A/N: This story is based off of the game play of Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic 2. The main character is Nadira Obsidian, a Light Side Female Knight. The story follows the basic plot line of the game play itself—with a few twists.
I do not own Star Wars, Knights of the Old Republic 1 or 2, or any of the characters within. Nadira Obsidian is my OC version of the Exile.
Cover Art of Atton by the brilliantly gifted SavageBetty whose KOTOR drawings on DeviantArt helped inspire me.
Many thanks to Shadesalogel who helped with her own creative genius in the way of edits and suggestions! :D
Chapter 1: Cutting Your Losses
Nadira gasped as she heard someone enter the crews' quarters behind her. Her hand clasped her lightsaber but she had no time to activate it as something slammed her from behind. Hands grasped her wrists, spun her around and pinned her to the bulkhead. She grunted as the wind was driven from her lungs. Shocked to have been caught so unaware, she was floored to see Atton restraining her. He locked gazes with her, seeing confusion in her blue eyes. After a second, his head bowed, brown hair falling forward to veil his eyes. And while he retained his firm hold, his grasp did not chafe her wrists.
She struggled to regain her breath for a moment. "Atton?" she asked tremulously.
"I have to leave," he murmured.
Nadira felt a wave of pain and grief wash over her. Again, she couldn't breathe though for different reasons now. "Why?"
He didn't move, head still bowed, voice still quiet. "It's not safe for you to be around me."
"What are you talking about? I trust you—"
"That's the problem." His eyes lifted finally. They smoldered with a dangerous light, leaving no trace within of the Atton Nadira relied on. "Notice how easily I disarmed you?" He motioned with a jerk of his head to her lightsaber on the floor.
His tone of dark indifference and cold gaze signaled warnings for a moment before she dismissed them. "Then it's a good thing for me that you're on my side," she answered easily.
The smoldering eyes blazed with anger. "Am I?" His grip on her wrists tightened and twisted slightly till she grimaced, her eyes widening. He fought the impulse to slacken his grip at the fear in her eyes. "You understand now, don't you?"
She shook her head. "No. Why are you doing this?"
He growled. "You let your guard down too much around me!" The pilot leaned closer. The warmth of her breath caressed his cheek, almost causing him to falter. But he steeled his resolve, forcing himself to focus. "You know about my past. You know what I am."
"I know what you were. But you're not like that anymore."
"What makes you so sure?" He let the question hang in the air. It had been meant to cause her to doubt him, but he was surprised to get an answer.
"Because of your actions." Her expression softened as she spoke. "You fight at our side even though you don't normally look out for anyone but yourself. You watch Mical's and Kreia's backs despite frequent assertions to hate them. You protect me, even at the risk of your own life—"
Atton shook his head, releasing her wrists as he turned. "You're so blind, Nadira. Even that old hag is a better judge of character than you." He faced her again, clearly frustrated. "You're always seeing the world for what it could be—not for what it is! And that's gonna get you killed someday."
"You make it sound like hope is a weakness—"
"It is!" he burst, advancing on her again. "You have no idea who or what I am. You have no clue how hard I struggle against the darkness you assume has magically disappeared—"
"I know you still fight it," Nadira said, momentarily silencing him in shock.
"You—you know?"
"Yes."
"Then how could you trust me—"
"Atton, the proof you're different is that you fight it. If you were still the Sith you used to be, you wouldn't even bother."
"But what if I lose that fight?" He hung his head, face burning in shame. "You don't know the thoughts that lurk in my mind, the nightmares about you…" His voice wavered and he swallowed hard before he could continue. "…about what I do to you." He couldn't bring himself to meet her gaze, afraid of how she'd respond. Why am I always admitting these things to her anyway?! he raged. It's not like I want her to know! "You say I'm free from their influence. If I truly were, would I have to fight so hard to protect you from myself?"
She stood silent for a moment. "How long have you been fighting these dreams?"
"Since Korriban." He let out a bitter chuckle. "The moment we set foot on the surface, I knew it'd been a mistake… They're getting worse."
Atton almost jumped when Nadira grasped his shoulders tenderly. He wanted to flinch away, but froze rather as her forehead rested on his. Again, he felt their breath stir the air between them and mingle. Her actions both mesmerized and astounded him. She hated showing weakness. As a general rule, she avoided doing anything that could be construed as affection for the pilot. Likewise, he'd employed the same principle aside from the occasional off-colored comment to get a rise out of the stoic general. Now, she gazed at him with unguarded eyes, and it was all he could do not to take her into his embrace.
She closed her eyes, face carved with regret. "I'm sorry. I should never have asked you to accompany me on that mission. That was thoughtless—no, it was heartless of me. I was so absorbed with my own fears that I didn't consider how it would affect you to be in such a stronghold of the dark side." She looked up at him. "I know you fear yourself, what you might do. I don't. You are stronger than you let others or even yourself believe." Her voice was reassuring, her eyes confident. "I'm willing to take the risk."
There, intoxicated with her, he almost broke. But then his eyes narrowed. "Sometimes you just have to play it safe, cut your losses and walk away." He stepped back looking at her with cold eyes. "When we reach Onderon, I think I'll take my things and be on my way." Without waiting for her response, he turned and casually walked away. With each step, the knife in his heart twisted a little more. In the cockpit, he slumped over the controls. You may be willing to take the risk, he thought behind the safety of his Pazaak mind-shields, but I'm not.
