It feels weird being back home after nearly a week of being attached to a drip. Well I say home, I mean Mum's. I guess this isn't my home anymore- I live with Dad and Kirsty now. But Mum's on some sort of mission to push Dad out and sort everything out herself. Like, she did such a good job of it the first time round. The day I had my tests, when the doctor asked if we wanted to wait for Dad to hear the results or would we like to know them now, she didn't even stop to think, straightaway she was like 'now.' I know she's trying to do her best because she feels guilty or whatever, but she can't push Dad out. When I have the energy, I might talk to her about it. For now though, I think I'll just have a little sleep…
"Please, Tan. I just wanna see her. I just need to see that she's okay." Raised voices bordering on shouting coming from the hallway, wake me from my broken sleep.
"I've told you, she's okay! You shouldn't be here." Mum sounds pissed off.
"I need to see how she is for myself." I hear Joey's voice. I sit up right, instantly. Joey?
"She doesn't want to see you." Mum tells him, firmly.
"Well, can't you let her know I'm here and let her decide if she wants to see me or not?" Joey snaps.
"She's asleep. Look Joey, it's a little bit late to be all concerned now isn't it? You're probably the reason she's in this state in the first place!" Mum shouts.
"She was like this a long time before I showed up. But I get it; it's easier to blame someone else rather than looking a bit closer to home, eh?" He's pissed now, I can tell.
"And what's that supposed to mean?" Mum snaps, angrily.
"Just what I said. It's easy to point the finger at someone else and who better than at me. I fucked up so bad with her, so obviously it's my fault."
"I don't have time for this, Joey. I understand that you feel guilty because you didn't help her when she needed you the most so you're trying to make up for it now. But you can't. Nothing you could ever do will make up for that." Mum's tone changes to one of smugness.
"You can't stop me from seeing her."
"Oh, I think I can, darling."
"You can stop me now, but not when she wakes up and wants to see me too. Me and Lauren, it's not over."
"It was over a long time ago, Joey. When you believed someone else over the girl you were supposed to love and broke her heart."
"I made mistakes, I'm not denying that. But she's the first girl I've ever loved, and that doesn't just go away."
"Maybe not for you, but it has for her."
"No, it hasn't. Just tell her I dropped by." I hear the front door slamming shut, then Mum's footsteps up the hallway, coming closer. Mum walks in and smiles at me, and I smile a small smile back.
"That was Joey." I state.
"Yes, it was." Mum nods.
"Were you going to tell me?" I question.
"Of course I was. He offered to help you find you when we didn't know where you were and when we took you to hospital, he came by to visit you there too." My eyes widen in shock.
"Why are you only telling me this now?" I frown.
"There wasn't a right time, darling." Mum says, quietly.
"I wanna see him." I decide.
"I don't think that's such a good idea, Lauren."
"Well, I do."
"You need to rest."
"I won't go anywhere. You can just ring him and ask him to come. Or run out after him, you might still be able to catch him." I suggest.
"Are you sure that's what you want?" Mum asks, cautiously.
"Mum. I have this massive hole here, and it hurts. All the time, Mum. It hurts." I angrily slap my chest. "And when I have a drink, it hurts a little bit less. He's the only one who can fill it up again and make it stop." I sigh, deeply.
"Oh, Lauren." Mum's eyes start to tear up.
"Please, Mum." I repeat. She just nods and picks up her mobile.
"Hiya." Joey mutters, barely above a whisper.
"Hiya." I mumble, and slowly sit up. He's standing at the edge of the sofa, looking at me sadly.
"Are you okay?" He asks me.
"I've been better, you know." I chuckle.
"Lauren, I'm sorry." Joey sighs, unable to meet my eye. I don't say anything because I'm not sure what there is to say. He takes a deep breath.
"I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry for being such a dickhead and such a shit boyfriend. I'm sorry for not believing you and for not being there for you when you needed me the most. I'm sorry for letting you believe that I didn't love you anymore or that I didn't care. I'm sorry I let you down. I'm sorry I ruined us. I'm sorry." His voice breaks and tears stream down his face. I've never seen him cry before. I struggle to stand up, and he quickly comes to my side and lowers me back on to the sofa, sitting beside me. I touch his face and wipe his tears away.
"Please don't cry, Joe." I whisper.
"I'm sorry. Say you'll forgive me. You have to forgive me." He pleads as his tears fall thick and fast.
"I forgave you, instantly." I say, simply.
"I'm gonna make you okay again. I'm gonna fix this." Joey says, fiercely, banging our heads together.
"Does that mean you love me again?" I ask him and he tucks my hair behind my ear.
"I never stopped, babe."
