Title: Fractions

Summary: Skate/Suliet – "Hell, she was like a martyr, staying on that God-forsaken island that had never given her anything, nothing except for him and his too-late love."

Author's Note: This popped into my head today, so I had to write it while I was procrastinating. It's kinda Skatey, kinda Suliety. You be the judge. I guess the time frame is post-Season 5 finale, but it could be considered kinda AU as well. Leave reviews!

Enjoy,
Sara

*

We're burning the pages
(but ask us why)
and hurting ourselves with this false start.
Resign yourself
and always be without the one thing you need
(and we pretend, as if it gets easier, but does it get easier?)
Fractions - Emery

He remembers a time when he would replace her; switch blonde for brunette, blue for green. He could close his eyes and envision someone else, but when he opened them again, she would be staring right at him, with all the intensity she could muster. She wasn't thinking of Jack, like Kate had been. When they made love, it wasn't rushed as it had been with Kate, it wasn't fueled by revenge or fear or whatever had brought the two together. Juliet's love was pure; his love was premature.

He should have never let her believe he was in love with her, not so soon. They slipped into a love fueled by routine and forced company. They moved too fast. One day they were bickering and the next they were wrapped in each other's arms. And he was still pretending, still wishing she was someone else. She was still pretending that she didn't notice his closed eyes, as if she didn't know that she was still second place.

He can't pinpoint the exact time that he looked at her for her – not Kate. He can't remember when he stopped looking out open doors and windows, thinking that he'd see her running back to him. Maybe he never stopped doing that, somewhere in the back of his mind. He can't remember exactly when he let himself love her. He can't remember when he stopped loving Kate.

She was good at tricking people, Juliet was. He'd learned that she wasn't the type of person he'd been led to believe. She was compassionate, kind. Hell, she was like a martyr, staying on that God-forsaken island that had never given her anything, nothing except for him and his too-late love. She stayed in Dharma because of him, because he asked. He should've never asked, not the first time or the last.

He can't help but wonder how things would have been different. Maybe if he'd loved her in the beginning, things wouldn't be like they were now. Maybe if he'd taken it slowly, maybe if he hadn't asked her to stay, maybe if he hadn't been waiting for Kate, maybe if he hadn't conned her (although the con eventually became true), maybe, maybe…

Maybe she wouldn't be dead.

He lies in bed and stares at the ceiling, thinking of Juliet, until she comes and lies down beside him. They've been playing house for over year now, and he hasn't been any more of a husband or a father than his own father. He doesn't beat her, but he's not there – not emotionally.

She realizes, she has to, but she holds on, because she doesn't have anything left. Jack won't have anything to do with her. They are all trying to shelter their hearts; they are all trying to fool themselves into loving someone else.

He doesn't make love to her because it isn't love, it really never was. They have sex with Aaron in the next room, and it's just as hushed and secretive as it always was, like they don't want anyone to know. He closes his eyes and he replaces again – he switches brunette for blonde, green for blue. When he opens them, she has her eyes closed, too.

It never gets easier to go on without her, but it does get easier to pretend.

At least, at the very least – despite the pain he feels, the pain he caused – at least he and Kate are equals. She replaces him, too.