Anna kicked the door to her room open, hearing as it jumped out of its hinges, but she didn't care. Furiously throwing herself around, she kicked her bedside table without really thinking about the consequences. A violent pain rushed through her leg, her fury subsided, but for just a short, passing moment. Not long did it take the burn to come back though. As Anna began ripping her pillow cover apart, she had found that biting it was the best way to destroy the innocent piece of fabric, in the most violent way. Soon parts of her pillow were floating around the room. She felt a storm brewing inside, an overwhelming, all consuming storm that would never settle.
This cannot be happening!
Still having sweat, blood and tears dripping from her chin to her soaked through top, she ripped her blood-covered jacket off, and threw it out the window, into the dark night. She took a closer look at her demolished top. Still wet. A scent of metal hung around her, the scent of disbelief.
She whispered words she did not even understand herself, while grabbing onto her hair with such power that almost ripped individual strands out from her scalp.
What the actual FUCK just happened? This can't be real.
Her thoughts were flouncing around on the violent sea of emotions, leaving her alone and stranded, far from solid ground. With each kick, she was sinking deeper.
No, it's a freaking dream. It has to be!
Threw her chair against the wall, and saw it broke into several pieces, like dreams, so fragile, but barely left any marks on the harsh wall of life. It did not help, how could it?
Is this reality? How could something like this happen?
FUCK. FUCK. FUCK!
The feeling to destroy something kept growing stronger, and the banging inside her head was beginning to make her dizzy, like the sound battle drums, beating tirelessly. She… She just needed…GODDAMNIT!
Faint footsteps could be heard from the hallway, but she didn't really care. How could she? Ripping the shelves out of the wall and throwing the sculptures against them, watching them break into a million pieces didn't made her less volatile.
Just like my heart.
She began tearing down pictures from the wall throwing them to where the shelves used to sit, the once peaceful, although messy room was more like a battlefield now, a battleground where she is her own enemy.
Right before launching the last picture to meet it's destiny, her fingers embraced something familiar. A round wooden frame, with a smooth surface, covered in small purple jewels and lacquer. She even recognized the smell of the wood. It was comforting.
She thought better of her previous intention, and held onto the small piece of memory.
Looking at the back of the picture frame, she could skim the initial 'E' cut into it, followed by an 'A', both connected inside a little heart. She turned the frame around and gazed into a pair of beautiful big blue eyes. The fury flushed out of her, gone in that instant like carried away by a small breeze. All that was left now was the feeling of emptiness. Those fucking eyes. Her chin. That beautiful long, heavenly white hair curled into a long braid, laid over her left shoulder. That smile. God, that wonderful happy smile! How you could see her biting her lip, just slightly. She smiled for herself with tears of despair in her big blue eyes, looking at the picture of her elder sister, her first day in College.
Then reality hit her. She would never get to see that smile again. Or her chin and hair. The truth hit her like a rock, and something inside her shattered into almost non-existent little pieces. She finally snapped, and felt the tears running down her bright red cheeks.
She heard someone push the broken door open. Looking up, she saw her mother standing in the doorframe, looking both terrified and scared. They had shared the same teary eyes.
"Jesus, Anna! What have you…?" She stopped midsentence when she saw Anna was standing in the middle of her trashed room, tears dripping down her cheeks, hugging the last picture and memory she had of Elsa.
"Mo…m…" Anna was sobbing, as she fell on her knees, breaking down completely. Her whole world came crashing down around her.
She felt her mother's warm and comforting presence pressing against her body, and she buried her head into her shoulder, taking in the smell, which reminded of her sister's. She wanted to be in her mother's arms forever, where she felt safe. Where the feeling of grief and misery couldn't reach her. Still holding the picture in her hands, she could feel it pressing into her mom's abdomen. Wanted to move it, just to make sure her mom wasn't uncomfortable, but the picture gave her a feeling of comfort, like if Elsa was still with them. In between them, smiling and laughing, as she always did when they had a family hug. They would never get to hug like that again.
She felt her mother move, as if she wanted to say something. As if she wanted to tell her it was going to be okay. That they'll be alright. However, no words ever came, and soon she could feel something dripping into her hair. Her mother was weeping too. Anna could feel her mothers nails in her back as well. She needed this as much as Anna did.
Elsa happened to be in the wrong spot, at the wrong time.
Her sister didn't deserve this.
She Didn't. She DID NOT deserve anything but good in this world. She deserved to grow old, marry a wonderful guy, raise their children, and live a perfect life.
It should have been me.
Me, being the goddamn failure I am.
