My Dearest Ana,

I am so sorry that you had to find me like this, but I couldn't handle it anymore. I can't thank you enough for your efforts to nurse me back, but it wasn't fair to me and it most certainly wasn't fair to you. I didn't deserve your love and I couldn't accept it any more. I don't think I was meant to walk beside you or the others that tried to save me too, because any love that I did give was either rejected or taken away with cruelty.

As you should know, and besides you, I had three loves in my life. I was told that I had fourth, Daddy, but even God was cruel and took him away from me too, before I knew what love really felt like. And just like you, I didn't want Mom's love either as she only loved herself too much not to care for either one of us. You, my dearest Ana, were my mother when you should have been the daughter.

I did love David and I'm sorry everyday our love wasn't strong enough as it should have been. We should have never made the vow of husband and wife when we really had the love of lust instead. In all honesty, I really tried to make our marriage work, but when I didn't get the affection I demanded of him, my heart found it in someone else and I knew that was the ultimate betrayal to him.

I was grateful for the love that Troy gave me when I couldn't get it from David, but I knew our love was wrong. I was going to make it right by making the divorce from David official, but God had other plans for Troy and took him away from me before I had the chance. I've never felt something so tragic before in my life, not even Daddy's death. It was the final straw that finally broke me, made me the broken woman you tried to fix. I'm so sorry Ana that you couldn't fix me, but only the love of one of three could heal me.

Since I lost Troy and David no longer wanted me, I tried to seek out the love of the third, which was actually the first love I felt as a woman. The man whom I loved so much, but never felt his love as he couldn't give it to me from his dark soul. He was the one that took care of me, brought me both pleasure and pain, and encouraged my love of the arts. However, he broke my heart and I don't think I ever recovered from his affair. The love I had for Christian Grey was one with passion and one I'll never forget.

So I leave you, my sweet sister, and I all can do to compensate you for this horrid mess, is to take my prized possessions including my artwork and beloved Audi. I know that will never replace me, but I wasn't meant for the world and no longer could bear the weight of the pain that I've always felt. If I'm allowed into Heaven, I will be your angel, your footprints in the sand.

Love in memory,

Leila