A/N: Okay, before we get started, I do not own LOTR, Tolkien does. And no, I do not really write in this simply ghastly style.


Dis iz ma stori!
Am ritin dis wiv ma new Sharpie! David Beckham iz well cleva to invent da sharpie!

Dis 1 tym der woz dis war cuz sum goffs an greebos trid 2 take ova da wrld! Der woz dis big mosha boi huu wuz called Sowron or summink an e wonted 2 be king. So e sent owt sum goffs 2 c wot all da otha pplz wer found owt dat pplz wer makin deze ringz witch wer well flash!
He was well jelus sos he got da goffs 2 make him sum bling ad speshul powwas an he started a war.
No1 wuz avin ani sos dey bashed him an da goffs an he got happislapped an it went on dis guy called Izzydurz bebo page.

Izzydur stole da ring cuz it was pimpin 24 carat!
Izzydur got jumped 1 nite bi a gang ov lads cuz he wuz getting off wiv sum otha lads grl in da club, huu was a total minga anyway.
Wen he dyed tha hoochi nicked it off his finga cuz she fort 'dis iz sum gud bling.'
The ringz speshul powwas meant it wuz lyk a giant splif an she got addikted 2 it an er fella kicked her owt cuz she wuz a ho. She ended up livin in a puddel in da local park. Ppl startid callin her Gravvel cuz she smoked so mani fags an spliffz she sounded lyk she ad swallowed one of them posh carparks, innit. She had 17 kids by 50 different fellas an she woz a druggi.
Then sum theevin fella huu woz called Bobbo Baggumz came an mugged her cuz she woz proppa hammered after a nite of hard partying on da town. He stole all her bling inklewding her clown pendunt, hewp earings and swavverotskey belly ring but worst ov all he tuk da tha ring.
she went menkal an ended up in a home. She escaped an went lookin 4 da ring.

Bobbo Baggumz settelled down in a ghetto called Da Shya. He woz da pimp daddi an every1 gave him respect coz he wud bash dem if dey had a neffew called Frozzo. He woz a likkle playa. He had 3 main blud bruvvaz in hiz cru. Dere namez wer Sammo, Merri and day Frozzo woz sat on a brik wall spittin at pplz as they went past as they wuz thinking dey wuz it. Then he sor a well pimped owt car pull up nxt 2 him. It woz painted gold and had ome of dem sail things on da back wiv a huge spoila. MC tunez wer blastin lowd.

It wuz his frend Gendolf da Gold! Gendolf wuz quite old. e wuz 40. He wuz well known in da shya cuz e wuz a propa rudeboi even tho e wuz old an everyfin. E also deeled drugz an once he had a proppa fite in witch he had a nife!
"Yo Blud" He said.
"Yo." said Frozzo.
Gendolf took Frozzo 2 Maccies were dey sat owtside eatin berga an chipz an harrasin pplz. Dey rote sum rude wurds on da wall then dey went 2 Clintons Cards 2 by a card 4 Bobbo cuz it was cumin up his 36th birfdai, dey shoplifted it but dey woz both iliteret so's dey cuddnt rite on it, den they bort sum Wite Litening cider 2 take 2 Bobboz parteh.
Bobbo wuz wearin hiz new burberry trackki and hat.
"I'm leavin dis Ghetto an am goin livin in LA." He said.

Then he put on the bling and he wuz invisibul. He ran 2 hiz crib but Gendalf wuz alredi there cuz he droved.
"Bobbo give me da ring." Said Gendolf.
"no" Bobbo said.
Gendolf mugged him and tuk da ring. He tuk it 2 Frozzo.
"Lets go an happislap sum goffs in Mount Morbord."
"Yeh dirti moshas!"
Dey paked der bagz and went on da moterway, wen dey called at one of them motorway caffs, Sammo jumped owt of a bush.
"I wanna bash goffs 2!" so he got in da car dey bumped in2 Pippo and Merri, huu wer MC-in in a stoled car. BRAP BRAP!
Dey got in2 Gendolfs car an dey all drove off 2 a hotel above a service station.
"Oi, give us a room or we will nife ya."
Dey got dere room an spat owt da windos at all da cars. Ppl complaned but dey cudnt du anyfink.

Wen dey wuz asleep sum well tall moshaz called Black Metallaz came in. Dey wuz ppl huu wuz blud bruvvaz ov Sowren. Dey had long greesey dredloks and eyeliner even tho they were were payle and wor lotser chanes. They had tall bewts wit bukklez on and were veri ugli.
Frozzo an hiz cru wer sayved bi da fone ringin wiv Fiddyz Candi Shop.
Da BlakMetellaz screemed lyk dey do in all der songz. Dey ran awa.