Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter nor will I ever.

Author's Note: It's not amazing. I'm not expecting any awards or anything...it's just the first thing I've written in a long time and I decided to see what people think.

And You're Looking At Me

I held my head up high. It's a long walk to my table and he's looking at me. He's been looking at me for months now and it still brings a rush. Sometimes I wonder if he sees me.

I wonder if when he looks at me, if he sees a girl who knows too much and cares too little about her appearance. I wonder if he sees a girl too obsessed with her schoolwork to pay attention to little else. I wouldn't be surprised if he did. It's what everyone else sees.

He's always hit me where it hurts, always played on my biggest insecurities, and always known exactly what to say to make me feel three feet tall. I've never shown it though. I've never shown just how much he's hurt me. My tongue is too sharp, my pride is too strong, and I will never show him my weakness.

I would like to say that I don't care that he's looking, but I do. I want him to look at me, I want him to question every damn thing he believes, and I want to tear his world apart. I want to shake his world at the foundation and watch him build it up again. I want to be the reason he changes.

And he can change. Everyone can change. You do it one of two ways: you learn enough that you want to or you're hurt enough that you have to. For his sake, I hope he learns it. He may be one of the most horrible people on the earth, but I do have a bit of a soft spot for him and I don't want him to go through life being an ignorant bigot.

I want to be the girl that changes Draco Malfoy, I want to be the girl that gets the boy every other girl wants at Hogwarts. Some would say it's a for the achievement, but it's really not. I have my reasons and, unlike all the other girls, it's not a conquest. I don't want him because I want his name added to the list of guys I fucked or to say I got the Slytherin Sex God. I want him because I like him. I've liked him for a long time.

And also, for once in my life I would like to be the pretty girl. I would like to be the girl that's desirable, that someone else wants for reasons OTHER than help with their homework. And just once I would like someone to see ME. Not the achievements I made or the grades that I get or the people I hang out with..just me. I'm nearly a woman. I would like to feel like one.

I should go over to him today, but I won't. I should ask him what the hell he's looking at, but I won't. I should tell him what I think, but I won't. All I'm going to do is sit and pretend to pay attention to Ginny and he's going to keep looking at me. And you know what? I like it that way.