There are a few things I'd like to say, but first, I want to apologize to everyone who has tried to contact me since the first week of the month. I... Well, let's just say that I've had a very trying time since December started. I've been sick, stressed, and had some serious computer issues, to name just a few things; I don't even remember everything that went wrong. Fairly soon, I'll also be changing my computer. My girl has been toughing it out for five years now, but it's time. I will still be using my old computer via KVM switch, but not as much as I am now. I say that to say this - I've basically lost all patience using my cell phone, so when I'm switching computers and getting the new one established, chances are that you won't be able to contact me. Hopefully getting the new computer set up and the hooked up to the older one won't take too long, though... I'm sick right now, so things will be slowed down, but I should reach some semblance of normalcy in due time.
After a lot of hard work and toil, this is finally complete. This... This story means a lot of things to me, actually; aside from Arc en Ciel, the first ten paragraphs of this were the last things I worked on before... Well. Before something that happened six months ago - before I lost something very important and precious to me. I can't tell any of you what happened, not now. Maybe not ever; I'm not really sure. But... Because of this, Nakama is important to me, for more reason than one.
To An: An... I don't even know what to say. At a little more than six months, this is the latest I've ever been with one of my presents before. I'm so sorry... It doesn't seem like enough, but I'm sorry. I'll try harder to not be so late next time. In any case, I hope you like it. There are parts of it that I'm not so happy with, but... I enjoyed writing it, so maybe you'll enjoy reading it. :) I can scarcely believe it, but I've known you for almost three years now. Sometimes it doesn't seem that long; other times, it feels like it's been longer. Even at times when we didn't talk - mostly through fault of my own - your friendship has carried me through trials that seemed impossible to get past. I can never adequately thank you for that - but with presents like these, and by staying friends with you, I can take a step in the right direction. For you, my friend. (^^)
One More Note: While this is primarily Jiro/Shu friendship, there are Jiro x Kluke hints scattered throughout, especially if you squint in (the right) places. And, of course, if you see another kind of hint, pairing or otherwise, somewhere (*coughZolaandDelphiniumcough*) that's entirely up to you (even if it's something else not included in suspicious coughing, which did not have any message in it whatsoever anyway).
"It's been quite a while since you were this out of sorts, Jiro."
He flinches, trying to hide it but knowing that the attempt is in vain. Zola sees everything. "That brat just got under my skin, that's all. I won't let it happen again." She's still giving him that penetrating look of hers. Jiro hunches his shoulders, trying (failing) to keep his teeth from grinding. God, that look always gets to him in the end. "... I'll try not to let it happen again." If I see him one more time, though, all bets are off. "Look, let's just do whatever what we came here to do, okay? There's no point in dwelling on this anymore." He wishes he could charge ahead, put some distance between himself and Zola so he can spend a few minutes cooling off, but he doesn't even know where they're going. And he won't risk hanging back - there's always the chance he could run into that boy again...
That. Kid! Just thinking about him makes Jiro's blood boil! He had a lot of nerve... He's probably the rudest person Jiro has ever met. There was something else about him, though... Something about that brat that just set something off inside him. And how dare he say that... How dare that kid even suggest that he's...
I've got nothing to learn from a weak looking guy like you-!
Oniichan isn't strong enough-
Mafe is burning.
If Jiro never sees that brat again, it'll be too soon.
Shu still can't believe what he's seeing.
Talta is burning.
And his whole life is burning up with it.
All of the villagers... His friends (little brothers)... Kluke...
And then he's staring down the gun barrel, offering up apologies that will never be heard, apologizing to everyone for failing them so terribly-
There's a flash of green, and the soldier drops.
That boy from before. He stopped that man - that man who would've killed him...
He saved me.
What must be a million thoughts run through Shu's mind in the span of only a few seconds, but he keeps coming back to that first one. And a few more end up flashing through his head because of it. He really was strong. It'd be so cool if I could be like that one day. I have to thank him. Maybe we just started off on the wrong foot. And the last lingers for a little while: I wonder... Some of the best friendships come out of a misunderstanding...
All of that aside, though, he still needs to admit he's made a mistake, which is something he's always been horrible at. But it's time to take the plunge-
A minute or so later, and he's glaring at the back of the other boy's head and wanting to wring his neck. Ugh! That guy is so intolerable! The moment he'd met him, he'd thought the kid was a stuck-up jerk, and Shu has never been more right in his life!
Jiro clenches his fists. Zola... How could she do this to him? How could she betray him in this manner? How could she-
"Jiro, help with Shu's training."
Why? Why him? He shouldn't be surprised, he supposes. When he lost everyone and everything he cared about, he probably should've taken the hint. But being saddled with this helpless, deadweight moron has proven - without a doubt - that the universe has it out for him in the worst way imaginable.
There's a cry from behind him. With a sigh, Jiro shoots a glance over his shoulder - and spots the idiot (otherwise known as the newfound bane of his existence) sprawled on the stony ground. Ugh. Fantastic. Must be the pins and needles in his feet again. So incompetent...
Shu's voice drifts up to him. "I... won't... give up..." Well out of earshot, Jiro takes the liberty of snorting unflatteringly. "No matter... what... I'm gonna... get stronger..."
Something in Jiro's chest freezes.
And now he knows - oh, does he know - knows exactly what it is that set him off about Shu initially, and still does. Jiro couldn't see it at first; Shu is a lot rougher around the edges.
But now Jiro recognizes it. Now Jiro knows.
The determination. The stubbornness. The innocence. The kindness. The fierce desire to get stronger. The unfaltering will to protect those he cares about.
Jiro stares down at Shu, struggling to stand up, and sees the person he used to be.
That night, Jiro will look at Shu over the flickering campfire and think, I hate you.
And he won't be thinking about Shu at all.
Shu grins to himself. He's finally going to get his revenge on Jiro. And what a sweet revenge it will be!
For Jiro to eat Kluke's cooking... What an ingenious plan! Honestly, he never would have thought of it himself... But when he relates the story to his friends back at Talta (he pushes down all doubts; of course he'll tell them, because what other reason is he on this journey except to eventually go home?), he will be very careful to leave out that tiny little detail (and he might just word it to make it seem like he came up with it in the first place, maybe-kinda-sorta-definitely). However, the source of the idea is, for the time being, irrelevant - what matters is that the universe has given Shu quite the lucky break, and after Jiro has eaten Kluke's meal of doom, Shu intends to savor his victory to the fullest.
"I was just wondering... why are you on this journey, Jiro?"
Shu halts his inward gloating as he hears Kluke's question. He doesn't know why, but... His curiosity is peaked. Despite himself, Shu finds that he's interested in learning more about the other boy.
"... You really want to know?" The edge in Jiro's voice makes the hairs on Shu's arm stand up, and he has to hold himself back from rushing out behind his rocky cover to stand between Kluke and his newfound rival. Shu should be putting it together that Jiro isn't a threat to her - despite being a little cold, Jiro has been nearly as polite to Kluke as he is to Zola - but Shu has known Kluke for pretty much his entire life, and he's already silently sworn to protect her from any threats on this dangerous journey. He's snapped out of his protective instinct when Jiro speaks again, "For revenge."
All of Shu's other thoughts stop as he wraps his mind around the word.
Revenge? What for?
... What exactly is Jiro's story, anyway?
But then, only mere seconds later, Zola is shouting that the enemy is here, and there's no time for him to think about Jiro anymore.
Jiro sighs, scrubbing the sweat off his forehead with the sleeve of his sweater.
He almost wishes he could go back to the dream. At least in the beginning, they had actually been there, and he had been happy. Even if it always ends the same way, if nothing else, he gets to have the three of them alive again for a few minutes.
But it wouldn't last, he reminds himself. Everything always ends in fire.
His heart aches with the loss of them.
Jiro lies back down, amidst his mind's insistence and protest. Sleeping is the only thing he wants to do. I can see them again. Sleeping is the last thing he wants to do. I have to watch them burn again. But whether or not he wants to, he has to - they're going to be in Zashti tomorrow. He needs to rest and be ready to face Nene.
He rolls onto his side (away from his snoring... companions) - and grimaces as he gets a bony elbow just above his kidney.
For a moment, just a moment, Jiro is so annoyed with Shu that the absence of his family doesn't hurt.
"Mafe... Mafe Village. Have you forgotten about it?"
Shu goes rigid, feelings flitting through his head too fast to identify what they are. At first, he isn't sure why his chest is aching. But then he thinks that he might know.
Whatever else is between them doesn't matter right now, because Jiro's voice has never sounded so... raw. And it has never, ever held grief.
His rival should not sound that way.
"Ah... I remember... Just as Nene-sama ordered - I burnt it myself, right?"
It all happens so fast. Jiro, enraged, rushes towards Szabo, starts up a charge in preparation to bring out Minotauros, and gets caught in that weird machine in the span of about half a minute.
"Jiro!" His head tells him he should not be worrying about Jiro.
His heart refuses to listen to his head. (This is certainly not the first time he's ignored his mind, and it definitely won't be the last.)
It takes even less time for the Black Shadow robots to come to life and start heading straight for them.
He brings out Blue Dragon, ready to take down the robots and the machine holding Jiro all in one hit-
"Be careful, Shu!"
Why is Zola stopping him? They don't have time for this! If they don't destroy that machine, Jiro- Jiro will-
"If you hit the machine holding Jiro, you may hurt him."
... Oh.
Shu grits his teeth and swears in his head. He hates situations like this - he hates being forced into a corner, and hates not being able to do anything even worse.
He follows Zola's lead, throwing punches at the artificial Shadows, not able to stand a single second of it. We're wasting time! If we don't do something soon... But he can't think about that now. If he moves quickly, then maybe they can still make it.
It feels like an eternity later that the last of the robots fall.
"It's your turn next!" It's with a great deal of satisfaction that Shu prepares to land a finishing blow on Szabo-
The Mecha Robo general does something completely unexpected and incredibly underhanded.
Shu becomes utterly still as Szabo holds that pistol at the machine - guess if we hit it, something bad would've happened to him after all - and he can feel Blue Dragon's frustration course through him because of the hesitation. He's definitely in agreement with his Shadow in that regard.
Szabo mutters things to Jiro that Shu can't really make out - but from how loudly his rival responds, as well as how incensed Jiro is, he knows it's nothing good.
Shu can't help but think it's rather fitting that in the end, it is Jiro himself who destroys both the machine and Szabo.
When Jiro turns to face him and Kluke, Shu also can't help thinking that it's the first time he's seen the other boy really smile.
Idiot! He's going to get himself killed, rushing into it like this! "Shu! I'm going, too!" Besides, Nene is his.
... Of course Jiro isn't concerned about Shu. Not at all.
"We did it!" When Shu glances at Jiro from the corner of his eye, he has to grin a little wider. The second smile he's seen from Jiro, and this one is even truer than the first.
... If only they really had beaten Nene.
The images dart across his mind's eye. Zola clutching Shu's shoulder and telling them they have to move now, Shu shaking Kluke's unresponsive body and screaming her name over and over, Kluke laying there so limp and still as her hair falls in front of her face just like Jina-
Jiro shuts his eyes against their sudden stinging.
Kluke... She should not be laying there on that bedroll, so still and so silent, all of her omnipresent fire snuffed out. For her to not wake up... After saving all of them... (After saving... me... For her to even think I'm worth saving, and then never open her eyes again...) No. That outcome is unacceptable. She has to wake up. She has to.
He thinks back to Zola's words, then shakes his head. We can't split up. Not now. Not yet. He will never give up on getting his revenge. However, after fighting Nene, Jiro is now certain that this is something he can't do alone. He also hasn't given up on becoming strong, but even he can admit that he doesn't have enough strength to take down Grand Kingdom's king as he is. Perhaps with time and a lot of hard work (the latter isn't an issue for someone as determined as him; he'd work himself into the ground happily if it was only a matter of that), he would be able to do it, but the time it would take for him to become that much stronger is time that he doesn't have. He doesn't like being beholden to anyone, but right now, he has no choice but to depend on these five people. (For Zola and Kluke, he doesn't mind nearly as much as he should - but he isn't going to examine that particular morsel right now.)
With his recollecting line of thought, he's reminded of Shu leaving, and Jiro knows what he has to do.
Jiro unfolds his arms, once again detaching himself from the wall. Finding him won't be easy. It's anyone's guess where Shu went after Zola told him to cool off. But Jiro must.
Shu is in a slump, and Jiro knows exactly how to get him out of it.
Shu represents the group's will and determination. He's impulsive and reckless (and stupid, Jiro adds without remorse), but his heart is strong. If he's acting like himself, then there will be no chance of their group separating - as long as he's in his right mind, he will be able to cleave them all together and give them hope. If anyone can reignite that fire in Kluke, it will be Shu. He cannot afford to be sitting around and feeling sorry for himself. Kluke needs him right now.
Jiro stares down at his hand, clenching it into a fist.
... All of them need Shu right now.
Ack. His stomach. Maybe his spleen. Ow. (And God, this guy's knees are bony. He actually has the nerve to tell Shu that his elbows are bony and that he gets jabbed by said bony elbows when they're all sleeping, and meanwhile the guy's knees feel like this! That hypocrite! Hypocritical again!)
... Shu is going to kill Jiro for that little punch. He adds it to his mental "to-do list", where it numbers somewhere around fifty, coming before about twenty other things he's going to kill Jiro for.
His first thought as he recovers from the gut punch: I'm gonna need to make a longer list. His second thought: ...Why am I still laying on his legs? (Later, he'll run that second thought through his head again and swear himself to secrecy. If anyone else hears that phrased that particular way, they'll get the wrong idea. Ugh. And ew - Shu can't even stand him-!)
"I'm still alive." As Jiro speaks, Shu manages to drag himself into a halfway-sitting position, and bleakly wonders if he should skip ahead to about-fifty on that mental checklist and do something to change that. "If I'm still alive, it means I have a chance for victory. I don't care how many times I fail; I will put my life at stake, and work hard to defeat Nene. I will take revenge for my family!"
"You..." For a few seconds, Shu lets go of all of his animosity towards Jiro.
Things start coming together in his mind. The answer Jiro gave to a question Kluke asked two weeks ago. Jiro's searing anger whenever Nene or Grand Kingdom had been mentioned. That outburst about Mafe Village when Jiro confronted Szabo.
... So that's what he'd meant by revenge.
Jiro's legs slide out from underneath Shu's back, and Shu is sent tumbling onto the ground again. Ouch! Couldn't he have warned me? Jerk... And the hostility towards Jiro comes back with a vengeance. He looks up at Jiro's glaring face as the other boy starts talking again. "Decide now! With people like you around, it makes others feel even angrier. Don't make me feel disgusted."
Argh! Jerk! Where does he get off, saying something like that?!
... He's so angry with Jiro that he doesn't even remember to be sad about Kluke.
"I must save Konrad-san no matter what!"
"Okay, go. But you must go with Jiro... And you must stay calm no matter what happens! I'll leave the analysis of situations to you, Jiro."
Zola's scheming (or whatever she's up to, always trying to stick him and that idiot together...) is decidedly bad for his health. Seriously.
And what is she thinking, anyway? Letting Shu just do what he wants, regardless of what else is going on... But it's not like Jiro doesn't want to help Konrad; the thought of the noble Knight Master being subjected to whatever those Grand Kingdom monsters have in store makes Jiro's stomach turn. Still! There's a time and place, and that may be (one of) Jiro's weakness(es), but they can't afford to mess up the plan-!
Apparently, though, he's screwing up concerning that little problem of his again, since Zola has given both of them leave to rescue Konrad.
Jiro grunts from the strain as he has Minotauros hold open the large double doors (they could just smash through them if they're closed using several well-placed Doutou's, but this is quicker as long as he doesn't mind the extra sting in each and every one of his arm muscles). Fine, then - if this is the way it has to go, so be it. This is the task that Zola has appointed him with, and that means he will complete it by any means necessary.
He takes a moment to breathe after unsummoning his Shadow. In that short span of time, Shu runs up alongside him, his voice... joyful (but it can't be; why...?)... as he says, "Good going, Jiro!"
His mind goes still and something odd happens in his chest. It's an inkling of... warmth, spreading through him. Like when he'd... (when he does something that garners Zola's approval) when he used to tell his mother about his day's adventures, trying to get to her to laugh... (when he talked to Kluke and she was concerned about him) when he used to read to his little sister, his arms wrapped around her shoulders as she leaned her back against his chest...
"Okay, follow me now!"
And then the annoyance comes back (the warmth turns to fire that burns up his life, filling him with anger and hatred and rage and they will all pay for the pain they've put him through-), Jiro remembers that Shu is his rival (not his friend, because they never can be now, can they? Jiro feels like he's rotting from the inside out as he continues to lose more of himself and becomes this terrible person he is now, and the last thing he wants is for that to somehow carry over to Shu or Kluke or any of them - he refuses to soil them, destroy them - so he can never really let them in and become close; it's for the best-), and he resists the urge to beat the idiot over the head with something as he shouts, "I told you already, don't order me around!"
He will succeed. No matter the cost.
Shu can't believe this! Things had been going so well... They were almost free...!
Still, though! He should be able to beat both of these Shadow Users, easy... Now, though, he can barely hold himself up. (And that stupid Lemaire or Lumiere or Romero or whatever the heck his name is taunting him isn't helping anything! That Obasan is right - he is really irritating!) And Jiro - he has the nerve to say that they're going to lose! Yeah, only because of him; if he'd work with Shu instead of against him, maybe there wouldn't be a chance of them losing!
If only Jiro wasn't holding him back!
And then Shu has to check himself.
"And you must stay calm no matter what happens!"
He takes a deep breath before asking Jiro, "Then what should we do?"
And it's all so natural from there.
They work well together, actually. Very well. Everything that one can't do is more than possible for the other. Almost as if... rather than against one another... they were meant to fight alongside each other...
If... things had been different...
Shu stops himself. He shouldn't think that way. There's just no... It's impossible. He shouldn't think about it beyond that. It'll only make it worse.
But they're certainly a good combo, him and Jiro; more than he would ever have thought. Their offense is unstoppable; their defense is impenetrable. Together, Rogi's squad members will never be able to take them down!
When their two opponents up the power, Shu starts getting a little nervous. Maybe - maybe - he got just a little overconfident.
But then Zola steps in, and they're home free.
"...It's all thanks to you. Thank you."
"No, it was nothing. Besides, I can't take all of the credit for this."
It feels good, to say that.
Jiro can "hmph" and pretend all he wants, but Shu saw his surprise. And that hinting of gratification, deep in his blue eyes.
Zola is smiling at both of them... Like she knows something. (But it's not like she's planning anything for the two of them, right? Of course not.)
Shu feels... happy.
Early on in their journey, after one of his very first fights with Shu, Jiro once had a terrible thought.
He had been tired of his childish behavior, so sick of his inadvertently insensitive remarks, and had wished for Shu to know the pain of losing someone. Just like Jiro did himself.
He stands over Shu as he begins to cry next to Homeron's dead body, and Jiro hates himself even more than he already does.
Soft cries suddenly change as Shu throws himself down on Homeron, turning into piercing sobs - and each one goes directly to Jiro's heart.
A thought foreign and unfamiliar enters Jiro's head, and he wonders what's wrong with him (he wonders if he hasn't lost himself completely to his all-consuming hatred and desire for revenge).
I will never allow anything to make Shu cry like this again.
Shu isn't really sure how long he's been crying for. He guesses that it's probably been a while, but he doesn't really know. Doesn't really care, either - time is one of the last things on his mind right now.
Arms circle around him from behind, hands resting lightly on his ribs before giving a gentle tug upwards. He supposes the person is probably friendly; if it were an enemy, there would probably be a lot more screaming. Besides, the fingers he feels through the fabric of his shirt are thin - an artist's hands, not a fighter's...
He feels another pull, and realizes that this person must be trying to get him up. Practically boneless, Shu lets himself be brought into a standing position with no resistance whatsoever.
Shu falls back against the person; they're taller than him, he can tell by the height difference of their shoulders, but it can't be much more than a couple of centimeters (around seven, probably, though he's always been bad with math, and even worse with guesstimating). He hears a whisper next to his ear - "Marumaro..." - and numbly, he realizes that the person is Jiro.
Why... Why are you helping me...?
Once Saber Tiger is summoned, Jiro carefully maneuvers Shu onto Marumaro's Shadow, without comment or complaint.
Don't... Don't you hate me...?
Right then, he is too tired too wonder, too tired to grieve, and Shu falls asleep against his rival's shoulder.
"You're being so quiet, Jiro, which means that you're useless too, maro."
He can't help his blush. The Devee boy is painfully correct.
Curse Marumaro. Curse him all the way to he-
"That's right!" Shu is even more awful, with that foul smirk and tone that practically sounds like a leer. "That's what you said earlier," and just when Jiro doesn't think it could get any worse, "Jiro-kun."
He wants to hit Shu very hard.
But he wants to hit himself more - for feeling that odd warmth in his chest again.
It... It isn't fair... How is it fair that even when he taunts me, it makes me wish that things between us could have been different? Why do I have to want something that I can never have? And at that moment, he isn't even thinking of just a friendship with Shu that can never be. (He has to force himself to not look at Kluke or Zola.)
He denies it all, despite being guilty as charged, but it doesn't make his internal debating any less true.
Kluke reprimands them - and, though he isn't wont to admit it, rightfully so - and Shu feels like such a little kid that he wants to blush himself. She never lets him have any fun... It's like being back in Talta Village for a moment, with her scolding him and the boys for causing a ruckus, and it's embarrassing, because Kluke's doing it in front of everyone. (If it were just Marumaro and Kluke, he wouldn't mind as much... But with Zola, Bouquet and Jiro, it really, really stings.)
Well, not much to be done about it. He'll just have to live with it. If he shows off later in front of Jiro, it'll all make up for it in the end anyway.
Speaking of his rival...
Shu chances a quick glance at Jiro, but the other boy is staring stoically ahead at Zola (who is still busily working away at her task). It's so odd... Maybe he's just imagining things, but...
Well. Either way, he'll file it away for later reference. (And maybe it will be more useful than as just fuel for their rivalry...)
Still...
When I called him "Jiro-kun", his expression was angry... But his eyes were lonely.
Happiness.
He had almost forgotten what it felt like; it's been so long since he's truly experienced it.
But now...
It's amazing... It's incredible!
For the first time in over half a year, Jiro feels alive.
And it's thanks to Shu. All thanks to Shu.
Because of him... I'm happy again.
He's been such a fool, all this time. And to think, the one he'd thought the most foolish of them all had been the one that showed Jiro the way.
His cheek throbs in pain, both from the hit he himself had sustained and the Shadow-echo of the punch he'd inflicted on Minotauros.
It feels good. Real. Not empty, like he has been for these six months or so since Mafe went up in flames, embracing his anger and hatred to fill up the hollowness his loss left behind (that is... when he allowed himself to).
But no longer will his revenge control him. Jiro is in charge of himself again; no more will he be a prisoner to his own rage and despair.
His emotions had threatened to destroy him... But he will be in control of them - and himself - from now on.
Jiro grins, and it might hurt his face... It might not be the truest one... It might be mixed with anger at every corner...
But it's real, and it's his. And it's because of Shu. "Sorry to keep you waiting, Szabo!"
"Thank you, Shu."
Shu's head lifts in surprise. Those are words he never expected to hear come from the other boy's mouth. At least... Not directed at Shu, of all people.
But... Maybe it's not so unusual after all.
He looks Jiro over with a considering eye. The orange light of sunset is bringing out the brown tones in the other boy's primarily grayish-brownish-silver hair; this is still the same. But there is a lightness to his shoulders, a... almost a brightness to his countenance now. Like Jiro had been carrying the world, and now his burden has been lifted.
And he's smiling. It's real and true and nothing like Shu has ever seen before on the other boy. He realizes what he'd thought were "actual" smiles before (like after Szabo's first defeat, and that time with Hom- Don't think about Homeron-san, you idiot, you know it only makes it worse-) were nothing compared to this. It's a smile as it should be, and Shu's starting to wonder if this is how the Jiro he never knew used to smile. More than that, he wonders if more of that former self is starting to peek through.
Shu thinks that might be the case.
But there's more to it than that. This is not the-Jiro-he-never-knew. This is not the-Jiro-that's-his-rival. This is a Jiro that none of them - not even the other boy himself - have ever known. Shu makes no mistake - it's still Jiro. This is still his rival (and in the privacy of his mind, maybe-sometimes his almost-friend). But there is a new person emerging here, one that is both past and present and future all wrapped into one.
Shu discovers that he's looking forward to this. It's not as much of a surprise as he expected.
He stands from where he'd been sitting, and before he even has a chance to think about it, Shu reaches out and clasps the other boy's hand in his, practically forcing his (maybe-not-as-much-anymore) rival into a handshake.
The old Jiro would have pushed him away with an exclamation, swore at him a little and flushed an angry red, perhaps even challenged him to their old standby of tree-climbing racing.
The new Jiro simply lets out a startled laugh, like he hadn't expected it to come out of him but is pleased nonetheless.
Yes. Shu is definitely looking forward to this.
"You're welcome, Jiro."
He sighs, shuffling through the sheets covered in copies of the Extra Seven. Staring at it probably isn't helping matters much - he can't even count how many times he's looked through these pages, always turning up with no new information each time - but stopping, even now that Zola has gone up to the deck, still makes him feel like he would be letting her down. And so Jiro resolves himself to the monotonous task that has occupied his time for the better part of three quarters of an hour.
"Hey, Jiro!"
His concentration shatters. He holds back his irritation - later, he'll relish the novelty of actually being able to do that, to successfully keep his emotions in check - and glances up from the papers. Shu stands about a foot away from the ladder that connects the cabin and the deck. "Yes?" Even he's surprised that his voice comes out that mild.
"Quick! Look outside!"
Mentally preparing for either Grand Kingdom or Shu's typical mischief, Jiro looks out the window and finds neither - in their place is a rainbow arcing across the sky.
It's beautiful. A smile works itself into existence upon his face, not entirely in his control. The rainbow reminds him of that one morning he fell asleep during mechat repairs and woke to find Kluke leaning over him, her feather pendant dangling inches from his face, shining with prismatic color as the sunlight hit the carved crystal. ("Fell asleep, did you?" And laughter like bells...)
"Nice, isn't it?" Shu sounds closer. Jiro twists around to look, and this is confirmed. The other boy is smiling, but it seems slightly strained. "I just wish that Kluke and Bouquet would stop fighting long enough to appreciate it."
Ah. So that's it. The girls have been locking horns since they set off. The best thing to do in this situation is to avoid any unnecessary involvement. Jiro has been unfortunate enough to have been drawn into only one of their confrontations, and he isn't that keen on it happening again.
He supposes that also explains why the shorter boy is in the cabin. As Shu's feelings for Kluke and Bouquet become more pronounced with each passing day, it's become steadily clearer to Jiro that it hurts Shu every time the girls fight. He's very good at hiding it - even now that things are more relaxed between them and there's less reason to make cracks at Shu's incompetence, Jiro still wouldn't have expected he could do that - but Jiro didn't get to where he is now by lack of observation. (And when it comes to reading people, there is no better teacher than Zola.)
"Oh," Shu says, his mood seeming to heighten ever so slightly, until it can pretty much be proclaimed "chipper", "and we're about to run out of fuel, so Kluke has to find a Grand Kingdom outpost for us to land in and snatch some from them before we crash."
Jiro can't help it - he laughs. The cheer, the matter-of-factness... Something about it just gets to him - and in the humorous (the right) kind of way for a change. When did Shu start to seem so funny to him?
He grins. It isn't that hard to figure out when.
Shu tugs at his sweater sleeve. Unlike how he would have last week, Jiro does not push him away. "C'mon! You can get back to those dusty papers later; we're finally going to see some action!"
Jiro stands and lets himself be dragged along. Although, since he keeps pace with Shu - so that they're almost walking alongside each other - it doesn't really feel like anyone is dragging him at all.
"Kluke's kind of harsh today, maro."
"Yeah..." It's unnerving, really. Shu can't ever recall Kluke behaving in this manner. She has been his constant, and for her to suddenly change up like this...
He swallows down his anxiety.
Out of the corner of his eye, Shu sees Jiro glance at him. "There's only one way to handle a situation like this..."
Shu knows what Jiro will say without even think about it. Like it's an instinct.
And the three of them bend their heads toward each other and say, "Minding our own business."
For one wonderful, blissful moment, there is that unison, that vocal representation of a united front.
And Jiro is the one leading it.
And the girls may be fighting, and in a moment they will hear Zola impart a worst case scenario they never would have imagined...
(Jiro smirks and drops an eyebrow in a wink. Marumaro grins, showing his teeth, the canines sharp. And Shu smiles along with the both of them, feeling calm for the first time since Kluke and Bouquet started bickering this morning.)
... But in that moment, the three of the boys are united, linked by comradery (by friendship), and nothing can stand against them.
Grief works in unexpected ways.
It's odd, really... The fact that everyone is affected by it and deals with it differently is fairly well-known. Less well-known is the fact that sometimes it can affect the same person in a different way.
When his parents and Jina died, Jiro expressed his grief by immense sadness. The tears that had started out as trickles down his cheeks had turned into wracking and screaming sobs that forced him to his knees and bent him double, arms wrapped around his middle as if he could hold in the anguish pouring out of him. And when he had stood up next, a new person had been born from hatred, and the happy nine year old that he used to be was gone forever.
(Or so he had thought. Until a few a weeks ago, in any case.)
... Dead.
He's dead.
Shu is dead.
And even though he's just watched it happen, just watched the rubble bury him in a hopelessly large heap, Jiro can't believe it's real. He keeps thinking that Shu is going to simply push away the caved-in ceiling like it's as weightless as feathers, brush himself off like it's no big deal, maybe shoot some wisecrack remark Jiro's way ("Ha, bet you couldn't survive that, Jiro!"), and jump back into the fight like nothing. Ever. Happened.
But the mountain of debris continues to remain still, unmoving, no one freeing themselves of its forever-silencing prison, and Jiro can't breathe, he can't breathe, this can't be happening, come on Shu, get up already, don't do this to me, please, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean any of it, not really, please get up, please don't die, Shu, please-
And the world feels like it's ending all over again, and Jiro doesn't know how he's going to pick up the pieces this time.
Grief effects everyone in different ways. For Jiro, it is a sadness so suffocating, so crushing, that he always thinks that it will surely kill him. One time he let it all out; this time he's held everything in.
But for Bouquet, it is a searing, undiluted rage.
"You... You!!!" Jiro has never heard her sound so angry. He didn't even think Bouquet - clumsy, naive, mischievous, bubbly, happy, loving Bouquet - was capable of feeling that amount of fury, let alone that she'd be able to express it.
Jiro thought wrong.
"I'll kill you!" And it breaks Jiro's heart a little, because he's walked the path Bouquet is now about to travel (the all-consuming road of vengeance) and knows that it doesn't end well, and he thought if anyone was a better person than him it would've been Bouquet (and Kluke).
But then her words register, and Jiro whirls around shouting her name, "Bouquet!" But it's already too late, and she's running past him.
"Ochichi-sama, don't do it, maro!" Marumaro, on the other side of the room, starts running toward her.
But Nene is between them.
"Silly little girl," the Ancient sneers at her, enraging Jiro, "you should know better by now."
The purple-white electric magic falls from Chimera's hands, the Shadow seeming to grin maliciously as Bouquet and Hippopotamus scream.
"Kluke!" Jiro whirls around, looking behind and to his left. Because Protect Feather may not just be the only way Bouquet can get through the attack without her Shadow unsummoning - it may be the only way for her to get through it alive. "Kluke, Bouquet needs help!"
But Kluke just continues to stare at the ground despondently, the same way she has been since Nene unleashed that fateful attack on Shu.
He shudders in horror as the sudden thought crosses his mind that Kluke might not recover from this. (And his chest aches at the thought of her never smiling again.)
Jiro swears when Kluke remains unresponsive, looking back to see what he can do-
And then Bouquet breaks off from her screams with a gasp, body going rigid as Hippo-chan unsummons. The barrage of electricity ceases, and she falls to her knees, arms already stretched out towards the ground before she collapses entirely.
No...
They're going to die. They're all going to die.
"You..." Marumaro's voice trembles. It's the most upset Jiro has ever seen him, and he thinks with a bittersweet longing of their unison with Shu mere hours before. He knows it will never be that way after this... But will they ever know that kind of happiness again? "You'll pay for hurting Ochichi-sama, maro!" His magic aura flares up blue and yellow around him as the Devee Boy thrusts his arms out. "Sonic Scissors!" It's hard to see around Chimera, but he can see Saber Tiger darting around, can hear the sounds of battle as they drift over to him.
But then Chimera's back stiffens, electric bolts shooting around, Nene grunting in pain, and Jiro knows that this is his moment.
"Dotou!" Minotauros unleashes the punches in quick succession, the hits covering a wide area on Nene's Shadow.
"How about that, maro?!"
And then Nene is laughing, and it all happens so fast from there-
Marumaro and Saber Tiger fall.
We're going to die.
"Marumaro!" Fear grips his chest. Nene is going to slaughter them one by one.
And everything slows down as he sees Grand Kingdom's king looming over him, standing in Chimera's hand.
Laughing at him.
A torrent of black-blue energy hurtles toward Jiro-
-and Kluke is there, snapped out of her inaction (by what? Bouquet and Marumaro had both been in danger, so why now?). "Protect Feather!"
The energy crashes down around Phoenix's shield, covering them in darkness. Jiro covers his face with his forearms. Kluke is trying to protect them, but he can still feel the wind of the attack pull at his sleeves and tunic, shivering in horror and disgust when it brushes his wrists; he imagines that must be what Nene's grip must feel like.
He can hear Nene talking, but can't make out the words over the rush of foul magic surrounding them in this tunnel.
(Is this what Shu saw before he died?)
"Brace yourself, Jiro!" But Minotauros apparently has. Jiro does as his Shadow says, legs locking into position and burying his head into his arms.
He hears Kluke's scream, "Hah!" Through the space between his arms, he can slightly make out Kluke, and can see that she might be trying to reflect the attack - and an icy dread slides through his veins. No, Kluke, don't do it, it's too powerful-
Nene lets out an answering wordless shout, and everything becomes obscured as something explodes.
He hears a choked sound escape from Phoenix, and Kluke gives a gasping cry, and Jiro sees something pink flash by him-
"Kluke!!" He turns, squinting to see through the haze of smoke...
... And when his vision clears, Phoenix is gone, and Kluke lies on the floor, barely moving save for breathing. "Jiro... His forehead..."
Just as he tries to figure out what she means about a "forehead", Kluke murmurs, "With Shu," before her eyes shut as she falls still.
"Kluke...!" No. Not her. Please... Not her... The image of Jina as he last saw her flashes through his mind's eye.
Everything. Again. He has lost everything again.
"Nene!!!" He will kill him, or Jiro will die trying.
"Rekkuhazan!" There's something exhilarating about having magic power at his fingertips like this, unchecked and unrestrained. He savors the moment; with everyone he's come to care about gone or going (everyone that's become another family for him), this is probably the last time he will feel this alive.
Something on Chimera's forehead flashes.
"What is that?" Jiro hesitates, even as Minotauros spins into action above him.
The attack is perfect, really. It's probably the most powerful and most flawless attack he's ever used.
And it does absolutely nothing against Nene and Chimera.
Jiro skids back, once again shielding himself with his forearms against any recoil. His right arm throbs in agony, most likely because of the attack being broken; from the way the pain steadily increases, he knows that this is no minor injury. Over him, Minotauros says, "This is too brutal! That guy is invulnerable!"
And Jiro can hear what's unspoken: We have no chance of beating him.
The words seem to take the last of Jiro's strength. He falls to his knees, panting from the exertion.
But with the last reserves of his strength having dissipated, the only thing shielding him from his grief is gone, and Jiro feels it pour into him with the force of a tidal wave.
"Sh-" His gaze darts to the left, "Shu..."
With the smoke clearing from the area, he can see a hand and foot sticking out of the mound of rubble, the blue ankle- and wristbands standing out against the purple stone.
God. He looks so thin.
... Jiro hopes he didn't suffer, though he knows how futile such a hope is. The last moments of Shu's life were probably spent in agony, and chances are that the only reason the rest of them didn't hear any screaming was because he didn't have enough oxygen for it.
He grips his wounded arm, the pain nothing compared to the sharpness piercing his heart.
I've failed you all so terribly.
Otousan and Okaasan. Jina. Marumaro and Bouquet. Zola and Kluke. And Shu...
I'm sorry, Shu. I'm so sorry.
The thing that's really crazy is that even through his fear, it's the moment that Nene merges with Chimera that Shu really gets his bearings.
What's even weirder, though, is that Jiro keeps giving him this strange look. Underneath their shared determination, there's this... thing in the other boy's eyes. Like looking at Shu is like staring at a miracle.
(Was he really that close to death?)
He snaps back to the battle when he sees those tentacle-wire-things wrap around Minotauros. Blue Dragon! The shout isn't said aloud, but the instruction is just as clear.
Blue Dragon soars over to Minotauros, slicing through the cable-like things wrapped around the green Shadow's wrists. "Don't let your guard down!"
"Tell that to Jiro, not me!" Shu almost wants to laugh at that, and he would if the situation wasn't so dire.
"I heard that." Jiro quips dryly under his breath, and then Shu does let out a choked sound of laughter.
His chest heaves as he has Blue Dragon dodge the whirling tunnel of the tentacle-cable-wires, forcing himself to handle the enormous amounts of magic after sustaining such a severe injury. You have to do this. Everyone is counting on you!
But he doesn't see Nene's attack coming from the side.
He flinches away as Minotauros takes out each and every one of the cable-wires with a swift series of punches, until there's nothing left afterwards.
Jiro calls out, "Don't let your guard down!" And though it's said in the other boy's typical serious manner, Shu knows him well enough by now to know that he is being slightly - ever so slightly - teased.
Blue Dragon makes a noise that is a cross between a snort and a chuckle, and Shu feels his Shadow's amusement course through him strongly. He thinks that it is probably the first time Blue Dragon has been in such a good mood.
Just when they're closing in on Nene, an attack comes from behind, forcing them to abandon their gained ground. Even worse, it separates the two boys and Shadows from each other. Shu is no strategist, but even he knows this is bad news. And the situation continues to decline as Nene forces them further and further apart, until they start to get close to the edges of the room.
And then Nene moves in on Shu.
But twin gold-yellow energy beams slice through the inorganic tentacles, rendering them useless, and Shu can't hold back his gasp of surprise.
He looks, and it's confirmed.
Killer Bat and Zola.
He lands, and with a thumbs-up, calls over his shoulder, "Thank you, Zola!" His relief, bits of it leaking into his voice, is so strong that it's almost physical; when Zola had fallen... he hadn't known what to think. But she may be hurt, but she's alright, they're going to win this-
"It's useless!"
Shu turns toward Nene again - in time to watch as the largest Graviton Ball he's ever seen is formed in Chimera's (Nene's) hands. His mouth instantly goes dry.
How can they possibly stand against this?
"That doesn't look good!" Minotauros voice floats into his ears, as if it's come from a distance or from underwater.
"Can't dodge it!" Blue Dragon's panic flows into him, and Shu can only take a single step backwards in horror, because he never thought he'd die like this-
But the attack never hits.
Jiro.
He and Minotauros block it.
Shu's fear from before is nothing compared to now. Because it's no longer himself that he's afraid for.
Large, imposing, muscular Minotauros looks tiny against the enormous globe of black and purple energy. It feels like a hand has closed around his throat, choking him, and he nearly staggers when on top of everything, Blue Dragon's shock ripples through him.
Jiro opens his eyes, gazing at him with a look that Shu can't completely comprehend. There's a multitude of unspoken things in the ocean blue pair staring into his own black eyes, some that he understands immediately as well as some that he will never understand until much later, the very last few years of his life.
The last thing that Shu registers is simple, but perhaps it is the most important of them all.
I'm sorry.
Its significance isn't just the fact that Jiro is not only apologizing for now, for this moment with Nene, for the fact that he will not be able to hold back this attack and may not survive its aftermath, for every mistake he's made during this fight, but for everything - his rivalry with Shu, his cruelties, the destruction of the boy he'd once been, the friendship that could have been, the death of his family, and lastly, what Shu will not understand for over two years, the thing Jiro could never forgive himself for - wanting the six of them to become their own strange little family.
But the thing that is the most meaningful is that Shu forces his eyes to give Jiro a response.
I forgive you.
The moment can't last longer than five seconds, but they are the longest five seconds of Shu's life.
And then the world seems to tilt under Shu's feet as the Graviton Ball explodes against Minotauros, the Shadow unable to hold the onslaught back, and Jiro goes flying over Shu's head.
"Jiro!" Don't- you can't-
Please don't leave me to fight him all alone.
You're not alone, Blue Dragon conveys through their connection, and Shu takes in a shuddering breath, because he knows it's true but it's hard to convince himself because Jiro- Jiro is- You have me, Shu.
And then he hears Jiro, hurtling towards the ground, somehow manage to speak. "I'm leaving the rest to you, Shu..." And it hardens his resolve, because he must do this. Saving their friends, getting justice for everyone who has suffered at Nene's hands, and avenging Jiro's family - all of it is Shu's responsibility now.
I won't fail you, Jiro! I swear it!!!
He realizes now that he'd never really thought about what would come after Nene was defeated. Had he expected the emptiness, the hole inside him that his family left behind, to be filled? Had he thought the constant ache in his chest would finally ease?
Or has he been doing all of this in the hopes that his mission would kill him?
In any case, none of those things ended up happening.
He still feels the empty place in his heart, the keen edge of loss slicing into him each day and making the wound fresh. And he is still alive. Despite the bitterness this last thought brings, he's still alive.
From his mind's eye, Jiro can still see the moon in Mafe, how big and lovely it had been, especially when full. The view from Logic is nothing compared to that. He can still feel how the wind brushed his face as he opened up the window in his room right above his bed and sat on the sill, dangling his feet over the edge (given that he pretty much obeyed his parents to the letter, it was closest that Jiro ever came to some semblance of rebellion). Sometimes Jina would catch him like that, and he'd put his finger to his lips, and she would giggle and duck her head back in before closing her own window.
He detects and recognizes the footsteps behind him before any words are even spoken.
"What are you doing?" He sounds half-asleep.
Jiro almost smiles, but just can't bring himself to.
With leftover longing for Mafe from his earlier thoughts, Jiro says, "The moon is more beautiful in my hometown."
"What are you saying that for, all of a sudden?" He hears Shu come to a stop, the slight rustle of clothing, and guesses that his... still-probably rival is now sitting on one of the steps.
Because I miss Mafe. But Jiro says nothing out loud, save for a sound from the back of his throat. Just continues to stare at the moon, as if by force of will alone he can make it his, not Logic's but Mafe's.
There is no change, save for clouds starting to move toward it. They will probably cover the moon in a matter of seconds-
"Kluke was worried too," Shu sounds a little more awake now, "that you didn't look very well."
Feelings stir in his chest. Guilt for making her worry. And a surprising amount of pleasure at the thought that she would be concerned about him.
And...
Did Shu just say "too"?
What does that even mean?
Jiro turns, spots Shu on the bottom step of the stairs. "Hey..." Even he isn't quite sure what he's going to say.
"Huh?"
"We really defeated Nene, right?" He's surprised by the desperation in his voice, the fierce need for Shu to give him an answer.
"Huh?" He says it again, and Jiro wonders if Shu is still half-asleep or if he just isn't speaking clear enough. Both are proved wrong with what the other boy says next, "What's wrong with you, saying something like that now?"
He stares at his shaking fists, inches away from his face. He needs an answer. "I've traveled to get my revenge... to defeat Nene. But..." His hands loosen, and he drops the left, until he's only gazing at the right one, "It feels..." Wrong.
"Huh?" Yes. Shu is almost definitely still asleep. Really, it's the third time now; Jiro expects better from him.
He drops his hand; the one that hadn't been lifted rests on his hip. "I thought I'd be happier... It thought there'd be more of a sense of accomplishment. But... now... I don't know what to do from this point..." Switching the other hand to his hip, his left goes to the railing as he looks up at the moon; it's almost completely obscured by the clouds now. It offers no guidance. His voice, having been lowering steadily, finally drops to a whisper. "What should I do?"
"I don't know either."
Shu's voice snaps him out of it. He turns around to look at him. It seems unlikely that Shu will give him the direction he seeks, but it would hardly be the first time that the other boy has surprised him.
"We defeated Nene, but it feels weird," Shu continues, staring down at the balcony floor. His words gain strength, "But that doesn't matter. I will keep protecting the people and things that I cherish." Shu's head lifts, fists raised in front of him, his voice taking on that loud not-shout volume it often seems to do. "That's not going to change."
It's a little foolish, really. So constantly single-minded.
But...
Jiro folds his arms, sighing. "It's so simple for you..."
Perhaps Jiro has been overcomplicating things. Maybe he needs to take Shu's example once again, and stop letting these extraneous complications cloud his reasoning.
An inkling of an idea forms in his mind, terrifying in its implications.
Jiro banishes it immediately, refusing to think about it further.
Never realizing that soon, he will nearly do just what the not-idea suggests.
You don't mean that.
You don't mean that.
He can't. He can't. This- this is some mistake. Shu misheard, that's all, that must be it-
"There's no need to stay here, so we should each head home."
No, no, no! It's a mistake, it's a mistake! He meant something else; he had to. This won't be the end of their journey, it can't be-
"Idiot! Can't you figure it out yourself?"
God, what's his problem? That's- that's harshest thing he's said to him since before the Power Up-
"There is no need for us to be together now that Nene's gone."
He... He doesn't actually believe that. He can't. After... After everything they've been through he can't really think that. Right?
Right?
"Without Zola, what can we do? In the end, we can't do anything without her."
Always cutting to the heart of matters, slicing through the in-between like a knife. Always knew the way to take the wind out of his sails.
"Forget it. I don't want to get involved in your 'hero game'."
Is he right? Could this be foolhardy? But, no - protecting people and saving them is the right thing to do. What else could be more important? But, still-
"Stop it, you two!"
Shu's grip slackens, guilty due to Kluke's anxious tone, and he's sure that his sadness is readable to anyone who cares to look. This is the closest that he and Jiro have come to having a fight in a week and a half. It feels like a giant step backwards, friendship once again a hazy and far-off thing, and Shu doesn't know how to fix this-
Jiro knocks away Shu's hold before turning on his heel and walking away, leaving Shu standing there with his arms still held out, as if he could drag the other boy back by sheer force of will.
Is that the reason he said it? Because of the almost-fight? He didn't mean it - he takes it back! Really. Please, oh God, please don't go-
"I don't need to be here. Since I don't have a place to go back to, I can go anywhere."
He doesn't mean that.
He doesn't mean that.
Come back, he wants to say. Come back. But it wouldn't make any sense, because Jiro hasn't even left yet.
(Why does this hurt so much?)
"That's too sudden!" He can hear that gasping hitch to Kluke's voice; he's known her long enough to recognize that hitch of breath as the signal that she's trying not to cry. It won't seem significant to him until much later. (Nor will Jiro's reaction to this protest.) "Wait a minute..."
A mixture of surprise and hesitancy covers Jiro's face. Shu's heart gives a hopeful beat, but the hope is dim from the things that have already been said. As well as the fact that this wasn't an instantaneous decision.
Shu may not be fast on the uptake, but even he can tell that Jiro didn't come up with this idea in a couple of seconds. He doesn't know for how long, but Jiro's been waiting to say this.
The thought stings horribly.
Can you see it? Can you see how much it hurts from my expression, from my eyes?
And he wonders if Jiro can hear his thoughts somehow, because the other boy's blue eyes suddenly turn to him, the same mix of emotions clear in his face.
Don't go. Shu has to hope that the other boy can understand somehow. Because Jiro saying that he's going to leave, will probably never see any of them again, has taken all of his strength away. Don't leave us. We can't make it without you. We're a team. We're nothing without you. Don't you remember fighting Nene together, you and me? Don't you remember what it was like? Do you really want to lose that forever?
None of us want you to go. You're our friend, Jiro. "Nakama", you know? Friends stick with each other, through good times and bad and anything in between, whether it's easy or hard. If something's wrong... Then tell us. Because all of us will be there for you.
We don't want you to go.
... I don't want you to go.
And then there's a miracle standing in the doorway. "Where are you going?"
Zola.
Why did you do this?
Why did you do this to me?
This is a nightmare. Some horrible, horrible nightmare. It must be. It has to be.
"Jiro!"
Stupid. Stupid, stupid fool. Don't you know better by now?
Don't you know that trusting people will only earn you pain?
Haven't you realized that you will never be allowed to have a family again?
"Jiro, behind you!"
He should never have trusted her. And now- now the others- What must they think? (What do Shu and Kluke think of me?) He saw how they all looked at him when he told them how he'd met Zola.
Like they were afraid of him.
Maybe they should look at him like that.
Maybe he's really a monster, too.
"Jiro, behind you!!!"
Something - someone - tackles him from behind. Jiro's breath leaves him in a gusty, startled gasp as they hit the packed ground. He feels a bony knee dig into the back of his thigh, a harsh and raspy exhale stirring the hair by his ear, and arms adorned with blue wristbands shield his head-
Shu.
"Protect Feather!" A blue barrier forms around him and Shu.
"Blitz Claw!" Saber Tiger roars, and then an inhuman shriek comes from behind them.
Jiro's skin crawls as the piercing noise enters his ears. He doesn't know how to explain it, but something inside of him (Minotauros?) is screaming that it sounds... wrong.
"If you stand around like that," Shu's voice sounds weak to his ears, "you're going to get killed."
And Jiro knows that the reason he doesn't have more strength when he says the words is because Shu doesn't think he can take his own advice.
He thinks with a shudder about the night that those Darkness creatures attacked them; about Shu's tears and his inability to effectively use Blue Dragon for the first time in months.
He's dying. Dear God, he's dying. He knows this well by now, but it's still a terrifying thought to behold. Jiro doubts that he's the only one who sees it. But... It's still difficult to wrap his mind around. Their Shu, their daredevil, bright, optimistic Shu, always seeming so incredibly alive...
And yet now, his life is fading more and more with each and every passing day, and Jiro doesn't know how to stop it.
Why must I always watch as the ones I care about slip away?
The barrier dissipates. "Shu, Jiro, this way!"
"Come on." Jiro feels himself being pulled up, and when his feet are under him, he pushes up the rest of the way. "We have to move."
Shu is right. Now is not the time to be bogged down by all of these concerns. It's time to take a page out of the other boy's book; look at everything from a simple point of view, and figure out all of the complicated details at a later time.
The others need him now. Especially Shu. He must be strong.
It's taken a lot to admit it, but they are his friends. He will not let them down. Not any of them.
Not even his so-called rival.
Because God, if Shu isn't his friend after everything they've been through, then who is?
A sound wakes him from a deep and (mercifully) dreamless sleep.
He stares up at the star-studded sky, blinking in incomprehension.
It lasts for about a second until he remember Zola, remembers the Darkness, and he clenches his fingers tightly in the material of his blanket as if it could act as some kind of buffer for the crippling pain of betrayal.
There are times that Shu wishes he had died in that battle with Nene, if only to have not seen this come to pass, to keep Zola as that wonderful and strong and protective mentor he had always seen her as, the swordswoman that had been his teacher and his friend.
Is his friend. She is his friend. He doesn't care what they say about her. (It doesn't hurt, it doesn't, because they're wrong, they're wrong, she wouldn't do this without a reason, he knows it, he trusts her, he believes in her, Zola why did you-)
Shu hears the sound again. And once more, he blinks.
What is that...?
He looks around a little in the hopes that something will provide an answer. But the camp seems as serene as it usually is, if empty and more miserable without Zola around-
The sound, once again.
Except that this time, he figures out what it is.
... A sob. Choked, quiet, muffled - but a sob, all the same.
And Shu knows who it is. He has never heard them crying like this before, but he would know their voice anywhere.
He turns onto his other side, so that he's facing the opposite direction. The definition of shoulder blades is clear from the shadowed lines of the green tunic.
The shoulders tighten, shadows deepening, as another strangled noise breaks through the silence of the night air.
Even a long time later, Shu will never be entirely sure what made him do it, what could have possibly possessed him to do something so utterly ridiculous.
But without even thinking about it, he creeps forward on the bedroll, inch by inch, until he's close enough to press his forehead against Jiro's back.
... Huh. He smells like spices - mostly, kinda like sage. (Years later, he'll laugh at himself. "What a peculiar little boy. Such a strange thing to think just then.")
His still-sort-of rival instantly goes rigid. Shu hears the other boy's breath catch, and he wonders if maybe he made a mistake.
And then Jiro lets out a gasping little cry, leaning back against Shu's head.
Again, without thinking about it, Shu peeks under the blankets slightly before reaching out and clasping Jiro's hand, hoping that it will convey what he cannot bring himself to say. I miss her, too.
Jiro stiffens. Shu wonders if last time was just a fluke and this is the real misstep.
But then there's a returning pressure on his fingers, Jiro's back relaxing as he lets out a little sigh, this time without as many tears.
Shu drifts off like this, and it's the first time since Zola's betrayal that his dreams are peaceful.
"You're going?"
"... I'm not good with sentimental things."
"Everyone will miss you."
(Forgive me, Kluke. But if I were to see you... I'm not sure I could leave. After all... It's hard enough with him.)
Walking down the path, sun shining on the treetops of the forest.
"Hey, Shu..."
"Yeah?"
"We exchanged our Shadow powers to seal the Darkness..."
"Yeah..."
"And you're okay with that? Didn't you have a lot of things you wanted to say to him?"
"I'm sure Blue Dragon would understand without me having to say anything."
"In the end, what did we really accomplish? We did save the world, but it doesn't mean all the problems are gone..."
"Don't worry." Turning, seeing him. "Zola said the world evolved in the wrong direction, right?"
"Yeah."
"It wasn't wrong."
A pause.
"The fact that we're standing here right now is the answer to it, don't you think?"
"Evolution, huh?"
The slight, single sound of laughter is unavoidable.
"What?"
"I never thought I'd hear something like that from you."
"Shut up."
Perhaps his laugh is unavoidable as well.
The outskirts of the forest now. The two will part soon.
"Thanks for everything."
"Yeah, same here."
"Bye."
One keeps going. The other stays behind.
"Are you really going? Why don't you just stay with us?"
(Please don't do this to me. You have no idea how hard this choice was. How difficult it still is.)
The walking ceases.
"Sorry. But I want to have some time alone to think about what I should do now that I don't have a Shadow."
A punch. Barely blocks it in time.
Frustration and sadness in black eyes before it fades away into resignation.
"I see. Good luck."
Smiles shared.
"You, too."
Walking resumed, destination undetermined, future uncertain. And convincing, that it wasn't all a huge mistake.
~.~.~.
Two years is a long time.
... A long, long time.
He glances up, checks the sun's position. It's probably about one or two o'clock right now.
With a sigh, he resumes heading for where he lives. (No matter how hard he tries to get the title to stick, he has never quite been able to think of it as "home". That always conjures up images of his parents and Jina, or Shu and Kluke and the others - but thinking of either group is always a painful dead-end, and it's unproductive to boot, so those thoughts always get pushed away the moment they're conjured up.)
Today's defeat against Delphinium was both frustrating and humiliating. He has to train harder - get better, get quicker, get stronger. Such results, like the failure of a short while ago, are unacceptable.
And the way she kept teasing him... Like battling with him is some kind of game! Ugh! Who does she think she is? If he didn't know better, Jiro would say she was fond of him. (She isn't. Of course she isn't. What a preposterous thought.) And he is most certainly not using her - that's the most ridiculous notion of all. He would never-
(I have to find a way to keep myself busy; I have to keep myself from trying to go back to them-)
-do anything like that. Delphinium would do that, sure, but not him. He has no reason to-
(If I get stronger, maybe that strength will keep me from being tempted; if I'm strong enough to stay away, strong enough to keep them all at arm's length, I'll never have to worry about losing them-)
-use her. It serves no purpose. She's just full of talk, that's all. Trying to get inside his head and screw around with his thoughts. But Jiro isn't like any of her other opponents. He will not bend or break so easily; instead, he pushes back. It's his way now. He will never be weak enough to be walked all over ever again.
... He has to stop thinking about Delphinium. He'll drive himself mad like this.
Stupid, infuriating woman! We'll see who has the last laugh when I finally beat- Cut it out, Jiro!!
With a shake of his head, he continues on. This is foolish. She isn't even here, and she still manages to get under his skin! (Hmm... Almost like Shu, really- Ack. Don't think about him, don't think about him.)
He makes it to the steps and starts climbing. No matter what he does, it feels like Delphinium is sticking to his brain like glue.
Well, if nothing else, at least he's almost made it back-
Jiro freezes.
His eyes scan the tops of the steps, counting out four figures. Intruders.
Great. First the loss with Delphinium, and now this.
Perhaps he can come out victorious in at least one regard today.
"Who's there?!"
They turn, and his breath catches in his throat as three of them shout his name, "Jiro!"
Marumaro looks, sounds and acts precisely the same. Jiro is surprised at himself for not recognizing the Devee boy from behind; they've fought together and watched each other's backs enough times.
Bouquet's appearance has definitely changed. She looks older, a few inches taller, hair a little longer. What throws Jiro the most, though, are her clothes - that bright, cherry blossom pink, the color that he had associated with Kluke for so long. He thought that if he ever saw her again, she would be wearing some shade of blue (most likely a lighter tone), but apparently things have changed. It's so bizarre that he doesn't quite know what to make of it.
And lastly...
Jiro should have known him by his hair, but everything else seems so different that he supposes maybe this lapse is excusable. He's taller (and isn't that hard to wrap his mind around - their short little kid actually started to grow!), most likely not as tall as Jiro, but he may actually be taller than Bouquet now. His voice is a little deeper now, a little older, not quite as childish, wiser while still sounding young. His stance, how he holds himself, is fairly relaxed, but retains a stiffness and tension, the readiness and caution of a warrior who has seen a thousand battles.
And his eyes, his eyes... The shock is so sudden and intense that Jiro barely registers it.
... His eyes look so old.
"You..." Jiro doesn't know if he means all of them when he says that, or just him.
But Jiro isn't entirely sure what to do now, because somehow having found his way there, practically standing on his doorstep, is Shu.
Delphinium's words from two years ago, a lifetime ago, come back to him now.
"Did something happen to Shu... in the Darkness?"
Back then, in his eyes, it hadn't held any importance at the time; even if she was a temporary ally, even if Shu seemed to have forgiven her, the words of a spy and a murderer meant little to him.
But now, they seem to hold a tremendous weight as he stares at his former rival, who looks everything and nothing like the reckless little boy he had met in Talta's sandy streets.
Looking at the enigma of a boy spare feet away from his training course, Jiro can't help but wonder if maybe the answer to her question is "yes".
But even that is soon forgotten in the midst of the horrifying realization that there is nowhere for him to run away to (from Shu) now.
(He grins down at him, already several branches up. Dang. He's fast for someone so scrawny - a real challenge, for once. "Bet you can't climb higher than I can!"
The bark bites the flesh of his fingers as he tightens his hold. "I bet you I can!"
And they're off.)
But Shu is the one that's caught him now. And Jiro realizes that maybe he can't run away from what he holds dear forever.
Maybe he'll simply have to give in and, like Shu said so long ago, protect the things and people that he cherishes.
Jiro is stubborn, though. And maybe he will do that someday.
But it won't be today.
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah. It's not that I don't want to see Minotauros or anything like that. It's just not time yet. That's what I've decided."
"I see."
"You're not coming with us, maro?"
(Say yes. Please say yes.)
"I'm going after Delphinium." The novelty of a smile. It had once seemed like such an unattainable thing. "You guys have your own goals to pursue."
"Jiro..." A surprised grin lifts the own corners of his mouth, pleased astonishment coloring his voice. A step taken forward. "We'll finish our battle next time."
"Try to get a little better by then."
(You still haven't figured out that I threw the fight, have you? I've been in an army for two years, you know. I wasn't just sitting around the whole time; I thought you'd realize it. But... I guess I was wrong. That's okay, though. It's better this way. Maybe... Maybe we'll even get to fight with our Shadows next time; then we'll see who's really out of practice.)
A fist held out. He's starting to wonder if this is their version of a handshake.
He chuckles, doing likewise. "You don't have to tell me." Their wrists meet. He can feel the bone through their wristbands; they match now, twin dark blue bands. Two parts of the same whole; the matching pieces in a simple yet complex puzzle.
(I wish you'd stop running away already. Don't you know that it's okay to stop running now? We're here for you. I'm here for you. We - and I - always have been. You just couldn't see it.)
"See you later. Stay safe."
(I'll miss you.)
"You too."
It feels cold with him gone.
He's glad the others are here.
Now more than ever, he feels terribly alone.
~.~.~.
He inhales deeply, relishing the smell of crisp, fresh air as it hits his nostrils. It smells like trees and soil and green things growing.
Just to think... Had he failed, this wouldn't exist anymore. No more trees. No more grass. No more plants.
For him, someone who has grown up surrounded by nature at every turn, the thought is deeply disturbing. But it makes this moment of peace all the more precious.
The sky is clear and blue and bright, and he wonders if this is what it might be like to look at a marble from the inside.
... If he looks hard enough, would he be able to see Noi?
There's a pang in his chest, and he presses down futilely with his hand, as if that's enough to make the stinging stop. He knows it won't be.
"So this is where you've been hiding."
The voice is amused.
"I'd hardly call it hiding," he murmurs with a smile, slightly bending a blade of grass near his knee. "I'm in plain sight, after all."
"At the top of a grassy hill on the city outskirts? You're not exactly standing out, here." A shrug. "Then again, I suppose there are other places that aren't quite this easy to detect..." There's a pause. And then it's followed by a rustle of clothing, and then the shifting of grass. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees black clad legs stretch out not very from his own mostly-bare ones. "What are you doing up here, anyway? I thought you'd be down in Nirvana, soaking up all the glory."
"That's never really been my thing." He twists the blade of grass around his finger like a lock of hair. "I know it might've seemed that way when we met, but really, I just wanted to travel around and see the world." And now I have. All of its horror. And all of its beauty. "Honestly? Crowds make me a little nervous. I was always pretty keen on being a Knight Master's page, but never an actual Knight Master. Too much attention; not enough freedom." He sighs. "Anyway. I'm getting carried away. I just came up here to think, actually."
Jiro nods, saying nothing. There's a silence between them, but it isn't uncomfortable - simply thoughtful. After a while, his former rival speaks. "You know, you scared all of us pretty bad. In the fight with Rudolf, I mean. We thought you had..."
He grins, making sure to apply the proper amount of mysteriousness to his voice. "Maybe I did." After all, in a way it's a half-truth.
If your heart vanishes, is it still beating?
He was so immersed in the fight that he didn't even notice if he still had a heartbeat. Shu would laugh if it didn't make him want to cry.
Jiro smacks him on the arm, hard. "That isn't funny," the other boy hisses at him, and when he sees the hot anger and intensity held in blue eyes, Shu wonders if perhaps he's pushed Jiro just that little bit too far. "You- you're actually joking about something like that-"
"Hey," Shu tries to keep his tone light. "Take it easy. It's not a big deal, Jiro." He winks, hoping that it gets through and diffuses the situation. "Besides, it's not like you'd care that much if I keeled over, right?"
It is most decidedly the wrong thing to say.
Shu doesn't get a tap on the arm this time - he gets shoved. When he regains his balance, Jiro is looking off toward Nirvana, knees brought up and arms folded on top. He's furious. "You... You actually have the nerve to say something like that to me, after Zola..."
"Jiro," Shu gentles his voice, trying to backtrack to where exactly things took a downward turn in this conversation so he can make the necessary repairs. "It's okay. I was just kidding-"
Jiro whirls on him, and despite looking like the depths of the sea, his eyes blaze like a red-hot fire. "Don't you get it?" His voice is low (and raw), but it's like being shouted at. "I can't lose anyone else-"
And he breaks off suddenly, a dawning realization and horror breaking out across his face, and Shu knows exactly what the other boy's thinking: They're not supposed to talk like this, not supposed to be so open about their feelings (or Jiro isn't, at least; it took Shu a while to realize this part of the rules), but it's too late now, and Jiro can't take this back.
"Jiro..."
"I can't. I just- can't." Jiro shakes his head, looking away. "There... There isn't much point in hiding it, is there?" He laughs softly, a self-deprecating sound. "... You're my friend, Shu. Whether or not you're still my rival, it's true. Aside from Kluke, you're probably my best friend. And God, I wish I wasn't, but I'm glad. After losing so much... It's made me happier than I ever dreamed I could be." Jiro inhales shakily. "But I lose everyone I care about. And I just don't have the strength or the will to hold you and Kluke and anyone else at arm's length anymore. I'm dooming everyone that I care about, and I don't even want to stop it. What kind of person does that make me, Shu?"
Shu knows it's wrong, that it's terrible, but he can't help it - he bursts into laughter and can't stop.
"You- You!" Jiro, as expected, is understandably incensed. "I just bared my soul to you, and you're laughing? You- you short little brat- I could kill you for this!" Shu still can't stop. Jiro huffs. "And people actually have the nerve to wonder why I didn't like you!" Even through the half-hysteria, Shu easily detects that this isn't the truth.
It makes him glad.
"I- I'm sorry," Shu gasps through the mirth. "It's- it's just that even after all this time, you're still making the same kind of stupid mistakes that you used to."
Jiro stiffens, and if there was any doubt that he's been offended, it's gone now. "What's that supposed to mean?"
He finally calms down. Taking a deep breath, he says, "It means that you're still trying to run away, even though the solution is so obvious."
After a beat, Jiro quietly asks, "... What solution?"
"Stay." He knocks a fist into Jiro's arm, grinning. "Stay and stop trying to run away. Let us help you. What's the point of having friends if you won't let them help when you need it? Isn't that the most important part of having them?"
Jiro glares at him. "Haven't you been listening-?"
"Yes, yes, if we're friends with you we're all going to die." He waves a hand dismissively. By Jiro's deepening scowl, he isn't taking the humor too well. "Hate to break it to you, but we're alive so that's kind of what we do. We die. And running from us for a reason like that is just stupid." When Jiro's expression only seems to get angrier, Shu sighs and tries a different approach. "You don't really believe that, do you? After everything we've been through, can't you see that as long as we're all together, we can stand against anything?"
Jiro remains silent.
"You don't believe me." Breathing out, one part exasperated and three parts resigned, Shu pushes himself to his feet. Jiro blinks up at him in surprise as he holds out a hand. "So let me prove it to you instead."
Jiro hesitates. "Shu..."
"If you're really my friend," Shu keeps his voice steady, not moving unblinking eyes from Jiro, "then you'll do this for me. You'll trust me."
He watches Jiro, who gives him a hard stare.
And then the other boy lets out a breath, half annoyed and half amused. "You're going to be the death of me one of these days."
Shu grins cheekily. "Not if you're the death of me first."
Jiro's eyebrow twitches, hands clenching. "You're trying to get me to kill you, aren't you? This is one of your sick, suicidal moods, isn't it?"
"Maybe," he draws the word out, then smirks. "Besides, if I remember correctly, we do have a standing appointment."
"You're joking." Jiro looks slightly green. "Now? After all of this?"
"What better time is there?" He chuckles. "Come on," he pulls the other boy along, down the hillside, ignoring his yelp of protest. "One sword fight, one Shadow Battle, and one tree-climbing race. Deal?"
"Shu, hang on a minute, will you-?"
"Unless, of course, you're going back on your word."
"I never go back on my word!" The vehemence in his voice is pronounced. "Bring it on! I'd like to see you try to beat me. I bet you can't win any of those fights!"
"I bet you I can!" And he laughs, purely out of happiness, feeling the wind push through his hair, and he feels so light... Like when he's flying on Blue Dragon, the world shining beneath him, and the sky seeming close enough to touch.
And maybe they're not the most typical kind of friends.
And maybe they aren't the most typical kind of rivals, either.
But that's fine.
Because they have their own way of doing things.
仲間 (なかま, nakama) Noun.
A word that has no translation.
A friendship that is something more than friendship, a bond that defies all explanation - this is not a word.
It is a feeling that is grown in the mind, nurtured in the soul, and which blossoms in the heart.
Jiro's mantra - "Everything always ends in fire." - though first seen in Avec Tu, actually originated here. Had it not been written here in Nakama, it probably wouldn't have ended up being such a reoccurring theme throughout the four-part piece.
I beat my oneshot word count record! :D (Yay!) However... I believe a little birdie has told me that a certain someone has already beaten it. ;) (Yay again!)
I don't really have anything else to say, actually. Review if you're able to; if not, it's fine. Updating will be crazy, at least for the short-term (probably long-term, too, but I have my fingers crossed here). And, of course, there's one last thing for me to say:
Happy birthday, An! :D
