Kaumaha

By Whump-2-Go

Episode 4.21 had some flaws, but they were so unimportant considering the outcome of the episode that I didn't even mention them in my review.

What absolutely blew me away was Alex's performance in this one. I mean, he is always great, his subtle acting is an art-form. But this time it was just amazing. His acting alone saved this ep and made it an amazing experience.

And of course we couldn't let this episode go by without putting our two cents in. So here you go. This time I go first. Our chapters are both really short, but it's what I wanted to say, and I think Cokie felt the same with hers.

Hope you will enjoy it.

. . . Sam

Steve's thoughts
by Sam

Steve blinked his eyes open and it took a moment to orient himself. When he turned his head to the right, realization hit him. He was home… alone. With Catherine still in dangerous territory.

He lay still, trying to figure out what had happened after the phone call last night. He had been utterly exhausted, and having that emotionally draining conversation had only added to his state. He had willingly, almost greedily taken one of the prescription pain pills the doctors at the base clinic had given him. In the hope not only to make the pain bearable but even more so to numb his mind, so that he could sleep.

And it had only taken very little to push his beaten body over the edge and let him fall into a sleep that almost rivaled unconsciousness. But now he was awake again, and his thoughts went back to the last conversation he had with his lover.

Oh God, the last. He was fully aware that it could very well be the last time he heard her voice. He might never ever talk to her again. Steve felt his throat tighten. Tears were threatening to quell over, but he was not ashamed of it. He missed her already.

It was not like they had always been together. No, they had spent months apart, but they had always known they would get back together. This time, Steve knew nothing. He might not even learn if Cath was… NO, he wouldn't… couldn't go there. He could not think about that right now.

Steve groaned again when he slowly rolled over onto his left side, hissing when his injured arm made contact with the mattress. It didn't matter that it had been a friendly bullet that went through his arm, it still hurt the same. In those moments there had been so many bullets flying around it was a wonder that he only got hit in the arm.

Steve still remembered his confusion when the SEALs suddenly stormed into the room taking out the hostiles. In those moments his head had exploded in pain from the noise. He had suffered not only head trauma in the explosion and later the beating, his ears had still been ringing and really hurting.

He had now been subjected to blast injuries the second time in a matter of a few weeks. Those explosions could have caused permanent damage. His hearing had yet to come back to a hundred percent.

Steve slowly sat up and just stopped all movement. Why was he even getting out of bed? He had nowhere to be today. He was on sick leave for the time being. And if he was honest, he was neither in the mood nor in the shape to go to the office.

But to bury his head in sorrow was just not his style. Right now he felt beat and down, but he knew he would get back up. He owed it to Catherine and to himself. But he thought he was allowed to mourn at least for a few days. And that was what he intended to do. He would call Danny later and take a few days leave. His friend would be suspicious, but Danny had seen his injuries, he knew that even walking hurt. So he might keep quiet and even praise him for being so reasonable.

Steve snorted at the thought of Danny thinking of him as reasonable. As if that would ever happen. But right now Steve didn't really care what Danny thought. He needed a few days just to himself. To get his head straight and figure out how to proceed from here.

And he needed to make a few phone calls, he had to call Joe, not only to thank him for organizing his rescue, but also to ask for his help to help Catherine. And he needed to call a few other contacts of his, call in a few favors. Catherine didn't want him in the country, and at this point she was right about that. But that didn't mean he couldn't help her from this side of the world.

A shudder went through Steve when the sudden though of his capture invaded his mind. He knew he was going to be in for some hard times. Not just because of Catherine, but because of what he had to endure during his capture. As long as he didn't suffer any flashbacks, he was sure he'd be able to handle it. But it couldn't hurt to call Lou soon. It was easy talking to him. Way easier than with Danny. He had no idea why that was, but he wouldn't analyze it. He just took it as it was.

Steve looked over to the chair standing in the corner. Catherine's sweat pants still lay crumbled on it. They landed there the last time they had been in this room together. A pang of pain shot into his chest, and he knew it had nothing to do with any physical injury.

"Cath." The whispered sound slipped past his lips.

Steve cleared his throat and slowly stood up, glad not to get dizzy anymore. He made his way into the bathroom to start his day. The first one of who knew how many without his Cath in his reach.

He knew he would make it… he always did… but the thoughts of happiness or contentment were out of his reach. On the other side of the world. His life would not be complete until he woke with Cath next to him again.

H50 - H50 - H50

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