Day at the races
Chapter one
Start your engines
"Welcome, everybody!" the voice bellowed out of the loudspeakers, "To the second annual Grand Prix race!"
Below the commentator's box, the crowds cheered.
"I'm your host, Robert E. O. Speedwagon," Speedwagon continued, "Here with my good friend Johnathan Joestar!"
"That's right, Speedwagon," Johnathan said beside him, "And what a beautiful day it is in Morioh for this race – not a cloud in the sky. I couldn't think of better weather for a race."
"I think some of our racers might disagree with you there, Johnathan," Speedwagon said with a chuckle.
Turning to the camera, he said, "To all those watching at home – this race will take place over our 50-mile course, through Morioh Forest, across a narrow cliffside, and down the coast. And whoever wins will take home our prize-" Speedwagon pulled away the curtain on the display case beside him "-the Red Stone of Aja!"
"The legendary Hamon amplifier?" Johnathan asked.
"Correct! But it's also the fuel for the dreaded Stone Masks, and an unlimited power source. Quite frankly, any of our racers could stand to benefit from this stone!"
Vroom
"Speaking of which, it seems our first racers are arriving on the course!" Speedwagon shouted. "Let's take a look."
The screen behind Speedwagon turned on and began broadcasting the starting line, where two cars were already pulling up.
"Ah, it is the Zeppelis we see first!" Speedwagon exclaimed. "On the left is William, in his car, Dazed, and on the right, his grandson Caesar, with Confused!"
He turned to his left. "Tell me, Johnathan, can we expect to see any collaboration between these two?"
"It doesn't seem likely," Johnathan said. "Both Zeppelis are stubborn and highly competitive, and never more so than within their own family."
Down on the course, the two racers exchanged looks with each other.
"I hope you don't expect me to go easy on you, old man," Caesar said with a smile.
"Of course not," William retorted. "Anyone who would try to relent due to family is no family of mine."
"Well said, you dinosaur," Caesar retorted.
"Make way, fools!" a voice said behind them.
They both turned, and stared.
What was bearing down towards them was less a car than a hunk of metal. From every side jutted spikes, guns, and laser cannons. At the wheel sat a man just as mechanized, howling with glee.
"And here comes Rudol von Stroheim," bellowed Speedwagon, a hint of distaste in his voice, "driving his new and improved Volkswaffe II."
"My old vehicle was inferior," Stroheim shouted. "But my pit crew rebuilt it and redesigned it to be the ultimate racing car. German engineering is the best!"
"If it's the best," Caesar mumbled under his breath, "why'd you lose last year?"
"And next up," Johnathan said, "It's Koichi in his Act IV."
Stroheim craned his neck to see the car pulling up next to him, and nearly fell over laughing when he did.
A tiny green car with just three wheels rolled up, with Koichi at the wheel. He turned to look at the other competitors. "Hey, everyone," he said, waving. "Nice day for a race, huh?"
Stroheim started laughing. "Is this a joke?" he said. "You're just a little kid! Are you even old enough to drive?"
"Y-yes," Koichi said, blushing.
Stroheim laughed harder. "Go home, little boy. This is a man's race, for-oof!"
Suddenly, his head slammed into his steering wheel. "W-what's going on?" he said, trying to pull his head up.
"Don't underestimate me," Koichi said, glowering. "Or you'll be left in the dust. Understand?"
"Y-yes," Stroheim said.
"Good!"
Suddenly the weight pressing down on his head lifted, and he shot his head up, banging it against the ceiling of his car.
"Good thing my head's made of metal," he said, smoothing his hair back into place.
Behind him, a silver car was approaching the starting line.
"Next up," Speedwagon said, "In his Chariot, it's Poln-"
VROOM
Suddenly, a motorcycle leapt over the car. Chariot swerved out of the way as a man in a cowboy hat pulled in next to Koichi.
"And here's Hol Horse," Speedwagon amended, "followed closely by Polnareff."
"Long time no see, Polo," Hol said, grinning. "How've you been?"
"Oh, just fine," Polnareff said. "Seeing as how nobody's been shoving anything up my nose."
The other racers looked at Hol Horse in query, who seemed somewhat embarrassed.
"I hope you don't intend to win on that thing," Stroheim sneered, caressing one of his car's many guns. "You're mighty exposed out there."
"Oh, I don't," Hol replied. "But I'm happy with second place."
Stroheim seemed taken aback. "You don't care about winning?"
"Not if it means you aiming at Old Flames with those guns," he said, patting his handlebars. "Nobody gets killed over second place."
Before Stroheim could reply, the sound of three revving engines caught everyone's attention.
"Oh my," Speedwagon said. "Are they here?"
As if to answer his question, three cars roared up to the finish line, with three reclining men inside.
"They are!" Speedwagon shouted. "Go-Go, Drive, and Highway – which can only mean the Pillar Men are here!"
Esidisi leaned out the window. "These guys are our competition?" he sneered. "The Stone is as good as ours!"
"Don't get overconfident, Esidisi," Kars said, adjusting his turban. "A human once told me, 'pride goeth before a fall.'"
Wammu looked at the other racers. "I look forward to a good race from all of you," he said.
"Well, you'll get one from me, I can promise that," Polnareff said.
"Hey, Polnareff!" called a voice from behind him. "Remember me?"
Polnareff turned and watched as a bright red car pulled up, spikes jutting out the front and a muscular arm hanging out the window.
He scratched his head. "Can't say that I do."
"It's ZZ!" the man screeched. "From Pakistan?"
"Oh, yeah, you're that guy," Polnareff said. "Sorry, most of you enemy Stand users started bleeding together by that point."
ZZ screeched, but before he could say anything, the ground started to rumble.
"And here come the next two racers," Speedwagon said as two massive shapes rolled into view. "On the left, it's Kira Yoshikage in Don't Stop Me Now."
Kira nodded from the cockpit of what was essentially a tank, the treads pulling him up to the starting line.
"And the other…"
"It's him," Johnathan finished angrily.
Road Roller pulled in beside Kira. Dio leaned out the window, smirking.
Speedwagon grabbed the mic again. "F-For those of you just joining us, Dio Brando is-"
"They know who I am, Speedwagon," Dio interrupted. "Can't you hear the boos?"
Indeed, the crowd had started to boo as soon as his roller appeared.
"It seems the crowd hasn't forgiven Dio for his chicanery last year," Speedwagon said.
"As well they shouldn't!" Johnathan added bitterly. "People almost died!"
The hissing continued, but Dio seemed completely unfazed, as if he reveled in the crowd's hatred. "Hey, Polnareff," he called out.
"What do you want, Dio?" Polnareff asked angrily.
Dio pointed forward. Polnareff looked where he was pointing, not seeing anything.
"Huh? What's over there?"
"That, Polnareff," Dio said, "is the direction we're supposed to be racing. Just in case you get confused again."
"Not this year, Dio," Polnareff said. "You can't pull that trick on me or anyone else again!"
"Polnareff is correct," Speedwagon said. "Due to complaints from last year, all use of The World or any other time manipulation has been banned from the competition."
"But Dio may have some other tricks up his sleeve," Johnathan added. "He is still a vampire."
"Which reminds me," Speedwagon said. "How can he and the Pillar Men be in the sun right now?"
"Well, Speedwagon, it seems time and technology are on their side."
Dio rested his hand on his cheek, feeling the veneer of sunscreen. "It seems the modern world has some advantages over the time I come from. Still, it'll be quite a relief to not even need that anymore."
He turned to Kars. "Hey, I hear you're the one who created the stone mask. A lesser man might claim he owed you a debt. I hope you don't mind when I take that stone and use it to ascend further.
Kars chuckled. "Don't get on your high horse just because you're one step above humans. You're still leagues below me."
"Hey! Hey!" ZZ called. "Master Dio! I-I want you to know that I entered this race just for you! I-In the unlikely event that I win instead of you, I'll give you the-"
"Stop talking," Dio said, not even looking in his direction.
"Y-Yes, master."
"So," Speedwagon said, "With those two, we have just three racers missing. I wonder when they'll-"
He was interrupted by the sound of three motors approaching.
"They're here!" he exclaimed, leaping to his feet. "The Joestars have arrived!"
The first car skidded into place, a white-and-purple cruiser.
"The returning champion, Jotaro Kujo in his Car Platinum!"
The next vehicle pulled up, lights flashing.
"The newcomer, Josuke Higashikata in Ambulance Is Not Crash!"
Everyone began to cheer when they saw the driver of the third car.
"And the crowd favorite, in Bloody Storm, it's – Joseph Joestar!"
Joseph stood up in his car, his spiky hair jutting out at all angles. "Thank you, everybody, for coming!" he shouted to the roaring crowd.
"Mr. Joestar?" Polnareff said incredulously. "You're looking…healthy."
"That's an understatement!" bellowed Speedwagon. "The last time these two saw each other, Joseph was in his 70s – and that was ten years ago!"
Joseph laughed. "The moral of this story, Polnareff, is never neglect your Hamon training! Now I've got the body of a 20-year old, and a mind like a steel trap!"
Jotaro shook his head. "Good grief."
"Old man," Josuke said, "I've seen things caught in steel traps with sharper minds than yours."
"Laugh now, son," Joseph said, "but I'll be the one walking away with the Red Stone of Aja."
"Maybe so," Josuke replied, if you're the highest bidder."
"Eh?"
"After I win," Josuke continued, "I'll be having an auction. I don't need a stupid rock, but I'll be happy with a good bit of spending money."
Koichi seemed startled. "Josuke, you can't seriously be willing to give the stone to those…villains!"
Josuke laughed. "That all depends on who can pay up." Leaning back in his seat, he chuckled.
Of course, it'll be my old man. Everyone knows how rich Joseph Joestar is – he could bid everyone else under the table. This way, not only does the stone stay out of the hands of evil, but I get enough money to buy whatever I want! It's a result that makes everybody happy!
Speedwagon laughed. "It seems the Joestar bloodline is just as audacious as it was 100 years ago. How fortunate that Hamon has allowed these three to interact in this manner. Johnathon, you must be so proud of your descendants."
"Why, thank you, Speedwagon," Johnathon said. "But I can't take credit for them – it was my beautiful wife Erina who raised Joseph, and all the others must have had wonderful mothers as well."
"Spoken like a true Joestar," Speedwagon said.
Turning to the racers he said, "All right, let's get this show on the road! Engines ready!"
The racers revved their engines. Speedwagon took off his checkered hat, holding it in front of him.
"3…2…1…Go!"
He tossed the hat from the commentator's box, and it sailed over the track. The racecars surged forward.
The race was on.
==TO BE CONTINUED=
xxxxxxx
Inspired by this image: /RPV7UGa
