Author's Note:
Time to go back to Central City for another Funky Phantom story! Let's see what our favorite chickenhearted patriot is up to today!
Our story begins, as usual, on a typical morning in a certain household in Central City, or rather, more to the point, the bedroom of one Skip Gilroy and one Augie Anderson with the brothers snoring away.
The only difference is that that day is a Saturday, which means the brothers don't have be bothered by the annoying alarm clock.
Augie's arm was hanging low from his bunk, while Skip was having a nice dream.
"I know..." he mumbled in his sleep. "You're a princess and I'm just a peasant..."
Skip then unknowingly grabbed Augie's hand and started kissing it, thinking it was the princess.
"Huh?" Augie wondered in his sleep as he felt something on his hand.
He then started squinting his eyes and moved his arm to see what it was, causing Skip (who was still holding it), to fall right off his bunk.
"Owww!" Skip exclaimed as he fell off his bunk.
"Skip, what happened?" Augie asked as he woke up.
"How should I know?" Skip asked as he rubbed his head. "One minute I'm doing the lambada dance with a princess, next thing I know, I'm falling off my bed!"
"Well there was something on my hand!" Augie remarked.
"Well, I wouldn't know what that was." Skip said.
"Whatever." Augie rolled his eyes. "Come on, let's wake up the Funky Phantom."
Skip nodded as he stretched his arms and yawned. He then went back into bed, and fell asleep again. Augie however, got out of bed and walked over to the drawer.
He knocked on the top drawer. "Oh Mudsy...time to wake up!"
There was some silence before a groan and yawn from Mudsy.
Just then, he flew right through the drawer, wearing a nightgown and floppy hat.
"Heavens to Delaware, what's going on?" he yawned.
"It's morning Mudsy, which means it's time to get ready for the day." Augie replied. "So come on, get ready! We've got a big day ahead of us!"
Seeing the sun outside, Mudsy nodded.
Eventually, the boys brushed their teeth, got dressed, and were ready for the day. Mudsy met them in the living room.
"So, what do we do today, boys?" he asked.
"Well, tonight is the school talent show." Augie said.
"Talent Show? What's that?" asked Mudsy.
"It's when people show off their talents, and whoever has the best act, wins a gold trophy." Augie explained.
"And we want you to be in our act!" Skip told the ghost.
"Like how?" Mudsy arched an eyebrow.
"It's quite simple, Mudsy" said Skip "Augie and I will put on a magic act and you'll turn invisible to make it look lik we're making things and people float in midair."
"Sounds like a bit sneaky to me." Mudsy remarked.
"It is." Skip nodded "And with sneakiness and awesome tricks like that, we'll easily win the trophy this year!"
"Besides, you promised to be our best friend forever, so you really don't have much of a choice." Augie added.
"I guess so." Mudsy shrugged.
"Then it's settled!" Skip nodded. "Come on, let's go tell Travis and Hector!"
"You know, Hector's doing an act for the show as well," said Augie. "I wonder what it could be?"
"There's only one way to find out, come on!" said Skip.
Augie nodded. "Right after we have our breakfast, bro."
Mudsy and the boys sat down in the kitchen. Augie and Skip ate some sugar cereal called "Yogi-Os".
Mudsy looked at the box. "Ingredients...Sorbic acid? Artificial coloring? Mono calcium phosphate? Boys, what is this? This is not real food! It's fake, a forgery even!"
"What do you mean, Mudsy?" Augie asked.
"This cereal is an abomination!" Mudsy replied. "Back in my day, we ate fresh food such for breakfast!"
"What do you expect Mudsy? We don't know how to cook!" Skip folded his arms.
"Regardless, this cereal stuff is not real!" Mudsy retorted. "Who makes this stuff anyway? Some kind of alchemist?"
"They made them in factories, I believe." Skip said.
"Hold onto my horses!" Mudsy exclaimed. "This century is getting scarier don't you know?"
"I suppose." Augie said.
"Come on, let's go meet the others." Skip said as he got up from the table.
"Right behind ya, Skip!" Augie added.
"To the exit, stage left!" Mudsy said as he followed the boys.
They eventually made it to Hector's place. Augie rang the doorbell.
"Okay Mudsy, you'd better turn invisible!" said Skip.
"No sooner said than done." Mudsy proclaimed before turning invisible.
Just then, Hector arrived at the front door.
"Hey guys! Glad you could make it." he said.
"So Hector, what is this big surprise you have for us, our lanky amigo?" asked Skip.
"You guys will soon find out." Hector said. "Come on in."
Skip and Augie went inside the house with the invisible Funky Phantom in tow. They sat down in the living room with Travis to hear Hector's surprise.
"Nice to see you guys here." said Hector "I bet y'all are wondering why I called you here today."
"Not really." Travis's deadpanned.
"Anyways, here's your answer." Hector said as he showed them the object he wanted to show.
Skip and Augie both gasped when Hector revealed the object.
It was some kind of ventriloquist dummy.
"Say 'hello' to my new friend, Chucky!" he exclaimed. "He's my new partner for the talent show tonight! Isn't he great? I bought him from that creepy antique store downtown."
"C-c-creepy?" Augie asked.
"Yeah," Hector nodded. "He told me that the guy who brought it in said it was cursed, but I think just that's just a load of baloney, just like witches, space aliens, and ghosts."
Skip simply blinked in response, Travis raised an eyebrow, and Augie just rolled his eyes.
"So, wanna see a joke for our act?" asked Hector.
"Not really." the others replied.
"Well here it is anyway!" Hector said as he started controlling the puppet. "Hey Chucky! How are you doing today?"
"Eh, not so good, some bees tried to make a nest in me." said Chucky.
"Oh really, did you call someone about it?" Hector asked the puppet.
"Yes, but I got a 'buzzy' signal!" Chucky replied.
Hector laughed. "Buzzy signal, get it?"
There was much silence as Skip, Augie, and Travis stared at Hector with blank faces.
"My grandpa tells better jokes than you." Augie deadpanned.
Skip came close to slapping his forehead.
"Well you'll just see how excellent my jokes really are tonight at the talent show." Hector retorted.
Travis looked at the dummy's case and saw some sort of card. "Hey! What's this, Hector?"
"Oh that's some sort of card that came with Chucky." Hector replied. "I never really did bother to read it. What with me practicing and all."
Skip picked up the card and read its content.
"Let's see..." he said. "It says 'Karra dulomna mourgul, dogoom, van, doke'. Gee, I wonder what that means..."
Unbeknownst to the boys, Chucky's eyes started to glow and his pupils turned to look at Hector.
"It's probably gibberish." Hector said with a shrug.
"So what are you guys doing for the talent show?" Hector asked the guys.
"Not really." said Travis "After the knife throwing incident from last year, I'm banned from all the school talent shows."
"What about you guys? Are you doing anything?" Hector turned to Skip and Augie.
"Why, yes we are." Skip said.
"What's your act gonna be?" Travis asked.
"You guys will find out in the talent show." Augie winked.
"Yeah, it'll blow you away." Skip added.
Later that night, it was time for the school talent show and most of the acts were finished. Next up, it was Augie, Skip, and Mudsy's turn to go.
"Next up, we have Skip Gilroy and Augie Anderson with their magic act." said the principal.
There were cheers from the audience as the brothers made their way onto the stage.
"Thank you ladies and gentlemen!" Augie bowed. "I am the Amazing Augie and this my assistant, the Somewhat Lovely Skippini!"
Skip reluctantly walked over to the stage, wearing in a flower dress and wig.
"It's days like this when it doesn't pay to be two minutes younger." he thought to himself.
"Anyways, and for today's act, we're gonna do a magic trick." Augie continued. "And I know what you're asking, 'What kind of magic trick'?"
"Well, we are going to show all of you the art of telekinesis and floatation!" Skip continued.
"Using this, magic wand!" Augie said as he pulled out a magic wand from his pocket. "You might be skeptical at first, but trust me ladies and gentlemen, this will be the most amazing spectacle you've ever seen!"
There was some murmuring from the crowd of students.
Augie cleared his throat. "And now, I must say a magic word...Oobrakaboobra...and now, we will do, a magic dance!"
Skip turned on a boom box, which started to play some hip-hop Arabic dance music, which he and Augie started to pop-locking to. Soon enough, the music ended and they stopped dancing.
"Okay, now to make some magic!" Augie exclaimed as he waved his wand and pointed it to a random student.
Just then, the student started floating in mid air, much to everyone's shock.
"You think that was amazing, watch this!" Augie boasted as he raised his wand again and two more students started floating as well.
There were more gasps from the crowd of students.
The floating students started flying all around the auditorium, until Augie let them back down into their seats.
"Boy, this magic act surely is making me parched..." said Skip. "I sure could use a drink of water."
"No problem my slightly lovely assistant!" Augie said as he pointed his wand at somebody's cup of water and floated it right into Skip's hand, who drank the water.
The audience then cheered for the amazing magicians, not knowing who was really behind their act.
"Thank you folks!" Augie shouted to the kids. "You've been a wonderful crowd!"
"Thank you!" Skip blew some kisses to the girls.
The crowd cheered as the brothers made their way off the stage.
They went backstage and Mudsy reappeared without anyone noticing.
"Great job, Mudsy!" Skip exclaimed. "The floating really did them!"
"Yeah, we're bound to win the trophy now." Augie added.
"I had better get something out of this, you know." Mudsy remarked. "I think I pulled something back there!"
Back onstage, the principal came to announce the final act.
"Boy, that sure was spectacular and unexpected..." he said. "Now, here's our final act...put your hands together for Hector Ramirez and Chucky!"
Everyone cheered as Hector made his way onto the stage with Chucky.
"Thank you, Thank you." said Hector. "Well Chucky, how are you today?"
"Very good, thanks." Chucky said as Hector tried to make it look like his lips weren't moving.
"Great." said Hector. "Now repeat that while I drink water."
Hector grabbed a glass of water and tried to talk through it.
"Very...good...thanks..." he gurgled.
There was much silence as the other students stared at him blankly. Unbeknownst to them, Chucky's eyes started glowing and his head started moving.
"So Chucky, what do you think of these nice people?" Hector asked the puppet.
Just then, Chucky started to talk on his own. "Why don't you ask your pal, Augie? He's the biggest dope I've ever seen!"
Just then, everybody started laughing, expect for Augie.
"What in the..?" Augie asked.
Chucky then continued. "Why did the pathetic, ugly, disgusting loser cross the road? To get away from Skip!"
Everybody started laughing, except for Skip and Augie, of course.
"Wow, somebody insulted you Skip, and it wasn't me!" Augie remarked.
"You don't say." Skip folded his arms.
"Hey Travis!" shouted Chucky. "Your dead grandpa just called: He wants his face back!"
The audience started laughing even harder.
"You know, I don't know why but I've got a strange feeling about that dummy." Mudsy whispered to the brothers.
"What makes you say that, Mudsy?" asked Augie.
"I don't know, but there's something about it that creeps me out, creeps me in even..." Mudsy whispered.
The brothers turned and made another look at the dummy, who was continuing to tell rather crude jokes.
"All I know, is that dummy is making my best buddy poke us in the shame gland, and I won't stand for it!" Skip exclaimed.
"Me neither!" added Augie.
"Wait a second..." said Augie. "Did we just agree?"
"Yeah, we did..." said Skip.
Augie and Skip both shuddered at them actually agreeing.
As soon as the talent show ended, Augie, Skip, and Travis walked away from Hector, who was trying to get to them.
"Guys, I didn't say any of those things, Chucky did!" he told them. "He has a mind of his own."
"We don't wanna hear excuses, Hector!" Travis glared at him. "If you have any problems with us, you can it to our faces!"
"Your faces are the problem!" Chucky retorted.
"See what he just said?" Travis deadpanned.
"Come on guys, let's leave Hector and his puppet alone!" Skip sarcastically said, before the gang left for home.
When Hector got home, he got ready for bed and put Chucky into his case.
"Maybe Chucky really can talk..." he thought. "No that's ridiculous! Dummies can't talk! Maybe I'm just tired..."
Hector climbed into bed, turned off the light, and fell asleep. While that was occurring, Chucky's box opened up and suddenly, the puppet sat up straight.
"Heh, heh, heh..." he snickered, then turned to his sleeping owner.
Author's Note:
Looks like Hector's new dummy is no dummy. What could that puppet be up to? Does it have anything to do with the strange words on the card? Stay tuned!
By the way, this website needs a section for "Captain Caveman", "Jabberjaw", and "The Funky Phantom."
