A fic dedicated to my favorite character in Xenosaga, the mysterious chaos.

Angel of chaos

He was watching them.

Nothing unusual in itself, KOS-MOS reflected. The quiet, silver haired boy was always watching them, standing ever apart from the rest of the group, yet always there to lend his comfort, advice, and support. He never was biased about who he talked to. She had observed him discussing battle stradegies with Jr., giving Allen words of encouragement in relation to Shion, and placing a comforting arm around MOMO's shoulders when she was afraid. He really didn't have to say anything; just his presence was usually enough to lower the group's stress and admorphine levels, something KOS-MOS had witnessed time and again. One word or touch from the being known as chaos, and the recipient was calmed immedietely.

She wondered what it was about chaos that people reacted to.

She wondered what it would be like if he focused his sole attention on her.

KOS-MOS blinked, frowning slightly at the confusing information. Why was she thinking like this? It was not related to the current situation, there was no relevance to this train of thought at all. Perhaps her system was malfunctioning. She had been thinking a lot about chaos of late; maybe there was a glitch in her system, a memory loop that was blocking her thought process She would have to ask Shion to check her system for abnormalities when they returned to the Kukai foundation. In the meantime, her thoughts returned to chaos.

He was standing by the window of the Elsa, alone as usual, gazing up at the passing stars. Since the last battle, he had been even more withdrawn and quiet than usual, and she could tell something was bothering him. But he never complained. For all his assistance and help to everyone he met, chaos never offered anything about himself. The rest of the crew were too wrapped up in their own private fears and trauma to notice, or care, but KOS-MOS had been wondering what secrets chaos held for awhile now.

She wanted to ask him. She had known he was special from the moment they met. At first, she had thought it was an error in her playback records, seeing the mysterious, silver-haired boy simply appear in front of the doors of the Elsa. She quickly discovered the truth; that chaos was not only different, he wasn't even human, and his powers were something even she was impressed by. And then, of course, there was that day on the Elsa, when she had met chaos in the hanger of the ship, and those fateful words had passed between them...

"Relinquish your pain...unto me."

Those words resonated within her head, taunting her, never leaving her alone. But, she would never take them back. She meant every one of them, even now. chaos' pain called out to her; the agony he never let anyone see was like a beacon to her senses. After the Elsa was saved and she was safely inside the ship again, the boy placed one hand briefly on her shoulder, and something seemed to awake within her breast. When she was around him she felt...she didn't have a name for these odd sensations yet. But, one thing was clear; when she was with chaos, she could feel.

And she wondered if he felt that way towards her.

Abruptly, chaos pushed himself away from the window, walking toward the bridge doors. He paused a moment to speak quietly with Captain Matthews, smiled at something Hammer told him, and continued on his way. As he approached, their eyes met, and KOS-MOS felt momentarily dizzy, though it never showed on her face. chaos gave her a brief, somewhat sad smile, and left the room, and the bridge seemed all the more darker with his absence.

Go after him.

That was the only thing on her mind as she turned and walked deliberately out the doors. No one stopped her or asked what she was doing; if they did, she probably would have told them something technical and boring, such as recharging her systems or checking the computer for irregularties. To the majority of the humans aboard this ship, she was just a machine; a robot with no spark of human life or compassion. Only two people suspected, or knew, otherwise. Shion Uzuki, her creator...

...and the young man walking down the hall in front of her.

chaos stopped suddenly, and turned at her approach. For a moment, KOS-MOS thought of walking past him, continuing down the hall as if that had been her intent all along. But, the young man's knowing blue eyes sought hers, and she knew he knew she was following him.

"KOS-MOS," he greeted in his soft, deep voice. "Is something wrong?"

"I...wish to ask you a question," the android said. "My systems may be malfunctioning, and I wish to make sure they are not permanently damaged." chaos didn't answer, only slightly raised his eyebrows to show he was listening, waiting silently for her to continue.

"When I am in your vicinity," she began, "I have noticed my systems malfuntion more than usual, and my memory keeps returning to your presesce. I was wondering if perhaps you are discharging some electromagnetic pulse without realizing it. Since this only happens when you are within my visual range, I request that you check yourself into the infirmery for any abnormalities you may not be aware of." Harsh, cold words. The words of an android, a machine. She wished she knew how to say it differently.

chaos blinked. "I see," he murmured, and KOS-MOS detected a slight change to his voice. Worried. Saddened. Strangely guilty, though she couldn't imagine what he would feel guilty about. "I'm afraid it's more complicated than that, KOS-MOS, but I'll check myself in, if you insist." He smiled, but it was an empty smile, as his crystalline eyes showed the pain behind it. "Was that all you wanted me for?"

"Negative. I..." What did she want? She searched her database and finally came up with an answer, what she wanted more than anything. "I want you to be happy, chaos. I wish for you to end this pain you are feeling."

chaos closed his eyes. "It's not that easy," he whispered. KOS-MOS stepped closer.

"Then, relinquish it to me. Let me bear it for you. I will share this burden, for however long it takes."

"You don't understand what you're asking."

KOS-MOS took another step. They were very close now, and there was a strange, drumming sound in the upper region of her chest. "Then show me."

The young man opened his eyes and gazed at her. For a moment, there was only the two of them, frozen in time in the dimly lit hallways of the Elsa.

chaos raised a gloved hand and touched the back of it to KOS-MOS' cheek, a brief, feather light touch.

"Be happy," he whispered, and slipped away. KOS-MOS watched him glide down the hall and turn the corner, out of sight. Even after he was gone, the strange pounding in her chest refused to fade.

Raising her fingers to her cheek, she could still feel the lingering traces of his warmth.

to be continued...?

My first Xenosaga ficcie, so be gentle. I actually don't play the game, but I've watched my friend play it often enough to know I am hopelessly in love with chaos. He seems sadder, more melancholic in the second episode, the true stoic I think they meant for him to be. Anyway, R&R if you have the time. I want to know if I'm the only hopeless romantic out there. Arigato!

Silverkitsune