No Love, No Tomorrow, No Worries
By: VeroBrian and his mother entered the
psychiatrist's office. Brian wasn't
glad to be there and Joan had
a fake smile on her face that
disappeared when the doctor asked
her to leave the office because he
thought now it would be better
for the therapy if she left them
alone. Joan left the office not
very happy. Brian was suspicious but
glad to have his mother
away.
The therapist looked at him seriously.
"Brian,
with your mom here, I understood that an honest discussion
would
never see the light of day. So now I want you to be honest with
me
okay?" asked Dr. Lane.
Brian grinned at him.
"Okay,
I think you are hot. Wanna fuck? At least my mom will pay
for
something I finally could enjoy."
The doctor smiled back.
"Nice try but, I'm not gay. Besides you are
my patient. You aren't
here for that."
"You are
no fun doc! Besides, if you never tried a man you can't tell
you
aren't gay for sure."
"I'm sure of what I am, but you? Are you?"
"I'm sure I'm gay! And nothing will change that Doc."
"You are not an easy patient Brian," Thought Dr. Lane.
"So what you wanna talk
about? Are you cheating on your wife? I see a
ring on your
finger?"
"I'm not, besides it's me who asks question remember?"
Brian rolled his eyes.
"Why do you think I could cheat?"
"Everybody cheats on everybody doc!"
"I don't think so? Why do you think that? You
already cheat on
somebody? Your parents cheat on each
others?"
"Fuck yes, my dad must be a champion."
"So
because your dad cheats that makes everybody a cheater? Did you
ever
cheat on somebody? That Michael? Or did he cheat on you?"
"I
never cheated on Michael. I could never do that."
"You
seems all tense Brian, did Michael cheat on you?"
"Nope," said Brian.
"You don't seem convinced?"
"He doesn't ...but...nut... I'm feeling like he is."
Dr. Lane frowned. There was a battle inside Brian, he could tell.
"You
two are best friends? Nothing more? I don't really understand
your
relationship with him. With your mother interrupting us all the
time,
it was impossible... tell me more about Michael."
"We are best friends who are in love with each other."
Dr.
Lane frowned again. Brian didn't want to talk about it but with
all
the things happening in his life, he felt he had to. After all,
his
mother was wasting what would be his "Inheritance" money
for it.
"So, why not boyfriends? If you two are in love?"
Brian let a bitter laugh escape.
"We
are too young. We'll never stand a chance... I'm hard each time I
see
an ass! And it's not because Mikey's ass is not hot enough. He
has
a such great ass, it's just..."
"Hormonal."
"Fuck yes."
"So you can't remain faithful, you will cheat
on him, that'. s why?
And he will cheat on you?"
"Nope,
Mikey is too stupid to let his cock do what it wants and cheat
on
me..."
"But you will?"
"Nope, not if I'm with him in that way."
"So where's the problem?"
"The problem is one day or another we will
both regret settling down
too young. I'll ask all my life what it
could have been and he will
probably, too."
"It's a possibility not a fatality, you two can be happy..."
"Stop
your dreamy suppositions, we are talking hormones here
not
feelings... I'm 17. There's a lot of great ass and cock
waiting for
me and waiting for him."
"At least you are not jealous and what does he think of that?"
"He
doesn't like it. I think he is jealous of the tricks, but they
are
just tricks...and I'm jealous maybe even more than he is."
The
more Dr. Lane listened to Brian the more he has trouble
understanding
the teenager.
"We are still best friends because I want
us to be forever. I love
him too much and we both still have our
both lives to find out."
"This sounds reasonable."
"Of course it is."
"And you both agree to remain friends only?"
"Sort of."
"What do you mean?"
"It's
harder than I think and now... I don't know anymore about me
and
him. I'm confused."
Brian didn't like the sound of his
voice. It was cracking. He was
breaking down. He could feel it. He
tried to suppress the tears and
be strong when his eyes met Dr.
Lane's eyes.
"You can cry Brian, I won't tell anyone. Let
the tears free, let them
go, it's okay to let them free," Dr.
lane said very softly.
Brian didn't know what to do. Could he
trust that guy? He finally
broke down because he didn't want to
keep these feelings inside. For
the first time someone else other
than his Michael would be the
witness to his tears because Michael
couldn't be the one to fix them.
Once he calmed down, he began to explain what happened....
Tbc…
Michael and Brian
were cuddling on the couch, watching a movie.
Debbie had left them
after they finished eating. She had some
shopping to do and bills
to pay. All the events were playing in each
teenage mind. Michael
couldn't stop thinking that Brian was really in
love with him and
if his eyes watched the TV, he had no idea about
the movie's
topic. His heart was beating like crazy because he felt
Brian's
body and arms close to him.
Brian replayed the events in his
mind too, wondering if his older
self found the happiness he
craved with Michael. Without knowing,
they looked at each other at
the same time, and their eyes locked.
Shy smiles were on their
faces and without really deciding, they
suddenly found themselves
kissing, slowly at first, then more
passionate as tongues
discovered for the first time each others
mouth. The sensations
they both felt were incredible.
They broke their first serious
kiss abruptly with regret when they
heard Debbie's voice who was
opening the door, back from her
shopping. Debbie entered the room,
exhausted, yelling about how she
was threatened by the bank's
cashier.
Brian looked Michael all confused by what just
happened, and then he
stood up.
"Gotta go! If I'm late, Pop will be pissed at me again."
Michael nodded
blindly. His thoughts weren't straight. As soon Brian
left, he
watched his back disappearing slowly around the corner of
the
street. A huge smile came across his face. He went to his room
and
literally jumped on his bed, he never been so happy in his
life.
Late that night, neither Brian nor Michael could find
any sleep, both
for different reasons. Michael was too excited and
Brian was too
scared. They agreed to stay friends, and that kiss
was a mistake, a
mistake he loved, but still a mistake. He didn't
want a relationship
with Michael. He was torn because it felt so
right to kiss him, to
hold him but the more he thought about it
the more an unbearable fear
was taking him over. They were too
young. They couldn't make it at
this age. Brian, as much he loved
Michael and was sure Michael shared
his love too, didn't trust
that feeling, didn't trust the works of
the time about love. Brian
wanted to build an unbreakable love, not
live a teenage love. He
wanted their love to be forever, and their
love was too young to
face all the troubles. He was scare as hell
that abandoning
himself to this love now was the only way to waste it
and lose
it.
Tomorrow he'd have to remind Michael of that. As much as
they could
be in love, they won't be boyfriends. He finally closed
his eyes and
the background of his parent's voices fighting faded
away.
The next day Brian arrived a little
late at school where Michael was
impatiently waiting for him in
the class. Brian sat down quickly and
made a quick smile toward
Michael.
"You're lucky, seems Mr. Barton is later than
you today," said
Michael
"Good."
"You look like shit Brian," stated Michael.
"Didn't sleep much."
"Me either, Brian…do you..."
But Brian interrupted Michael.
"Mikey about yesterday, forget it okay? Only best friends remember?"
Brian looked at
Michael straight in the eyes. Of course he saw how
disappointed
Michael was suddenly.
"But Brian..." Michael tried
to add before Brian interrupted him
again.
"So did you talk to Mark?"
"Huh?" asked Michael, all confused
"You said you'd talk to him. I told you if you
won't I'll do it for
you."
"Well...what??"
"Mikey! You're still a virgin!"
Michael couldn't believe his eyes
and his ears. He was pretty shocked
to say the least. Brian seemed
to have no problem bringing Mark as
his potential first fuck and
Michael did his best to not let a tear
drop. The teacher entered
and very hurt he looked at his history book.
Brian was hurting
himself as well. He knew he hurt Mikey, but he
seriously thought
it was for the best, a wrong for a right.
Michael and Brian
didn't speak a lot during class and even during
lunch. Michael
didn't go to speak to Mark, and neither did Brian.
Brian tried to
keep the conversation around new movie releases until
he asked his
best friend:
"Want to go to Babylon, tonight? Could be fun."
Michael hesitated, and that's when Brian made his
huge "Please" smile
he couldn't resist and he finally
said yes.
"Great! I'll meet you in front of the club, okay?"
Michael nodded as they went their separate ways.
A few hours later that night, Brian and Michael were in
that huge
club. It was still very impressive, even if they went
there already.
"I love this place!" said Brian out loud.
Michael was still wondering why he was there because
since that
infamous discussion in the morning, the only thing he
wanted really
was to talk to Brian.
Brian began to dance,
men gyrated around him and he seemed lost in
the music.
Michael was at the bar, bored when he heard a voice behind him.
"Hey Michael? Are you not to young for this club?"
Michael jumped and saw Mark Orton with a dazzling smile.
"So are you," replied Michael.
"It's the miracle of the fake ID," whispered Mark at Michael's ear
Michael smiled.
"You seem bored."
"I'm with Brian," answered Michael.
"That's why..." Mark looked at Brian on the dance floor.
"Are you alone?"
"Nope I came with a friend of my cousin.
There it's him" he said
pointing at a blond 25 year old
guy.
"Oh! Why aren't you dancing?"
"I'm
not a good dancer. I came here just because my cousin insisted
since
I came out to him. You know, he wants me to have fun, a lot of
his
friends are gay... my cousin is a nice guy, not a homophobe
prick.
I'm lucky."
"That's nice..."
"Wow,
your friend is sure not afraid of anything... his reputation
must
really be true."
Michael looked suddenly in Brian's
direction, but didn't find him
anymore.
"Where is he? I don't see him anymore."
"Of course, he just
entered the backroom with two guys no less.
Seriously, I can't
imagine fucking in that place! It's too creepy."
Michael
was pale. He didn't want to believe it. He didn't pay
attention to
Mark's words as he made his way to the backroom. He felt
incredibly
uneasy throughout the cold corridor, where men moans were
noisy
and the smell of sex was everywhere. Then, he saw it, Brian
with
those two guys. One had Brian's dick his mouth, the other was
kissing
his best friend's nipple. Michael was in shock. He stayed
there,
unable to move at first then Brian's eyes met his and he saw
Brian
smiling at him.
Brian had a hard time to keep that smile while
he was witnessing
Michael's pure hurt displayed on his face.
Finally, Michael left. As
soon Michael disappeared, Brian ordered
the two guys to stop, and he
zipped his pants and put his shirt
back on. Suddenly feeling foolish
and guilty, he exited the
backroom quickly to find Michael and
explain, knowing that he went
too far, that Michael didn't have
that "lesson."
But
he found nobody. He phoned the Novotny house but nobody
answered.
Debbie was working at the diner, so he decided to go to
Michael's,
and used his key but nobody was there.
Brian
didn't have a clue of what happened to Michael. He went back to
his
home all worried. Too bad for him, his father was drunk as hell,
and
already in a fight with his mother. He didn't take the time to
answer
his father when he asked him where he was at that time of the
night
and the fact the he threatened him by calling police didn't
make
him not have to respect his parents. Brian was hit hard on his
back
by his father, but it wasn't why he was hurting. Where was his
Mikey?
He began to cry again. It was all his fault.
At the same time,
Michael was experiencing his first sex experience
at Mark's
friend's flat.
The next day it was Brian who arrived
at school first and was waiting
for Michael. He was all worried.
He didn't sleep at all fearing
something horrible could have
happened to his best friend.
Michael finally arrived with Mark
Orton. A wrong shiver came across
Brian's body. Michael was
smiling at Mark as they were talking.
Brian walked toward them.
"Mikey, I have to talk to you! NOW!"
Michael nodded and began to follow Brian when Mark stopped him.
"Hey, Michael, class will begin in a few minutes, you can't..."
Brian glared at Mark
"What? Skipping class?" Brian smirked. "Come on Mikey."
Michael looked at Mark, a little embarrassed.
"It's okay Mark, see ya later."
Mark let them go. He wasn't happy at all.
In fact, Michael expected
that reaction from Brian. He wanted to make
Brian jealous and make
him understand that all of this was stupid,
they could be
boyfriends, and there was no reason for them not to
be. They went
into a little deserted area and they sat down on the
grass. Brian
wasn't happy at all.
"Damn, Michael! You were with him!
What didn't you call? Do you have
any idea how worried I was for
you?" he yelled.
"I had no idea you cared, you seemed so busy with those guys!"
"Well I do care! Do
you have any idea how dangerous it was to leave
alone like
that?"
"I wasn't alone!" Michael was annoyed.
The discussion didn't take the
turn he expected. He felt like he
was facing his mother.
"Whatever, you have to call me next time or tell me you are leaving!"
Michael was angry.
"I had sex with Mark, all night," he stated like a bomb.
There was a silence. Brian tried to realise what
Michael had just
said. He was so worried about his friend he
didn't think that his
Michael could have been losing his virginity
the previous night.
He finally said, worried again: "Oh
my god! Mikey, you two used
condoms, didn't you?"
"Of
course! What do you think I am? Stupid?" Michael replied,
angry
by Brian's reaction.
Another silence followed. Brian
wasn't too much upset by the news,
after all it was sex, and it
was his fault, if it happened last
night. And it wasn't like he
hadn't prepared himself for that since
long ago.
"How was it? Did you like it?" he asked with concern.
Michael was stunned again.
"I loved it! That was just great, Mark
is a good lover!" Michael said
sincerely. Mark had been
really kind and tender. His first experience
turned out to be
great. Brian frowned at Michael when he said "lover."
"I
m happy for you! God, Mikey, it could have turned out bad,
you
know... you decided to do it because you were angry at me. It
could
have been a mess."
"Well it wasn't. We did
it 3 times," said Michael, always wanting to
make Brian
jealous.
"That not bad for a first? So, I'm sure your
dick is dying for some
more!" grinned Brian.
"What?" asked Michael confused.
"Next time, let me choose the guy
for you. I'll make sure you'll have
a better time than with
Mark!"
Michael was truly shocked.
"You aren't
jealous? I fucked Mark and that's all that you have to
say to
me?"
Brian looked at Michael with a smile.
"It was just sex Mikey! Beside I don't do jealous"
"Yeah,
right, you were pretty jealous about Allan, if I remember
well,"
stated Michael.
"That was different."
Michael
didn't understand Brian. How could he have been different? He
didn't
have sex with Allan but he did with Mark.
Brian stood up.
"I
think it's time to go take in some culture! You'll tell me
everything
about your first time at lunch. I want details!"
Brian
walked away from Michael who was staying, completely stunned
and
furious at the same time.
"So are you coming?" asked Brian.
Michael followed Brian, all upset. Brian had no idea
how Michael
could have been upset. Brian wasn't worried anymore.
Michael was
safe, nothing bad happened to him. He wasn't a virgin
anymore. He
admitted to himself, he would have wanted to be
Michael's first but
knew it was for the best for the two of them.
It was better it didn't
happen that way. It was just sex after
all. Just pleasure you took
from another's body who means nothing
to you. Sex and love are two
different things and he had no reason
to be upset. One day he knew
he'd make Michael forget all those
future supposed to be "great"
fucks. That day where they
will be ready and, for the first time,
love will make the
difference. But it wasn't for today or tomorrow.
They needed time
to transcend that love and make sure nothing could
break it. At
least Brian was picturing it like that.
During all the
class, Michael couldn't concentrate on the lessons. He
was truly
disappointed. Brian wasn't jealous, worse he talked to him
about
picking guys out for him. He had some nausea at the thought. He
was
wondering if Brian really loved him. It seemed to him that all
that
happened the past few days was just a dream turning into
a
nightmare.
At lunch time they had barely sat down and
started to talking about
that first sex experience when two arms
suddenly held Michael from
behind. Michael almost jumped by fear
when he felt a tender kiss on
his neck at the same time. Michael
realised it was Mark and was
pretty surprised.
"I need to talk to you," said Mark.
Brian, who witnessed the
whole scene with the same surprise, glared
at Mark. He was clearly
not happy.
"What the fuck are you doing here Mac? Mikey
and I were about to have
a serious conversation," said Brian
abruptly.
Mark smiled at Brian.
"It's Mark! Well,
I guess my Michael will have to wait before telling
his best
friend how great his first time was," Mark stated simply.
Brian
didn't like how Mark emphasised the words "My Michael"
and
"his best friend."
Michael turned crimson at the same words. He stood up.
"Hum… I coming back soon
Brian," he said all embarrassed as he
followed Mark.
Brian
looked as they disappeared around a deserted corner between
two
buildings. He felt his blood boil. He felt he was losing
control.
Anger was invading him. After a few minutes, he decided
to join them
to see what Mark wanted with his Mikey.
He
arrived closer to the corner and suddenly he froze at Mark
and
Michael's sight who were kissing tenderly.
He didn't
have time to think, nobody had the right to kiss his true
love
like this Mark was doing. He came closer to them as fury
was
possessing him and pushed Mark away violently and he fell on
the cold
floor.
"Brian!" yelled Michael with horror.
"What the fuck! Are you crazy?" asked Mark with anger as he stood up.
"Get the fuck out of here," ordered Brian.
"Don't give me orders Kinney! What's your problems" replied Mark.
"Don't approach Mikey again!"
Michael was completely stunned by Brian's rage,
which was displayed
on his best friend's face and at the
determination on Mark's face.
"Kinney, Michael is my boyfriend," stated Mark, all confident.
"It's not because you fucked him you are."
Mark Orton sighed.
"I just asked him to be my boyfriend and he said yes!"
Brian
froze again at the words. He looked at Michael, confused.
Michael
turned crimson again.
"Is that true?"
Michael nodded uneasily.
"He asked me and…"
"Michael, we need to talk NOW!" yelled Brian.
Mark glared at Brian
and moved closer to Michael. Michael looked at
Mark.
"Don't worry Mark."
Michael followed Brian for the second time
that day, at Mark's
displeasure.
Michael and Brian finally
stopped when they were far away from
everybody and especially
Mark.
"I don't believe it Michael, you won't be his boyfriend will you?"
"He asked me and he is nice…"
Michael felt really confused at Brian's
reaction. This morning he
didn't give a shit and now it was dramatic
for him.
Brian shook his head.
"I don't understand Mikey. He asked you
and you said yes? Just
because you fucked him doesn't mean you
have to be his boyfriend!"
"Well, at least HE wants ME to be his boyfriend."
"So is that all matters to you? Being and having a boyfriend?"
"I want someone who cares for me enough to be!"
"Christ Michael! I love you!"
"What a great love that is! You aren't
even jealous and want me to
become a whore like you! Picking guys
for me! I'm not a WHORE Brian!
I need to love to make love!"
said Michael, all angry.
Brian's heart broke at that instant.
"You fell in love with him." He sighed.
"And now I'm just a WHORE to
you!! Your love is full of
bullshit Michael... all you wanted was to
get laid and have a
fucking boyfriend, no matter who it is! Your love
is childish! You
are a fucking nauseating fairy tale come to life!"
"What's
wrong with that? What's wrong with wanting to have a
boyfriend?
What's wrong with YOU? I love you Brian but what you are
asking of
me is too much! You are not loving me for asking me that!"
"It's because I love you that I asked you that!"
"Mark
told me he wanted me, and me alone. He said
yesterday...it
was.."
"Shut the fuck up!"'
"You
know what?! You were right about what happened between us,
let's
forget it..." said Michael with tears that were
threatening to
escape.
"You are not serious?"
said Brian suddenly discouraged. He didn't
state his line with
force at all. A familiar mantra came across his
mind again. "Love
doesn't exist, Love is a fairy tale lie for hurting
people..."
"I'm Mark's boyfriend. You'd better get used to it Brian."
As
soon as he said his last words to Dr. Lane, Brian began to cry
again.
He thought about his older self. He thought about what he told
to
him. About them taking 18 years before becoming best friend.
He
wished his older self was there right now. He was wondering
if
Michael and him in the future became a couple it wasn't
because
Michael took pity of him or by default. He was doubting
more and
more. He could feel his love for Michael hurting him like
hell. He
knew that his older self was crazy in love with Michael
too. He was
so confused he wished "Allan" was there to
guide him again.
Unfortunately for Brian the session was done
when he finally calmed
down. Joan, who was waiting in the
corridor, saw Brian's eyes red and
full of tears. She didn't have
any kind words, didn't ask anything.
She paid the secretary and
even the last word of comfort Dr. Lane
told to him couldn't fill
the void inside Brian.
He let his feelings open a lot since a
few days and he was feeling he
was hurting more because of that
choice. He felt so alone. Nobody
could help him.
As they
came home, Jack wasn't pleased again. Brian didn't want to
face
his dad. His dad and his mother yelled again. He heard Jack tell
to
Joan, he won't waste any more money on a psychiatrist!
Claire entered, all angry, in Brian's room.
"I hate you! They
are still fighting because of you! You are shit
Brian!"
Jack, one hour later, rushed into his son's room.
"I want you
to be at home after school and you will be locked down
here! I
don't want you to see your pervert friend and go to that gay
Liberty
Avenue."
Brian looked at him, bored and broken
"I
have to go to the Taylor's Sunday afternoon. I'm baby-sitting
their
son," he sighed.
"You can forget that, I'll phone
them! I don't want to risk you
displaying your perversion to that
kid. I have enough problems with
you already."
The
older Brian opened his eyes, finally back at his new future. He
felt
a dick in his mouth just cumming. He looked at the owner of the
dick
and saw a sixty year old man. The old guy was zipping up his
pants
and left 50 dollars on the bed before leaving without a word.
Brian
looked at the room. It seemed to be an old flat. He felt
nauseous.
He looked at himself in the mirror, and what he saw scared
him. He
felt very wrong. He looked at the nightstand, and saw
needles. All
confused, his eyes saw his arms full of needle scars. He
was
addicted, he needed his dose and he took one of the needles.
His
mind was confused. He finally put the needle down and didn't take
his
dose. He tried to remember, but his mind was all confused. Then
he
remembered that night after what happened with Michael and
his
family. He ran away and never came back. He ended up being the
whore
Michael told him he was and found comfort in drugs.
Brian tried to compose himself with
the weird memories that were
rushing into his mind. He saw himself
as an ad exec and he remembered
a time machine and Michael.
Finally, he decided to take a needle and
take a dose. He was
already having hallucinations anyway, plus the
last thing he
wanted to do was think.
He came back to the street, hoping to
find a good client this time,
younger than he was used to
finding.
At the same time, Michael and David's car parked on that same street.
"I need a drink, I'm thirsty," stated David.
"We are almost at my old school, I'm sure
you'll find something to
drink there. That part of the town is
creepy, there's prostitutes
everywhere," said
Michael.
"Well, there's also a little seven eleven there. You want something?"
"No."
"I'll get you a soda. Orange, is that what you want?"
"David I'm not..."
"Lemon?"
"Lemon, yes," Michael said with a sigh.
David exited the car and Michael was
looking at him enter the shop.
He looked at his watch, they were
early but he was still impatient.
Since he received the letter
from his old school about that reunion,
he was excited and
anxious. After all that time he didn't forget
Brian and was hoping
he could be there. He didn't have high hopes.
When Brian
disappeared he and his mother spent two weeks searching
for him
without success. His heart was still aching from the pain.
Mr. and
Mrs. Kinney didn't bother to look for the son more than two
days.
Michael never forgot the shock when Brian didn't come back to
school
the next day and when he learnt Brian ran away. He felt so
guilty.
He knew Brian was weak and a mess when it came to his
feelings. He
just wanted to be his boyfriend. He didn't understand
what
happened in Brian's mind and he was still wondering sometimes.
He
also felt guilty because he knew everything was hard for Brian
to
handle at that time and that Brian asked him to wait and be
strong
until Brian himself could be strong too. He didn't.
Now
Michael was looking at his past and what he done with his life.
Mark
made a big deal to comfort him. He remembered he confessed to
Mark
how much he was in love with Brian. What a big mistake he made.
Mark
was a control freak. He was so jealous about Michael's feelings
for
Brian and that pain that couldn't die and Michael was so weak
and
depressed. He let Mark control his life and decide everything
for
him.
Michael felt lost and, for a while, Mark made the
illusion work,
until Mark left for university and broke up with
him. Michael didn't
go to college at all. He found a job at the
big Q and his mother
complained a lot about the "non-life"
Michael was living.
He finally met Emmett, a fun guy he shared his
flat with. Then,
Michael met Jeoffrey, another control freak, who
cheated on him every
time he could. He finally broke up when
Jeoffrey got HIV and he had
the scare of his life, thinking he was
infected too.
Ted entered their life. Ted unfortunately died
after a coma and an
overdose. Then he met David. Life wasn't so
bad with him. David was
just another control freak, but at least a
lot better that the two
others. It was better than nothing and now
he lived in Portland for
two years. Michael never talked about
Brian to David. Michael was
happy because this weekend, he would
meet his mother and Justin. He
didn't seem him since his parents
decided to send him to a military
school when they found out he
was gay.
Suddenly Michael's memories were brought back to
reality with a knock
at a window. He carefully opened the
window.
"50 dollars and I'll give you the greatest blow job you never had!"
Michael looked at the man to say he
wasn't interested when he had a
pure shock. The prostitute was
Brian. He recognised him instantly
even if Brian's face was no
longer the healthy one he used to know. A
huge pain invaded his
heart at the sight of his best friend and what
he had become: an
addicted prostitute.
"Brian?" asked Michael with shock in voice.
Brian froze. He didn't know if he was tripping or not.
"Mikey?"
"Oh my god Brian," said Michael with a loud voice this time.
"Fuck," said Brian as he suddenly ran away.
Michael didn't hesitate to
exit the car and ran after his best
friend. He didn't want to lose
him. He ran like mad as David exited
the store, stunned at what he
saw: his boyfriend running after a
junkie.
Brian didn't
have the strength to run anymore and finally fell to the
ground in
a corner of a dark street. Michael had no problem
finding
him.
"Brian? You remember me?"
"I'm
tripping! It's the fucking drugs! Leave me alone! You are a
ghost,"
yelled Brian, holding his head.
Michael sat down near Brian.
He had tears in his eyes as he took
Brian's hand off his head.
"A ghost can't touch you. I'm real Brian."
Michael was so
hurt at the sight of what his best friend had become.
Guilt
overtook him again as love he thought he buried long time
ago
reappeared stronger than ever. He kissed Brian's hand
softly.
"I'm here now."
"I'm tripping, I'm tripping," repeated Brian.
Michael decided to hold Brian.
"No you're not."
Brian finally let go,
sure he was really tripping. At least he loved
that trip and he
held Michael's back tightly and cried in despair.
"I love you Michael, I never stopped loving you... I love you..."
"I love you too, Brian. Oh my god what happened to you?"
Brian looked at Michael's face and touched it.
"You, if only
that time machine Sophia created was really real, I'd
take it
again and change all the mess I did, I'd tell to my younger
self
that risking to have you as a boyfriend is better that to lose
you
to Mark... if I had that time machine... what have I done? What
I
have done?"
"Yes if we had a time machine…"
whispered Michael. "Me too, I'd
change the past"
"I
love you. I made you doubt that... I'd take you even if you
don't
really love me..."
"What are you talking
about Brian. I love you. How could you doubt
that?"
As
he asked the question, Michael found the answer, he was
doubting
because it was Brian, with his shitty past with his
family and all
his fears.
"Stand up Brian. Where do you live?"
Brian pointed to a window.
They finally
entered the old and nasty flat Brian lived in. Michael's
heart
broke once more. Needles and drugs were everywhere. Soon his
cell
rang. It was David.
"Where the hell are you?" asked David.
Michael panicked.
"I met an old friend, look, I..."
"We were early, now we will be late!" complained David.
"Look, I'm coming. I have to phone to
my mother to take care of my
friend and..."
"What?"
"Don't
get mad okay, please..." begged Michael.
Michael phoned his
mother and Justin. He gave the address to them in
order to have
them take care of Brian. He didn't want David to know
what
happened. He was all confused and it was messy enough like that.
He moved closer to Brian who was in the bed.
"Look, Brian,
my mom and Justin will arrive soon. I have to go, just
don't move
okay?"
"Don't leave me Mikey."
"Promise
you won't leave until my mom and Justin are here. Promise
me."
"I promise Mikey. I'm staying here forever."
"Good."
"Mikey,
bring me back that time machine...bring it back to me… it's
the
school's reunion today, isn't it?" Brian was all confused.
He
didn't know what was reality and what was illusion.
Michael didn't want to upset his best friend.
"I'll do it."
He
kissed Brian softly on the lips and left, heartbroken and in a
huge
panic.
David was waiting for him and he wasn't happy. When he
looked at
Michael's face full of tears and so hurt, he felt
concern.
"Mike, what happened, are you okay?"
"Yeah,
I met a friend. It was kinda shocking. He became a prostitute
and
I'm still in shock to say the least."
"Well, you
know what, we are going to that reunion just to say hi and
be
polite and then we'll come back here."
"Thanks."
David took a tissue from his pocket and gave it to Michael.
They
arrived at the school and Michael's mind wasn't there at all.
He
wanted to leave. He wanted to be near Brian.
Then Sophia came to him.
"Hey Michael? Oh my god, you look like shit."
"Sophia? Is that you?"
"Yep,
in the flesh. I was hoping to see Brian but... do you have any
news?
And you? How are you?"
Michael began to cry.
"Oh my god, Michael..."
Sophia didn't want Michael to be
exposed to wondering people ready to
gossip about him and took him
into another room.
"Is it that bad?"
"Sophia,
I just met Brian. He is a mess, he is a prostitute, oh
my
god."
Sophia was in shock wasn't sure she heard Michael well.
"What?"
"I don't know what
to do, I don't why I'm here! What am I doing here,
when Brian
needs me! Fucking mess... Sophia, he was tripping, he was
talking
about you, about a time machine, oh my god." Michael thought
he
was losing the little control he had until there.
It was Sophia who slapped him hard. He calmed down again.
"He talked to you about me and a time machine?"
"Yes, he was tripping."
"Or maybe not, maybe he remembered
something..." Sophia said all
seriously.
Michael
wanted to laugh at first but Sophia's serious face made him
stop
before he started.
She showed him the time machine and explained the concept.
"So... he could have been telling
the truth, what he told me…"
Michael said, all
confused.
"Take it Michael and bring it to him... like he
asked, he'll fix it
all, at least it can't be worse..."
Michael
nodded. He felt like he was in the Twilight Zone. He didn't
believe
what was happening. Hell he thought everything he knew until
now
was turning into a nightmare. Where was reality and where was
the
fiction? He didn't care. He wanted to save Brian.
His cell phone rang. It was Debbie. She was in tears.
"Michael..." she repeated twice.
"How is Brian?"
"Oh
my god, Michael, he is dead. I think he had an overdose."
Michael
couldn't believe what he heard.
"Michael... I want you to
know, he has a smile on his face... Michael
are you
there?"
Michael hung up.
"Michael you are pale… What happened?"
"Brian's dead," he said coldly.
Michael's pain was so high he didn't have the strength
to cry or fall
apart.
Sophia took Michael's hand and put the time machine in his hand.
"So it's up to you to go Michael and save Brian!!"
Michael was at the
diner. He was trying to eat his French fries but
he couldn't. His
mind was focused on his younger self and on Brian,
the Brian he
met again after 15 years and who had just died. He was
hoping his
younger self listened to him and was going to do the right
things
in order to save both of them.
This morning it was pretty
weird when he arrived and caught Michael
exiting Mark's house. He
was not sure that his younger self took what
he said seriously
even if he told him secrets only he could knew.
His mother
entered the diner to start her shift. He had the reflex to
hide
but then she just smiled at him and passed by. Of course she
didn't
recognize him.
At the same time, at the high school,
Michael was still surprised to
discover all that the older man who
said to him it was himself coming
back from the future had
actually happened. Brian wasn't jealous, but
worried. Then he even
told him about picking tricks and all when Mark
made his entry
just like his supposed older self said.
He followed Mark to
class. He had a lot of time to think. He felt his
heart a little
aching. He wanted Brian to be jealous, to be his
boyfriend but his
older self told him:
"You promised him you'd wait
Michael. I know what you are feeling and
how hard it is. But Brian
is weak, you are the stronger one,
remember, He needs you as
support. He needs you to open up to the
world, and he needs time.
He is not like the other kids. He only
trusted you. He needs to
learn to trust others too. Give him time,
he'll always love you!
Don't ever doubt that like I did. If you love
him, if you want to
have a future with him, give him time."
Michael knew it was the right thing to do as he remembered the words.
"Besides,
you have to learn to know what your dreams are too and not
only
dreams about Brian, what man you want to become, who you really
are,
because I don't know who I am… I… I wasted it all. Brian's
life
and mine, by not knowing who I am..."
What did
Michael want and dream about besides being with Brian? How
funny,
he never really thought about it. At the same time he
remembered
Brian's words to him a few days ago, when they decided to
stay
best friends until they were ready. Brian wanted to know who he
was
and what he could do or not. This was something frightening for
him,
because he didn't have a clue at that question. All these years
he
focused on Brian and his fantasies. But life is larger than
that.
Being with Brian is a part of his life not all his all
life.
He heard himself saying no to Mark's proposition to be
his boyfriend.
He didn't listen really well to what Mark said but
it didn't matter,
he knew what it was before hearing it.
Mark
was disappointed as his eyes met Brian's eyes, who just arrived.
Mark
passed near Brian without saying a word.
Michael looked at Brian.
"I think I broke my first fucks heart," he said with a sad voice.
Brian smiled.
"He will survive."
"Why? Because I'm someone easy to forget?" said Michael, upset.
Brian rolled his eyes.
"You are so pathetic."
Brian put his arm around Michael's waist and kissed him on the cheek.
"So what did he want?"
"To be my boyfriend."
Brian held Michael tightly.
"I'm glad you refused. Thank you. I
don't think I could bear it if
you had a boyfriend," said
Brian with sincerity.
"Why not? I can fuck a thousand guys but no boyfriend?"
"Because it's just sex Mikey... it's different."
Michael didn't totally agree
with Brian, sex and love was a pairing
to him. But if it was what
he had to do to make Brian happy and
waiting until one day they'd
both share that life they wanted? He was
ready to just have sex
and take care of Brian and make sure it was
all it would be.
"I thought you wanted details about my first time?"
"Of
course. I want to know everything," said Brian in a sexy
voice.
"But before that tell me what you said to Mark?" he
continued
more seriously.
"I just said to him I was sorry, but I had a rule."
"A rule?"
"No
love, no tomorrow, no worries," said Michael with a serious
look.
Brian let a huge smile appeare on his face.
"I love that rule Mikey."
"I bet you love it."
"So are we going to Babylon tonight?"
"Yes we will, but
you won't pick a guy out for me! I'm old enough to
choose what I
want!"
Brian looked surprise and smiled again.
Suddenly
Brian was pinching his best friend a little who was starting
to
laugh.
"Oh no Brian don't start with this."
Brian
showed his most evil grin as he began tickling Michael more
and
more.
They fell on the floor. Brian was on top.
"Stop that Brian! Let me go! Let me go," he repeated.
"Never," said Brian.
At the diner Debbie was looking at an empty chair.
"Damn, I
swore there was a cute brunette here!" she said to her
co-
worker.
"Debbie! This room was empty since I
arrived this morning. Nobody sat
there yet...You must still be
sleeping. Stop the night shift..." she
said, laughing at
Debbie
"You sure?"
The end of No love no
tomorrow no worries and now back at the last
chapter of Touchdown
for tomorrow . :)
touchdown for tomorrow last chapter:
Brian appeared in front of Sophia.
"Welcome back, Brian." She said.
Brian was confused.
"My head is killing me. How long was I gone?"
"Almost 30 seconds, no more."
"What! Wow!"
"How are you?" She asked.
"Fine. Confused, but fine." He said.
"Sit down for a minute." She ordered.
Suddenly the door opened and Michael entered.
"Brian?" He said.
Michael
was worried because Brian's face was pale. Michael glared
at
Sophia.
"Sophia! What were you two up too?"
"Nothing." She said innocently.
"I
know you, you and Brian were always getting into weird
predicaments.
I saw him follow you and when he didn't come back
I..."
Brian interrupted him.
"Sophia, you remember Mikey?" Brian asked.
"Yes, I have a good memory! Hi Michael."
Michael realized he wasn't being polite to her.
"Hello, Sophia."
"I'm glad to see you two are still best friends."
Brian stood up and put his arms around
Michael's shoulder and said
proudly,
"Actually, we are lovers now."
Michael blushed.
"That's great! Since when?"
"Eight years…we got together after I
came back to college and found a
job, we committed to each other 4
years ago."
"Congratulations!" said Sophia.
"I have son too, his name is Gus."
Sophia was surprised.
"Huh? But…I don't understand."
"A
lesbian friend of mine wanted a baby, I just jerked off in
the
tube.."
"Oh! Congratulations. Your parents must be happy to have a grandson!"
"Actually my
father is dead now but yes, he really loved his grandson
even if
he knew him only for two years."
Brian found it ironic
that his father had never showed him affection
but had given
everything to Gus. When he and Michael had their
commitment
ceremony, Jack had been there but not Joan. He knew that
his dad
probably only came because it would upset his mother. In his
own
way, a way that Brian had never understood, his father probably
had
loved him. He knew his parents didn't have an easy life, he
didn't
forget all the things they had done to him, but he could
forgive
them now. His mom was still focused on her religion and she
was
trying to make an effort to accept Brian and Michael's
relationship,
but the Kinney family was still pretending.
"And you Michael?" Asked Sophia.
"I have a comic book store
and created a comic called 'Rage' with
Justin, a
friend."
"Justin! The boy who you used to baby sit?"
"Yeah, he is not a boy now though, he's 19."
Brian smiled.
"And he has two fabulous
brothers who teach them the secrets of the
gay world."
"He is gay too?"
Michael nodded.
"Yeah. It wasn't
easy for him when his father found out. He blamed
me and Brian for
that. Justin moved into my mom's house and was
staying in my old
room. He's living with a violinist he met in
school."
They
talked about the past and afterwards Brian and Michael left
the
reunion and met their friends at Woody's. Ted and Emmett were
there,
they had become lovers only 3 months before.
Brian
spotted David near the bar, he was friend's with Michael.
Michael
had met him when he hurt his neck, David was the Chiropractor
who
had treated him. Brian didn't like him at first sight and
had
confronted David right away, making his relationship with
Michael
clear and David understood.
David was getting ready to
move to Portland to be near his son, Brian
was happy to see him
going.
Then Ben joined them. Ben was another friend of
Michael's too, Brian
liked him. Ben was dating Brian's friend
Peter and they decided to
go to Tibet for 6 months together.
"So, Sweetie! Did you see Mark Orton?" Asked Emmett.
Brian's
smile faded away. Mark was the one who took Michael's
virginity,
not a very good memory for him.
"Yeah I saw him and he is still hot." Said Michael.
Brian wrapped his arms around his lover.
"He's not that hot."
"Brian, you are jealous!" Said Ted.
Brian smiled.
"Fuck off Ted." Said Brian.
"That's so sweet, still
jealous after 8 years together. And did you
see your mysterious
teacher Allan?" asked Emmett
"No, he wasn't there.
But now I know why I had such a crush on
him." Said
Michael.
Brian froze. Did Michael know the only secret Brian
had ever kept
from him?
"He was so much like Brian."
Brian smiled and kissed his lover deeply.
"Because it was me." Brian thought to himself.
After the kiss broke, he looked at the ring he wore
and smiled
happily.
fin
