Time to tell me the
truth
To burden your mouth for what you say
No pieces of paper
in the way
Cause I can't continue pretending to choose
The
opposite sides on which we fall
The loving you laters if at all
No
right minds could wrong be this many times
I didn't know what was going on with me. Why was it that every single thing that he did made me so mad or happy or sad… I just didn't get it. Since when did guys have this affect on me? Especially guys like him-boastful, moody, a total pig, rude… But at the same time, sweet, caring, loyal, honest, and absolutely amazing.
I was in love with my best friend; nothing more nothing less. I didn't know why it had taken me so long to realize it, and why I tried to deny it. I thought that this night might just be the night I tell him. I told Harry that I was sick of Ron-I lied, I really just needed to clear my head. Well it wasn't entirely a lie. I would get so sick of tiny things he would say; some people might have just thought that I was love sick… I probably was. I hated it. 'I should just tell him, get it out in the open.' I thought to myself. Sure, it might ruin his night, but I didn't know if I could hold it in much longer. Every second I saw him, I just wanted him to hold me and tell me that he loved me-not just friend love, real love. If he didn't feel the same way, then I'd live… Maybe. The point is, I couldn't just keep making up these fantasies, I wanted to make them real-and if they weren't meant to be, I'd live through it. Hopefully. I thought I had a chance. The things he'd said, like when we were fighting over the party, I was sure he liked me.
I walked into the room, my eyes searching for Ron, my confidence growing by the second. Then I saw him, and it was like I died right there.
My memory is
cruel
I'm queen of attention to details
Defending intentions
if he fails
Until now, he told me her name
It sounded familiar
in a way
I could have sworn I'd heard him say it ten thousand
times
If only I had been listening
There he was tangled up with her. So meshed together, it made me sick. It felt like he had just taken my heart and smashed it with a hammer. I couldn't breathe. Why would he do this to me? I should have seen it coming though- he was always such a show off to her and everything, I should have seen it. I pay so much attention to every little detail going on around me, why didn't I see the most obvious one? Of course he liked her. What was I thinking; I thought that I might have had the slightest chance.
Obviously I was wrong.
Leave unsaid
unspoken
Eyes wide shut unopened
You and me
Always between
the lines
Between the lines
I saw Harry walk up to me, acting like nothing had happened, trying
to pretend that he didn't know how crushed I'd just been. I mean,
it's not like I ever told him I liked Ron or anything, but you'd
have to be pretty dumb not to have noticed, though, I hadn't
noticed for the longest time either. He had known I liked-loved Ron.
Everyone could tell, as long as they could read between the lines,
something that Ron had a huge difficulty doing. Our love was always
there-or at least mine was. He had just been too thick to see it…
Or maybe it was me being too thick. Maybe, there was no love there,
just a pathetic girl, having her heart stolen without the boy even
knowing what he'd done. Stupid girl.
I though I thought I
was ready to bleed
That we'd move from the shadows on the wall
And
stand in the center of it all
Too late two choices to stay or to
leave
Mine was so easy to uncover
He'd already left with the
other
So I've learned to listen through silence
I ran to a room, hoping to be alone. Tears were slowly starting to fill my eyes. I had to get my mind off of him, or at least find a way to not let my stupid emotions show. I conjured up my golden canaries, floating them around my head. Their colors so vibrant and hopeful, completely the opposite of how I was feeling. Harry walked into the room and I quickly blinked away my tears.
Leave unsaid
unspoken
Eyes wide shut unopened
You and me always be
You
and me always be
"Hermione?"
"Oh, hello Harry," I said, my throat still choked from my unshed tears. " I was just practicing."
"Yeah… They're-er-really good…" He replied. I could tell from his voice that he knew I was lying. He was probably hoping that I hadn't seen Ron. Inwardly I smirked at my friends sad attempt of steering away from the topic.
"Ron seems to be enjoying the celebrations." I said, my voice squeaking. Darn my stupid voice, giving away every emotion, as if it weren't clear enough.
"Er… Does he?" Harry asked. I had to admit, I loved Harry for what he was doing. Trying to keep me away from the obvious. It's exactly the sort of thing Ron would do and right now, I was sick of it.
"Don't pretend you didn't see him," I said, annoyance tinting my tone. "He wasn't exactly hiding it was-"
Just then, I was cut off by the door bursting open. Of course, it was Ron; with her.
"Oh" Ron said, obviously shocked that we were in here.
"Oops!" She said, leaving the room giggling. I don't know why I haven't noticed this before, but giggling is the absolute worst sound I've ever heard.
Silence filled the room. I just looked at Ron, hoping that my glare would burn him. He wouldn't look at me. Figured.
"Hi Harry, wondered where you'd got to!" Ron said awkwardly. My eyes were filling up because of his ignorance as I slid off the desk I was on, my canaries still floating around. I couldn't let him see me like this, I would not give in.
"You shouldn't leave Lavender waiting outside. She'll wonder where you've gone." I said, being as quiet as possible. If I was any louder, he would surely hear the pain in me coming through. I walked to the door, pained that I didn't do anything worse to him.
"OPPUGNO" A voice shrieked, as I saw my canaries fly to Ron. I wondered what was going on, until I realized that I had done that. It didn't feel like me though, I wasn't one to hurt so badly; or to hurt others for that matter. Finally my tears broke loose, and I let out a painful sob as I slammed the door behind me.
I tell myself
all the words he surely meant to say
I'll talk until the
conversation doesn't stay on
Wait for me I'm almost ready
When
he meant let go
I ran as fast as I could. I couldn't bear to be anywhere near him. Every conversation that might have meant something to him, flashed through my head. I pushed them out. I couldn't bear to listen to all of my conversations that I had obviously mistaken as something big in our relationship. And of course, every single fantasy I had made up between him and me. I thought that at Slughorns party, everything would finally fall into place. He would whisk me away and tell me that he loved me. He'd tell me that he realized that he couldn't live without me, that I was the most important thing in the world to him. He would've told me that he would go to the furthest lengths for me, even die, just to see me happy. I thought that he was almost ready to tell me, ready for the beginning of the rest of our lives to start. He was just telling me that I had to wait, that he wanted it to be a big event, not just a little, I love you. Instead he meant that he had never loved me at all.
Leave unsaid
unspoken
Eyes wide shut unopened
You and me
Always be
You
and me
Always between the lines
For now, I could do nothing, but wait for my own Prince Charming. Ron obviously couldn't be the one. Or maybe he could, he just wasn't ready. I could either waste my life waiting on someone who may not even love me, continuing to try to read through what he's saying, overanalyzing every gesture he did to me. Or, I could move on. I could live my life, without him being my everything. Sure, this was just one girlfriend and everything, but that girlfriend should have been me, not her. I needed to just separate myself from him for now, and try to get over him. I would be bitter, I would be mean, and mostly, I would be miserable, but if that's what it took to be happy with him in my life, so be it. Our love would forever be, between the lines.
