He had called her a Mudblood. Why did he do that? She'll never forgive him. Ever. He had to change. Where would he be going if he kept on studying the dark arts and not setting his priorities straight? Would he rather be miserable without Lily, filling his heartbreak with anger and dark magic? Or would he rather still have her in his life just not in the way he wanted or imagined? He took time thinking, pacing around the stone floor of the common room. Finally he decided. He only had one more year here and he wasn't going to see Lily for the last time as they graduated.
The next day he walked determinedly to the tree with the twisted trunk next to the lake where they always were. He was sure Lily would be there. And there she was with her beautiful hair and her beautiful eyes and her beautiful face twisted into a look of disgust as he walked up to a slight second he considered going back, afraid of facing Lily and Potter and his posse but the moment faded almost as quickly as it came and he continued to march over to them. Immediately, Black and Potter were on the prowl, standing in front of Lily guarding her from the greasy boy who had insulted her to the highest degree. He asked to speak with her and Sirius howled with laughter that had no hint of amusement. James glanced back at Lily who watched Snape closely. He tried to plead with her non verbally. She scoffed and asked what he wanted. Only to speak to her for a few minutes and then he'd leave her alone. So she pushed past her bodyguards and walked along the lake with him. And the whole time he felt the words rush out of him, each sentence tumbling over the other. Apologies and explanations and apologies and promises. And she didn't look at him but she listened intently. She didn't say anything as she watched him blinked back tears when they walked back towards the tree.
He pleaded with her. "Please, Lily. You're my best friend. I don't know why I called you a...a...well, you know. I was jealous of them. Of Potter. And you know how they torture me. But I need you, really. I'm going to stop studying the dark arts. I'm cutting ties with the rest of them who want to learn it. Please, Lil". She looked him over for a few seconds and spun on her heels back to her real friends. Friends who hadn't betrayed her trust and her loyalty.
Severus had never felt so empty in his life, not even when he was at home listening to them yell and not even when Potter and Black teased him. He felt his heart drop and his eyes water. Not even realizing where he was going, he trudged back to the castle because he had promised that would be the last time he would speak to her if that's what she wanted. He didn't remember dragging himself down the steps to the dungeon or muttering the password or passing his friends without a second glance. He collapsed into bed fully clothed and wiped away silent tears.
The next day he gathered his books, pulled on his robes, and went up to breakfast alone. He sat on the bench and played with his porridge not feeling hungry in the slightest. He let the numb of sadness take over as he stared at the sloppy oats on his spoon. He felt people sit beside him but didn't look up, not until he caught a glance of red wavy hair in front of him. He looked up at a half grin on the most beautiful person he had ever seen. Her name was lodged in his throat so he just gaped like a fish out of water.
"Sev, I thought about it and we can warm up to each other again only if you give up the dark arts and stop hanging around these baboons" she jerked her thumb at some of his friends that had recently immersed themselves in dark magic.
He nodded, too afraid to speak. He gazed around him at the other people who had sat down, like he was in a dream. Lupin sat next to Lily with a tired and worried expression across his pale face. Black sat on Severus' left looking extremely annoyed and bored at having to come and talk to him. James sat on his right with a hesitant and guarded stance, acting as if he was ready to pounce across the table to shield Lily from Severus' view. Peter sat on Lily's' left with a contorted face that Severus believed to be a state of anger and toughness that Peter didn't possess.
"Do we have an understanding, Sev?" Lily asked narrowing her piercing gaze. Snape nodded again.
"And I'll show you what dark magic really looks like if you decide you want to hurt Evans" James said punching Snape in the arm.
"I think I can handle myself James" Lily replied half annoyed but also half amused. They left the Slytherin table and joined their own house for breakfast. Severus' heart lightened immensely and he vowed to himself that he would change.
So as the year progressed, Severus separated himself with the dark arts crew who had begun calling themselves Death Eaters and instead of in the restricted section of the library he could be found in the great hall with his new Slytherin friends (all a bit stuck up because of their pure blood status and ministry connections but lovely all the same) or out next to the lake with the marauders and Lily. They still teased him about his hair and his pointy nose but it was a tiny bit more playful. He wasn't on the best terms with Sirius but he told Lupin about the new wolfsbane potion he had read about in the library and James was trying to get him into quidditch. Peter sometimes sat with Black ignoring Severus but other times he listened in on intellectual conversations between Lupin, Lily, and Severus.
Soon enough they had graduated Hogwarts and were moving on with their lives. War was coming but Severus was happy because he had his Slytherin friends and he had Lily. After Hogwarts, he landed a job at the ministry in the Department of International Magical Cooperation through his connections with his friends. There he worked with witches and wizards from around the world with research in potions. Lily and the marauders were focusing a lot of energy on the coming war but still had time for a wedding. When the time came, Severus was there in the front row watching as James and Lily said their vows. His heart pained a bit but it also fluttered when his date held onto his arm and danced with him during a slow song.
