(I was asked to write a guest blog in which Alice is at teah with one of my the character from my novel, Hatter. Dragons are also in attendance.)
Dragons at Tea
Hatter: I thank you for attending tea today.
Alice: I think I shan't've if I'd known dragons would also attend.
Hatter: Never to worry. You'll find they make delightful tea-mates.
Alice: I believe what you mean to say is 'teammates'.
Hatter: On the contrary. There are no teams in tea after all.
Alice: And what kind of tea does a dragon prefer?
Hatter: It matters little as long as it is blackened tea.
Alice: Ahem, I believe what you mean to say is 'black' tea.
Hatter: No. I assured you assuredly that what I mean is blackened.
Hatter reaches for a teapot among the dozens on the table and pours a light green tea. He places the cup in front of a purple and green kaleidoscope dragon. With a tiny puff from his nose, the creature singes the tea, which burbles, turns black and emits a distasteful odor.
Alice: And if they can char tea so easily, what's to say you and I are safe?
Hatter: Because I've only invited achromivores.
Alice: Achromivores? I believe what you mean to say is carnivores.
Hatter: I'd sooner invite a mule—churlish creatures, those—than invite a carnivore.
Alice: Then how do you mean, achromivore?
Hatter: It's simple really. Chromivores only eat colors, and I care so for colors. Ergo, I made it a point to invite only achromivores.
Alice: So they eat only colorless things?
Hatter: Indeed. White or black.
Alice: And what is to stop them from blackening an apple or eggplant in order to make it palatable?
Hatter: Nothing is stopping them. In fact I believe it's encouraged
Alice: A banana or a blueberry?
Hatter: Certainly. Dragons must eat after all.
Alice: A beef on the hoof or a turtle dove?
Hatter: Yes, either. This certainly is an enjoyable game.
Alice: What about a young lady or a peculiar Hatter?
Hatter: Of cour—Hmmm. I hadn't given that any thought.
Alice: Judging by the way they are looking at us, I don't think it's escaped their consideration.
Hatter: Oh dear!
Alice: I fear we may be well done for?
Hatter: Would you mean 'well done' or 'done for'?
Alice: Yes, both.
Hatter: gulp
Daniel Coleman is the author of the novels Jabberwocky and Hatter.
