You were given this life because you were strong enough to live it.

5 years. It had been 5, long, painstaking years, but he had made it. He fought through hell, been through the fire, but he came out alive. It took lots of blood, sweat, and tears, but he did it. James Diamond pulled through rock bottom, and now he was climbing even higher; his life couldn't have gotten any better.

Big Time Rush was still going strong. In fact, it was almost impossible for their success to get better. They had done several world tours, released several more albums, and climbed to the top. The four boys couldn't have been happier; their lives were soaring higher as well. Carlos had finally found a girlfriend and the two were closer than ever, Kendall and Jo were engaged, as well as Logan and Camille, and James; well, James had walked down the aisle.

The self abuse James had suffered years before was long gone. He hadn't attempted suicide since the night on the bridge, and he hadn't picked up a razor blade since then either. His scars were faded, and even though he looked at them often, he didn't think of them as a horrible reminder of his past anymore. He viewed them as a battle he had, and won. He smiled every single day, and even though it took years of hard work, he was alive and breathing, and he was so thankful he did not jump from the bridge that night; and he was glad he saved that other teenage girl. Not only because she deserved to live her life, but also because he ended up taking that beautiful girl's hand in marriage.

James Diamond and Lilliana Walsh married almost 5 years after their first encounter on the Golden Gate Bridge, and the two couldn't have been any happier. After James had saved her from jumping, they started talking every single day. They soon started dating, then they were engaged, then they had said "I do."

James saw no flaws in his wife. No matter her scars, her illness, her insecurities, he loved her more than anything, and the feeling was entirely mutual. The new family put both their dark pasts behind them, and looked forward to brighter beginnings. Marriage, laughter, smiles, kisses, children, their future was bright and they wanted nothing to do with the darkness they had left behind them. Their new life was only filled with happiness and love. Something entirely diffrent than what they were used to, but it was a healthy new beginning that changed them for the better, and they would get used to it hand in hand, staying side by side no matter what. And James was determined to make him and his new wife's lives strong and full of love and laughter.

The day at the Palm Woods was shining brighter than it ever had. Now 22 and 21 years old, James and Lilliana had moved into their own apartment to get a start on their new life. Being married only a few short months, the two were excited to start a wonderful, lifelong relationship together, including having children of their own. "Whenever the time is right, we will know. And it will be beautiful." Those were the words they always spoke to each other. The day they would have children would be the day they rejoiced more than anything, for a child was the one gift that they both longed for.

James came down the steps of their apartment, straightening the tie on his shirt as he entered the kitchen where Lilliana was making breakfast. "Good morning, beautiful." James said, smiling at his wife before giving her a kiss, placing his hands around her tiny waist. She grinned and tilted her head up to return his gesture of love, and James took the items in her hands and placed them onh the counter.

"James, I'm cooking. Stop." Lilliana couldn't hide her grin as James pressed his lips to her once more and pinned her hands to her sides. "James! The stuff is gonna burn!" She giggled as he smiled against her skin.

He reached over and turned the stove off. "There." He said, a grin spreading across his face. "Problem solved." He pressed his body to hers and leaned her back on the counter.

"In the kitchen?" She laughed. "James, no, come on, I'm tired. And you're gonna be late."

"I got time." He winked at her and kissed her neck. "I always have time for you, baby girl."

"I love you." She whispered, gently kissing his lips. James raised his hands up and gently brushed his fingertips against her scars. She stopped and frowned, sadness overtaking her features. "James..." She started, but James silenced her by pressing his lips against her scarred skin. A tear slipped down Lilliana's face as James continued. "Please...James, stop. I'm not beautiful."

"Stop it. Yes you are. Ever since that moment I first met you, I knew you were perfect. You saved me in ways nobody else could, my love." He stood back and helped her off the counter. He pulled her close to him and kissed her forehead. "And the day I saw you walk down that aisle towards me, my heart stopped. I never saw someone so beautiful. I'm so glad I stayed alive, because if I didn't, I never would have met you." He walked into the living room to retrieve a picture in a beautifully decorated frame. He held it up to her to reveal their wedding picture. "Look at that smile. You are the most beautiful girl I have ever seen, and I wouldn't trade you for anything or anyone."

"James, I wouldn't be alive if it wasn't for you. I would've jumped that night on the bridge if you wouldn't have approached me. I always think about that night. You were the only person to have ever shown me any kindness, and after that night, I knew I would spend the rest of my life with you and would want to live, love, and grow with you." She kissed him and he wrapped his arms around her.

"Speaking of growing," He said, a smirk on his face. He moved his hands down to her stomach and looked at her, an certain burst of eagerness and excitement in his eyes, "How are we doing?"

Lilliana frowned and looked at her feet, shaking her head. "I'm sorry, James." She said quietly. "There's nothing yet. All the tests always come up negative."

"It's not your fault, baby girl. Remember, when the time is right, it'll happen. Soon, though, I can feel it." He bent down to kiss her stomach. He looked into her eyes with a snse of wonder and love, and stood up to kiss her face. "Our family will grow soon enough, darling."

Lilliana wiped some tears from her face and kissed James. "I love you." She said, resting her head against his neck. She heard his watch start beeping and she smirked. "Now get to work, loser."

He grinned and kissed her cheek before heading out the door. "I'll see you when I get home, darling. I love you." And he was gone, leaving Lilliana a smiling beauty.

James met up with his band mates in the hallway. He was glad that their apartments were just right down the hall from each other, that way they were never truly far apart. The guys grinned as they saw James approach them and slapped him on his back. "How's it going, brother? You and the missus." Logan winked at him and James shook his head, laughing.

"If you're thinking what I think you are, no, not yet." He sighed. "We've been trying, though. I don't understand why it isn't working."

"Hey, don't be upset. Sometimes it just takes time. It'll happen, buddy. Eventually, when the time's right, you'll have your baby." Kendall said, draping an arm around his friend's shoulder.

"But I don't get it. Why is it that when you don't want a kid, bam, you get pregnant. Then, when you're trying, it never happens."

"It's called life, sport." Carlos laughed. "Don't get scared."

"I kinda am, actually." James pushed the elevator button and they all stepped inside. He straightened his tie for the hundredth time and sighed. "What if I'm not a good father? I want to be able to give my child everything they ever want. I mean, ever since we got married, I've wanted to grow with her, to have a family, but now that the reality of us having children is coming true, it's kind of scary, you know?"

"It's normal to be scared." Logan said. "But just think about it. You almost gave all this up, the both of you. You could've left all this behind, but now look at you guys. Be proud of yourself, James. Look at where you are now."

A grin flashed across his face. "Thanks guys." He replied.

They got off in the lobby and proceeded to walk outside. They high fived several people along the way. James rolled his sleeves up slightly, fixing his shirt once again as they exited the Palm Woods, revealing some of his many self injury scars. James often did think about that awful time in his life, and within those past 5 years he almost did turn back to that painful lifestyle, but when he met Lilliana, the first time he ever encountered her and spent time with her, his entire world changed. She gave him life, a reason to love again, and a reason to live. Plus, he had his friends, his brothers, right by his side each step of the way.

Why did he ever want to kill himself?

They rode to the studio in perfect happiness. They laughed, talked about life, discussed wedding plans for the others, plans for the future, and about stupid stuff they used to do and still do. "We need to take a day off and just play hockey all day." Carlos said, resting his head back and closing his eyes. A smile burst onto his face as he relived old memories. "I miss that so much. We all need a little down time. I miss our hockey games, we don't play as much as we did."

"It's because UJames is too busy getting lucky." Kendall said, winking at the brown haired boy. James smirked and smacked him, trying his hardest not to laugh, but he failed.

"Fuck you." He said, stifling laughter.

"Only in your dreams, sweetheart."

When they arrived at the studio, they jumped out of the car and raced inside, pushing and ahoving each other like kids. They were still young at heart, and always would be. A bond between the brothers could never be broken, no matter how old they got. Their driver shook his head as he watched them disappear into the building.

"YOu're an asshole, that's cheating!" Carlos yelled as the other guys passed him. "You can't push like that! That's a foul!"

"There are no rules in no-man's land!" James and Logan shouted.

"Guys, calm down! You're not children! You're all going to break something...again." Gustavo said, rubbing his temples. The boys came to a skidding stop and rolled their eyes.

"You've known us for how many years, Gustavo. We're so predictable, you know that." Carlos laughed. James noticed him absentmindedly rub his own scars, something he did from time to time. Carlos had since stopped self harming, but it still broke James' heart to see him hurting over the awful memory.

"Joking aside, we got work to do!" THey could tell Gustavo was trying not to look like he agreed as he stomped off. The boys all laughed and Kelly came by and shook her head, laughing.

"Come on, boys." She said, grinning. Carlos, Kendall, and Logan all followed after Gustavo, but Kelly stopped James and narrowed a serious look in his direction, a hint of excitement in her eyes. "Anything?" She asked. James had talked to her before about his plans for children, and so often she asked him she didn't even have to say the full sentence anymore.

James frowned and shook his head. "No, not yet." He sighed and looked at his feet. "I don't know why."

Kelly tilted his chin up to face her and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Be patient, James." She said. "It'll happen when it's destined to happen. Only God knows, and it'll be wonderful for you guys when it finally happens."

James smiled and took her hand. "Thanks, Kelly." He said.

"Now let's get to work." She said, and the two walked into the studio together.

They knew their job better than anyone else. Big Time Rush was the longest lasting band Gustavo had ever had, and by the looks of their growing popularity, they weren't going anywhere anytime soon. The boys weren't growing tired of it, either. They loved their job, they loved their fans, they loved making music, their lives were pretty good. James was so thankful his friends were there for them that night on the bridge, for if he would've died, he wouldn't of been able to experience all the things he did. He was greatful for his life each day.

"We're not gonna be much longer, what do you guys wanna do when we get home?" Kendall asked, taking a large sip of water and leaning against the wall. "Gaming? Hockey?"

"We're always so busy nowadays, it's like we never spend any time together anymore." James said. "Maybe we should go camping someday soon, like we used to. Just us brothers."

"Sounds like a plan." Carlos and Logan both said. The guys all high fived on it and sat down on the chairs in the lounge.

"Remember my parents are coming in a few weeks." James said, a grin spreading across his face.

"Oh yeah, I almost forgot about that. You excited to see your dad? I know you haven't seen him in a while." Logan said.

"I really am. Ever since he was first deployed when I was 8, I've barely seen him. He's supposed to come home again soon, and he and my mom are coming to visit me. I haven't seen him in two years, I can't wait to see my father." James couldn't stop smiling. His dad was fighting in the army, and he hardly ever got to see him. He skyped with him and called him every now and then, but he was almost always busy, and being away from him for so long broke James' heart. But as soon as his mother told him his father was going to be coming home, he's been ecstatic ever since.

"I can't imagine how you must be feeling. The last time you saw him was at your wedding, right?" Carlos asked. James nodded.

"Yeah, and he had to leave right after that. And he's just like you guys, always asking me if I got any kids yet." James laughed at the thought. "Hopefully she'll be pregnant by the time he gets here. It'll be a nice surprise for him."

"I'm glad you're looking to the bright side of things." Kendall said. "I love seeing you happy."

"Why don't we all go out tonight? Us and our girls." Logan said, folding his arms behind his head. "I don't know, just feel like doing something nice together, all of us. Besides, we can't play hockey because they're using the field for a festival or something and I want to meet Carlos' new girl." He winked at Carlos and Carlos blushed, rubbing the back of his neck.

"I really think Alexa's the one." He said shyly. "It just feels right. Like, I don't know how to explain it, she's just...great."

"It's good you found someone, buddy." James said. Carlos grinned, but James noticed him rubbing his arms again. James frowned and looked away. He traced his thumb across his own scars. "I'm going to call Lilliana. I'll be right back." HE took out his phone and left them, excitedly dialing the number of his beautiful girl.

"Hey." He said into the phone, smiling as if she was truly standing right in front of him. "Hopw are things? You doing alright?"

"Yes, I'm doing alright." Her voice was soft and shy, and James loved the way she sounded. He loved everything about her. "How's work?"

"Just fantastic." James and Lilliana both laughed, and James stuck his free hand in his pocket, to avoid touching his scars. He tried to mask his feelings and let out a laugh instead. "Hey, so me and the guys were planning on going out with all of you tonight, after work. We're probably going out to eat or see a movie or something, so try to get ready by the time I get home, ok?"

James knew she was smiling on the other end of the phone as she giggled. He smiled just thinking about her when she was flattered. Crinkling her nose, the way her smile curled gently upon her lips, the way she pused her hair out of her face as she stared at her feet, he noticed every little detail about her and fell in love with each one of them.

"Ok, James. I'll be ready. Now hurry your ass up and get home." She laughed and James grinned. "I love you, see you when you get home."

"I love you too, baby girl." James grinned as he hung up, and when he turned around the other guys were standing around the corner, laughing hysterically. They immitated kissing noises and grabbed hold of the wall for support. James shook his head and laughed. "You're all assholes."

"But we're your assholes." Carlos said, laughing. "Come on, James, you like us. Admit it."

"Sometimes." James laughed. "Let's get back to work, y'all got a little too much down time on your hands. And you think we need more."

Knowing he would be out with his darling wife that night, James put his all into his work. They recorded their new song in almost record time, almost no mistakes, and Gustavo didn't want to admit that he was quite impressed. James was feeling wonderful that day, and nothing, absolutely nothing, could damage his great mood. He left the studio that day feeling totally blessed, and the guys took note in his cheerful disposition.

"James does look awfully happy today, doesn't he?" Kendall asked Carlos and Logan as they left Roque Records. "Like, lately he's just been brimming with cheerfullness. It's so nice to see him finally at peace with himself after years of the shit that he went through."

"I'm not going to lie, I still worry that he's going to try and harm himself again, no matter how happy he may seem." Carlos said. He sighed and looked at the ground. "Is that weird of me? Like, I know he's ok now, he's got a wife and trying to start a family, and hasn't harmed himself or tried to in years, but, but, it still scares me. A lot. I know people can suffer relapses."

"It's not weird, Carlos. We think that too." LOgan said, placing a hand on the younger boy's shoulder. "Relapses can happen, but not to everyone. James seems to be doing pretty good, and if anything was wrong, we would know. He wouldn't want to leave Lilliana, or this baby he's going to have soon, or his parents."

"He is really excited to see his dad." Carlos replied. "I'm sorry for bringing this up, it just, I don't know, it just kind of bothers me." HE rubbed his arms again, but Kendall touched his arm and lowered it to his sides.

"It'll be ok, Carlos. Remember you need to feel better, too. James doesn't want you feeling upset, either." Kendall draped an arm around his friend's shoulder, and Logan did as well. "Just think about tonight, you're gonna be with all of us and Alexa." Carlos blushed and Kendall slapped his back. "That's the spirit."

When they arrived back at the Palm Woods, they all stopped for a moment in the hallway outside their apartments. "We'll all meet in the lobby in a bit, ok?" James said. The others agreed and they all disappeared into their own apartments. James swung the door open to find Lilliana tidying up the house, fixing stacks of papers and things here and there, wearing a beautiful red dress and silver heels. He grinned and walked up to her, making her jump as he surprised her with a hug from behind.

"You scared me, James!" She said, grinning from ear to ear. James placed a hand on her face and wrapped the other around her back, pulling her close to him.

"You look so beautiful." He said, gently pressing his lips to hers. "It's been a while since we've been out."

"I'm scared to go out and eat, though." Lilliana's smile faded and she ducked her eyes away from him. James frowned and his heart collapsed slightly. She often did this, she often still struggled with her body image issues. She never liked eating in front of others, it made her feel highly uncomfortable. She was still recovering from an eating disorder she once had and it killed James whenever he heard her speak like this.

"Remember what I told you? You don't need to be skinny to look beautiful. You are an amazing, beautiful, and loving person, and nobody else's opinions matter. You think about you, my love. You're such an incredible woman and you make my world a million times better." He raised her arm to his lips and gently kissed her scars, causing a tear to fall down her face. James wiped it away with his thumb and smiled, kissing her again. "I'll always be here for you, no matter what, darling." He pulled her into a tight hug before wiping her tears away. "I'm going to go get dressed, and then we can leave."

They left the apartment hand in hand, Lilliana feeling so much better than earlier. She stayed close to James' side, clinging to his arm, as they approached all the others in the lobby. They all smiled at the couple.

"You look beautiful, Lilliana." Kendall said, nodding towards the shy girl. She blushed and pushed a piece of hair behind her ear.

"Thanks." She uttered shyly, trying to hide the smile on her face. James grinned and kissed the top of her head.

"Hello, Alexa." James said, smiling at the girl holding Carlos' hand. "I haven't seen you in a while."

"I guess I really am the only one who's never met her before tonight." Logan said, laughing. Alexa grinned.

"It's all good, I don't bite, I promise." She said.

The boys all walked out of the Palm Woods, hand in hand with their loved ones, but James squeezed Lilliana's hand extra tight that evening. Each time he looked at her, a sense of thrill and excitement hit him. Time after time, he loved to just look at her and appreciate everything about her, to just look at her face and absorb every detail he could, and the fact that he was in love and married, and trying for a family, nothing else made him happier. None of his exes mattered, none of them were relevant. His past, his dark history, all that was behind him, because his future was in front of him right then, holding his hand and lying with him each night.