Chapter one Death is peaceful, easy. Life is harder.

Song: My last breath - Evanescence

Bella POV

The ocean sounded very far away, somehow farther than before, when I was on the path in the trees. I grimaced when I thought of the probable temperature of the water. But I wasn't going to let that stop me.

I stepped out to the edge, keeping my eyes on the empty space in front of me. My toes felt ahead blindly, caressing the edge of the rock when the encountered it. I drew in a deep breath and held it… waiting.

"Bella".

I smiled and exhaled.

Yes? I didn't answer out loud, for fear that the sound of my voice would shatter the beautiful illusion. He sounded so real, so close. It was only when he was disapproving like this that I could hear the true memory of his voice - the velvet texture and the musical intonation that made up the most perfect of all voices.

"Don't do this," he pleaded.

You wanted me to be human, I reminded him. Well, watch me.

"Please. For me."

But you won't stay with me any other way.

"Please." It was just a whisper in the blowing rain that tossed my hair and drenched my clothes - making me as wet as if this were my second jump of the day.

I rolled up on the balls of my feet.

"No Bella!" He was angry now, and the angry was so lovely.

I smiled as I raised my arms straight out, as if I were going to dive, lifting my face into the rain. But it was too ingrained from years of swimming at the public pool - feet first, first time. I leaned forward, crouching to get more spring.

And I flung myself off the cliff.

I screamed as I dropped through the open air like a meteor. The wind resisted, trying vainly to fight the unconquerable gravity, pushing against me and twirling me in spirals like a rocket crashing to the earth.

Yes! The word echoed through my head as I sliced through the surface of the water. It was icy, colder than I thought, and yet the chill only added to the high.

I was disappointed with myself as I plunged deeper into the freezing black water. I hadn't had one moment of pure terror - just adrenaline. Really, the fall wasn't scary at all, where was the challenge?

That was when the current caught me.

The obvious danger of the cliff's high, sheer faces, I was pleased about the dark water that was now with me. I'd never dreamed of the true menace was lurking far below, under the heaving surf. It pleased me.

I felt the waves fighting over me, jerking me back and forth between them as if determined to share by pulling me in half. I couldn't even tell which way the surface was. I concentrated on letting the waves pull me down to their depths.

The angry water was black in every direction; there was no brightness . Gravity was all powerful when it competed with the air, but it had nothing on the waves - I couldn't feel a downward pull, a sinking in any direction. I was angry for a moment, then I wondered if this was a good sign. Was I loosing to the waves now I couldn't feel them? The current battered me and flung me round and round like a rag doll.

It didn't surprise me that my delusion of Edward was there. He owed me that much, considering that I was dying. I was drowning.

"Keep swimming!" Edward begged urgently in my head.

I ignored his request.

"Stop that!" He ordered. "Don't you dare give up!"

The cold of the water was numbing my arms and legs. I didn't feel the buffeting so much as before. It was more of just a dizziness now.

I was impatient and waited for it to end.

"Fight!" he yelled. "Damn it Bella, keep fighting!"

Why? That was the first time I questioned my actions. I didn't want to fight with life anymore.

I ignored his words again. Why should I fight when I wasn't happy with what I had? Even as my lungs burned for more air and my legs cramped in the icy cold, I was content. I'd forgotten what real happiness felt like.

Death is peaceful, easy. Life is harder.