Choice
Edward found me in my favorite bed of clovers in our meadow, playing with my engagement ring by watching the light refract through the diamonds. I ignored him as he lay beside me and kissed my cheek. "Shouldn't you be wearing that?" he said. This was one of the times that I was glad that he couldn't read my mind. I was free to think what I think and feel what I feel; he wouldn't be able to judge me.
"It's pretty," I said. I took a deep breath. "I want to take one last look at it before I give it back."
My heart picked up its pace when Edward became stiff and slowly sat up. "What did you say?" he asked in the quiet but demanding tone I knew too well.
"You heard me," I said, looking bravely into his caramel-colored eyes. "You can have your mother's ring back." I lifted the ring for him to take.
"Why?" he said. I was getting scared of the look on his face, but I didn't want to show it. It was like he couldn't decide whether to be angry or sad.
"I'm doing you a favor," I told him. "You don't want to turn me. You keep badgering me to wait before you turn me, as if you've been expecting me to change my mind. Well, I did change my mind, Edward. You said you will turn me under the condition that I will marry you. Well, I no longer want to be a vampire, so I will not marry you. Please, take your mother's ring. It no longer belongs to me."
"No," said Edward. "Bella, don't you understand my feelings for you? I want you to live—to truly live. I want you to make the most of your life the way I never can. … Of course, you wouldn't understand." I bit my lip as he continued in his soft, weary voice: "Mortals as young as you feel like you know the world, but you could never understand know how this un-life is for a vampire."
"There, you're insulting me again," I said.
"I only want what is best for you," he said, his voice shaking, "but you are my life now. You are my reason to stay alive. It's my job to protect you."
I looked away, unable to keep watching his reserve crumbling further. "No, it isn't. Charlie is a cop. And there's Jacob."
"Jacob Black is recuperating in his bedroom," said Edward hotly.
"You've done nothing but insult and underestimate my best friend and his brothers. You condemn and mock the heartbroken woman in mourning among them. That is hardly the sort of attitude I should expect of the man who loves me."
Edward looked at me, bothered and bewildered. "I do love you!" he barked. When I sat up and shifted away from him in fright, his icy hands trembled in his attempt to stay as gentle as he could while he took my hands and put the ring back where he thought it should belong. I tried not to cry when he accidentally dropped it and picked it up again. "Isabella Marie Swan," he choked the words out, "will you marry me?"
"Edward Anthony Mason, Jr.," I whispered, "no." I trembled when his face hardened. His eyes were wide and wild, and his nostrils were flaring. His tousled pompadour accentuated the effect. In the following moment, he looked as monstrous as he so often imagined himself to be.
"I want to truly live," I told him. "I want to make the most of my life the way you never can. I don't think I can do it with you. I'm tired of hiding and lying all the time. Those newborns that were killed in the field—you all warned me that that's what I will become if you turn me. Well, I don't want to be like that anymore. I don't want to be that girl—Bree. I watched those bodies burn. I don't want to be in that place—that world—not anymore." I took off the ring and put it in his hand. "It's yours now. Goodbye, Edward Cullen."
I still felt afraid when I turned around. I glanced back, every so often, to see if he was still there. To my relief, he didn't come to kill me, like he had always wanted. He just stood there among the light and the flowers, marvelous like Michelangelo's David clothed in designer apparel.
I approached my motorcycle standing on the side of the road. I rode away. When I glanced back, Edward was watching me go. I bit my lip. I should have realized he was going to follow me.
Instead of going straight home, I went to the La Push reservation to see Jacob. Billy greeted me at the door. Smiling brightly, he shook my hand. "I'm glad you came," he said. "Jacob will be happy to see you, too."
I found Jacob walking and then running to the edge of the forest. "Jacob!" I called from the back porch. When he looked back, I leaped from the porch and ran toward him. "Jacob!" I called again. I laughed at his look of bafflement before throwing my arms and legs around him. I kissed his mouth. He caught me, so I wouldn't fall off, but I could feel he wanted me to stop, just so I could explain what was happening. But I loved his warm and soft lips—his naked chest so hard I wondered what it would feel like against my breasts.
When I was finished, Jacob put me down. Catching his breath, he asked, "Why did you do that? Edward will kill me!"
"No, he won't," I said, still beaming at him. "I'm not gonna marry him. I'm staying human."
"No shit!" he said, as amazed as a kid in a monster truck show.
I gazed upon his unkempt beauty. Now, I knew where I belonged. "My heart will keep beating for you, Jacob."
"Bella!" he shouted gleefully, lifting me again to give me another kiss. This time, he tickled my lips open with his tongue, and I gladly let him in. We must seem ridiculous trying to make out, but I didn't care. The sensual, visceral experience of kissing him like this was all that mattered. Nothing existed except him and me. It seemed to go on and on. I didn't want it to end.
"Whoa!" gasped Jacob, when we eventually pulled away from each other. "What's gotten into you?"
"I can come and visit you any time I want, from now on," I said. "I can stay as long as you want. No one can stop me."
