The silence settles around me like a warm blanket. It's not actually silent of course – the lapping of the waves on my beach, a dog barking a few blocks away, cars on the main road two streets over, rustle of leaves in the warm evening breeze, nocturnal insects and birds waking up, slosh of beer in the bottle as I bring it to my lips. Less than half an hour ago, though, the whole team was over. They needed to decompress at the end of the week, after everything that's been going on lately. Close fucking call on Danny and Chin. Again.
Danny...
Normally, Danny would still be here, sitting in the chair beside me. He's always the last to go; sometimes he doesn't even bother to leave. Always gotta have the last word, my Danno. Well, usually anyway. Most of the time, he's ranting or chatting or talking about Grace. Sometimes he just sits here, like me, listening to the not-quite silence. It must be deafening for someone from Jersey, even if he has been here for almost five years.
But he's not here tonight. Grace was with him. He had a beer as soon as he arrived from picking her up from school and finished it even before everyone arrived. When offered another, he turned it down, switching to Coke. That would usually be when I would tell him he was an idiot and he and Grace could certainly spend the night. Then I'd throw in the promise of getting Grace into the water and she'd turn her big brown eyes on him too and there was no way he could resist both of us. Chin would have the beer in his hand almost before he'd voiced his acceptance.
I didn't offer tonight and, of course, he wouldn't invite himself over, especially with Grace. I could feel his eyes on me for the rest of night, could practically feel his brow furrowing behind my back, wondering what was wrong. I even caught a few concerned looks from Grace and Chin. I ignored them. Sometimes having the reputation of being emotionally stunted has its advantages. People assume you don't notice things. I was trained to notice everything.
But I couldn't do it tonight. Maybe I can't ever do it again. I just... I need to think and I can't do that with him here. Not about this.
Because, yeah, we had a close call with Danny getting arrested. Chin, too. And I know that it's kinda my fault.
It's the way I trained them, after all.
I didn't realize I was doing it at the time, but, looking back, I see that I was training them to be SEALs. Danny saw it, though – all those rants about proper police procedure. I was trying to make Five-0 into my own little Fire Team; a damn good one, at that.
But they aren't SEALs.
That's not a slight against them – hell, they're as good as any SEAL I've worked with – but it's true. They're not SEALs and that's not a bad thing – it's a fucking amazingly good thing. SEALs are generally a different kind of person, the kind of person that I hope they'll never finish turning into; a person like me. Chin, Kono, Danny: they're like Freddie. And I made that mistake once. I need to walk away before I finish making that mistake again. Because I can see the tide start to turn in them. They've become hard, taking the same chances that Danny once ranted about for hours when I took them.
I smile a bit as I think about him. Everything seems to come back to him. In fact, he's the reason I realized I need to do this. Fuck, he chose a Colombian prison over his daughter. Coming from Danny, that is not okay. I never should have let him kill Reyes. My Danno's not a killer. Not to say Reyes didn't need killing, but I should have done it for him. Let Danny rant and rave about it being his right to avenge his brother. Let him hate me for taking that away from him. It would be better.
Because, of all of them, Danny is the most un-SEAL-like. He's all big fucking Jersey heart. At least, he was before I fucked with him. He's the one I need leave. I need him to be Danno again. Grace needs him to be Danno again.
And Danny was the only one who, technically, didn't sign up for this gig; but he'd stayed, so there's that. Chin, Kono, Lou, they did sign up for this. They knew this was more than being just cops. And no matter how much things go to hell in a hand-basket, none of them will walk away. Loyal to the core, which is very SEAL-like and one thing I don't want them to lose.
But they didn't sign up to be SEALs. They didn't want to be military; I don't want that for them. I need them to be cops again – hand-picked, elite fucking cops, sure, but cops. I need to set them free to be that before there's no turning back for them. I can only hope I haven't waited too long, that it isn't too late. I have to make this right; I have to do the right thing.
So, it's time I packed up from this little island vacation I've been on for the past few years. Maybe I needed a break back then, and I definitely needed to avenge my father. That's done: Hesse is dead; I got Wo Fat. I have no purpose here anymore. It's time to get the fuck back to work. Back to the Navy.
Five-0 doesn't need me anymore. The team is one of the best task forces in the entire country. I don't see any other Police Task Force running an Op in fucking North Korea; they didn't need me for that. Actually, it's my fault they were there in the first place. So yeah, they know what to do. They've got the contacts they need with the Governor, HPD, even the military. And those connections will only get stronger when I'm not here blowing shit up every week. Because it's not like I haven't tried, over the years, to be the cop Danny always tried to make me be, but I can't just throw my training out the window. I never stopped being a SEAL and this is my most important mission.
Hope you like the beginning of my first foray into Five-0 fanfic.
I got a question for you guys, unrelated to this story. I read a story a couple of months ago (but I don't know when it was posted) either here or on A03 where Steve and Danny are together. Catherine comes back into the picture and is stalking Steve, spying on him from next door, and has him called back to active duty. Anyone remember this? Can you point me in the right direction? I forgot to bookmark it and now I can't find it! Thanks y'all. :D
