A/N. Doesn't feel like a great story, but it was in my head. You know how it goes. It won't be very long. Perhaps a few chapters. I appreciate any and all feedback plus favorites and follows. Thank you in advance for every word you read that is written by me. I know you have other stuff you can be doing. Jane and Maura don't belong to me. They belong to Tess and TNT. Their gayness belongs to US, however.
Jane felt guilty that it was Camille who reached out first. She had sworn that she would keep in contact with Frost's mother after his death. It seemed like the right thing to do for her ex-partner and friend. Make sure his mom was doing alright and didn't need anything.
But, life got busy and time slipped by. When Camille called and asked Jane to lunch there was no way that she was going to pass up the opportunity.
"I am sorry that I haven't called, Camille," Jane said. "I know that you know how busy things get for us, but that is no excuse."
It wasn't hard to look as guilty as Jane felt. The truth is that, while she wanted to see Frost's mom, she would obviously remind her of Frost, and thinking about him always hurt.
"It's alright, Jane. I could have contacted you before now, also. And I have to confess something to you … there is a reason I am here besides a social visit."
Jane looked at Camille with concern. What on earth would Camille need from Jane? Was she in some kind of trouble? Now she really felt guilty about not staying in touch. Camille's words took Jane out of her own head.
"Jane, I have something to tell you and I know it is going to sound like totally unbelievable, but just hear me out, okay?"
"Of course, Camille, what is it?"
"Okay. First, I need to ask you. Are you romantically interested in Maura?"
Barely able to register the question, Jane's eyes flew open wide and she involuntarily backed a few inches away from Camille. Did she hear her right? Certainly she didn't hear her right.
"Camille, I'm sorry, what?"
"I asked you if you have romantic feelings for Maura," Camille repeated. Her face serious and clearly expecting an answer.
"Camille, I don't know what you are referring to. Maura and I are only best friends. We are not in a relationship."
Jane was at a complete loss about what was going on. Why would Frost's mom show up to ask her this kind of question? It didn't make any sense.
Camille looked down at her lap for a few seconds before looking up at Jane and responding. "Jane. If there is one thing that I know, it's how a woman looks at another woman when she is in love. Wait," Camille says holding up her hand to stop Jane from interrupting, "just listen to me."
"Barry and I both thought that the two of you shared strong feelings for each other. That you are even in love, but in complete denial or afraid. There are some things that my son did about his belief, and he told me about it. I want to share it with you, but I need you to be honest with me now. Do you have romantic feelings toward Maura? If you say no, then we will speak no more about this."
Jane was speechless. Her mind and heart racing at an exceptional rate. What the hell was going on? Once the fog in her mind began to lift and she was thinking more logically, she began to become angry. Why did Frost and his mom talk about her and Maura that way? The fact that she does have feelings for Maura feels irrelevant. How is that any of their business when it isn't even the business of her and Maura? Hell, it wasn't even her own business, because she never admitted it to herself out loud.
"Look, Camille, I don't know why you and Barry thought...I mean, I don't have feelings for…"
Jane couldn't finish her sentence. She may have never admitted to anyone that she had feelings for Maura, but somehow denying it felt wrong. She was being asked directly by the mother of a trusted friend. And the way that Camille was looking at her told her that she needed to tell the truth.
Jane sighed, and turned to face forward on their park bench. Her eyes sweeping across the Commons. After a few moments she spoke. "About 3 years. I have known that I am in love with Maura for about 3 years. But she is not in love with me. She loves men. I tolerate men, but I love Maura. Now, whatever you have to tell me better be good, Camille, because I have never admitted that out loud to myself, let alone someone else."
Jane turned to see Camille who now had tears in her eyes. Jane wondered why she was the one who was about to cry.
"Jane, hear me out before you begin to ask questions. Maura does love you. She has had feelings for you for years."
After hearing this sentence, Jane began to shake her head no and prepared to argue.
"Wait, Jane." Camille says "Please let me finish. Maura does love you, and I know this because Barry got her to admit it."
Jane drew in a sharp breath. And her mouth slightly dropped open in shock. Now she really does want to talk, but can't seem to remember how.
"Listen, Jane. Barry got Maura to admit to him that she loves you, but he wasn't able to get her to tell you. He couldn't tell you, because he knew it would be wrong. But, he made a deal with Maura. If she would write down that she does love you in a letter, Barry would give it to you if you ever admitted that you loved Maura. He knew you would never tell her. He knew she would tell you. She trusted him not to let you see it until you admitted it first. Did you ever tell my son that you love Maura?"
Jane's mind was frozen. She simply did not have the ability to comprehend everything. An admission of love? A secret letter? A deal with Frost? This wasn't her life, it sounded more like one of her cases.
"Wait, Camille. This is all too much. You're telling me that Maura admitted she loves me and she actually wrote it down? And no, I never told Barry. I avoided conversations about my feelings for Maura like the plague."
"Well, Jane. You've admitted it to his Mom. That's good enough."
Without saying another word, Frost's mom reached into her purse and pulled out an envelope. It was a little wrinkled. It had been folded in half. Jane didn't reach out to take it right away. She was still too confused about everything. Too skeptical.
"Camille, how do you know about all this? This letter… this deal with Barry?"
Camille gently smiled at Jane. She understood that she had just shook her foundation.
"Barry and I just spoke about you and Maura and laughed about the crush that we thought you had on each other. When he made this deal with Maura, I actually jokingly scolded him for sticking his nose where it didn't belong. He told me about the letter and I just forgot about it. Just last week I finally felt like I could start going through his belongings. It was then that I found the letter. You and Maura were so good to my son, and he loved you both. I know he would want you to be truly happy. Take it from me and Barry, Jane. You are not guaranteed another day. You shouldn't waste the one you have."
Jane wiped a tear from her face and drew a deep breath. She reached out and took the envelope from Camille's hand. Opening the letter she immediately knew that the words on the page were indeed written by Maura's hand.
March 14, 2013
Dearest Jane….
