

"Bella…Bella is that you?"

I thought I was hallucinating. I blinked several times to try and focus my sight to make out who was calling me when she stepped forward a bit more. It couldn't be. How? Why? What was she doing here?

"Alice?" I replied confusedly.

No, wait…. There's no way... This is ridiculous! Bella you've gone and lost it now. It's been over three years and I can't even drink it away anymore. Hell, now I'm hallucinating them. I'm so fucked!

"This can't be real. Great what's next? Edward's going to pop up and propose?" I laughed at the words that escaped me unbelievingly, but she didn't disappear.

The tears streamed openly down my face as I tried to stand from my seat in the corner to escape this nightmare. Don't get me wrong. I wanted to see them, to love them, but the pain it caused made me withdraw.

Why now after all this time? What had I done that finally caused me to snap? I've got to get out of here!

Thoughts rushed through my head even though I couldn't think clearly at all, and I wondered if I would even remember any of this in the morning.

I was standing and attempting to rush away when I stumbled and tripped coming out from behind the table. I could feel myself falling, but couldn't do anything about it. Waiting to crash face first onto the hardwood floor, I suddenly felt like I was flipped over and suspended, floating in mid air.

"Bella?" A masculine voice spoke to me. "Bella? Oh my God, are you okay? Bella talk to me!"

I opened my eyes slightly to see the blurred image of a man holding me. "Emmett?" I managed to speak in my semi-unconsciousness. "Who's Emmett? No, it's me Bella, its Rob. Hang on okay… I'm going to get you out of here."

"But… Ana…" I tried to speak, but slurred horribly, trying to tell him she would worry if she couldn't find me. Before I could speak again, Ana was running toward us.

"Oh Shit! Bella, are you okay?"

Ana began interrogating Rob as to what happened to me.

"I don't know. I saw her sitting here all alone from across the room, so I decided to come over and say hello and see if she wanted some company. There was a small girl walking away as I came over, and the next thing I knew she was crying and jumped up to run away. I don't know what upset her so badly."

He saw Alice? That means I wasn't hallucinating… that means… wait… was she alone? God, I can't think straight… She must have known that Rob was going to catch me, so she ran off… but why… I'm so confused…

"I should get her home, I'm just not sure how… I can't carry her." Ana spoke to Rob like I wasn't even there.

"It's okay Ana… really… you stay and have fun… I'll take her back to the apartment and watch her till you get home. I promise I won't do anything inappropriate. She won't even give me a chance as it is. I don't want to risk messing up any chance of her giving me a shot in the future."

"Rob, I know you wouldn't do anything to hurt her… and hey… don't take it too personal. She thinks you're great, but she was hurt pretty badly in the past and she's very guarded. Some guy really jacked her up something awful. She's still pretty broken; it's not an easy fix," she trailed off for a moment in thought… "Okay listen… I'll go and take care of her tab. The rest of the crew is supposed to meet us here later, so I'll stick around and let them know I'll have to leave early, and then I'll be home in just a little bit... You remember where it is right? 313 Whispering Winds – Apt #920. – You know… Whispering Winds Apartments… I know it's been a while, but you remember right?"

"Oh yeah… I've got it… no problem… I know where to go," Rob replied.

"Bella, Rob is going to take you home okay?" Ana yelled out over the music, seemingly in slow motion.

"Nooo!" I slurred back. "You shuud stayee and have fuuun. I'll be fiiine. Dun't you dare come hooome! I mean it… I'll kick youuur asses." I laughed hysterically for no reason. I was on a fine line of almost passing out, but never completely lost consciousness.

Ana lightened up a bit after seeing me laugh. She eyed Rob grinning and shaking her head, then softly patted him on the shoulder. "She's lucky to have you, even though she doesn't realize it yet."

"Take you're time, stay as long as you want, you have nothing to worry about… she's safe with me," Rob replied.

I could hear the whole conversation, but it was like I was in an alternate universe where I understood what they were saying but the meaning was lost to me.

The next thing I knew, I was being carried out of the club and felt the cool crisp leather of the seat when Rob put me in his truck.

"Bella? I'll have you home in a few minutes and you can rest okay?" Rob told me softly, brushing a strand of hair out of my face and tucking it behind my ear.

"Ookaay." I smiled and closed my eyes against the cool leather headrest.

I never felt the truck move, but I remember the floating sensation again and opened my eyes to find that I was lying on my bed. How long have I been here? I looked at my alarm clock and noticed that it was almost 3 a.m. - We got to the club around 10:00 p.m. so I figured it must have been eleven-something when I had my little melt down. Wait, how did I get here? - Oh yeah… Rob… that was really nice of him.

I stood up to go to get something to drink from the kitchen and tripped over something on the floor next to my bed. As I fell to the carpet, I turned to see that Rob was lying there on my floor covered with one of the extra blankets I keep stacked in the corner. Surprisingly, even with my tripping, he didn't budge.

He was so handsome laying there with the full moon shining through the curtain casting a glow across his face. He really seemed like a nice guy. He said hello to me almost every morning, brought me coffee and breakfast, sometimes for no reason at all, and was always smiling. I instantly felt guilty for having told him repeatedly that I wouldn't go out with him. I didn't deserve his kindness.

I knew better than to do what I was about to do, but if I waited until I sobered up completely I would never follow through.

I knelt down on the floor beside him and touched his face startling him. He grabbed my wrist and sat up quickly. Looking at me, he released my wrist as the panic left his face.

"Hi," I said softly.

"Hi," he replied with a gentle but confused look, still breathing deeply from my scare.

Before he had time to say anything else, I leaned into him and softly pressed my lips to his.

We kissed lightly for just a minute before I resumed my space.

"Thanks for bringing me home," I told him sincerely.

"You're welcome. I… uh… should go… uh… you know… now that you're okay to be here alone. I didn't mean to intrude, you were just really out of it." Rob smiled apologetically as he climbed up off the floor and started to fold up the blanket.

It took me a minute to realize what he was saying.

"Actually, if you don't mind I'd like you to stay," I told him, not sure of what I really wanted or expected from this night.

What are you doing? You're leading him on… this isn't good… tomorrow things will be back to normal and you'll feel differently.

"Okay… are you sure? I mean… Of course I'll stay, but I don't want you to be uncomfortable or anything… you should get some rest," he answered smiling.

"No… I mean… yeah I'm sure… I don't really want to be alone tonight."

I looked down at my feet, feeling a little embarrassed at having sounded so desperate.

Rob wordlessly nodded with an understanding smile. He unfolded his blanket and grabbed a couple more to make a pallet in the floor then laid back down.

I lay back down on my bed and took a moment to text Ana, letting her know I was okay. She replied to me that she and the crew were having a blast and that she had met someone. She said she wouldn't be home for the night since I was feeling better, but only if it was okay with me. I responded to let her know to absolutely enjoy herself and that I would be fine since I had asked Rob to stay with me.

My phone buzzed one more time. I opened it to read a final text from Ana.

Rob is staying? All Night? OMG Girl – I expect details tomorrow!!! :P

"Rob?" I whispered quietly while laying my phone back on the night stand. I hoped he hadn't already fallen back asleep.

"Yeah? Do you need me to get you something?" he asked, shifting to sit up so he could see me atop the bed.

"Uh… yeah… I know this is going to sound strange… but would you lay up here with me?"

Wow…yeah that sounded as awkward as I expected…

I could barely believe the words that had just escaped my mouth and I'm sure he was just as shocked. I had spent the better part of 3 months politely rejecting his requests to have dinner or go dancing, only to ask him on a random night to climb in bed with me because I was drunk and lonely.

As requested, he climbed onto the bed with me, nervously eyeing my face and waiting for the rejection I'd shown him so many times before. But tonight I wouldn't reject him, tonight my defenses were down and I just wanted to be held.

He lay down on the pillow next to me, careful not to get too close in case I were to change my mind. I shifted in his direction, letting my head rest on his shoulder and put my arm across his chest. He slowly wrapped his arms around me, sighing ever so slightly as I drifted off to dream.