Bella's thoughts after Edward left her- Bad Edward!!!

Oh and sadly I don't own Stephanie Mayer's book, though I do wish that it was real * sad face*

.........................................

He left me; that one thought circled continually through my brain as I tried to process the fact that he was gone.

I wanted to scream, I wanted to yell, I wanted to hurt him like he hurt me, but I couldn't. My whole body was completely numb. It was like it only had one setting and I was going around on autopilot; my body still worked but I wasn't really there. I was lost in my sea of turbulent thoughts, thoughts on how I was alone, that he didn't love me that he left me.

He...he, he has hurt me so badly. NO he hasn't hurt me; he's BROKEN me, yeah that's a better word to describe what he has done to me. And as much as I want to hate him, I can't find it in myself to actually hate him. As much as he has broken me, I still truly and deeply love him.

No matter how hard I try to forget him and move on, my heart won't let me; it still clings onto a hope that he will return to me and brake through the darkness that surrounds me with his dazzling smile.

Oh God how I miss that smile, it could make the world around me disappear and make my heart beat just a little bit faster than it usually did around him.

I yearned to kiss those cold, perfect lips of his. How I wanted him to wrap me up into his strong embrace and pull tighter against his stone hard chest. I want him to hum me my lullaby at night, and I want to fall asleep in his arms.

I want to play baseball...Well not play as such but still; I want to spend time with his incredible family and watch them with amazement as they hit the ball with such force and run at such an amazing speed, that it always left me speechless.

I yearn to become like them, so that I can find them and they could never leave me again.

I miss Alice and the way that she skipped and hopped around the place with so much energy and with such a carefree attitude. I miss her excitement for shopping and I even miss me becoming 'Bella Barbie' for her, just as long as I spent time with her.

I miss Emmett, God he is such a loveable retard, that I don't even have to state why I miss him; it's self explanatory. God I desperately want one of his hugs.

Jasper, as much as I can tell that he blames himself for what happened at my birthday, I don't. He's a vampire and I bleed. To be honest I'd be surprised if he didn't try to eat me. I miss his ability to manipulate emotions and I wish that he could just turn mine into anything but what I feel 24/7.

Carlisle, now he is one of the best people I've ever met. And I'll always admire the way he could control himself around blood and not even be tempted to eat people. It always amazed me, well it still does that he has such good restraint to have become a doctor.

Esme now she was the most motherly women I've come across in my short sev...Eighteen years of my life. I love her smile she reserved for her 'kids'. And the smile she reserved for me.

Rosalie well......I miss her stunning beauty.....wait I actually don't.

It wasn't just Ed...Him that left me it was everyone and my broken and shattered heart needs them all to complete it and turn it back into its old self, when everyone I loved was here, with me and acted like my family. I miss them all so much that it hurts to breathe, it hurts to think, and it hurts to just plain live. I want my family back. I want my Edward back.