A/N: Welcome to my new story. It has humor and even a little plot, I think. Anyways, It's called Super Mario Kart: The X Menace. I guess this is a story to commemoration the recent release of Mario Kart Wii…Hm? Check it out!

Summary: Another year had past and now it's time the annual Mario Kart Grand Prix. This time it's Bowser's turn to choose where the racer will race this year, but Bowser is planning on using this opportunity for something different. He's gonna use the race to finally destroy Mario and get Peach.

Disclaimer: I don't own nothing…I mean NOTHING Mario Kart related…

Super Mario Kart: The X Menace

Location: Bowser's Castle, 12:55 PM (Insert Bowser's Castle Theme)

A ParaTroopa with a red shell, wearing goggles, holding onto a mailbag, slowly landed in front of Bowser's Castle. "Yo, Mail call!" The ParaTroopa said, pulling out a couple of letter, while banging on the huge iron door.

A Koopatrol slowly slid back the opening in the door. "Who goes there?" said the Koopatrol. He then looked down and saw the ParaTroopa staring, stupidity, up at him. "A ParaTroopa? This part of the kingdom isn't your jurisdiction, state your business for being here?"

The ParaTroopa smirked, while, cockily, fixing his goggles. "Ace's the name, delivering mail's the game!" He then gave The Koopatrol a very familiar thumbs up.

But Koopatrol just stared, silently at him. "…Ace, huh? Hm. We weren't expecting any mail, until much later. How do I know this isn't a trick?" asked the paranoid Koopatrol.

Ace was appalled. "A Trick?! Dude, you seriously need to take a chill pill! I'm just a humble MailKoopa, trying to make a well earn living for his family." he then gave the Koopatrol an innocent look. "I swear it, dude. I have no reason to be lying to you."

The Koopatrol just stared at Ace through the peephole inside the door. "Hm. I need to see some proof of identification…But how…Hm." he then rubbed his chin. "Oh, I know. Show me the letter that was sent to Lord Bowser."

"Dude?! Why do you need to see proof, my little Bros. work for Lord Bowser, they could get me the nod through, just ask them about me." sighed Ace, getting annoyed by the stubborn Koopatrol.

"No. Either you show me the proof that you're truly are a MailKoopa or I will have no choice, but to make you depart from the area by force." The Koopatrol said, sternly and full of authority

Ace then sighed. "Uh…You're stubborn, huh, Dude? I can tell." Koopatrol just clear his throat, annoyingly. "Well…Anyways, here…Ya big baby." Ace then pulled out a huge pink letter, and waived it in front of him. The letter was covered with glitter and it seemed like it was sprayed with a hint of lavender. "It looks like King B has an admirer." he snickered, mockingly. "About time, if I say so."

The Koopatrol then opened the huge door and exited the castle. "Well, nobody asked you, you dolt!" he scoffed, snatching the letter from Ace. "Hm. Now let's see." The Koopatrol looked down and stared at the letter, it had the letter 'P' bold, embroidering in front, it also said it was from Princess Peach. "UHH! It's from, your highness!?" he then looked at Ace, and snapped. "You…Idiot! Why didn't you tell it was from Princess Peach?!"

"Ummm…Well, Maybe, because, you didn't ask?" Ace muttered, while shrugging his shoulders, nonchalantly.

"ERR! Get in here, you moron! We have to deliver this letter to Lord Bowser, immediately! " The Koopatrol snorted, while walking over to Ace.

"Whatta mean, by WE?! Dude, I did my job, I'm outta here!" Ace then went to fly off, but The Koopatrol grabbed him from behind. "Hey, dude! Let go of me, you nut job! I have my rights! I HAVE MY RIGHTS!" Ace shouted, while, frantically, squirming around, as The Koopatrol, effortlessly, forced him inside. "Dude, I won't let this go unnoticed. I'll sue your ass!"

"Shut up, you moron!" sighed the Koopatrol, while walking through Bowser's seemingly endless hallway. "You probably don't even know your own rights."

The Koopatrol walked, while Ace, slowly tottered, as they walked through the main hallway, they noticed that a lot of the castle seemed to be remodeled into a racing course. "Dude, what's going on in here? Where's all of King B's stuff?" asked a puzzled Ace.

"What? Do I look Psychic to you? I don't know what's going on, either." sighed The Koopatrol. "Lord Bowser like keeping stuff like this secretive, when it comes to minions, like us."

"Dude, I ain't no minion." Ace murmured. "I'm too awesome to be called someone's minion…"

"What're you blabbering about, you're delivering mail." The Koopatrol snickered. "You must be crazy, if you think that's a less degrading job than being Bowser's minion.

"Whatever, dude…" Ace said from the side of his mouth.

The Koopatrol just stared at Ace. "You know what? You remind of a Koopa…Who I HATE with extremely prejudice." Ace just shrugged, like he didn't know what the heck The Koopatrol was talking about.

Location: Bowser's Castle Royal Chambers, 1:39 PM

Bowser was sitting his huge throne chair, admiring his many pictures of Peach. "Graa…Peach. I wonder if you're thinking about me." he said, looking at his favorite one, which was a picture of Peach, in the dress she wore, when she was vacating on Delfino Isle. (I like that one the best. Wonder why they never use it) "Peach…I wish…I wish…" he then held the picture closely, and started looking around to make sure nobody was around.

Bowser then started making the poster talk. "Oh, Bowser, you know I'm always thinking about, too!" he said, in a feminine, yet creepy voice. "If it wasn't for those DAMN Mario Bros. we would already be together, and it would be everlasting! Bowser don't you see, it's YOU I love…not Mario."

Bowser's eyes then started to get all teary-eyed. "Oh, Princess! Do you really mean that?!" he then made the poster nod. "Oh, PEACH!" Bowser was just about to make the poster speak again, but he quickly covered the its mouth. "Shssh…Don't say nothing. You'll ruin the moment." he then started inching closer to the poster. "I wanna make love to you, baby!" Bowser then started kissing the poster, passionately.

Suddenly, The Koopatrol and Ace came barging into Bowser's huge throne room. "Sir, Koopatrol, Lieutenant, reporting in, SIR!" The Koopatrol said, nervously, while saluting to Bowser, until he finally noticed what he was doing. "Uhh…S-Sir?…"

"Aaaah…Princess! Yeah, you always know the right places where to…" Bowser then lifted his head and saw the Koopatrol and Ace staring at him. "T-Tou…Uhh…Umm…"

"Dude! Yikes!" Ace said, snickering, while slightly turning his head. "Awwwkkkkarrrddd…" The Koopatrol just closed his eyes, while clearing his throat.

Bowser was sweating hard, as he stared at both Koopas, he then quickly yelled. "Graaaaah! What do you two NIMRODS want?!" he said, quickly regaining authority of the room. "Don't YOU see I'm enjoying my ME time?!" Bowser roared, threateningly.

The Koopatrol quickly saluted. "Uh, y-yeah…Yes, of course, Sir! Please forgive my intruding, sir!" he said, extremely nerves. He then pulled out the very strange letter from Peach. "Uh, Lord Bowser, King, Sir! I come to you with a message…Of, great importance."

"Of great importance, huh?" Bowser said, nonchalant, while sitting back in his chair, yawning, annoyingly. "So, you cretin…what are you WAITING for? Tell me, what it is!" the whole room shook the sound of Bowser's voice.

Ace quickly ducked behind The Koopatrol. "Uhh, Y-Yes, of course, My lord…W-Well." he stuttered, looking at Ace cower in fear, behind him. "…I-It's a letter from the Princess off the Mushroom Kingdom, Peach." he nervously said, bowing, while slowly walking up to Bowser.

Bowser was shocked and flabbergasted, all at the same time "WHAT?! A letter, from my beloved Peachykins?!" Bowser then snatched the letter from the Koopatrol and then lifted him up by his neck. "GRAHAHA! Thanks for the info, WORM!" he then lifted him high up, and tossed the Koopatrol outta the room.

"Son of a bitch…" Ace muttered, watching as the poor Koopatrol went spiraling right through many walls of the castle. Ace then turned back toward Bowser, who was laughing hysterically. "Uh…Lord Bowser, sir, if you don't mind…I'll be leaving now. My job was just only to deliver that letter safely to you." he said, nervously, while walking toward the door.

Ace was almost to the exit, when Bowser leapt in front of him, smirking, while waving the letter, tauntingly in his face. "What's the rush, minion?" he said, putting his arm around Ace. "Don't you want to see what's inside this baby? I mean, just look how its decorated…I bet this letter is Peach, getting ready to confess her undying love to me. Gwarhahahah! I so FREAKING awesome." Bowser then started sniffing the letter. "GRAHHH!" he moaned. "…Lavender…My favorite…"

Ace just stared, annoyed, at Bowser, as he continued to ramble on about himself. "Uh…Sir, I don't mean to be rude, but when are you gonna…I don't know…actually open the letter to see what's really inside it?" he sighed, while staring, annoyingly, at Bowser.

But instead of getting angry, Bowser just laughed, heartily. "Grahahahah! Yes. Yes. Yes. I know. You're just as anxious as I am, aren't cha?"

"Yeaaah…" Ace sighed, annoyingly, while looking at the watch on his arm. "Sure. Let's go with that."

Bowser sniffed the letter once more and then finally opened it up. "Hm…" Bowser moaned, as he started reading the letter.

Dear: Bowser

Yes, it's me, Peach. And, no, Bowser, this is not a love letter, confessing my undying love for you, so you can stop drooling over the letter now, lover boy. Eheheh. Anywho, you're probably wondering why I'm sending you this letter, right? Well, by now, you should well know, that every once in awhile, we hold our annual Mario Kart Grand Prix, and every year I always choose a person to sponsor the races. This year, I chose you, Bowser. Eheheh. You get to make up this year's rule…and even chose the courses we'll drive in, but try not to make the courses impossible to beat, okay? That's all I ask from you.

With Love, From: Peach

"GRAAAAHHH!" Bowser roared, while slamming the letter on the ground. "DAMMIT ALL!"

Ace walked over to Bowser. "What's up, your dudeness!? You look positively awful…" Ace said, walking around Bowser, while looking over his shoulders.

"It's that letter!" Bowser said, sitting down in his chair, folding his arms. "I thought it Peach, confessing her undying love for me, but instead it's just her telling me, that it was my turn to sponsor some STUPID Mario Kart thingy…I don't give a FUCK about!" he grumbled. "I mean, if it wasn't a love letter, why did she decorated it and sprayed all that fancy stuff on it?"

Ace then walked over to the letter, and started reading it. "…Know wonder." he then lifted his head. "Your Lovey-Doveyness, Dude! You didn't finish reading the letter, man." Ace said, while tossing the letter over to Bowser, like a shuriken.

"Grahuh? Seriously?" Bowser said, while catching the spiraling letter. "OWWWW! You little bastard! You gave me a paper cut!" he whimpered, while blowing his finger.

"Dude, stop being a baby, and read the rest…" Ace sighed.

"Graaaaaah! I should keelhaul you for this insubordination." Bowser said, while jacking up Ace. "…But anyway…" he then tossed Ace on the ground and started back reading the letter.

After quickly skimming through the part he previously read, Bowser finally spotted the, PS, Peach jotted down. "Grah? How did I missed that?"

PS: Oh, if you're wondering why the letter is decorated so thoroughly, well, that's because my Toads thought the letter was for Mario, and not for you. I tried removing it, but it wouldn't come off, so…Sorry for the confusing, Bowser.

"Dude…That's what the PS was about?" Ace said, gasping, loudly. "It was about apologizing for making the letter look decorative?" he then snapped his fingers. "And the worst part was that the only reason it was decorated in the first place, because the Toads thought it was for Mario." he then turned to Bowser and shook his head. "…Son…Of…A…Bitch…"

Bowser paused and just sat there staring, obnoxiously, at the ParaTroopa, he then lunged at Ace, and grabbed him by his throat. "Shut up, you little turd!" he said, while strangling the ParaTroopa. "…But, still, this privilege of me giving out this years rules, gives me a positively evil idea of me getting Peach…and finally ridding myself of MARIO! Gwarhahaha!"

"Uh…DUDE! Th-That's all nice and dandy, but could you let go of me…PLEASE??" Ace said, gasping for air.

Bowser then released Ace, and he fell face first into the ground. "Koopa Bros! I summon you! Get in here, you idiots!" Bowser yelled, through a megaphone, that came, slowly, descending from the ceiling.

Suddenly, three blur came dropping from the roof. First was a red one, then a black one, and then finally a yellow. "You rang, dude?" Red said, with the cockiest smirk on his face.

Red then heard a voice that he dread the most. "Well, well, well…If it isn't my little bros. It looks like you guys are still doing dirty work for a living." The voice sent shivers down Red's spine. "When are you all gonna straighten up and go legit."

"UHHH…Dude, it couldn't be…" Red then turned, and saw his elder brother, Ace, he was standing behind him, smirking. "You?! Ah, anybody, but you! Why do you have to be here?!" grumbled Red, throwing a temper tantrum, like a little baby.

"Accccce!!" Black said, as he ran over to him. "Give me a Belly flop!" Ace and Black then belly flopped into each other.

"YEAAAAHHHH, DUDDDEEEE!!" Yellow squealed, while jumping around Ace. "Didja bring me back a gift, Ace?"

"Nope, little dude. Not this time." Ace said, patting Yellow on his back. You could see Red in the background grinding his teeth.

"Everybody, shut the hell UPPPPPP!" Bowser yelled, getting everybody attention. "Now, listen up, Red, I've got a new mission for you four, you see I need you…" But, Bowser cut himself off as he stared at the three Koopa Bros. that stood before him. "Wait, I thought there were four you clowns, where's the smartass, green one, that's always plotting against you, Red?"

Red just shrugged, while casually leaning up to Bowser's huge chair. "Who, Green? Shot, I don't know. Last time I saw him, he was talking about when he win this years race, he was gonna bring the full rapture upon us or something like that." he then dug in his nose and said. "I guess he's gonna be a gangsta rapper or something, I told him his CD was gonna suck."

"What the hell are you talking about, Red? What you just said, didn't make an ounce of sense…" Ace said, staring, annoyingly, at him."

"Shut up, talking to me, dude!" Red fired back. "You're always trying to 1up me…You don't know what you're talking about, either!"

Suddenly, Green came walking inside the room, he was wearing a long green scarf around his neck, he was also wearing a racing helmet, and some goggles. "Hey, everyone." Green then noticed how everybody was looking at him. "Uh…What?"

Ace then walked over to Green. "What's up, little bro. Tell that nimrod, Red, that you're entering the Mario Kart Grand Prix." he said, placing his arm over Green's shoulder.

Green just stared at Ace. "Little bro? Uhh…W-Who are you?" asked a puzzled Green.

"Nah, Green. Tell him how you're gonna be a gangsta rapper, who sucks!" Red said, pulling Green away from Ace.

Bowser watched, as Ace and Red tugged Green back and forth. "Hey…CUT IT OUT!!" Red and Ace quickly let go of Green. He then looked at Ace, and snarled. "Why the hell are YOU still here?" he then fired a fireball at Ace. "You're excused! Get the hell outta my chambers!"

"DUUDDEE!!" Ace yelped, as he fluttered up in the air, dodging the fireball. "Okay, okay, dude! Sheez…You don't have to barbecue me." he then looked over to Red and the others. "See ya later, dudes…Even you, Red!"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. Don't let the backdoor hit you on the way out…" Red said, mockingly.

"Okay, now getting back to the main topic." Bowser said, getting the Koopa Bros' attention. "As you already may know, the Marifool Kart is coming up, and this year, my beloved, and future baby mama, Peach, has granted me the privilege of calling this years race. Grahahahaha!" Bowser then motioned the Koopa Bros. to follow him.

Location: Bowser's Castle Secret Room, 2:15 PM

Bowser lead the Koopa Bros. into a huge room. "Grahahahaha!" Bowser chuckled, as he walked over to a cabinet labeled from A to Z, he then brought out a file with the letter X written in front. "I've been saving this plan, just for this kinda occasion. It's called Operation X! This scheme is foolproof!"

"Wait, dude! You have a file for every scheme you do?" Red said, looking inside Bowser's file cabinet. "Dude, Operation P? Isn't this the scheme you used, when you tried using the Star Sprites to take over the Mushroom Kingdom?" he then looked at Bowser. "Dude, why would you catalog your failures? That's just stupid."

"Shut the fuck up! Nobody asked you!" Bowser said, jacking up Red. "And, who told you to go inside my file cabinet?" he said, while shaking the Koopa.

Green slowly lifted himself up, while dusting himself. "What? You're sponsoring this years Mario Kart?!" he then slapped his forehead and muttered. "…I'm so screwed…"

Bowser looked at Green. "What? You're entering this years race, smartass Koopa?"

"Uh, well, yes, Lord Bowser." Green said, fixing his helmet, while smirking. "And this year…I'm planning on winning the whole Gran Prix and getting that trophy and the cash…" he then looked up at Bowser. "So, please, my Lord. Could you excuse me from your convoluted scheme, this time?"

Bowser just looked at Green, from up to down. "NOOOOOOO!!" he roared, blowing the little green shell Koopa backwards. "Be there, or be squared!" And with that said and done, Bowser then started telling the Koopa Bros. his plan of ridding himself of Mario and taking Peach.

A/N: Stay Tune for Part 2!