I do not own any of the characters used, I'm pretty positive someone else has used this idea before, and I don't even own a dress. So basically, I own nothing (except the plot). I hope you enjoy the story!

Dress? Check.

Heels? Check.

Make-Up? Check.

Evil Purse of Doom? Definitely Check.

Itachi smirked at the mirror, admiring his reflection before he sauntered out of the bathroom. Kisame stood up as he entered the kitchen, following the small male out of their apartment.

"So, what are we going to do today?"

"Piss off Maito Gai."

"Hell yeah!"

It was well-known around town that Kisame held a huge grudge against Gai, for reasons unknown to most.

The generally accepted opinion was that Gai beat him in a fight, then two days later couldn't recognise him when he asked for a rematch. This made the most sense out of all the possibilities, because while Kisame was a blood-thirsty fighting machine, he was also an honourable man, and held himself to a high code of conduct, one almost as high as that of the Uchiha's, which also helped explain his friendship with Itachi.

One of his main rules was to never forget anyone, and so he knew basically everyone in the town by name and could list several unique quirks about them and some general details about their life if asked. Gai, however, completely forgot everyone except those who agreed with his speeches of youth, which was why Kisame supposedly hated him.

Itachi was the only one who knew the real reason; however, he would never tell anyone. What reason did he have for telling others? They were all stupid and dishonourable, and he didn't like them.

"So how are we going to do it?"

"I have an idea…"

Maito Gai hummed happily as he waltzed down the street, revelling in the youthfulness of life. He was off to visit Rock Lee, one of his most youthful students and his unofficial tutee of life! Yosh!

"Yo Gai, what's up?"

He turned to face the speaker, a tall blue man, and frowned in confusion.

"Do I know you?"

"Yeah, we had a battle just last week."

"We did?"

"Yes, we did. Anyhow, what's up?"

"I'm off to visit the ever-so-youthful Lee!"

"Oh, the kid that looks like you? He died last night."

"WHAT!"

"Yeah, choked on a rainbow. Tragic, really. The nurse said he must have suffered agonising pain for hours before he finally died."

"NO! NOT MY YOUTHFUL LEE!"

"Gai-Sensei, I am here! What is the matter!"

"Y-You-But-You lied to me!"

"Yeah, distraction."

"For wha-Holy fuck my balls! Ah, shit, that fucking hurt! I'm in fucking agony!"

"Hn. You sound a lot like Hidan."

Itachi looked down, then raised his eyes again to glare at the writhing man on the ground.

"I hate Hidan."

The blackette raised his foot, and with the sharp end of his stiletto, he stomped down on Gai's crotch. Hard. As in, so hard that his heel went through the man and shattered on the pavement below.

Both Kisame and Lee winced as Gai cried out in pain before falling unconscious. Itachi merely smirked in satisfaction.

"Come Kisame, our work here is done."

"Um, Itachi? I hate the guy too, but did you really have to break his balls?"

"Yes. Yes, I did. Besides, I'm doing the world a favour by ensuring that this beast will never reproduce."

"Remind me never to get on your bad side."

"He deserved it."

Itachi looked back at the half-dead man, then turned back to Kisame.

"He called me Mrs, it's Ms, I'm not Mrs until you get your ass in gear and marry me."

Random shit. Yeah, that was fun. Okay, fun facts! While I was writing this, I kept imagining Gai was going to see his girlfriend, and I thought it was Kaya from One Piece. You know, Usopp's girlfriend? And the fighting thing, I kept imagining it being Pokémon battles. You know, Kisame whips out a gaming system: I challenge you, Maito Gai! Eh, I don't know. I'm sick right now, I think weird stuff when I'm sick. This is actually the only day I've ever not gone to school because I've been too sick. And it's mostly because I have to bike to school. If I didn't have to, I probably would be at school right now and wouldn't have written this for all you lovely people! And if you liked this, please feel free to send me any ideas on what Itachi and Kisame should do next. As in, should they piss someone off(and who), should they go somewhere and scare people, should they do the cha-cha, anything. Just so long as Itachi is in a dress. I just gave myself an idea. Yay! But still, please send me your thoughts and opinions! I hope you enjoyed this thingy!