"Kakashi..." A young Rin said, the Three-Tails within her. "They sealed the Three-Tails within me..."

"Alright..." An equally young Kakashi said. "I know what I must do."

"Good." Rin said.

Kakashi began the handseals for his Chidori.

"...What are you doing?" Rin asked. "Those aren't the handseals for the Summoning Jutsu."

"Why would I need that?" Kakashi asked, lightning starting to generate around his hand.

"The Chidori?! Kakashi, wait!" Rin shouted. "Turn that off, summon the fastest dog summon you've got, and send for help!"

Kakashi stared blankly for a few moments, and then shook his hand, shaking away the lightning chakra as if it was water. He quickly went along with her plan, amazed he didn't come up with it herself.

Soon, his fastest dog was summoned and sent off to find their Sensei. Rin's new Tailed Beast did not escape in this time because it was supposed to go off when she got to Konoha, not escape somewhere along the way, so they had a significant amount of time. And since The Fourth Hokage was, well, The Fourth Hokage, it wasn't long before he'd gotten to his students, put a Hirashin tag on Rin, and sent her to a secure location where she could be cared for by the village's best seal experts. It was a small base... bunker... thing, stocked with soldiers and medics. The seal experts, on the other hand, were brought with Minato when he made a quick stop at Konoha to get them.

When that Tailed Beast escaped, it barely got a moment to breathe before it was sealed within her, with a better seal, similar to the one that would later be used on Naruto.

This resulted in Rin becoming a badass Jinchuriki, and Obito's crush on her only grew. She wasn't just an awesome, nice and sweet girl any more- Well, she was, but now she had a totally awesome power-up to use when things got dangerous. Besides, he was pretty sure that even the end of the world couldn't change his crush on her.

Speaking of Obito...

"...Huh." Obito said, stopping in a forest, still wearing that Zetsu body like a coat, still seeing everything through Kakashi's eye, the one that was once his.

Zetsu paused, realising that he wasn't sure what to do now either.

"Well, uh... Back to the Village, I guess." Obito shrugged, turning and heading back to the Hidden Leaf Village. "Man, I hope Rin's okay."

His new Zetsu body boosted his combat effectiveness by an absurd degree, meaning that in a strange sort of way, Kakashi was now the weakest one in the group. Obito kept rubbing this in Kakashi's face, driving him to finally acknowledge his rivalry with Might Guy in the desire to become stronger. This, along with Minato setting up a daily rotating battle arena tourney thing, mainly for the benefit of Kakashi and Obito, allowed also those two to copy a large number of Jutsus. Yamato and Obito ended up training together and practicing their wood jutsus together, and Rin received all the help and support (And training) she needed to be a badass Jinchuriki. Also, because she's nice, she befriended her Tailed Beast, and unlocked Tailed Beast Mode.

In any case, with a Jinchuriki, a Kakashi under an insane regime of training, and whatever Obito was all together and now on the front lines of the war, as well as the legendary badass that was the Fourth Hokage, the Leaf Village was able to win the war in record times, and the total surrender of Iwa was the only thing that stopped Leaf from crushing them all together.

And so, one of the greatest tragedies ever was turned into something that was actually pretty cool. And when Naruto was born, he was beloved by all as the Hokage's son, and though the adoration of the public was hollow, the friendships he made with fellow Jinchuriki Rin and his new rival Sasuke were enough to make sure he grew up happy, well-adjusted, and kind.

The Uchiha Massacre never happened, because the Uchiha Coup never happened. It was one thing to think that a significant number of able-bodied and highly-skilled Ninja could take Danzo, the Third Hokage, whatever ANBU guards that weren't bribed, assassinated or poisoned ahead of time, and possibly also whoever else was on the Ninja Council and Civilian Council that didn't love and welcome their new Uchiha overlords. But for those Uchiha to go up against The Fourth Hokage, his wife Kushina and the Nine-Tails within her, Kakashi and his friends, and any of the many people within his village who loved, respected or revered the guy, and the entirety of the Village's armed forces? A pipe dream at best, even if they forced everyone to upgrade their Sharingan to their highest levels. Also, when people figured out that the "Steal the eyes of another Uchiha" thing also worked if you just traded them with said Uchiha, those super-eyes got a lot more common, and Konoha's military became EVEN MORE disproportionately powerful. Obito, Itachi, and Shisui(Who didn't die, because there was no coup) worked to ensure that the Uchiha's grievances were peacefully aired to the Hokage, who took steps to fix them, because nobody truly wanted a war that would leave one side worse off and the other side crushed. Konoha's new incredible military strength, along with everything it gained as 'Tribute' from Iwa, ensured that the other villages decided they'd be better off allying themselves with The Leaf.

And when Jiraiya found Pein, The Leaf was happy to help out his village. Danzo suggested that they bring back the Clan Restoration Act and get some Rinnegan-bearing kids into Konoha as payment, but Konan ensured that he refused. Even though Jiraiya pointed out that having a harem would be cool. In any case, with Konoha's future secured, Danzo was happy... though happy was a bit of a strong word. He was satisfied, even though he knew he could totally make Konoha's future even more secure if he had to. Fortunately, he never did. And when he had ROOT steal a genetic sample from Pein and clone her into a daughter of his own with Orochimaru's help(He traded a degree of legitimacy for a degree of restraint, and his Sound Village was one of Konoha's best allies. The alternative was having everything he worked towards burned away in an instant, what would you choose?), Danzo found that he liked having a daughter, even though he kinda sucked at being a Dad. That was milked for a great deal of angst points. ...Just kidding, she didn't care, and he only messed up in the cute 'Bumbling Dad' way.

Anyway, Konoha was in power over the rest of the world, everyone was happy, everything went well for everyone, and with no real conflict left, this fanfic only had two options: Either introduce a strawman civilian character who argues that Ninja have too much power and their tyranny should be ended so the farmers and merchants may live in peace... or carry on with a boring conflict-less world for 700 chapters, possibly making the whole thing into a NaruHina RomCom. Even though things turning out how they did is a pretty big part of their characters.

And they all lived happily ever after.

Meanwhile, somewhere in a dark underground cave, right next to a grow-your-own-hokage tree...

A bitter, old, and insane Madara Uchiha crushed the glass of... something in his hands, and screamed out to the heavens. "FFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-"

And everyone who mattered lived happily ever after.