For Now, These Hot Days
The cheapest cigarettes in the world came from the quarter machine at this bar.
I was surprised to still see one; I thought they'd gone extinct. I guess I wouldn't have noticed them before to begin with. Until recently, I hadn't been much of a smoker.
The bar was tinged with red, and it made me smile wryly. Was nothing in this city some other color?
He touched my shoulder then. "Ben," he said by way of greeting. I looked up at him. Same dark eyes, same dark hair – an angel with a devil's smile. Mine was watery.
"Hey."
"Hey." And it was all I could choke out. The smoke in my mouth made it dry.
----
"He really is such a beautiful boy, isn't he?" Damp words at my ear, and I shut my eyes tight and balled my fist into the sheets. I didn't have to answer; He already knew exactly what I thought of that subject and –ah- even for the blind it would probably go without saying. He had a beautiful soul to match his face.
"You're just as beautiful, though." A quiet grunt and a shuddery breath. "Though I don't think you're aware."
I laughed a little bit breathlessly. "All of the Montague house is beautiful. That's our biggest curse."
"You're damn right there." He fell silent for a bit and after a moment I cracked my eyelids open to peer at him.
"Mercutio?"
He'd been staring at a spot not necessarily on me, but through me. He shook his head as if snapping out of whatever thought he'd been engrossed with, and placed a large hand on my abdomen.
"Such a beautiful boy…"
The harsh breath and panting resumed.
These hot
He took a seat next to me at the bar with a smile and indicated to the bartender that he'd like what I was having. I watched the tilt of his head, almost coquettish and sly. It was his 'I have a secret' face; had been ever since we were kids.
"You smell like flowers."
When he looked at me his eyes were sparkling. He leaned in conspiratorially, and all of that dark silky hair spilled over his shoulder. "I went to see her again," he murmured through his grin. "In the garden, under her balcony. Climbed the wall like we did that one summer."
Warning klaxons went off in my head and it took a moment to visibly control my reaction. I took a drag off my cigarette to stall for time and when I finally looked at him, it was with nothing but compassion. Or so I hoped.
"You're treading on thin ice."
His expression dimmed a little bit. "Be happy for me, Ben. Haven't you two been telling me to lighten up for the past few months? Well, now I'm happy, so be happy for me."
I exhaled on a sigh and tapped the cigarette against the ash tray. "I'm happy that you're happy but…well, dammit, Romeo, you know this is dangerous as well as I do."
His eyebrows narrowed. "Better than you, probably." I shook my head and lifted the cigarette to my lips but he snatched it and ground it into the tray.
"You don't smoke," he said accusingly. "You hate the smell of it."
Since when? I wanted to say, but held my tongue. You haven't been around to know.
Mercutio smoked like a chimney, and wasn't particularly picky about the brand or quality of the cancer-inducing chemicals he polluted his lungs with. Somehow in our time together, I must have picked that up. If I was going to leave his room with my clothes smelling like smoke, it might as well be of my own doing. That way, he would have one less claim on me to gloat about later.
For now, these hot
"You didn't have to wait up."
I closed the book I'd been pretending to read and set it on the night stand. "I was reading. Fascinating story – about a man who gets his balls cut off for sleeping around on his wife, when-"
He turned his dark eyes on me with a sarcastic roll. "Don't get smart, Benvolio. It doesn't suit you."
"Nor does her perfume suit you," I mumbled but it only made him smirk.
"You don't think so? You'd rather I wear yours?" I hated him as he crawled towards me on the bed like the elegant tiger he was. I tried to push him away as he started kissing down my collarbone, but he was stronger and insistent.
"I'm not in the mood, Mercutio…" He caught my wrist and kissed it.
"That's such bullshit," he murmured against my pulse point and I leaned my head back just a little. "Not a day goes by when you don't want me on tap, to make up for all the time you're constantly wanting him."
"You're a bastard," I hissed, but I kissed him. I kissed him until that arrogant, triumphant smirk melted off his gorgeous face.
Days is the
He snapped his fingers in my face and I blinked, brought back to the here and now. I cleared my throat and shifted in my seat; somehow my pants had gotten slightly tighter.
"What's up with you tonight, Benny? Head still in the clouds over that pretty chambermaid?"
My mind said what chambermaid? but my lips said "You haven't called me that since we were kids."
His chuckle was boyish and pleased. "I feel lighthearted."
"You're acting like a dumbass."
"Sour grapes, cousin?" He laughed and stood, grabbing me from behind in a friendly hug that lifted me an inch from my chair.
"Romeo, what-"
"Lighten up, for Christ's sake. Give us a laugh, will you?"
I choked, but smiled weakly. When he let me go, I could feel where his palms had nearly seared into my chest – a warm heat deep within me, like liquor.
"Go drag your sorry, goofy ass home before your Lady Mother sends half the House out looking for you."
He waved a hand dismissively, then ran it through that long, jet black hair. "Mercutio said not to leave without him. He's got something he wants to talk to me about."
My heart seized for an instant, then unclenched. "Who knows what goes on in his brain."
I certainly didn't.
----
"You look nice in blue."
His eyebrows raised appreciatively to go along with the compliment. I secured the last button on my silk shirt and held my arms out for him to see. He nodded, and quirked a smile.
"Good thing, considering that's about all we're allowed to wear in public," I muttered, slinging my tie around my neck.
"Don't bitch, or I'll be disinclined to go out."
I shrugged, then turned to look at myself in the mirror as I fastened the knot. He stood and came behind me, his broad hands sliding down my hips to rest just shy of the fly of my pants. My eyes flicked up to his reflection, the candlelight warming his bald head to a golden glow. So very different from Romeo's abundant mess of silk.
"You're thinking about him again."
I couldn't deny it, so I turned to fix his own crooked tie. "It's not like we have a contract that says I can't."
He caught my hands and kissed them. "You're such a difficult prick, Ben."
"Don't call me that," I said, as I slid my hands from his grasp to smooth a wrinkle on his shirt. "You look great. As usual."
"Thanks."
We stood there for a hesitant moment before I grabbed our coats off of the back of the chairs. He caught me around the middle and I relaxed as I let him kiss me. For once he was sweet and almost shy about it. It was just charming enough that I smiled at him a little when we parted.
Is the
"And what have we here? Looks like the loveliest ladies in Verona have come to share my table!"
Anyone who was anyone in this city would recognize his smooth, sarcastic voice in a heartbeat. All eyes fixed on him like a god as he made his way to our seats and helped himself to a chair and a sip of Romeo's beer. Romeo grinned to see him and clapped him on the back.
"And we're the ladies, Mercutio? Why're you so late? Were you fixing your hair?"
"Does it not suit me tonight?" Mercutio batted his long lashes at Romeo, who threw back his head and laughed. I watched them silently.
"I'm glad you're here. Make this old stick in the mud lighten the hell up. He's bringing the whole bar down with his sullen attitude," Romeo said as he jabbed me in the shoulder. I winced, meeting eyes with Mercutio who had the most disgusting, knowing smirk on his face. I sneered, but tried to make it comical just so Romeo would laugh. It worked.
"Don't worry about him. He's had that burr up his ass for weeks. I'll deal with him later. But let's go outside, I want to talk to you alone."
I should have been appalled by the blatant way Mercutio was cutting me out of the conversation, degrading and condescending, but it didn't matter. Romeo's eyes were amused – honey-gold and apologetic. I shrugged and saluted them with my beer as Mercutio slung an arm across Romeo's shoulder and guided him into the street. I took a long swallow of the bitter liquid as I heard the little bell above the door signal their departure.
I looked at the counter in front of me. Suddenly I felt completely undefined, as if without either of them here to dictate how I ought to be acting I had no blueprints to follow. I didn't know who to be without my two little templates, my guiding stars since I'd learned to walk.
There was half a pack of cigarettes left. You don't smoke, you hate the smell of it he'd said.
Well. I struck a match and watched it burn the end of the paper till a thin curl of smoke started to rise. The acrid stench brought tears to my eyes and I inhaled experimentally. For the first time I felt like I could taste it, experience it, smell it. It made me gag and my eyes started to water.
Mercutio's clothes always smelled like smoke.
Romeo smelled like those damn Capulet flowers.
I didn't exist enough to smell.
I stood and tossed a few bills on the counter. The last thing I did was grind my cigarette into the dish as I shrugged on my odorless coat.
---
"You never say my name…"
"You know – ahn – damn well why!"
Fists in the sheets, a bead of sweat down my back. Golden candlelight and his strong, broad hands.
"You hate me now, don't you?"
"Ha-ah!"
"Don't you?"
And later, as our sweat cooled…I hated him then, didn't I?
Didn't I?
I couldn't hate either of them. I could only hate myself.
Ain't life a bitch.
For now, these hot days, is the Mad Blood Stirring
