Just a Friend

By MyFavoriteMistake

Disclaimer: I do not own Ouran High School Host Club. If I own it I won't be writing this. Also, I included some quotes from various books. If you recognized them, I would like to say that I don't own them and all credits are to their respective authors.

WARNING:
This is un-betaed. You may found some grammars and mistakes here. This has not been proof read. I'm a bit.. lazy? :)

Here goes nothing,,

Setting is a few weeks after the last episode on the anime. :)


"Because I know that heart won't beat for me, as mine did for you. After all I'm just a friend."

What am I to her? I'm just a friend. And it hurts because I know I won't be more than that even if I want to. And believe me. I really really want to. The only problem is, does she want that too? You already know the answer to that.

I am just a friend. I tell myself this ten times everyday in my head. But saying those words in my head can never dull the pain inside me that I felt every time I see her with him.

The day she stopped Tamaki from going to France, things have never been the same again. They've been together since then. It was fine for me. But something happened. That's when I felt this strange pang of emotion I've never felt before. That's when I've become close friends with these emotions. Pain, hurt, and jealousy. The first two is 'sort of' fine since I already felt them before but the latter is very new to me. I've been hurt and felt pain but never I had expected to feel something like jealousy like this before. I hated this feeling. I hated that I'm desperate to see her everyday. I hated that I smile whenever she smiles and laugh, whenever she's happy. And I hate it when I can't be the one she would ever look the same way as she look at Tamaki. I hate it.

~..~..~..~..~


Since then, I've become quiet. To all of my friends, they say I've become eerily quiet since they were used to me being so cheerful and bubbly around them with my twin brother, Kaoru. Things changed though.

Since then, I'd always sit on a corner pondering of who-knows-what and everything around me will just became a total blur. Sometimes, I'd just stare into an empty space for so long that when Kaoru put his hand on my shoulder, it's almost closing time. My change of personality shocked me but it shocked everyone the most. Of course, how stupid of me, they would have noticed my inexplicable change of personality. But no one from my friends could guess the reason why. Even my brother couldn't tell what's happening to me.

Kaoru tried to talk to me countless of times. He always asked what was wrong. I just shrugged and continue to stare at the wall. He just sighs and left me alone sometimes. Then the others started to ask what's wrong, too. It's kind of annoying but I just answer them with a simple "It's nothing" and ignore them for the rest of the day. I almost want to tell them the truth already because of her worried face. But I force myself to snap to reality and just repeat and repeat the same answer to them. They can't know the truth. They can't and they will never be.

It went on like that for days until Kaoru snapped. Kaoru and I fought. We fought for real this time. Telling me this and that and about being truthful with each other since we are brothers. Blah blah blah.

I just listen to him half-heartedly while staring outside and he just got pissed and just stormed out. Our fights like this became frequent until one certain argument that made him realize what this is all about.

~..~..~..~..~


"You're becoming worse, Hikaru! What's happening to you? I've known you to be stubborn but not like this!" Kaoru said as he glared at me. I crossed my arms over my chest and looked at him defiantly. "Why can't you tell me was wrong? I'm your brother. I'm worried sick about you. What happened to 'you and me against the world', huh? What is that when you won't tell me what's wrong? It seems like I'm all alone anymore. What's gotten into you?"

"Worse?" I echoed. "I'm becoming worse?" I laughed bitterly. "I'm not worse, Kaoru. Why would I be worse?" I licked my lips and smiled coldly. "How could I be worse? I can't be worse. I mean, what's worse than knowing you want something, and knowing you can never have it?"

"What-"

"I guess, you just couldn't relate. Because you can't understand what I'm feeling. You can't understand the feeling of loving someone who will never even know you did." And then I stormed out. When I got back, Kaoru was nowhere to be found. And I found a note.

'This is about Haruhi... isn't it?'

After that fight, I avoided him. I switched rooms and asked our driver to drive me to school early so I wouldn't have to face Kaoru. I didn't attend the club for days since the fight.

The host club closed because of us. They can't sell the brotherly love and designation rates will go down. So closing it temporarily is what they think the best. It's like our first (fake) fight but this is not fake anymore. This is real. I wish I could just make up with Kaoru but it would mean explaining it to him after that and I just can't talk to him about it. I can't. He wouldn't understand anyway.

And I couldn't tell them. I can't tell the others. I just can't. Knowing he (Tamaki-senpai) and she (Haruhi) might hear. Knowing that she might know that she is the reason. Those gentle brown eyes that shows innocence... I just can't bring myself to tell her.

Then she talked to me. Finally. After everything. I've been waiting for it. But still... My heartbeat starts to increase, sweat trickles down my forehead and felt my cheeks getting hotter. I thought it's nothing. But every time she gets closer to me, this feeling never goes away.

"Hikaru..." She started. She sighed. "I'm not an idiot. I've been watching you and I see that you've changed. But sadly, it's not for the better. You've gotten worse-" Kaoru said that too. Huh. "And everyone is corncerned. Just please tell me, what's wrong?" She said, looking to my eyes.

I avoided her gaze. "Nothing... It's nothing. Just leave me alone." I said indifferently.

"It's not nothing, Hikaru. Everyone is worried. You don't tell them what's wrong and Kaoru and you have been fighting for almost three weeks." She said.

"Just leave. Don't add yourself to my problems." I said and started to walk away.

"That!" She exclaimed. "That is your problem. You keep pushing us away." She said. I turned around to face her.

"Didn't you did the same? On our vacation at the beach?" I asked.

She sighed in exasperation. "Why can't you just stop staring at the wall and be aware of the people around you! We are worried sick! You and Kaoru have been fighting for a long time now! I don't pretend to know why but since, Tamaki-senpai got back and the party is over, you've been quiet and talking to no one, even to your own brother! Just tell us what is wrong and we'll try to help you get through with it." She said, her eyes pleading.

I bit the inside of my cheek. "Why can't you just understand that I don't need your help?!" I said, my voice getting a bit louder. "Can't you understand that I don't need any of you? I can solve my own problems by myself! Don't bother me anymore! It isn't about Tamaki or anything! I just want you and the host club to leave me alone!"

She slapped me. "Why can't you understand that you need us? Stop trying to be independent." She said.

I looked at her with eyes burning with anger. I see the rage reflecting mine. "You are acting independent too! Even though you need help you just want to face things alone."

"It's not the same. I was born in a commoner community. I raised myself to be independent."

"I do live in a rich environment but I can be independent. Don't you understand that I have to solve this alone." I said through gritted teeth.

"By doing this, you have been troubling people around you. They are very worried and concerned. Just tell me what is wrong with you and maybe I can get the others to help too."

"Just stop! I already told you I don't need your help! So stop pestering me! No one can help me in this." I said.

"Why?" She asked. "Tell me."

"This is the problem you can't solve Haruhi."

"Is it about-"

"You don't know what you're talking about. You're so stupid, Haruhi. You're so naive."I I said, shaking my head. "Ugh! You're so naive, can't you see anything?"

"What?" She asked, confused. I laughed, loud, and icily cold.

"I've been in love with you Haruhi." I said bitterly. "I thought you would feel the same. Guess I was wrong. I thought the hints I've dropped before will make you realize it. But I guess you still don't."

She stared at me with wide eyes. "Even then, you're just too naive to see it. I'm jealous of Tamaki-senpai because he likes you and he's always with you. What hurts is that you like him too. But you don't know that before. You know, I thought you can like me too since I first got you to date with me but no, I am just chasing a dream. I know that Kaoru likes you too. I am no fool. I know that. But he told me that he loves me more than you so he tried to forget his feelings for you so it would give me a chance. But his efforts just have just gone to waste. I love you but I think it doesn't matter anymore because I know that heart won't beat for me, as mine did for you. After all, I am just a friend to you." I shook my head and ran. I ran away from her. I just can't face her anymore.

When we talk it's only a small greeting and it always come out so formal and stiff. I can't even look at her in the eyes. But I've said it. The truth.

Kaoru found out because he followed Haruhi when she talked to me. I broke down and he supported me and stayed by my side. Even after all I told him, he's still there.

I tried to make things back to normal. I went back to the host club and Tamaki and the others accepted us whole-heartedly. I made sure Haruhi wasn't there so I could avoid her as much as I could. The host club came back and was open for business again. Almost everything was back to normal. The only thing that wasn't is that the things between Haruhi and I was never been the same.

~..~..~..~..~

One day, I was outside, getting some fresh air. She came.

"Hey." She said.

"Hey." I replied emotionlessly.

She sighed."You know I can't be mad at you. You're one of my closest friends."

I put my hands inside my pockets. "Yeah. Friend." I said bitterly.

"I'm sorry, Hikaru. I just can't think you the way you think of me. I love you but as a friend. Please don't be mad at me."

"I'm not mad at you." I said.

"Really?"

"Yes." Then there's a long pause.

"I thought I would never say this but I miss being tormented by you guys. Things without you two was never the same." Haruhi said. I smiled a bit.

"Yeah... Maybe."

"We could take a shot at just being friends," Haruhi said. "Again."

Friend. Friend. Just friends.

"Sure." I said even though my chest felt tight when she said 'just friends'. "Just friends." I said to myself but I guess she heard that.

"You'll find someone else who will love you the same way they love you too." She said.

"Maybe." I said vaguely.

"We're okay now right?" She asked softly. I winced. I just can't stay away from her permanently.

"Yeah... We're okay," I say calmly, although I feel... sad. I lost again.

"Why didn't you gave up?" She said after another long pause.

"Kaoru used to say, 'Don't ever give up. Especially when you know that it's worth it.'" I said smiling sadly to the scene ahead of me.

She sighed. "I wish you would just give up. You're only hurting yourself." She said quietly. Maybe it meant for her ears only because she wasn't looking at me. I shook my head and thought to myself as I stared at her.

'I wouldn't give up loving you, Haruhi. Not for anything. And as long as I remember what was it like loving you, I will never stop. I will love you until my life ends. No matter what happened between me and you, I'll always be the man that you can run to. I'll always be there for you. Forever.

~..~..~..~..~

But in the end, I continue to stay as her friend. I am just a friend. No more. No less


A one-shot about Hikaru's feelings. I always wanted to Haruhi like Hikaru and they end being together. That's why I wanted a season 2. To get Hikaru a chance! But... no s2. sigh.

Anyway, review? Tell me what you think. Critics are accepted but just go easy on me. TwT

I'm just new here and it's my first time writing. I think it's a bit rushed but I just had to post it you know. I'll edit this... Maybe haha.

MyFavoriteMistake over 'n out.