A/N Hello! this is my first fanfic, and I'm not the best writer, so I would really appreciate constructive criticism. the key word there is CONSTRUCTIVE.

Flames will be used to toast marshmallows. 0u0

Chapter 1- Whatever Happened to You and Me?

I spent a lot of time walking down hallways these days. Everyone else was off doing their own thing, and I didn't want to intrude, at all.

Well, maybe a little…

After all, I was lonely.

Kanaya had Rose, and as happy as I was for her, and as much as I liked Rose and thought they were a good pair, I really didn't want to seem like I was desperate.

Which I wasn't. No, not at all desperate for company, human or troll.

Terezi was probably off in the vents with Gamzee. No quadrant with him was healthy, in any way. Our morailligence was all me, never him.

But I was pale for him. I was. And I tried so hard, to get him to sort his life out. And he had it down, at one point. Where I almost hoped that whatever we had wasn't purely one-sided.

Which of course it was. I was stupid to think of it any other way.

Dave was with the Mayor, and sometimes Terezi, decorating and re-decorating Can Town.

I didn't hate him. Never did, really. But I guess the angry-leader thing came back to haunt me in the end. Completely alienated from everyone else.

Sollux. What I wouldn't give, for him to be here now.

Honestly, I trusted him more than Gamzee, because he listened. And that nonchalant, never bothered, act; was just that. An act.

In a way, I was Gamzee's moirail, but Sollux was mine. And both Sollux and I were okay with that.

Then I've finished moping (well, not finished but over that train of thought) and I've reached my Respite-Block. But instead of going in, I walk past and to a small alcove, unnoticeable unless someone knows what they're looking for. The alcove has a small screw, buried deep in the wall, which, if someone were to have unusually small, delicate hands, they could pull on the screw, and it opened a crawl-space.

So, I do just that. Except It hurts me to use my fingers, so I palm the screw instead, pulling the small hatch open that way. Then I swing into the crawl space, and shut the hatch soundlessly behind me.

Luckily the handhold to open it again glows in the dark, so I'll still be able to see it later. I crawl about five metres, having done this so many times that I could do it with my eyes closed, and carefully push in front of me, opening the trapdoor slightly, to check that no-one had found the other door, about three feet in front of me.

Seeing that no one was in the courtyard, I pushed it open fully, and quickly scrambled out, standing up and brushing myself down. Quickly I sprinted to the other side, and found another trapdoor. I pushed on this one hard, as it was overly stiff (I'd been meaning to bring down machine oil for weeks), and then it gave and swung slowly open. I ducked through this one, pushing it closed with my foot.

I put my hands in my pockets, kept my head down, and began to walk.

The forest has re-arranged itself again. It does it every couple of days, to keep intruders out, but it's never really been effective. The temple is always directly in the middle anyway.

So, I don't look back, and I take a step in.

Walking to the temple always takes a while, but today seems to be taking longer. But then I come across a small dirt track, smile to myself, and step onto it.

The Temple was always a sight to behold, ornately decorated with red and blue, with OBEY pained in bold bright red lettering.

I've always called this the Heiress' Temple, as the book it held was called HEIRESS, again in that bright red lettering.

Coming here calmed my (severely) wracked nerves, so I've been coming here for weeks translating it into Alternian, so that the next session, if they found it, didn't need to.

I'm not completely heartless.

So, I pulled out the chair, sat down, opened the book (which was nearly an instruction manual) and flicked through until I found page 243.

I quickly slipped into what I'd come to call 'Translation Mode', and began writing. The next session was lucky that I spoke both Alternian and English. I finished the page, and turned over.

And nearly fell out of my chair. This was a diary.

In bright blue lettering, at the top was written:

'The Diary of Jane Crocker, written so that Karkat Vantas may Understand That This Is Not a Game.'

I stopped breathing, got off the chair, slowly slid to a sitting position and promptly had a panic attack.

And I Am falling apart.

A/N

so that's the first chapter!sansansansansansansansansansansansans

I have the rest written, so if you want more, please comment.

ERISOL

because I am erisol trash!

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