I think I loved you the first time I saw you. I think you loved me too. But we were just kids then weren't we? And love was a complex emotion, while hate was much easier to comprehend. So we hated each other for a while, you chased me and I chased you, that's how our relationship started. I tricked you, you got mad, we ran around… it kept the world spinning, for us and the people around us. Somebody must have seen it, the longing in our eyes as we fought and chased and screamed. Even we saw that we were hurting each other, but we just didn't know how to stop it. Hate was our nature, not love. We were known for making lives worse, not for making each other's complete. You punched and kicked and fought, I mislead, cheated and tricked. How could I have ever possibly known that one day we would take it too far? It was a game! A violent game but we could take it. One round taken too far and that was it, you looked helpless and scared and sorry and I'm laying half dead in a pool of blood. I ask you to hold me, and when you hesitate I frown but then you do and I'm glade.

"I'm sorry, Izaya-kun," you say and I tell you it's alright.

"I love you Shizu-chan," I tell him. Our eyes meet and the scene that plays out in them is how things should have been, dates instead of fights, kisses instead of punches, long nights together in embrace instead of short nights spent alone nursing wounds, forever instead of death. That's what we see. You start to cry and I hush you, we kiss and you taste blood and then I die.

There's a special place in Hell for me, for all I've done, and I'll be punished for my sins. But they won't have to do much for me to suffer, because I know you won't be there and that's hell for me.